Partner hates me using MFP :(

Options
1…810121314

Replies

  • small_ninja
    small_ninja Posts: 365 Member
    Options
    I'm pretty shocked by all the posters telling OP to dump her partner. He's probably worried for her given she's already a healthy weight and has an unhealthy goal weight. Also she has "all or nothing" tendencies which can go over the top (I'm on her friends list). Not everyone on here is overweight with lazy partners hellbent on keeping their SO fat and lazy. For someone who is a healthy weight, adopting the obsessive tendencies that come with watching your diet could be a red flag for disorderly eating to a concerned partner.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Options
    Controlling behavior manifests itself in a lot of different ways early on.... If you feel it is a red flag, I would trust your gut... it only gets more controlling.

    But she hasn't really suggested that he is controlling. We don't know how she is behaving or her history. It's not as if she said he won't let her on the computer unsupervised.
  • cassiepv
    cassiepv Posts: 242 Member
    Options
    I sometimes feel guilty over taking so much time to focus on what I eat etc . It can feel a little obsessive and me , me , me .


    Change is hard for everyone . My Fiancé isn't normally jealous and he was a little intimidated by MFP . He thought I would meet some hunk and jogg off into the sunset :)
  • calamity71
    calamity71 Posts: 207 Member
    Options
    My husband of 20 years also NEVER understands why I must follow a diet or in the past attend WW meetings. Because he can cut out beer for a week and lose 5 pounds, or increase his exercise a bit and lost he THINKS everyone else can too. If someone has never had a weight issue they may not understand. The only time I achieve my weight lose goals is when I am really following through. I have a funny feeling the issue may not be that you are on trying to lose the weight and using this site as much as he or she is wanting more time and attention.
  • kiachu
    kiachu Posts: 409 Member
    Options
    Such terrible advice in this thread. Assumptions based on nothing but the fact that he is a man. Therefore he has to be controlling, a *kitten*, needs to be put out of his home, or jealous of other men.

    Totally due to sexism. He is a man therefore he can't have concerns, thoughts, annoyances, or feelings, and the OP needs a "You go girl" and "Tell him to STFU" "Tell him to mind his own damn business!"

    Imagine if the roles where reversed. And the OP was a man talking about his wife. $50 says the reactions would be a bit different.
  • Marla64
    Marla64 Posts: 23,120 Member
    Options
    Such terrible advice in this thread. Assumptions based on nothing but the fact that he is a man. Therefore he has to be controlling, a *kitten*, needs to be put out of his home, or jealous of other men.

    Totally due to sexism. He is a man therefore he can't have concerns, thoughts, annoyances, or feelings, and the OP needs a "You go girl" and "Tell him to STFU" "Tell him to mind his own damn business!"

    Imagine if the roles where reversed. And the OP was a man talking about his wife. $50 says the reactions would be a bit different.

    applause.gif

    High-Five.jpg
  • mom2dms
    mom2dms Posts: 152 Member
    Options
    It's easy to become obsessed with tracking our food...but there is a difference between keeping track and obsessing over everything you put in your mouth. I would suggest...plan ahead. Put down what you plan to eat, before you sit down to eat, then put your phone/app away. That way your attention will be focused on your partner rather than your phone.
    People who aren't in the same place on your journey don't always understand what we're doing or why we do it. Sometimes it's insecurities in themselves that prompt them to lash out at us because we are working to make the changes they themselves think they need to make, but aren't doing anything about it. The other factor could be the fear of losing you if you lose the weight and become, in their mind, more attractive to other people. Sometimes our partners fear we will leave them once we've lost the weight. I know that my dh was concerned with that when I started losing weight...not that he had anything to be concerned about!
    Talk openly and honestly with your partner and find out what the real issue is and hopefully you can work it out without causing more stress.

    Best wishes
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Options
    Though I agree a lot of the advice is misguided, I think if it were a man talking about his wife, a ton of people would criticize her for being a controlling nag who doesn't want her man to get in shape because she's afraid he'll find someone hotter.
  • twinsies041
    twinsies041 Posts: 52
    Options
    It's such an educational tool. I logged EVERYYYTHING for 6 months. Now i'm to the point where I slack off some but I also am much more aware of what I am putting in my body.
    I think everyone should try logging at some point!
  • jsantoswa
    jsantoswa Posts: 1
    Options
    Personally, if that worked for me I wouldn't need this program which I have to say is working for me. Have you ever done it the way he describrd, but wanted to? Maybe you need this for a while while you work on developing new and better habits.
  • moseler
    moseler Posts: 224 Member
    Options
    No... this is not obsessive. This is the only thing that has EVER worked for me and if my husband got in the way of my success I would seriously wonder why he was trying to sabotage me. Is it that he/she is growing insecure with your weight loss? Maybe he's/she's afraid you will look super hot and out of his league soon... A partner is supposed to be just that... a partner. Someone who supports you through "thick" or "thin". Just sayin'...
  • PoeRaven
    PoeRaven Posts: 433 Member
    Options
    You are doing what YOU need to do to become a healthy human being. Your partner needs to tune in to your needs.

    Keep on keepin on ...any way you feel good about.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
    Options
    I can't believe this thread is still going, but then again people loooove to give unwarranted "relationship advice" and then fight about it like it makes any difference. Personally I feel worse for the OP having 8 pages of "leave him!" "no, you're an idiot she has to stay!" than her having her original problem.
  • tequilasunris3
    tequilasunris3 Posts: 197
    Options
    My boyfriend thinks I'm obsessed too. He's always like "why do you need to know how many grams is in that!? Just eat it!" and just now he wouldn't understand why I wouldn't eat his leftover popcorn. I just ignore him :P
  • jasondcooper
    jasondcooper Posts: 125
    Options
    I'm pretty obsessed about logging my food. It is a healthy obsession to have, in my opinion. Given that I reached my goal weight 13 months ago and have stayed there, I intend to stick with what's working! Nothing anyone says is going to keep me from doing that.

    I could see your partner getting annoyed with this "healthy obsession" if that's all you want to talk about. Aside from that, the act of maintaining the journal should only take minutes a day. It seems like a small investment of time to have the body that you want.
  • blueimp
    blueimp Posts: 230 Member
    Options
    Is it just MFP, or is he upset by Facebooking or other social sites too? The answer could tell you something about him. Just sayin...
  • fishbarn
    fishbarn Posts: 90 Member
    Options
    If it is helping you. Then tell him that, & if he can't understand that. Then that is his problem & not yours.
  • emtjmac
    emtjmac Posts: 1,320 Member
    Options
    My partner and I have just had a huge row over me using MFP - he says it is making me obsessive and doesn't understand why I can't just eat healthily and exercise like 'normal people'. I log everything, down to a mint or cup of coffee, and he thinks it is crazy. I love MFP, it helps me stay on track and I know that without it I would over eat because I wouldn't be so conscious, but now I am thinking maybe I should stop using it and see how I go just estimating calories and exercise - or as he suggests stop thinking about it and just 'exercise and stay away from burgers' - what do you guys think? Anyone ever feel like logging everything is a bit obsessive?

    MFP is absolutely necessary. It's more than just calories; it's sodium, fat, sat. fat, protein... You will not have as much success dieting on your own. Why go back to doing what millions of Americans routinely fail at when you can use MFP?
  • Poadie74
    Poadie74 Posts: 4
    Options
    THAT is exactly what my Boyfriend and I did... everything we ate I drove him crazy with the info on calories etc...but we joke about it really, and he is Really supportive about it. He even asks how many calories something he eats is or how much he burned doing certain activities now. Just ask him to bare with you till you get the hang of it, trust me, the obsessing dies down.
  • lsapphire
    lsapphire Posts: 297 Member
    Options
    keep track but log when he isn't around?

Categories