in desperate need of cheering up

ohhhh I've got one- it's kinda gross- so if you have a weak stomach or are a PRUDE- I don't advise reading.



There was a 86 year old virgin, she started getting a really bad itch in her crotch- worried, she decided to go to the doctor.

DR: Can you tell me why we're seeing you today?
LADY: Yes, I have an itch in my crotch and it's really worrying me.
DR: Sure, we can run some tests.

about an hour later DR comes back in,
DR: Yes ma'am ...we ran some test and it looks like you have crabs
Lady: Sir, that's not possible. I'm a virgin.
DR (With puzzled look) well ma'am, the tests show you have crabs
Lady: That's just absurd- i'm going to go get another opinion.

(she sees two more doctors and they both tell her the same thing- so now she's very frustrated and heads to another doctor)

Lady: Let me start by telling you i'm a virgin. So there is NO WAY I have crabs- like the last few doctors have told me.
Doctor (giggles) Okay, well I'm sure we can figure out what's wrong- let us run some tests

about two hours go by and the doctor comes back in
Doctor: Okay well I have good news and bad news- good news is you don't have crabs
Lady: That's what i've been saying all along!
Doctor: well, umm ma'am....the bad news is your cherry rotted, and you have fruit flies.

If you'e vegetarian or vegan, you may want to skip this...
My brother-in-law's mother, lets call her Susan, was a little girl when her parents decided they wanted to raise some chickens. (this was back in the 50's I think)
Anyway, they set them up in a pen on their acreage so they could be somewhat free range, and things were going well for a few weeks.
About that time, Susan's mother decided to clean out the cold storage room, and get rid of any canned fruit, veg, pickles, etc. that were a couple of years old. They threw out a bunch, cleaned the room, and suddenly had to leave the house for the rest of the day.

They came home around dinner time, and found all their new chickens were dead! They realized they must have gotten into the compost pile of old canned food and died of food poisoning. Well, they were thrifty, and didn't want these chickens to go to waste, so even though they couldn't eat the meat, they could at least harvest the feathers to make pillows out of. So they plucked all the chickens, and were done with the last couple when the chickens started waking up. They weren't dead, after all. They had eaten some fermented cherries and gotten drunk and passed out. (as best as they could figure out) Well, now they had drunk, hungover chickens, and they didnt want to butcher them just yet, because they werent really big yet, and it was getting cold out, so the mother told Susan and her sister to go in the house and collect all their doll clothes. They put the doll clothes on the chickens to keep them warm at night. So they had these hungover, dressed up chickens wandering around their yard for a few more weeks until they were big enough to butcher. And that is my drunk chicken story.

Or a laugh, or anything. . .

Today has been one of the worst days of my life.

Finding out I havent got my dream job, hurting my hand, annoying neighbors, and now we have something wrong with the house. UGH. :mad: :indifferent: :frown:

So please, CHEER ME UP GUYS AND GALS! Thanks.:noway:

That's called life. Deal with it. Dont rely on others to buck you up....pull yourself up and good things happen.