Adultery Diet

Stay strong - you've got a support network here, and no doubt friends and family close by.
The best 'revenge' (for want of a better word! I mean in a non-malicious way) is to be the best you can be. You are a strong woman - just writing about this makes you a lot stronger than lots of people out there who can't talk about things! Good for you!! Now it's time to focus on yourself - get yourself healthy, get your head right, but don't push yourself - one day at a time.

Good for you! great song to life u up! :bigsmile:

My heart goes out to you. This is a terrible thing to be going through. I will not beat a dead horse and tell you how beautiful, smart, brave and strong you are because yu already know. You will get through this and you will be so much better for it. We are here for you.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been there too (a long time ago). I guess I just want to say keep trying to eat. You don't want to allow him to take your health from you along with everything else he has taken.

Cindy

Just read this article and thought I would share. :flowerforyou:


Letting Go of Emotional Pain

Pain is part of all that we are. We live with it, or else we have to. It is a fact everybody has to face up with. Pain is of varied sorts. There is physical pain, and there is emotional pain to mention too. A physical infliction may be unpleasant, or even excruciating, but it eventually heals.

But what of pain inflicted on a person’s emotions? Emotional pain leaves no visible scars. In time, the intensity of the pain may lessen, but for some people, it may not heal, or at least not for a significant period of time. Wounds inflicted on the intangible essence of a person often leave imprints, and for some it may be for a lifetime.

As much as such instances are disheartening, they are a fact. This is the reality of pain, or emotional pain. The experience can be crippling- it can kill a person little by little. It can blind them to all the other worthwhile aspects of living. It is not so much that emotional pain should be stopped.

In many cases it can be of massive intensity and suppressing it will only aggravate. Part of having to cope with emotional pain is to acknowledge it. If you are hurting, accept that there is most likely a reason for it. You are hurting because of an incident, an experience or a person, and this you have to acknowledge.

Your emotions, even pain, are part of who you are, so do not deny that aspect of you. After some time when your emotions have simmered down and you have gained some perspective, rise a bit above your pain- analyze the situation. You are hurting because of the thoughts you have thought of.

Your thoughts have caused your pain. If you continually think of the event or person who has caused your hurt, all the more you will be hurting. You are feeding your painful emotions. As your emotions intensify, they again feed your thoughts, and you will be trapped in a vicious cycle in which healing may evade you.

Clear your thoughts and keep an empty head for the moment, and then moment by moment. Stop thinking, and if any thoughts associated with the event or person start creeping in, just say halt. Divert your attention on to something which will make you feel life- breath, or your breathing. Get lost in the moment of breathing. Watch your breath and feel your breath as it enters your nose. What does it feel like as you inhale and as your breath goes down into your chest. Then slowly, slowly breathe out. Feel the release and the liberation of the moment.

Be keen and sense every bit of the sensation and experience. This will occupy your mind and keep it from harboring negative thoughts. When negative and painful emotions begin to pervade, revert to doing this activity- get lost in the moment of breathing. Think of a time when you were in love or felt love. Of an experience wherein you felt fond or affectionate of someone or something. Capture that positive feeling and hold it in your heart, then intensify it. At that moment when you are holding that positive feeling, think of the person or event which has caused you pain. As the memory of the painful experience comes to mind, you may begin to feel toxic emotions. But allow the positive feeling to surpass it. Steer your focus and your senses towards that positive feeling.

Eventually you will no longer associate pain with the event or person. You are training yourself to feel positive emotions instead of negative ones caused by your thoughts. You will be protecting yourself from the harm the thought of the experience can cause, and you will learn to let go.

This is what got me through it - I put this on my refrigerator door -- 'YOU MUST BE WILLING TO GET RID OF THE LIFE YOU HAD PLANNED IN ORDER TO HAVE THE LIFE THAT IS WAITING FOR YOU". I made it - you will too

That's a helluva quote. I'm writing it down. Thank you.

wow! that's an awesome quote! need to hold on to that to remind myself of whats important

I didnt cry today. Does this make it MY DAY 1?
Not sure... but i can see how life goes on - it doesnt stop.

I am far from "okay" but I feel like a baby baby step has been made.

Sweetheart, in my opinion, Day 1 was when you found out.
Look up the stages of grief. You will see that you experience many of them, move forward, circle back, occasionally start over, sometimes skip a couple, but eventually.... you will make it through to acceptance.

All of what you are feeling is part of this. You are coping, dealing, denying, angry, and every possible emotion known to humankind.

You are moving along. It takes time. We all deal differently. I am so proud of you, coming here and posting, carrying on daily. You are moving forward, whether you can see it or not. Each day is another day of the new you. You are in transformation now, darling.

(((hugs))) And we are ALL here, cheering you on, here to lend a shoulder to cry on, a pat on the back, and to shed a few tears with you. You can see how many have been through it.... and made it through to the other side, happier and stronger for it. Take solace in that. We are all apart of a tragic woman's group that you cannot fathom until you are shoved into the group. It's a pain I'd never wish upon anyone.... but we are strong and we WILL survive.

Speaking of which, that is a GREAT song to listen to right now. Gloria Gaynor, I believe. Another good one you should search up is "Cheater Cheater" by Joey + Rory. It's country and hysterical. Listen to Nancy Sinatra's "These Boots Are Made For Walking". Listen to music that reminds you how strong you are!!! There was a YOU before him, and there will be a YOU after him.

Good luck today! You need to listen to your inner self. It hurts but you need to continue on your journey. You deserve someone that will LOVE you and be there for you no matter what! That person is out there you just need to go out and search for him. I know it is hard to give up something when your not ready to do that. You had all your dreams crushed. Change is hard and it is easier to stay with what you know. But that isn't fair to you. HUGS!

Good morning Sabes and all of you strong, loving women on this thread.

I too have been in the trenches of hell, like most of you.

My ex (idiot) many years ago had decided that he didn't want to be a husband or a father and was simply gone. He did not even have the backbone to tell me. You can imagine what that was like. I went through hell and he never even saw the look in my eyes.

Anyways, I have ALWAYS been a believer in karma. What you put out into this world comes back to you. Well the woman who he was having an affair with ended up doing exactly the same thing to him that he did to me.

That's karma for you..

Enough about me. I just want to say Sabes that fate is directing you to go onto another path. I believe that when something "big" happens in our life it's to teach us "something" so that we learn from it and move on and become better, stronger, more knowledgeable.

I learned that I am a strong woman. I am a compassionate woman. I am a very loving woman. I learned that if I was going to spend the rest of my life with someone special that they had to have compatible traits. I was not going to settle for less.

I did find someone with those positive traits 24 years ago. When I look back on that past life it is with gratitude that (ex-idiot) taught me so much about the person I really was deep inside and by "letting me go", I was free to pursue a better life for me.

So just hold on Sabes. Take one baby step at a time. This is an emotional process. Don't rush head on into another relationship right now because you are hurt and vulnerable. Take this precious time to find out just how amazing and strong of a woman your really are. Keep your family and girlfriends real close, you need them more than ever right now.

There is a light at the end of this very dark tunnel and you will see it.

Oh, and remember the karma thing. You're not smiling right now, but believe me, you will later on.

You take care of you right now.

Debbie

Here's a sampling of my playlist from my hard times:

Karma - Alicia Keys
The Last Song - All American Rejects
Move Long - All American Rejects
Gives You Hell - All American Rejects
I'm Looking Through You -- The Beatles
Hit 'Em Upstyle - Blu Cantrell
Karma is a Female Dog - Bombshel (I think this one is country, btw)
It's My Life - Bon Jovi
Rain on Your Parade - Duffy
Sisters Are Doing it for Themselves - Graham BLVD
So Yesterday - Hilary Duff
The Remedy - Jason Mraz
Bye Bye - Jo Dee Messina **** GREAT SONG!!
Stronger - Kayne West
Hot N Cold - Katy Perry
Welcome to the World - Kevin Rudolph
Knock 'em Out - Lily Allen
No More Sorrow - Linkin Park
Good as Gone -- Little Big Town
Shake it Off - Mariah Carey
These Boots are Made for Walking - Nancy Sinatra
Pocketful of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield
Maneater - Nelly Furtado
Blue Monday - Orgy (angry music!!)
Cave In - Owl City
So What - Pink
Hate (I Really Don't Like You) - Plain White T's
Happily Never After - The Pu$$ycat Dolls **** GREAT SONG!!!
I Don't Need a Man - The Pu$$ycat Dolls
Whatever Gets You Through Today - Radio **** GREAT SONG
Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Up - The Saturdays
Don't Bother - Shakira ***
Irreplaceable - Sugarland --(This is a cover of the Beyonce song by Sugarland --- the lead female vocal was going through a divorce when she recorded this live. AMAZING COVER)
I Will Survive - Supremes (???)
Live Your Life - TI feat. Rihanna
Apologize - One Republic
Learning to Fly - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Can't Go Back Now - The Weepies ******* I LOVE THIS SONG
I Didn't Know My Own Strength - Whitney Houston
Salute - Whitney Houston
Leave the Pieces - The Wreckers


Some of those are about cheating husbands. Some of those are upbeat, empowerment songs. Keep positive vibes surrounding you during this. Remind yourself you are strong. :flowerforyou:

Sabes,

More good thoughts coming your way from the Pacific NW.

One other thing that I've found to be (almost) universally true:

"IF HE CHEATED ON YOU HE'LL CHEAT ON HER." :devil: ( and the one after her.........etc.......... )

( I know I'm going to He!! for that, but it's gonna be a great party.)

Vicky, I have noticed that too...my ex did not seem to like it when I went back to school :grumble: hahaha and I love how your friend said that living well is the best revenge. it kind of brings "success " one step further because living well IS success in itself. Thank goodness for our friends. I don't know how I would have gotten through that if it weren't for my friends and family.