The 2 sides to MFP
Wonderob
Posts: 1,372 Member
I was praising MFP to a friend the other day, explaining how good it was and how useful I had found it (He had noticed that I had lost weight and asked me about it), especially the support from everyone on these forums. He is very overweight and so self concious that he is reluctant to go to the gym, or even to weight watchers etc.
I explained that the ethic on MFP was that nobody judges and that everyone is equal including the very overweight - motivating stuff!
So he takes the mouse and clicks around the site. This is where it gets awkward. Clicks on 'Recent Posts' then on Chit Chat where most of the recent posts seemed to be from. here's what he saw:
Rate the person above you
What's sexy about the person above you?
The person above - part 4
Dear attractive men over 30
Who is your celebrity crush
Cutest thing about the person above you - part 7
Ladies, who would you rather have a one night stand with?
Hotest guy on MFP
etc etc
It was a little embarrassing to be honest. Seemed all that anyone was interested in on that side of MFP was how men look. I'm not overweight but I get an inferiority complex on there! - I can only imagine how someone with self-worth issues must feel! My friend went from excited and motivated, to crest-fallen and resigned in just a few clicks!
Polar opposites:
The support, advice, motivation of most of the MFP groups. Everyone is equal
The lustful, frenzied, man-crazy posts on Chit chat, where how someone looks is the only thing that seems to matter. You're rated on how sexy you look
I subscribe to the POV that if you don't like something, don't look, so I'm not suggesting that people shouldnt write what they want; just seems a pity to me that this part of MFP is inextricably linked to everything else.
I explained that the ethic on MFP was that nobody judges and that everyone is equal including the very overweight - motivating stuff!
So he takes the mouse and clicks around the site. This is where it gets awkward. Clicks on 'Recent Posts' then on Chit Chat where most of the recent posts seemed to be from. here's what he saw:
Rate the person above you
What's sexy about the person above you?
The person above - part 4
Dear attractive men over 30
Who is your celebrity crush
Cutest thing about the person above you - part 7
Ladies, who would you rather have a one night stand with?
Hotest guy on MFP
etc etc
It was a little embarrassing to be honest. Seemed all that anyone was interested in on that side of MFP was how men look. I'm not overweight but I get an inferiority complex on there! - I can only imagine how someone with self-worth issues must feel! My friend went from excited and motivated, to crest-fallen and resigned in just a few clicks!
Polar opposites:
The support, advice, motivation of most of the MFP groups. Everyone is equal
The lustful, frenzied, man-crazy posts on Chit chat, where how someone looks is the only thing that seems to matter. You're rated on how sexy you look
I subscribe to the POV that if you don't like something, don't look, so I'm not suggesting that people shouldnt write what they want; just seems a pity to me that this part of MFP is inextricably linked to everything else.
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Replies
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I totally agree those threads are super stupid but that's why I don't click on them. You have to remember that there are a lot of teens on the site and lets face it when you're young all you think about is the opposite sex and how hot they may think you are. So I suppose let them have their fun, it doesn't hurt anyone.0
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I totally agree those threads are super stupid but that's why I don't click on them. You have to remember that there are a lot of teens on the site and lets face it when you're young all you think about is the opposite sex and how hot they may think you are. So I suppose let them have their fun, it doesn't hurt anyone.
True - doesnt hurt anyone. Does de-value the credibilty of MFP in some way though.0 -
You are so right. I never read chit chat. Just one look at rhe subjects was enough for me to realise it was not why I started using MFP.0
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There are people here who either have a fake profile and pictures, and are not here to lose weight and treat MFP as a dating site.
When I see a guy with a muscular trimmed body and a lot of "friends" - it makes my wonder if its really him, or he really looks like me and is just collecting groupies.0 -
I don't think I've ever read a post from chit chat. I hope you can convince your friend to check out MFP one more time. Show him this post!0
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I am pretty sure they must all be of a certain age! i am 28 and would never dream of commenting on such a thread!! i only get involved in adult conversations - (not of the xxx nature!!!!)
Its not even worth looking at some of those stupid threads!
He can add me as a friend as i am not a mean girl!
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You are so right. I never read chit chat. Just one look at rhe subjects was enough for me to realise it was not why I started using MFP.
Tell him to come back and just stay away from the chit chat! We are not that bad!! I know lots of women on here that are not going to judge and lots of men willing to help him find his nitch and if he doesnt feel comfy being out of the house to work out there are lots of things in the support parts that explain you can use simple can goods as weights and so on! Im still not that comfy being in the gym but I also know that no one is really judging me there since I go to the YMCA gym here and slot of them were or are in the same boat I am! Everyone has been very friendly and I havent had anyone look at me like Im a foreign thing lol regular gyms I have felt like that but not at our Y which is NICE!!!0 -
I don't think I've ever read a post from chit chat. I hope you can convince your friend to check out MFP one more time. Show him this post!
Yeah we chatted for a while. It's a whole other issue about how much you should try and 'push' someone into dieting/keeping fit; so basically I just told him how good MFP was (In the main!) and I guess it's up to him now. I left it at "MFP is singularly the best tool I have ever used for my health"0 -
There is narcissm on MFP.
But, I think it is also a helpful tool to motivate and encourage.
I am guilty too.
I never thought once about how my back looked.
A year ago I would have thought you were the most vain person in the world if you even thought about how your back looked.
Turns out back fat was a motivator for me.
Months later in a "look how awesome my back looks" thread I started wondering about my back.
Motivated me from doing 1 palm in close chin up to now I cant do 7 that way and from 0 to 3 for wide grip palm out pull up.
Not necessarily bad.0 -
I never even look at the chit chat posts. People should be able to communicate in whatever way they like I suppose, I don't play though. I have never based a relationship on the way a person looks, for me the most attractive part of a man is his brain! I'm a bit of a dork though so perhaps my oppinion doesn't count!
It really is a shame that your firend was turned off by this section of the boards, I hope he decides to give it another try. There are many of us here that are not cyber tramps and looking to get healthy so just point him in this direction!0 -
I explained that the ethic on MFP was that nobody judges and that everyone is equal including the very overweight - motivating stuff!
Ha! Good one!0 -
definitely two sides here, the forums are where everyone hangs out, like in the playground at school, then there are the people you actually want to know and talk to and help and get help from (your friends list)
Get him to sign up and send me over a friend request :drinker:0 -
I don't post in those threads. How boring? I find them kind of childish, but if someone wants to rate some and be noticed, then go for it. I agree, if you don't like it, you don't have to look at it.0
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wtf is wrong with you OP??
and others.
so if somebody came here went from fat to ripped they have to leave the page cose they are too good looking now?
this is chit chat section it supposed to be for fun
and yes, we are getting hotter in the process so we feel sexier so we want to rate and be rated
what is wrong with that?
it's not myfatpal it's myfitnesspal for people who want to get fit and SURPRISE for people who are fit0 -
Here is also another way to look at this.
The chit-chat sections is a place for people to have fun, blow off steam, joke around. So a lot of those thread titles, are just being being funny, and trying to lighten to mood up.
Are some people on here creepy and looking to use this as a dating site? Of course. You will run into that on most social media type sites on the internet these days. The point is to find and make friends with people who are like minded and will help you along the journey.
I know that I have commented on threads in the chit chat section. That doesn't mean that I am not motivated about losing weight, or using this site for dating purposes. It also doesn't mean that I am not helpful or want to help motivate others to lose weight. We all need to let off steam once in awhile.
Tell your friend to come back and connect with people who can help him, and have him stay out of the forums for now if seeing titles like that offend or makes him uncomfortable.0 -
I agree there are two sides and honestly I do check out the Chit chat forms, I can not get on facebook at work so it is a great way to kill some extra time, there are games and other things besides the meat market. but one this for sure, MFP is a great tool to get fit or lose weight.0
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The site is what you make of it. The only part I take seriously is my food and exercise diary. That is why I am here. I get a huge return on the accountability factor. I don't participate too much on the forums, but if a subject catches my eye, I'll peek.
As you can see, I do like to have my flirty fun, but that it is what I make it. If you don't like it. Don't look.
I just want everyone to be happy and healthy on his/her respective journeys. I wish all of you the best of luck.0 -
You're always going to have shallow people. The more people there are in "one space" the more likely to have losers like this posting stuff to make someone else feel bad about themselves...
You CHOOSE to ignore this junk!! Anddd, YOU'RE HERE TO BETTER YOURSELF!!
Personally, joining this site was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. Make sure you urge your friend to see the positive things about MFP.
Cheers!0 -
I mostly avoid the Chit Chat forum myself... You should have redirected him to Success Stories, Food and Nutrition, Motivation and Support - as well as how handy the food database is.0
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Aw bless him! Suggest he gives it a go for 4 weeks and see how he feels after that. And he (and you) are more than welcome to add me as a friend! :happy:0
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I have never looked at the chit chat section. My experience with this type of topic is that the info is useless and does not help anyone who is trying to get in shape and eat healthier. Just my own opinion. Maybe they should do away with this topic.0
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Agreed, there are some posts on here that I don't think are suitable. I have introduced my sister and a friend to this and I cringe at the thought of them reading some of these posts >__<0
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So evidently he's not quite ready to begin his journey to a healtheir him. What about the topics on fitness - exercise - etc. We get out what we put in....0
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First, it's called Chit Chat for a reason. It's not supposed to be serious or motivating. It's a place where people can have fun and blow off steam. Nothing wrong with that, fitness and health doesn't have to be serious all the time.
Second, if he (or you) doesn't like the forums, then just don't click on them. Or just use the app, it's that simple.
Third, tell him to add some friends that are similar in age or weight loss needs. That's how I started. Then I found people who make me laugh, support me, and I have built an incredible friends list, a lot of whom are NEVER serious in their posts, but I know they are serious about health.
it's ok to have fun, I promise.0 -
You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need0
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On the internet, sometimes the voices of a few can seem like a thousand.
Don't fall for it!0 -
eh, as long as it stays in the Chit Chat section, it doesn't bother me.0
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I totally agree those threads are super stupid but that's why I don't click on them. You have to remember that there are a lot of teens on the site and lets face it when you're young all you think about is the opposite sex and how hot they may think you are. So I suppose let them have their fun, it doesn't hurt anyone.
Teens?! its the older ones you gotta watch out for!0 -
Yeah, the site probably doesn't seem very motivational and fitness focused if you avoid the Motivation and Fitness sections. But I wouldn't blame MFP for that. I'd explain to your friend "if you go to the Fun & Games section there will probably be.. fun & games."
I'm here for any other reading comprehension problems people might be having.0 -
I am pretty sure they must all be of a certain age! i am 28 and would never dream of commenting on such a thread!! i only get involved in adult conversations - (not of the xxx nature!!!!)
Its not even worth looking at some of those stupid threads!
He can add me as a friend as i am not a mean girl!
x
Sad part is, most of the people I see on there age range from mid-twenties to forties. It is not even just "teenagers" focusing on the opposite sex.
You really just have to pick and choose your threads. Some have misleading titles but I avoid the forums unless I think I can help someone or someone is offering tips for something I need help with. I've tried giving them up but it doesn't happen..I can find some good info.
If you or anyone needs normal, encouraging, non-objectifying support, feel free to add me. I know I can always use more myself
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