The 2 sides to MFP
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The truth is that if your friend is "too crestfallen" to try a weight loss site over harmless chit chat and probably fake pictures, he has other issues he has to deal with. He should really see someone about his insecurity.
He was crestfallen, a little disappointed, no longer motivated to join MFP
Who should I suggest he should see?
Show him this it should raise his spirits.
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I was praising MFP to a friend the other day, explaining how good it was and how useful I had found it (He had noticed that I had lost weight and asked me about it), especially the support from everyone on these forums. He is very overweight and so self concious that he is reluctant to go to the gym, or even to weight watchers etc.
I explained that the ethic on MFP was that nobody judges and that everyone is equal including the very overweight - motivating stuff!
So he takes the mouse and clicks around the site. This is where it gets awkward. Clicks on 'Recent Posts' then on Chit Chat where most of the recent posts seemed to be from. here's what he saw:
Rate the person above you
What's sexy about the person above you?
The person above - part 4
Dear attractive men over 30
Who is your celebrity crush
Cutest thing about the person above you - part 7
Ladies, who would you rather have a one night stand with?
Hotest guy on MFP
etc etc
It was a little embarrassing to be honest. Seemed all that anyone was interested in on that side of MFP was how men look. I'm not overweight but I get an inferiority complex on there! - I can only imagine how someone with self-worth issues must feel! My friend went from excited and motivated, to crest-fallen and resigned in just a few clicks!
Polar opposites:
The support, advice, motivation of most of the MFP groups. Everyone is equal
The lustful, frenzied, man-crazy posts on Chit chat, where how someone looks is the only thing that seems to matter. You're rated on how sexy you look
I subscribe to the POV that if you don't like something, don't look, so I'm not suggesting that people shouldnt write what they want; just seems a pity to me that this part of MFP is inextricably linked to everything else.
I'm sure it was said ( I didn't read any responses ) Maybe he should have looked at the support threads, or the introduce yourself threads.0 -
I don't find them useful at all so I don't go there.0
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The problem isn't those threads, or topics, or that they get so much play on MFP...the problem is that someone made the "effort" to log into MFP, found those threads, then got discouraged. It has nothing to do with the threads themselves, nor does it have anything to do with those who participated in those threads, the problem lays squarely on the shoulders of the person who got upset about them.
Self conscience or not, if you're going to let something that was posted on the internet, in a section you never have to visit unless you want to visit, if you let that deter you...then you weren't serious to begin with. I have met and know too many people with the "I can't" or "I tried, but it didn't work for me" attitude that want to complain and whine about their weight or situation, but never want to do anything about it that goes beyond taking some magic pill. The only true motivation a person needs is themselves, because without first believing in yourself, you won't believe what anyone else says either. You need to want to be motivated or else it's all in vain.
Veteran: You want to read the forum?
Noob: I think I'm entitled.
Veteran: You want to read the forums?
Noob: I want motivation!!
Veteran: You CAN'T HANDLE THE MOTIVATION!! We live on a site that has fit people. And most of those fit people have worked hard to get where they are. They want to be known as sexy! Who's gonna tell them their sexy? You? They have a greater opinion of themselves than you can possibly imagine...they worked hard to get where they are. The cried, they poured sweat, they fasted, they ate more to weigh less, they cut calories. The truth is, they know their BMR and their TDEE, they know the dedication it takes to lose 100 lbs and feel good about who they are. You don't want the motivation, because deep down you know those magic pill infomercials are solid crap, and you want ripped, you NEED ripped abs, and you know there's only one way to get them. Those Chit-Chat people use words like sexy, cute, hotness because they've earned it. You use them as way to cop out. They neither have the time, nor the inclination to put forth effort to help motivate someone who is looking for an excuse to stay un-motivated. They would rather you log out and move on. Otherwise, I suggest you dig deep down, realize that you want to lose the weight, find the motivational threads, log your calories, lift some weights and jump on a treadmill and thank MFP for allowing me to be accountable to myself and to others.
When you decide to get serious about something, then you will let nothing stand in the way of your goal.
If you believe you can't do something, then you're probably right.
Post on Mr. and Mrs. Hotness, keep those threads going Ms. Firm Butt and Mr. Cut Abs... because one day, one day soon...I will be among you....oh yes...one day MFP will be writing long blogs about my awesomeness, but for the time being, I will toot my own horn, because I am worthy of some tootage! Ok...not sure that came out as good in print as it did in my head.
Well said, mister!
We need a "like" button. XD0 -
Blah- the forums mostly turn into fights......As a member for 2.5 years, I have noticed a shift in the forums. When I first started, the MFP forums were a lot more positive, less arguing, less trolling, and more of the health/fitness, nutrition, success stories, ect. Chit-chat section has taken over. I'm not saying its bad- I have even posted in there once in a while when I'm bored, but don't feel it is my main purpose while using the site. I usually don't use the forums anymore if I have questions- I will research online, or ask my friends because of the few people who have nothing better to do than stir up something. I guess as a member of this site, I try to be positive, encouraging, and a good role model to others who have just started this journey.
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The truth is that if your friend is "too crestfallen" to try a weight loss site over harmless chit chat and probably fake pictures, he has other issues he has to deal with. He should really see someone about his insecurity.
He was crestfallen, a little disappointed, no longer motivated to join MFP
Who should I suggest he should see?
If a website has him down, then he has bigger problems
His weight has him down, his life too I reckon. I thought the website might help to start to change things for him, not to be
Of course he has bigger problems0 -
I was praising MFP to a friend the other day, explaining how good it was and how useful I had found it (He had noticed that I had lost weight and asked me about it), especially the support from everyone on these forums. He is very overweight and so self concious that he is reluctant to go to the gym, or even to weight watchers etc.
I explained that the ethic on MFP was that nobody judges and that everyone is equal including the very overweight - motivating stuff!
So he takes the mouse and clicks around the site. This is where it gets awkward. Clicks on 'Recent Posts' then on Chit Chat where most of the recent posts seemed to be from. here's what he saw:
Rate the person above you
What's sexy about the person above you?
The person above - part 4
Dear attractive men over 30
Who is your celebrity crush
Cutest thing about the person above you - part 7
Ladies, who would you rather have a one night stand with?
Hotest guy on MFP
etc etc
It was a little embarrassing to be honest. Seemed all that anyone was interested in on that side of MFP was how men look. I'm not overweight but I get an inferiority complex on there! - I can only imagine how someone with self-worth issues must feel! My friend went from excited and motivated, to crest-fallen and resigned in just a few clicks!
Polar opposites:
The support, advice, motivation of most of the MFP groups. Everyone is equal
The lustful, frenzied, man-crazy posts on Chit chat, where how someone looks is the only thing that seems to matter. You're rated on how sexy you look
I subscribe to the POV that if you don't like something, don't look, so I'm not suggesting that people shouldnt write what they want; just seems a pity to me that this part of MFP is inextricably linked to everything else.
For the most part I just ignore those kinds of threads. There are many other more motivational, supportive and informative threads on here for those seeking them. I hope your friend wasn't discouraged and decides to join!0 -
Blah- the forums mostly turn into fights......As a member for 2.5 years, I have noticed a shift in the forums. When I first started, the MFP forums were a lot more positive, less arguing, less trolling, and more of the health/fitness, nutrition, success stories, ect. Chit-chat section has taken over. I'm not saying its bad- I have even posted in there once in a while when I'm bored, but don't feel it is my main purpose while using the site. I usually don't use the forums anymore if I have questions- I will research online, or ask my friends because of the few people who have nothing better to do than stir up something. I guess as a member of this site, I try to be positive, encouraging, and a good role model to others who have just started this journey.
What an amazing loss! Well done.0 -
The truth is that if your friend is "too crestfallen" to try a weight loss site over harmless chit chat and probably fake pictures, he has other issues he has to deal with. He should really see someone about his insecurity.
He was crestfallen, a little disappointed, no longer motivated to join MFP
Who should I suggest he should see?
If a website has him down, then he has bigger problems
^^ This.
"who should I suggest he see?" Are you trolling???
If a couple of posts that he never has to click on have gotten him "crestfallen, a little disappointed, no longer motivated to join MFP", it's not MFP's fault. He needs to work on what's going on in him.0 -
he probably shouldn't have his own keys to the internet.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!0 -
The truth is that if your friend is "too crestfallen" to try a weight loss site over harmless chit chat and probably fake pictures, he has other issues he has to deal with. He should really see someone about his insecurity.
He was crestfallen, a little disappointed, no longer motivated to join MFP
Who should I suggest he should see?
If a website has him down, then he has bigger problems
His weight has him down, his life too I reckon. I thought the website might help to start to change things for him, not to be
Of course he has bigger problems
Ok in all honesty...I would highly suggest he not use the website and restrict himself to only using a phone for at least 3 months. He can still add friends but he needs to focus solely on changing his eating habits and adding exercise into his daily routine. He doesnt need other distractions0 -
This place is what we make of it. I don't understand why your friend chose to start out looking in Chit-Chat when his other choices were things like Success Stories and Motivation, or even General Diet and Weight Loss Help. If he doesn't give MFP a chance because of this, I have to say, it's kind of on him for being so judgmental himself. He picked on odd, OFF-TOPIC corner of the forum to start and is going to base his opinion on that? Sounds to me like someone looking for excuses. I didn't even look at the kind of posts in the Chit-Chat area for my first couple weeks here.0
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Its pretty obvious that he was looking for a reason to rationalize that he was not ready to get serious about the weight loss. The recent threads section gave him his reason.0
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SO i like to be childish sometimes, it makes me happy.
I like to work hard, it makes me happy.
I like to learn about nutrition and exercise, it makes me happy.
I like to look at beautiful bodies and aspire to be like them, it makes me happy.
I like to track my food, sometimes .
anyway...i like a lot about this site.
i will do what i want.
mmmkthxbye0 -
Why did he go straight to the chit-chat part and not the motivation and support, success stories, fitness and exercise, or introduction sections?
Just speaking for myself of course, but I’m not here for chit-chat. Of course conversation and inspiration are welcome. But I’m here to help get healthy and hopefully lose more weight.
If your friend is put off by the least relevant section of the forum, then perhaps he is just not ready to be here? Not saying that’s the case, but I’m just wondering if it wasn’t a good excuse for him to decide this place wasn’t for him.
As a person who is very over weight, I know I made excuses as to why things wouldn’t work to help me. They were all excuses, but I wanted to be convinced so I was.
Hopefully, he’ll give it a chance!
I agree with this 100%.... tell him to get back on and read the other threads, the ones with before and after pix. those threads motivate me so much that on days when i dnt feel like working out i look at all the pix and all of the sudden i find enuff energy to workout, even if its on 15 minutes. i make it the best 15 min of my day. Also he shud let those threads discourage him for the simple fact that its the INTERENET. NO one will know what he looks like unless he uploads a picture of himself. And he should see a shrink about his insecurities. i saw one once and i helped. *true story*0 -
The truth is that if your friend is "too crestfallen" to try a weight loss site over harmless chit chat and probably fake pictures, he has other issues he has to deal with. He should really see someone about his insecurity.
He was crestfallen, a little disappointed, no longer motivated to join MFP
Who should I suggest he should see?
Show him this it should raise his spirits.
I'm starting to think he is right not to join0 -
[ duplicate post ]0
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Oh COME ON! You know the F in MFP stands for "FLIRTING" not "FITNESS". I don't care what the logo says.
Word.
The End.0 -
I have an solution to your problem.
Why do you think there is something wrong with me for pointing out the difference between the mentality of those on the main groups and those on the 'rate me' threads?
I don't think that you can make a broad sweeping generalization on the "mentality" of everyone who participates in what is just a fun thread.
Again, some people- they are just here to try and score someone.
The vast majority of us- just like to have fun once in awhile. Doesn't mean I am a 16 y.o. looking to hook up with a dude on this site because I decide to comment in a thread of that nature.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have fun on the chit chat, of course you should. Im also not saying that there shouldn't be those type of posts - rate me etc
All Im saying is that as a first impression - MFP shouldnt be as he saw it - not sure what the answer is though
If I visited a cycling forum and the first few topics were: Name your sexiest cyclist. Best shorts that make your bum look nice. Do cyclists make better lovers? etc, then I would be looking for another cycling forum regardless of how good that one might be. If those topics were sepearte from the main part of the cycle forum then that would be better wouldnt it?
If someone coming onto MFP did the same then they would be missing out on a real good site
You and your friend should create your own fitness site and it can operate around the guidelines that you create.
You're welcome!:flowerforyou:0 -
Its pretty obvious that he was looking for a reason to rationalize that he was not ready to get serious about the weight loss. The recent threads section gave him his reason.
^^ This.0 -
There is MFP the application and MFP the forum. These are two different things. You can easily just use the application and find a different forum to visit. Not using the app because of the forum is just a pathetic excuse.0
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Oh dear. This all got very negative didn't it! I really dislike how ugly people get over the slightest thing. I can understand why that thread put your friend off but there is some truth in that perhaps he subconsciously looked for what might put him off (an understandable mindest at the start of a weightloss journey though)
I also tell my friends about the site and actually was totally unaware of that side of it unless I saw this thred in the recent posts. Another negative side I have glimpsed myself though is where people who it seems might have under eating habits encourage and reinforce eachother (in a way it's like a pro-ana website in places) that's a negative trigger for me but I just unfriended some people who I felt were not conducive to the experience I wanted to have. If what they are doing fulfills them then that's OK. I just don't need to be involved.
But I also agree in freedom of speech and everyone has a right to say what they like no matter how obtuse, unconstructive or just plain idotic it may seem to others: "I may not believe in what you say but I would die for your right to say it"-Voltaire. Sadly yes that does have to include perma-tan from deadend townsville's vacuous, pointless, image-obsessed commentary :P I think it should be moderated if it's an offensive view expressed in the wrong forum but it doesn't seem that's true here.
I think you should let your friend know that as with everything MFP is what you want it to be. Just as your bodyshape and image can be what you want it to be. Don't show him this thread (!) but do continue to encourage and try to inspire him. That is a worthwhile and noble pursuit. It would appear that ChitChat probably isn't. But horses for courses and all that. If that's what motivates people to be fit and healthy who are we to judge?!0 -
I just figure there is the "singles" posts on mfp and then the rest of us. I've been married for 13 yrs and have no interest in any of that rate the person above you stuff. So, I ignore it and move along and see if there is a post I can relate to. Kind of annoying some days when every post seems to be like that, but I just figure those people are in a different stage of life than me, no big deal.0
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This place is what we make of it. I don't understand why your friend chose to start out looking in Chit-Chat when his other choices were things like Success Stories and Motivation, or even General Diet and Weight Loss Help.
I explained that - he clicked on Recent posts - most were from chit chat
Maybe he wasn't ready to lose weight, maybe he was looking for an excuse, maybe he doesn't want to help himself, maybe he is just too lazy or too greedy. I dunno. Just seems a shame that the first impression he got of a health & fitness site - one that COULD have helped him, was the bit of fun, no harm, lust-fueled part of MFP!0 -
I'm starting to think he is right not to join
Can I just point out that a lot of the posters here that are giving you crap are the same ones that take part in the chit-chat threads that you were questioning? They felt attacked, and they're hitting back. It's not necessarily the mature response, but not everyone in life is mature. That said, some of them can be pretty d@mn amusing when they post on nonsensical topics--I'm a sucker for some good sarcasm...in the right forum. If people don't want to be supportive, they should stay out of the Motivation and Support section (it works both ways, right?)
I do tend to agree with some of their points, however indelicately stated they might be. If your friend truly wanted to lose weight, he'd figure out how to filter through all the crap. As much as we may want people we care about to embrace things that could improve their lives, it's ultimately in their hands. Hopefully he'll find whatever he needs to be happy, with or without MFP.0 -
So what happens to the next person that decides to join the site looking for motivation and support and just find people whining about what they don't like about MFP? I guess they could technically blame you for creating a first impression of excuses and complaining.This place is what we make of it. I don't understand why your friend chose to start out looking in Chit-Chat when his other choices were things like Success Stories and Motivation, or even General Diet and Weight Loss Help.
I explained that - he clicked on Recent posts - most were from chit chat
Maybe he wasn't ready to lose weight, maybe he was looking for an excuse, maybe he doesn't want to help himself, maybe he is just too lazy or too greedy. I dunno. Just seems a shame that the first impression he got of a health & fitness site - one that COULD have helped him, was the bit of fun, no harm, lust-fueled part of MFP!0 -
I have an solution to your problem.
Why do you think there is something wrong with me for pointing out the difference between the mentality of those on the main groups and those on the 'rate me' threads?
I don't think that you can make a broad sweeping generalization on the "mentality" of everyone who participates in what is just a fun thread.
Again, some people- they are just here to try and score someone.
The vast majority of us- just like to have fun once in awhile. Doesn't mean I am a 16 y.o. looking to hook up with a dude on this site because I decide to comment in a thread of that nature.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have fun on the chit chat, of course you should. Im also not saying that there shouldn't be those type of posts - rate me etc
All Im saying is that as a first impression - MFP shouldnt be as he saw it - not sure what the answer is though
If I visited a cycling forum and the first few topics were: Name your sexiest cyclist. Best shorts that make your bum look nice. Do cyclists make better lovers? etc, then I would be looking for another cycling forum regardless of how good that one might be. If those topics were sepearte from the main part of the cycle forum then that would be better wouldnt it?
If someone coming onto MFP did the same then they would be missing out on a real good site
You and your friend should create your own fitness site and it can operate around the guidelines that you create.
You're welcome!:flowerforyou:
It's not my problem, I come on here, get good advice, have a laugh, have some arguments, take away some good tips and enjoy using it. I avoid the parts I don't like. I haven't created any guidelines nor do I wish to0 -
This place is what we make of it. I don't understand why your friend chose to start out looking in Chit-Chat when his other choices were things like Success Stories and Motivation, or even General Diet and Weight Loss Help.
I explained that - he clicked on Recent posts - most were from chit chat
Maybe he wasn't ready to lose weight, maybe he was looking for an excuse, maybe he doesn't want to help himself, maybe he is just too lazy or too greedy. I dunno. Just seems a shame that the first impression he got of a health & fitness site - one that COULD have helped him, was the bit of fun, no harm, lust-fueled part of MFP!
It seems as though you should have guided him to the part that would help him.0 -
So what happens to the next person that decides to join the site looking for motivation and support and just find people whining about what they don't like about MFP? I guess they could technically blame you for creating a first impression of excuses and complaining.This place is what we make of it. I don't understand why your friend chose to start out looking in Chit-Chat when his other choices were things like Success Stories and Motivation, or even General Diet and Weight Loss Help.
I explained that - he clicked on Recent posts - most were from chit chat
Maybe he wasn't ready to lose weight, maybe he was looking for an excuse, maybe he doesn't want to help himself, maybe he is just too lazy or too greedy. I dunno. Just seems a shame that the first impression he got of a health & fitness site - one that COULD have helped him, was the bit of fun, no harm, lust-fueled part of MFP!
Exactly my point
I made it clear that I'm not against any of these threads - not against the 'rate me' threads, or the moaning threads, or any of them to be honest. I just think that there should be a way of keeping them apart from the main site.0 -
This place is what we make of it. I don't understand why your friend chose to start out looking in Chit-Chat when his other choices were things like Success Stories and Motivation, or even General Diet and Weight Loss Help.
I explained that - he clicked on Recent posts - most were from chit chat
Maybe he wasn't ready to lose weight, maybe he was looking for an excuse, maybe he doesn't want to help himself, maybe he is just too lazy or too greedy. I dunno. Just seems a shame that the first impression he got of a health & fitness site - one that COULD have helped him, was the bit of fun, no harm, lust-fueled part of MFP!
Having him use the phone app or just the calorie/exercise logging application portion of the website only for a while is probably the best advice given so far.
I started here because of my wife...and before long I had 4 people in my office sign up and are now my friends. There is accountability and encouragement among us. I'm probably the one that is most active in the forums, the others have not interest in them.
If he decides to actually track what he's eating and start exercising and really starts to lose some pounds, then he can see the benefit of MFP and be more open to searching for motivation from the forum part of MFP or if not here, then somewhere else. The main thing is, he is working on making progress.
If he's not interested in even tracking his calories and exercise, and being honest with himself and you and whoever else he has on here as friends, then he's not interested in losing weight and not ready yet. And if that's the case, then the stuff he read on the forums was just an excuse.0
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