Would you discipline someone else's child?

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  • mmarcy7
    mmarcy7 Posts: 227 Member
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    You're sitting in a crowded doctor's office and a child around age 7 or 8 is there....being obnoxious (climbing on furniture, crawling around on the floor, etc). Grandma tells the child to stop and 'come here' in a normal tone of voice.....for 30 minutes. The child whines about it and ignores grandma and continues doing whatever she wants. There were several other patients in the waiting room.

    Do you ignore what's happening or tell the child 'You should listen to what you are told to do'?

    I held my tongue, but it was not easy. Mostly I didn't say anything because I didn't want to have the grandma's backlash (although I am not sure she would have said anything to me about it, based on how she was being railroaded by the child). I have 2 kids (20 and 14) and there is no way I would have tolerated this behavior from them.

    I'd probably just make an a-hole comment like, "Wow, glad my kids don't act like that." Maybe grandma would get the hint.
  • minuet42
    minuet42 Posts: 33
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    I discipline "my kids" - at church or with friends - but if I don't know the parents, or if it's a public setting like that, I just give the Stink Eye. Stopped some bratty behavior cold at WalMart a few weeks ago! I think its mostly that they're shocked by someone they don't know showing obvious disapproval - shakes them up a little bit.
  • Alicia_Monique
    Alicia_Monique Posts: 338 Member
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    On a flight home from Paris I was hungover and tired and pissed off and this kid was running around like a little brat and I finally turned around to the parents and go, "Will you get him under control and shut him the **** up?"

    Everybody around me was like whispering thank you && giving me thumbs up.
  • Solar07
    Solar07 Posts: 83 Member
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    No, I would not want to discipline another person's child nor would I want someone to discipline mine. That is the job of the parent/guardian. If it bothers you that much, just take yourself out of the situation.
  • Firno
    Firno Posts: 22 Member
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    I would never discipline someone's child. If my child was within the same area doing the same thing than I would correct them in hopes the other parent would take notice. Otherwise, if the kid is not harming themselves or others, then whats the harm? Other than bad manners that is.
  • frando
    frando Posts: 583 Member
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    I work in a department store and I regularly have to put up with kids I'd personally like to swing for.

    On my concession there's three beds with display beds (full nine yards here, with between 7-11 pillows depending on the bed) and if there is a child that goes beyond touching the fabric (I don't mind that) then I kick into what my manger calls, 'bed preservation mode';

    1) address the parents that the beds aren't for climbing on
    2) crouch down so I'm on eye level with the child and explain which beds they can try out (ie the one with demo mattresses) and which they can't
    3) say thank you

    Normally it's just that and there are some kids that say sorry and try their best to put the pillows back (I have to make the beds and even I have difficulties doing just as the display team wants them!) and I'm grateful.

    There are some brats that I've literally had to call security for, the parents couldn't careless and legally I can't touch the kids but security can. On one such occasion, when my manager was on, the child trashed the whole display and alot of it had to be replaced apparently the parents were like 'and why should we pay for it?' when my manger explained that she had asked them to take charge of the kids, and there was video to back it up. The parents were still a bit peeved and even more so when the bill for the new bedding (as some of it is bespoke) totalled about £300- more then they had spent on themselves.
  • SouffleBoy
    SouffleBoy Posts: 65 Member
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    Never unless it was a family member.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    On a flight home from Paris I was hungover and tired and pissed off and this kid was running around like a little brat and I finally turned around to the parents and go, "Will you get him under control and shut him the **** up?"

    Everybody around me was like whispering thank you && giving me thumbs up.

    Who doesn't thumbs up a good f-bomb! HOLLA!
  • arcticfox04
    arcticfox04 Posts: 1,011 Member
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    Whenever I have to baby sit my friends child *happens more often then I want it too because they want to have social lives* I always seem to play mind games with children to turn on their parents. Namely I use terms like lets go to "McDonalds, Ice Cream, Toy Store" and make sure the kids that are acting bad can hear it to get it in their minds. Then they cry, scream, and torture their parents and I can enjoy it.

    Meanwhile my friend child is quiet and knows the rules because his mother is dictator.
  • rextcat
    rextcat Posts: 1,408 Member
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    You're sitting in a crowded doctor's office and a child around age 7 or 8 is there....being obnoxious (climbing on furniture, crawling around on the floor, etc).

    :huh: realy? thats all the kid was doing?:indifferent: i would have ignored, and you may need thicker skin. good lord if the kid was screaming and having a major leauge tantrum or throwing **** then sure i would have said somthing but realy your complaining about a little kid playing in a doctors waiting room:frown:
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    Depends on the situation.

    A: If the child is misbehaving and it's clear the parent is AWARE of this misbehavior I do not step in.
    B: If the child is misbehaving and it's clear the parent is UNAWARE of this misbehavior I MIGHT step in, but only if it seems the child may hurt himself.

    Normally when I see a child misbehaving in public I will engage the child. NOT to discipline, but just to talk to him and or make faces at them and engage them in a little game (peek a boo or whatever - depending on the age of the child of course). A lot of the time (not always) misbehaving children are misbehaving because they want to be noticed. Children are ignored A LOT and so they get louder and louder until they're acknowledged. Often when I crouch down and start talking to them all the screaming and misbehavior stops.

    I've had many a conversation with little ones at my job and usually the parents seem relieved to have the child not fussing rather then annoyed that a stranger is addressing the child.

    I really think too much is expected of parents these days and they just get worn out. Period. The child gets ignored because the parent is worn out and then the child starts acting up to get attention. Sometimes all it takes is a strange face engaging them on their level to calm them down.

    I cannot tell you how many children have come to my till screaming and have left giggling or smiling.

    Although, just as many have left still screaming. HAHAHA. Depends on WHY they're screaming really.

    Anyway. That's my thoughts on that.

    In summary:

    I will only step in with DISCIPLINE (as in, authoritative voice and a firm NO) if the parent seems unaware and the child is likely to harm him/herself.
  • KristysLosing
    KristysLosing Posts: 683
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    No.
    Never.

    This. Unless my own children are at risk. Then yes. But otherwise, just because I am annoyed, that doesn't mean it's my place.
  • KristysLosing
    KristysLosing Posts: 683
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    No, I would not want to discipline another person's child nor would I want someone to discipline mine. That is the job of the parent/guardian. If it bothers you that much, just take yourself out of the situation.

    I like this. If you don't like it, move away. Maybe the adult will notice and (hopefully) realize that their child is pissing people off.
  • MillerCrock
    MillerCrock Posts: 20 Member
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    I'm a substitute teacher. When the kids tell me I'm mean I say, that's ok my kids call me MOMM- "Mean Ole Mrs. Miller". It's o.k. I treat my kids the same way. My 26 year old has thanked me for letting her live with consequences when they weren so big.My son thanks me for letting him play in the dirt =) . It takes a village....
    My son just called . Gotta go. He said the village idiot is missing.:laugh:
  • JoolieW68
    JoolieW68 Posts: 1,879 Member
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    Lots of very interesting replies to this, thanks to all who chimed in.

    For the record, I need to clarify what I meant by 'discipline'. I wouldn't physically touch another child (that was wasn't related to, anyway) to force them to do or not do something. There may be an exception to that if the child or others around were in imminent danger, though. What I meant was simply saying *something* so that 1) the child knows they should behave better, and 2) to get the parent's/guardian's attention that they should probably get a handle on what their child is doing.

    I have kids. I know kids are not perfect, and they get tired/bored and act up, etc. Been there with both of mine. However, I would NEVER have let either of my kids climb around on the furniture like this little girl did (she wasn't a toddler, but in school, so old enough to know better). I see her nearly every week since this was at an allergy office, and she acts this way nearly every single time I see her there, and grandma acts the same as well. I don't think she has Autism, as my nephew has Autism so I'm familiar with how some children with Autism act. I could be wrong, though.

    The main thing that bothered me, though, was not as much what the child was doing, but the total disrespect she was showing to grandma. With my kids, when I tell them to do or not do something, I expect them to listen, not ignore me and whine about it....repeatedly.

    Could I remove myself from the situation? No, the waiting room is only so big, and we have to wait there for 30 minutes after we get our shots.

    Anyway, just curious what others thought about it......very interesting reading.
  • sakuragreenlily
    sakuragreenlily Posts: 334 Member
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    Last year I was watching my kids on the playground when a Mother I knew asked me to watch her kids for a few minutes. I made the mistake of saying yes since I knew her kids were very badly behaved in general. Her older son (4th grader) was playing near me and my younger daughter (2nd grade) when he took a whole piece of notebook paper and balled it up and put it in his mouth. He took it out all covered with spit and acted like he was going to throw it at me. I told him not to and he said "What are you going to do if I do?"
    Now I suppose this was wrong but I told him I'd spank him if he did. He proceeded to go right ahead and hit me with it. Well - there is no way on earth I'm not doing what I said. I spanked him once (honestly about 1/100th as hard as I'd liked to - he didn't cry) and I made him sit by me on the bench while the other kids played for 10 minutes (which seemed to bother him more than the spanking).
    I wasn't sure if we should just have that as something between me and the kid but it bothered me so much that I called him Mom that night and explained what happened. She said we shouldn't discipline each other's children and I agreed. Since then I don't think she speaks to me anymore. In a way I don't much care because I don't like my kids hanging around with her kids but I still feel very emotional about the situation.
    I think if I made one mistake it was agreeing to watch kids I know have discipline problems.
    If I made two mistakes if was threatening something I didn't really want to have to follow through on.
    As a side note the bratty kid has never messed with me again and usually behaves himself around me.

    I can see how this incident would make you feel on edge and emotional but from an outside observer's point of view you didn't do anything wrong.

    Unless, of course, when the person asked you to, "watch" their child they meant, "Hey, watch my kid for a minute while I go [insert location here]... Sometimes he does interesting stuff. Oh, and if he's being unruly, about to kill someone, ready to walk out into traffic, or just in need of some good ol' fashion discipline, INSTEAD just, ya know... keep WATCHING." In which case you were completely in the wrong.
  • TattedXMomXStace
    TattedXMomXStace Posts: 79
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    Yo best beieve that i would disciplin someone elses child. . . and ive done it before. . . i used to work in JCPenneys and kids all the time would climb on fixtures and play with metal fixturing objects. . . . yes ive yelled at children for doing it. . and some children ive had to repeatedly yell at to stop as it is dangeous. . . one time a mom just looked at me like "wth are u yelling at my child for". . so i "nicely" said to her face " i already have my own child, im not a babysitter and if yours gets hurt, its not our problem as ive told him REPEATEDLY to stop what he is doing. Try parenting your own nasty kid". . and after that i noticed the kid didnt climb on fixtures ever again :)
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    in a situation like that, no. It would have upset me enough to maybe say something to my kid about it, but not enough to that kid. However, I have disciplined friends and family's children when it appeared they could be in harms way, etc.
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
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    I wouldn't have said anything, either, but it would've been super hard to bite my tongue!

    Now, if the child was going to get hurt, or hurt someone else...

    People are just so weird now, though... you can't say anything without someone getting their "feelings hurt".

    I will discipline children of people I know well (ie: nieces and nephews, friends' kids) but that's it... unless, of course, it's something dangerous, and not just annoying,

    This exactly. Or, I may say a passive agressie comment/joke to the parent...like take a hint?
  • TattedXMomXStace
    TattedXMomXStace Posts: 79
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    No, I would not want to discipline another person's child nor would I want someone to discipline mine. That is the job of the parent/guardian. If it bothers you that much, just take yourself out of the situation.

    I like this. If you don't like it, move away. Maybe the adult will notice and (hopefully) realize that their child is pissing people off.

    NOT TRUE!!! a lot of parents i see tune their kids out so they dont have to "deal" or "tolerate" them. . . this to me is bad parenting and why i think time outs are stupid. . . they dont do anything except make the child act out more. . . well it DOES depend on the child. . . but i was disciplined with a switch. . . and i came out respectful and i was a good kid because of it. .i was also raised in an ARMY/NAVY/ AIR FORCE home. . . .my daughter WILL be disciplined and if u dont like it i dont want to hear it. my child. my disciplin.but i can gurentee if she needs to be disciplined so wont ever do anything bad again. . . . . .

    i WOULD NOT however take a switch to any other persons child BUT if a child was doing something potentially dangerous then i will step in. . . thats just my empathy of being a mother . . .i love my child so i dont see how other parents can let their children become "bad". . . thats just lack of attention/disciplin

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