Adultery Diet

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  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,080 Member
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    i took him out of my profile pic. i put me in in my strongest moment ever - last sunday - finishing the WDW marathon with a broken soul, having lost 10 pounds because i couldnt eat.... But i did it!

    :smile:

    Woohoo-Dance.gifsuperhero.gif

    You're my super hero.
  • Wolfena
    Wolfena Posts: 1,570 Member
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    :flowerforyou: Hugs and positive thoughts from me..... and coming from someone who is twice divorced - I will tell you, time heals. These awful feelings WILL pass and you will find yourself again (a better, stronger you, with more life experience)

    Oh - and Congratulations on that run!!! You're already on your way to that stronger better you! :happy:
  • thirtyby40
    thirtyby40 Posts: 702 Member
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    I am very sorry. I have been there. I did the diet too. Worst feeling ever! I never thought I would get through in 1 piece. Eventually food starts to taste better, life starts to look brighter and that hollow in the stomach and heart get filled.
  • princesspurple
    princesspurple Posts: 688
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    I am sorry for all who have dealt with a cheating man.
    DBALLARD, I am sorry you have dealt w/ a cheating woman. I support you as well!
  • cvtga
    cvtga Posts: 118
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    There are many women here who have felt your pain. I am too one of them. When I found out I was 7 months pregnant, and in turn my son was born premature. Although we are working out the differences in our marriage( its been 2 years) I find the opposite decision of leaving to be one that perhaps takes even more strength then staying. I'm not here to give relationship advice,just here to give you a big hug and say this will turn out to be the time in your life when you realize just how strong you really are. Your spirit may be broken but your will clearly is not as you proved to yourself last weekend. Take warmth in your friends and loved ones.
  • jrbowers83
    jrbowers83 Posts: 282 Member
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    I am so sorry to hear this. I went through this/ am going through this. My husband has had affairs off and on for the last 3-4 years. Supposedly he has stopped over the last 6 mos., but that trust is so broken, that I find myself falling back down into that dark place you're in again every few weeks or months. Some may say I'm crazy to stick it out, and the old adage once a cheater always a cheater comes out quite often.I have a great marriage counselor that reproaches my husband's infidelity, but in a nonjudgmental way that I think is really giving him building blocks to help him truly break away from his old pattern behavior. I solidly believe in the sanctity of marriage, and although he has broken that, as long as he is willing to stay by my side, I pray that God will make changes in his heart that he will be the man I always thought he was. In the meantime, we are working on renewing trust in our marriage, and with the emotional turmoil of that I tend to sway between the starvation, constantly nauseous and depressed mode like you're going through now, to binge eating or eating nothing but junk. It has really taken a toll on my body. I'm 26 and have high blood pressure, heart issues, depression, joint inflammation. I wish I could offer you solace and happiness, but like I said I'm going through it right now too, so all I can offer is a listening ear. I think you did awesome running your race, and how amazing does it feel to have accomplished something so worthwhile!? Definitely gotta focus on the positives, no matter how big or small in comparison to the pain. I hope that things get better for you soon, that you find something /someone (like a therapist) to help to work through the pain, and remember that we eat to live not live to eat (I have to remind myself of this constantly). I do have to say that since I started journaling on MFP, I recognize that the food I eat has EVERYTHING to do with how my body performs. When I force myself to eat balanced, nutitious meals, I have energy, joy, don't feel as depressed or sick or sleepy. So as hard as it is to force the foods down, I think it is definitely important to try and in so doing you earn back some of that self-esteem thats been squashed and you start to LIVE like you're meant to.
  • 2kidzlater
    2kidzlater Posts: 134 Member
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    It sucks right now I know. But if it wasen't for god not answering my immediate prayers when I was in a such pain. I would not have my two beautiful children and a man that I know would never let me down.! Your good guy is waiting for you. What doesn"t kill you will make you stronger!
  • les1diva
    les1diva Posts: 1
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    This is what got me through it - I put this on my refrigerator door -- 'YOU MUST BE WILLING TO GET RID OF THE LIFE YOU HAD PLANNED IN ORDER TO HAVE THE LIFE THAT IS WAITING FOR YOU". I made it - you will too
  • mlove1307
    mlove1307 Posts: 151
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    *HUGS*

    I am so sorry to hear about your husband's infidelity..

    These *hugs* are all I have to give.
  • Iceprincessk25
    Iceprincessk25 Posts: 1,888 Member
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    Ugh...the worst thing ever! I know exaclty what you are going through. I lost 15 pounds in the first two weeks! I was super depressed and sad all the time. I watched all 6 seasons of Sex in the City over and over again.:brokenheart: :brokenheart: :brokenheart: :brokenheart:

    We ended up getting back together and going to couples therapy. That was 3 years ago and while it sucked at the time I think it was something that needed to happen. We have a completely different relationship than ever before. MUCH BETTER.:love:

    I joke about it now with the BF saying break up with me so I can drop 15 pounds in 2 weeks again. :bigsmile:
  • sissy56
    sissy56 Posts: 108 Member
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    Been there, too. My breaking point was when he took our baby daughter to work with him and ended up at "her" house. There was so much out of my control at that time, but I realized one thing I could control was what I ate and I went at it with a vengeance. Thank goodness in a healthy way that time.
  • sabes2631
    sabes2631 Posts: 403
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    I wake up every morning and relieve the nightmare. It has been 29 days since I found out. I am amazed at how many others of you have been through this. It is helpful to know that I will get through this - thats what all of you and everyone says - thats all I have to believe right now. I am in this place of losing the past and not knowing what the future is - like pergatory I guess. I keep busy. I put my skinny jeans and my boobie shirt on last night and went out - i look pretty fab minus these 15 pounds LOL - so despite feeling like a big piece of **** inside, I still faked it. I ate the little pasta pieces out of a bowl of soup and came home. I saw a movie too. I felt human and laughed with my girlfriend for a few minutes.
    I liked what you posted (i cant remember which post) -

    MY SPIIRIT MAY BE BROKEN, BUT MY WILL IS NOT.

    AND

    YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF THE LIFE YOU PLANNED IN ORDER TO HAVE THE LIFE THAT IS WAITING FOR YOU.

    It is that great unknown that I am afraid of. I love my home. I dont want ot have to move. But I am so damn lonely. Thank God for my dog. We live between the kitchen (not that I am eating) and the bedroom. He kisses my tears away.

    I dream alot and wake up with a punch in the gut- specific dreams about him taking his ring off, him showing up to get his things, him dying, ... its weird.
    I hope he continues with counseling so he can deal with his issues. These are much of his issues. Although I am working on me and how I contributed to the grenade that was thrown on our marriage. But he says and has said on more than one occassion that he does not see us having a future as a married couple. That his feelings have changed. We just got married 15 months ago. WTF.
    I go between anger, despair, lonely, insanity, fear, panic, dread thoughout the day. I am lucky to have a great support system.
    I went to the gym yesterday. I am not quite recovered from the marathon- my lack of nutrition is keeping the muscle tear in my foot from healing quickly. But I did back and biceps. And I tanned. SOmetimes i just go to the gym so i can go tanning after I work out. LOL

    THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE POSTED. PLEASE KEEP POSTING. I NEED YOU.
    I am off to face day 29 of my nightmare. Or i could look at it as Day 1 of ME - if I felt better I could. Only I can make myself feel better. Ughhhhhh. Pergatory.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,080 Member
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    They say that dreams are your subconscious way of sorting through things. Know that whether he takes off his ring, shows up to take his things, or DIES - you will survive this. Your dreams are preparing you for what is to come. Personally, I would stand and stare at him the entire time he is taking his things: but only so he would have to face what he has done. Some people can't bear to watch them "move out". But I say, he's already "moved out" and at least if you watch him, he won't take your stuff. Superficial?
    Yep. You bet.:wink:

    I hope you have an attorney and have filed for a legal separation. Trust me, you don't want to become entwined in his financial issues now that you aren't living together. Open your own personal bank accounts, close any joint credit cards. Contact ALL your accounts and tell them the situation. Really, you need an attorney ASAP. Even if you two somehow work through this (which, it sounds like you won't) - you still need to protect yourself now. Don't avoid this part of your life because of the pain. When I got divorced, the financial issues were lengthy, and a lot of it was forestalled because I did close accounts immediately after our separation. Even though we moved back in together once to try counseling, I still didn't combine our financial assets. As a matter of fact, I separated my monies and placed them in a "safe" place the day after he moved out the first time. When the divorce was final, I still had what I came into the marriage with.

    The house. That is difficult, but you will actually feel better when you aren't living in the house with all the memories, and having to take care of it all by yourself. I assume he isn't "dropping by" to help you with the lawn and the garbage etc...?

    Simplify your life as much as you can. Eliminate any unnecessary responsibilities and just focus on health and moving forward.

    Tomorrow is just a promise. Yesterday is only a memory. Your power is in THIS moment. Try to stay present in the moment, and don't dwell on "what might happen" or "what already happened". I find life is so much easier that way. :flowerforyou:
  • weaklink109
    weaklink109 Posts: 2,831 Member
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    Riverside gave you some good advice, BUT, before you CLOSE any joint accounts, find out if your creditor will re-open an account in your name alone. If not, ask if you can simply have his name removed and carry on. These days it is a lot more difficult to get credit than it was before. If you close all your accounts before ascertaining your own options, you can put yourself in a jackpot you don't need to be in.

    Part of what will affect the financial part of this will be whether or not you live in a community property state. Only an attorney can tell you, if you are not already familiar with your state's laws.

    Good luck. I am glad you got out with your friend. A few minutes laughter is a good start. I have been through a situation similar to yours. The first time, in about the same timeframe as what you described. It seemed more difficult the first time, because I was younger, and still believed love was "forever."

    The second time, the man I thought I was going to marry LEFT his two kids from a prior marriage with ME and ran off with the wife of someone he worked with. She LEFT her two daughters with their dad. Then these two went to another state and attempted to ADOPT a newborn.:noway: I found out about it before the adoption was finalized and with some well -placed phone calls got the state to reconsider the fitness of these two for adoptive parenting.

    I know they now live in a neighboring state, but this took place over 30 years ago, and believe me.--it sucks NOW, but time REALLY does heal such wounds. Keep putting one day in front of the other and take care of YOU!!:flowerforyou: I know how valuable the companionship of a dog can be during a tough time. I have three of them. They always take care of me when I am down, and frequently do things that make me laugh.
  • jrbowers83
    jrbowers83 Posts: 282 Member
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    CM, your advice and insight is very valuable. I guess you have a bit of personal experience to draw from. Thank you, as I'm sure Sabes thanks you too. I love your closing line...don't think about what might happen or what already happened. It's easier said than done, but absolutely what is needed when dealing with the gut-wrenching pain of infidelity. I also like the way you detail strategy for separating herself. That is definitely a way to work through the pain- moving forward on a path whether it is toward divorce or just some independence, it will help gain some momentum and regain self-confidence. I know for the longest time I felt like I was running in circles, or running through mud and unable to get anywhere.

    Sabes-I hear you on the nightmares too. And when you wake from them, it's like you just found out yesterday, and it hits you like a wave. Don't resist these feelings, allow yourself some grieving time when you're awake, because the more you try to deny it or push it away, the harder I think it's going to make everything. It is ridiculous to believe that your husband completely fell out of love with you in the 15 mos that you have been married, and I looked at some of your profile pics, and he is just plain stupid to leave you period. You're gorgeous and you radiate with joy and happiness, even in the race pic when you were obviously going through some of the worst of this pain. Just so you know, my therapist says it takes about a year to recover from infidelity, and after 6 mos I think it's AT LEAST a year and maybe longer. So take it day by day, continue to do things for yourself like going out and chatting with girlfriends, and know that eventually this too shall pass. Hope this helps:flowerforyou:
  • Mommabee
    Mommabee Posts: 103
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    My heart hurts for all of you! I wish there was something I could say or do to make it all go away, but I know there isn't, so please just know that I am thinking of all of you and will say a prayer for your continued strength. There are alot of very strong and amazing people on this website! Hugs to you all.:flowerforyou:
    Sabes, all of the people who have replied have had really good advice and great ideas for taking your life back. It is YOUR life, not his and you cannot let him ruin your health because HE IS SOOOOO NOT WORTH IT! I know you know that and I also know that it doesn't make it any easier to deal with, but honey, you have to take care of yourself! I am so glad you went out with your friends and that you went to the gym, I love to tan too, makes me feel all warm in the middle of a Michigan winter! And that is what you need most right now is to do things that make you feel good. I'm glad you are taking the Lexapro, that really helps. Therapy is a "must" too. Even though you think you know what you are feeling, having a trained ear to listen to you helps so much. There are so many things you need to get out in the open and to work through, having a therapist is truly something you need. Mine always tells me that you have to go through the *kitten*, no way to avoid it, but you don't have to go through it barefoot! Get some help, you will be glad you did.
    You are still running a marathon, this one is the one to get your life back, and just like the other one you completed, you will complete this one too. One step at a time.
    Hugs. :flowerforyou:
  • katznketo
    katznketo Posts: 323 Member
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    I went through the same thing when I was 6 months pregnant. Now 25 years later, he has passed away from alcholism. I can look back at my wrongs in the marriage and his. It all hurt so much and I was so confused.

    Now I'm a little clearer.
    Since I decided to stay, I wish I had tried to get some really good counseling at a church.
    I wish I had been a better person.
    I wish he had been a better person
    I wish I hadn't stayed in the marriage.
    I wish that we both would have continued to look for a church for our family so we could have matured in a more loving, kind way.

    Two suggestions: Do not beat yourself with this. His adultery really has nothing to do with you. it is his problem and his choice.
    There is nothing you did or did not do to cause this.
  • sabes2631
    sabes2631 Posts: 403
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    I am going out tonight. I am wearing my new skinny jeans and my tall boots and takin this little 15 pound less *kitten* out to get flirted with. Only problem is the girls I am going with dont go out til 930! I am normally in bed by then.
    Not tonight. Wish me luck:) I am only going out for a little while. But I AM going and leaving my dog and my robe and my spot under the covers.... baby steps...

    Dear Cheating Husband,
    Go F*** yourself.
  • kat1000000
    kat1000000 Posts: 66 Member
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    Don't let him get you down. Keep your head held high, he did this and he should pay, not you! My ex was a real piece of work also, and i just had to get it in my head that i deserved better. My current husband knows that if he wants someone else he is free to leave any time, but he better take his crap when he goes! As i always say " Don't let the door hit ya, where the good lord split ya"! You don't need that crap and no one else does either. Let him go and find someone who deserves you, he obviously doesn't! :wink:
  • kat1000000
    kat1000000 Posts: 66 Member
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    You go girl!!!!!!!! Have a wonderful time!:drinker:

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