Would you discipline someone else's child?
You're sitting in a crowded doctor's office and a child around age 7 or 8 is there....being obnoxious (climbing on furniture, crawling around on the floor, etc). Grandma tells the child to stop and 'come here' in a normal tone of voice.....for 30 minutes. The child whines about it and ignores grandma and continues doing whatever she wants. There were several other patients in the waiting room.
Do you ignore what's happening or tell the child 'You should listen to what you are told to do'?
I held my tongue, but it was not easy. Mostly I didn't say anything because I didn't want to have the grandma's backlash (although I am not sure she would have said anything to me about it, based on how she was being railroaded by the child). I have 2 kids (20 and 14) and there is no way I would have tolerated this behavior from them.
Do you ignore what's happening or tell the child 'You should listen to what you are told to do'?
I held my tongue, but it was not easy. Mostly I didn't say anything because I didn't want to have the grandma's backlash (although I am not sure she would have said anything to me about it, based on how she was being railroaded by the child). I have 2 kids (20 and 14) and there is no way I would have tolerated this behavior from them.
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If I really can't stand it (and yes I've been in this situation before) I take MY son by the hand and start to lead him away. IF he says something to me wondering why we are changing seats, I tell him why. I don't yell it, I just let him know that I am glad he is behaving and wish all people's children would do the same.0
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I wouldn't have said anything, either, but it would've been super hard to bite my tongue!
Now, if the child was going to get hurt, or hurt someone else...
People are just so weird now, though... you can't say anything without someone getting their "feelings hurt".
I will discipline children of people I know well (ie: nieces and nephews, friends' kids) but that's it... unless, of course, it's something dangerous, and not just annoying,0 -
If I really can't stand it (and yes I've been in this situation before) I take MY son by the hand and start to lead him away. IF he says something to me wondering why we are changing seats, I tell him why. I don't yell it, I just let him know that I am glad he is behaving and wish all people's children would do the same.
oh, where is the "like" button?
absolutely this...0 -
I work in retail and see terrible children often. Once a child was throwing a tantrum on the floor and was kicking a bunch of pants off of the rack while he did so. I just went over to him and said "Please stop doing that or else you can help me pick them all back up" because his mother wasn't saying anything (she was across the room completely ignoring him). That stopped him! That's about as far as I'd go though.0
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Not in that case, but I might have shot some dirty looks! I have no problem yelling at other people's kids if they are about to hurt my nephews or doing something dangerous my nephews might emulate (like at the park). I also yelled at some weird little girls the other day when they came up and started "shooting" with a stick at my friend's baby and licking her water bottle.
If they're doing something that might hurt them and I think the parents aren't paying attention I'll say something like "be careful, buddy!0 -
If I really can't stand it (and yes I've been in this situation before) I take MY son by the hand and start to lead him away. IF he says something to me wondering why we are changing seats, I tell him why. I don't yell it, I just let him know that I am glad he is behaving and wish all people's children would do the same.
oh, where is the "like" button?
absolutely this...
Thanks.
I have sat in LOTS of Peds. Specialists DRs office with my son, he was medically complex when he was born (healthy now). I have seen my fair share of naughty kids who are running amok....LOL
I also try to bring something along that will entertain my son IF this happens.
Now, like you said, I've seen a child doing something dangerous at a park (and it has to be pretty bad, I'm not a helicopter parent) and I've said something.0 -
In that situation, depending on how I felt, I would do one of two things: 1. Try to befriend the child, get the child's attention, read the child a book, divert the child's interest, talk to the child and ask child questions 2. Ignore it.
In a situation where MY child is being endangered, oh, yeah, buddy, mama bear is making an appearance, and, trust me, it won't be pretty.
In a situation where said child is being endangered, yes, I would probably intervene. Discipline? Probably not.
In a situation at MY house, yeah... but I still don't know about the word discipline... Every child that enters my home knows my expectations... even if it means sitting them down and telling them from the get go... then, problems are usually not had.
In my classroom, yes, I discipline other people's children all day long. But I consider them my kids, too.
In Sunday school and children's church, I talk to the the kids... and if all else fails, I take them to mama and daddy. (That's only happened a couple of times, though, and I've been in children's ministry for a long time... and, yeah, my church kids are mine, too. LOL)0 -
been there done that. when i was younger i wouldn't have said anything. nowadays, i have no problem telling kids in a stern but polite way to shut up if there parents aren't doing the job-- especially, if the kids are bouncing all over the place and could hurt someone.0
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mine wouldnt have dreamed of behaving like that- they would have gotten a swat on the butt! it seems to be the times though....my nephew can be a poop too an my bro just asks him politely to sit down and be quiet - kind of like what you heard is the reaction lol I laugh cuz they always used to think mine could have been better behaved lol but on another note I am sure that grandma was thinking the same thing you were and wishing she were anywhere else but where she was at....in this day and age even a swat on the butt is looked at as child abuse....wonder what the next generation will be like???
......carrying uzis to kindergarten instead of highschools and colleges ????
mmmmm sorry kind of an angst of my own there lol sorry you had to be there to listen and watch!!:(0 -
Not only would I say something, I have many times. If you can't control your offspring then don't take them out in public. I don't care a fig leaf what they act like at home or other places, I do care what they act like around me. It's pretty funny when I have my 5 year old daughter with me and she asks in her "quiet" voice why some kid is being a little brat and the parent is doing nothing. She will say "daddy, that kid is being very unacceptable" . It's pretty funny and makes me proud.0
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If they are just being loud or obnoxious I wouldn't say anything. If they were in danger of hurting themselves (climbing furniture) or being destructive (knocking things off shelves or racks) I would let them know that it isn't safe to climb the furniture that way and their parent would be really sad if they got hurt or remind them that what they were doing could break something or cause someone extra clean up.
Actually, I think just the shock of a stranger talking to them at all about their behavior is usually pretty effective.0 -
There's a really strict tabboo on disciplining other peoples children or children not in your care. I think when you don't know the child or the person looking after them it's even more of a social tabboo to get involved. I personally wouldn't have because as much as I bloody hate disobediant children I hate confrontation even more and wouldn't want any backlash that could occur but i'd be silently wishing someone else would speak up.0
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I work in retail and see terrible children often. Once a child was throwing a tantrum on the floor and was kicking a bunch of pants off of the rack while he did so. I just went over to him and said "Please stop doing that or else you can help me pick them all back up" because his mother wasn't saying anything (she was across the room completely ignoring him). That stopped him! That's about as far as I'd go though.
That's about as far as I would go , also !
Some parents just don't dicipline their kids at all nowdays.... some can be so uncontrollable, it's a headache. I've even seen some disrespect their parents with nasty words.. it's sad since they're so young and doing that... I can't imagine how they will act when they're teenagers lol.0 -
If I don't feel comfortable, but still feel the need to say something to the kid i usualy ask in a loud voice "Where's your mom or dad?" hoping they will hear. Most of the time the parent doesn't give a crap and is happy you are the one dealing with it.0
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being a teacher and living in Hawaii, my teacher mode kicks in instantly! lol!!! I've corrected quite a few and always gave credit to the adult and talk to the child about being obedient to them.0
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If you don't know the child or the family, you don't know what issues they are dealing with. Autistic kids look the same as other kids, so do kids with all kinds of other neurological problems or other invisible handicaps. I post on a forum where there are a lot of families with SEN kids, and they are not only faced with dealing with their child's naughty and sometimes bizarre and usually very unpredictable behaviour in public, which they can't deal with easily as normal discipline techniques don't work - but also the general disapproval and even public humiliation of other people who think that the child's behaviour can be fixed with a couple of trips to the naughty corner (or a few slaps in the case of some people's opinions)
Invisible handicaps are called that because no-one can see them, and it's generally the assumption that the child is just being a brat or being difficult for the sake of it. Generally these kids are really struggling and their families are struggling even more and it's not easy to get the help and support they need from paediatricians etc.
That's why, if I see kids behaving dreadfully in public, I don't make any judgements about the parents. Most cases it probably is the child being a brat or the parents not knowing how to discipline, but I don't know that for sure, do I? I could end up making one mother's hell just that little bit worse, or make her never want to take her child out in public again, thus increasing the stigma and problems with having a child with such difficulties.
I have been in the situation where a friend's child was running her ragged with misbehaviour and I stepped in and put a stop to it, my friend didn't mind, or if she did she never told me. I'm strict with my own kids about behaviour in public, but at the same time kids are kids and all of them have bad days, and play up sometimes. They're kids, not robots.0 -
If I didn't know the people then no, I would not discipline a stranger's child.
I do discipline my 4 year old brother because my dad and stepmom both don't know what the word means.0 -
I have no problem telling other peoples kids to behave themselves, afterall, they learn by being taught and if their parent isn't going to teach them I will. It takes a village...
That being said, in our neighborhood I'm the mean Mom, and when I walk out of my house, kids scatter.0 -
I've spoken up before and I will again. My theory has always been that if my child misbehaves in public and I'm not around, I want her to know that it's unacceptable behavior. If I was around, I always made her toe the mark. On the very rare occasions when an adult has been mad that I've spoken up - usually they are far too embarrassed to do so - standing my ground has always worked. As long as the words are civil and true, they're good. Remember - if you don't speak up, the child will assume it is acceptable.0
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no, but I often discipline other children's parents0
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I think if you'd said what you said in your OP, you would have been OK. I wouldn't spank someone else's child or anything.
I have twice said something to a stranger's child in public. Both times, the kids were throwing rocks at birds and the parents were ignoring them and I couldn't not say something.0 -
If you don't know the child or the family, you don't know what issues they are dealing with. Autistic kids look the same as other kids, so do kids with all kinds of other neurological problems or other invisible handicaps. I post on a forum where there are a lot of families with SEN kids, and they are not only faced with dealing with their child's naughty and sometimes bizarre and usually very unpredictable behaviour in public, which they can't deal with easily as normal discipline techniques don't work - but also the general disapproval and even public humiliation of other people who think that the child's behaviour can be fixed with a couple of trips to the naughty corner (or a few slaps in the case of some people's opinions)
Invisible handicaps are called that because no-one can see them, and it's generally the assumption that the child is just being a brat or being difficult for the sake of it. Generally these kids are really struggling and their families are struggling even more and it's not easy to get the help and support they need from paediatricians etc.
That's why, if I see kids behaving dreadfully in public, I don't make any judgements about the parents. Most cases it probably is the child being a brat or the parents not knowing how to discipline, but I don't know that for sure, do I? I could end up making one mother's hell just that little bit worse, or make her never want to take her child out in public again, thus increasing the stigma and problems with having a child with such difficulties.
I have been in the situation where a friend's child was running her ragged with misbehaviour and I stepped in and put a stop to it, my friend didn't mind, or if she did she never told me. I'm strict with my own kids about behaviour in public, but at the same time kids are kids and all of them have bad days, and play up sometimes. They're kids, not robots.
Thank you for this. My step brother has autism and my Step mother and my father have such a hard time with him sometimes, and people just don't understand. It breaks my heart. I'm not saying I don't get extremely annoyed at bratty kids in public, but since seeing my dad and step-mom go through what they have, I try to remember that not every family and child is the same.0 -
No.
Never.0 -
People who see out-of-control children love to judge. They like to think the parents are lazy, and can't be bothered to discipline their children. They also like to think the parents have no problem imposing their children's misbehavior on others. Sometimes that's true, but not always. Unless you know the situation well, be aware that some children come into the world with differences.
And, no: I wouldn't correct or discipline the child. I might move myself to reduce the irritation to myself, though.0 -
It depends on the situation. Sometimes I let it ride. Sometimes I speak up whether to the child or the parent.
One time my son & his friend were playing in the sand box. I was sitting on the picnic table watching. A woman and her son arrived. The son began jumping around like a fart in a mitt. He stomped through the sandbox, demolishing the sand castle my son & his friend were working on. They didn't say anything but the mother bleated (no better word for it) at the son to be careful. The kid dashed off but was soon back since my son & his friend were the only other kids in the playground. He kept bouncing around. The mother kept bleating. I kept gritting my teeth.
Then the kid started throwing sand around. I spoke to the mother, advising her of what was happening. Predictably, she bleated and the son ignored her. A few seconds later, the kid got sand into the eyes of my son's friend. The friend started to cry. My son got up, walked over to the kid, knocked him on his *kitten* and said "Stop it now!" For the record, the kid was about a year older and bigger than my son.
The mother bleated louder than usual. Her son stayed down until she scooped him up. I walked over to my son and said "Well done." and then I dealt with the sand in his friend's eyes. It was a good day.0 -
I can be very good at being passive aggressive. I would say to my child in a loud voice, "See Junior, that type of behavior is not acceptable." Usually pretty effective
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I usually don't have to, my own kids do it.
My 2 year old (who is now 9) once told some unruly toddler in an office to SIT DOWN YOU ARE BEING BAD.
My 3 year old (now six) said to me in the library "wow that kid is being soo bad" and that made the bad kid shut up.0 -
I wouldn't unless the unruly child was hurting one of my kids or another child. It's annoying as hell when someone can't keep their kids in line but it's not my place to discipline someone's kid unless they are in my house or under my supervision.0
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I don't think I ever would say anything, unless also somebody was being hurt.
Not my place.0 -
Nope I would not have said a word. I would, however maybe said something to someone who works there as they do have the right to say something.
The only children who I discipline that aren't my own, are those of my close friends and family...who know and trust me and want me to help them carry their rules when they are in different environments.0
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