Unsupportive significant other
sreimer07
Posts: 154 Member
Do any of you have a significant other who is unsupportive? I live with my b/f who has a high metabolism and can eat what he wants. He makes comments on what I eat or what I cook. He likes to eat junk( like a whole pan of macaroni and cheese) I dont. He's never once mentioned or given me a compliment about how much weight i've lost. And when someone else does he roles his eyes. Or if one of my friends see me and says "Hey beautiful", he just gives me look like he doesn't understand why they greet me like that.
Does this make sense or am i rambling?
Does this make sense or am i rambling?
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Replies
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Girl, I feel ya. My ex liked his women larger and was always sabbotaging my efforts. He too had a high metabolism and could eat whatever he wanted. He was the king of fast food too and would always make snarky comments when we ate out like, "I don't know what you can eat! You're the one with restrictions!!"
You've lost a lot and he should at the very least acknowledge how much progress you've made on your personal goals. Your mate should bring you up, not tear you down.
I wish I could offer up some sort of advice on how to make it better, but in the end I ended up leaving my relationship and starting one with someone who had fitness goals as well. And I can tell you that, though our goals are very different, it's nice to have someone who understands what a goal is, how hard I have to work to achieve it, and is supportive and encouraging. It's like night and day and helps motivate me to keep at it.0 -
No, he always compliments me even after almost 8 years together. I didn't really involve him in my weight loss, but he was really supportive and it opened his eyes to the fact that he needed to eat healthier food.
If I were with your SO I'd tell him to go find a less attractive girlfriend.0 -
I think my husband is unsupportive in all areas of life. He is constantly talking about how big my butt is but will then say i like it though when he see's that it upsets me.0
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Honestly,if he's that unsupportive,he'd be my ex bf.There are too many ups and downs in life to have someone holding you back.Weight isn't just about looks,it's about your health too.0
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sounds like you might want to sit down and write pros and cons of staying together and maybe consider getting out, if he can't see why this is so important to you. Congrats on your weight loss and sticking to it when you're not getting support you deserve!0
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And you are with him because......? Sounds like you have a bad case of martyr syndrome to me. I don't see this relationship going anywhere positive in the future. Just sayin'...0
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i'm not sure how you girls put up with guys ... we are brutal, holy crap.
Not just saying from this post, but just from life in general.
I always say, if want a guy to care about you, don't EVER let him know you need him. Ever ... even the good guys. trust me ... AND DON'T EVER Mother a guy ... if you don't want to be treated like his mom.0 -
Both my wife and I compliment each other, support each other in our journey to a more healthy us. She's much tinier than I, so when we walk, she burns a lot fewer calories. In order to counter that, she goes for a bike ride after work each evening while I make the dinner for us.
We take this walking time as our time to talk, when I'm not huffing and puffing up hills So, while I feel your pain, I feel good about what my wife and I have together.
Now, about him being able to eat what he wishes, there are consequences to this normally. Heart issues, arteries clogging and so on. Those fats and carbs without moderation will be bad long term for most of us. Some just get great genetics I guess, but not a lot.
BTW: We will be married now 35 years come October and been together 37.0 -
Girllll the only one who is going to be with you through thick and thin (pun intended), through ups and downs, highs and lows and will always support you is.... YOU.
And life is way too short to keep people around who don't encourage you and bring you down. And it sounds like he's just not "unsupportive" but rather that he's actively trying to bring you down. Kick him to the curb. You deserve the best and you deserve to stand up for you. He's not worth it. Get out now before you're a million times hotter than him and he'll be trying even harder to knock you down to his level.0 -
My boyfriend has no interest in eating healthier, and he is not much into working out either. I would love it if we could work out together, but he doesn't want to. He doesn't stop me or discourage me, though, and even cheers me on and asks me how I did after I weigh in, so I would never call him unsupportive.
If he rolled his eyes when someone commented on my weight loss, I'd have to be direct and ask what his problem is.0 -
That's just plain mean, any way you turn it , it doesn't get better.0
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I don't understand why so many of you post about this topic, and then STAY with these douches. If he's a **** to you and completely unsupportive, why on earth are you continuing to date him?! LEAVE! It is never, ever, ever going to get better.0
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My boyfriend has never said anything bad to me. He only compliments me about how beautiful I am.
He will ask me how I'm doing at the gym and what not. But always adds he loves me now and if I am 60 lbs lighter he will love me the same. He too loves to eat and can without gaining any weight, but always says he will eat a salad too if that's where I want to go. LOL....
I'm sorry that your guy is so unsupportive. You are beautiful girl and I hope he realizes just how beautiful you are!!!10 -
I always say, if want a guy to care about you, don't EVER let him know you need him. Ever ... even the good guys. trust me ... AND DON'T EVER Mother a guy ... if you don't want to be treated like his mom.
I find this to be generally true... My guy complains sometimes that I don't "need" him. Sorry, it's better this way0 -
I don't understand why so many of you post about this topic, and then STAY with these douches. If he's a **** to you and completely unsupportive, why on earth are you continuing to date him?! LEAVE! It is never, ever, ever going to get better.
I agree. :noway:0 -
I hate to say dump him but if he is almost surprised people call you beautiful then WTF. Seriously, he should be proud that other people find you as beautiful as he does but that leads me to my next point. And honestly, on a more serious note, a lot of people can't handle change. He has his own self esteem issues that is now being portrayed on your weight loss. As you lose weight and feel better about yourself he may be feeling that you will dump him because you feel you can find better. This may be the reason why he acts almost surprised when people give you vocal attention, you are already finding other possibilities (in his head). My husband and I went through this and the one thing I am happy he did is sat me down and told me of his issues. I have loved him through his 160 pound weight loss and I told him that I expected the same and that I loved him more than anything and we have just made ourselves better. I even brought up our more amazing sex life and he smiled. See, My husband would guilt me for going to classes/bike rides instead of spending time with him, always brought me high calorie food treats, and a lot of this was sub-concious sabotage because he was dealthy afraid I would lose all my weight and feel like I could find better. Have this conversation with him. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Let him know that your life is changing and ask him if he is in for the ride and has a capability of change with you. You'll get your answer then. Maybe even a solution. He may not realize how crappy his actions are out of his own self-esteem issues. I think we tend to forget guys have these
Obviously if the situation doesn't change, you'll need to decide what is best for you. We get enough social abuse from BEING FAT. We don't need people in our lives who treat us negatively when we are doing better for ourselves.0 -
I don't have that problem. My hubby is very supportive and complimentary. Maybe ask him why he acts that way? If it's a stupid or berating answer, someone used a key word before. I believe it was "ex".0
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“We accept the love we think we deserve.” (Perks of Being a Wallflower)
This.
Though at times I have had low self confidence, I have always loved myself and I know that I deserve the best. My S.O. is wonderful He listens to me ramble about weightloss, he compliments me, he calls me sexy... If he did anything less than what I thought I deserved, I would leave.
You need to recognize that you need somebody who will treat you amazingly, but first you need to recognize that you deserve amazing.0 -
I can't tell you what to do but he doesn't sound like someone you would want to marry. You want someone that, unless it is harmful to you. will support you 100%. Don't settle for less!! Life is too short don't make it harder by carrying dead weight (no punt intended)0
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Mine's not overtly unsupportive, but she doesn't seem to be really happy for me either. It gets to be kind of deflating after a while.0
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YES! My doctor wanted me to go on a liquid diet and, although I managed to hold out for a while, my SO would pout and sulk and make nasty comments every chance he got. I got so tired of having a fight every night at dinner time, that I decided to drop out of the program. I feel like I'm trying to hide my fitness goals from him at this point.
I know it sounds terrible and many people would tell me to leave him, but he is wonderful in lots of other ways and I know this is just his insecurity talking. I would never break up our happy family over food or fitness and I would never advise anyone else to do so.
I have continued to log my food and I get up at 5 AM to exercise, and although I'm not seeing much progress at this time, I know that I will if I am consistant. I don't mention anything about food restrictions, diet concerns, weight concerns, how my clothes fit, or anything like that around him so he doesn't have a chance to make a big deal out of it. If junk food is offered, I say "nah, I'm not feeling that tonight...you know what I would kill for? A baked yam!" If he insists, I'll order a healthier choice or eat only a couple of bites.
Bottom line: I don't have to let him control me but its pointless to argue with him about it, so I just changed my behavior, avoid the conflict, and do what the hell I want anyway0 -
I hear you, girl..
I live with my boyfriend as well, and have never heard anything positive come from his mouth about the weight I've lost, or how noticeable it is... but he's not really the type to comment on that type of stuff... I know it can be insanely frustrating when you're busting *kitten* and all you want is a compliment!
BUT.. you have to remember why you're doing this! I know my reason is to change my life.. I wasn't obese or anything, but I needed to change the way I was eating and become a healthier person. Plus, I wanted to fit back into those size 6 jeans!
This should be for you.. and you should be proud of everything that you've accomplished so far! It looks like you've already lost a significant amount of weight, so a huge congrats to you!
If he continues to not be supportive of what you're trying to do, you need to figure out if that's something you're willing to deal with or not. If it's not, find someone that will be!
Stay positive and keep it up! You're doing awesome!0 -
Losing weight and changing your eating habits/lifestyle are hard enough. Adding an unsupportive (and self-centered, insecure) significant other makes it nearly impossible. Luckily you have you MFP friends to help you out as well as your real friends that compliment you.
Congrats on your progress so far and good luck w/ your transformation, and remember that you're doing it for you and your health, not his.0 -
my husband has had moments of this. He too has a good metabolism and has great self-control. I've heard some of these, "I don't know what you can eat", "Can you eat if we go out?" "You're getting so small, I can get my arms all the way around you." "Your hips are bony."
To the last two, this is my response: "Good". His mom is a bigger woman so he's used to women being larger.
So, obviously, he's not doing this with me. I don't care. I'm doing it for ME and me ALONE. I told him straight out, "I take control of this now, or I die. It's that simple. If you want me around, this is what it is. I'm doing this for me, not for you - you may love me, but I don't love me. And it's time for that to happen."
After that, it stopped. No more comments on what I eat. No more comments on how I look - minus the occasional "you look good".
I also don't force him to eat like me. I adapt to eat better around him. If we go out, I eat better or smaller portions. If we make dinner, he gets what he normally eats and I get smaller portions. I save my calories for dinner. This works better for us.
But - if I try a new recipe, he eats it w/out complaint. He's supportive in his own way and the unsupported stuff stopped.
But overall, I never really cared and I laid it out for him - honestly telling my husband how I feel about stuff is better for us.0 -
I have a supportive spouse! Although he's happy with me if I'm 200lbs or 120lbs! Well, maybe not 120lbs, because he told me that I would look like a crack-head with a big *kitten* if I lost that much weight! :laugh:
Nonetheless, he doesn't bother me when I work out, he gives me a "great job" when I tell him how much I lost and a "you'll get it together soon," when I gain it all back! He pushed me to join a gym, bought my elliptical machine and doesn't complain when I fill the fridge with chicken and turkey (two meats that he refuses to eat)!
I think that you should continue doing what's best for you and try ignoring the snotty comments or facial expressions your boyfriend is making. If he sees that you're really serious about losing weight and realize that you're not giving up, maybe he'll begin to see the big picture! No pun intended on the BIG remark!0 -
what I eat and how I exercise is outside the realms of my relationship with my husband. I eat healthy and exercise because i feel better and healthy when I do. His eating fastfood/bad food has no bearing on me being able to choose good foods. My husband loves me and complimants me and vice-versa- but it is not because of our fitness journeys, but because we love each other. your man should act loving towards you, whether or not you are working out and dieting, etc. And you should be able to make healthy choices even if he eats junk.0
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He kind of sounds like he's a jerk. Have you talked to him about this, and told him that he needs to support you?
My significant other is very supportive (though sometimes when I tell him my goal weight, he hugs my tummy and dramatically says "Noooooo"). I couldn't do this without him, and I can't imagine what you're going through. Hang in there.0 -
Question, what else is he unsupportive of you? Doesn't sound like treats you like his queen. Maybe he's insecure and doesn't want you to look as good as he thinks he looks. You know from my perspective, being a guy, if he can't compliment you on your weight loss and rows his eyes when other people give you a compliment, I'd really consider what he offers you in your life.
Maybe you should find someone that looks at you as his queen, treats you better than himself, and really sees you as a beautiful person no matter how you look. And if you lost weight he would be supportive of your efforts and be glad that you think enough about yourself that you want to take better care of yourself. A lot of guys may notice their gf or wife losing weight and won't say anything just because that's the way many guys are. But to row his eyes when someone else compliments you says that he doesn't feel that way about you. So my last question, why would you want to be with someone that doesn't think you're beautiful?
Keep your head up. Keep doing what you're doing. I hope you make your goal weight. I hope true happiness with your significant other (whoever that might be) comes your way as well.0 -
Mine's not overtly unsupportive, but she doesn't seem to be really happy for me either. It gets to be kind of deflating after a while.
I hear ya...and mine seems to be an idiot (at times anyway) so far the only comment I've gotten is that my boobs have gotten smaller. Sigh*:embarassed:0 -
My ex-gf was extremely unsupportive when i started out. I initially tried the diplomatic approach, get her to come to the gym with me, cooked healthy dinners but she never committed to anything. She only complained about her gaining, my losing and there must be someone i'm trying to slim down for since she loves me as is #women. Over time my losses were met with "so are you done with this weight thing now" and eventually i just had to break it off. Couldn't deal with the negativity and feeling held back0
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