CHEATING

My opinion,

When cheating happens in a relationship, trust is automatically gone. You will spend the next several years, maybe even longer, trying to build that trust back up. It will never be the same relationship that you guys once had. Those negative thoughts will always be in the back of your head.

Honestly, in hearing your story, it might not be worth the time. You will end up with resentment towards your family, and especially him. You will always have this anger for what happen. I'm not trying to be mean, I am speaking from experience. I have asked myself the same exact questions you are asking yourself now. You must choose wisely, or you will end up wasting time and energy.

This is one of those decisions that will effect your life drastically either way, and I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I really know what your going through, more than I want to share for everyone to read.

Sometimes the best person to talk to is a stranger. An outsider.

If you need a supportive friend you are welcome to add me.

I see my kids when they want to see me.

My wife (13 years married), cheated on me with her boss. I was the last person to know and my best friend sat me down and told me my wife had told her (my best friend) when she was out drinking with her and got drunk. She actually seemed to be bragging about it. Straight after I heard this, I went to my wife and told her we were getting divorce. No one cheats on me and cheating is the only reason I would have broken my marriage vows which I held as sacred.

The break up was hellish as my wife (as she admitted years later), tried every trick she could think of to pile on the pressure on me in order that I would "hopefully kill myself". I assume that was so she could get everything...which she just about got anyway, despite her being the cheat and despite it being my money. I almost did kill myself, but I failed and woke up the next day and from that moment forth, I thought "you're not worth it" about her.

That was the lowest point. Moving into a run down house (where I got bitten by fleas the first night I stayed there), was not nice and I cried myself to sleep. However, since then, I have had some of the happiest memories of my life. Memories I would not have had if I had stayed with my adulteress wife. I do not speak to her. I pay maintenance and she has my house. I see my kids when they want to see me. I've bumped into her now and then through the years and she has not done well. A succession of abusive, mentally unstable, drunks have passed through her life and taken their toll. I on the other hand am happy and the flea bitten house is now repaired (inluding a new roof in two rooms and a new floor where the bathroom floor collapsed under me one morning - it was tough!) and I am living with a lovely woman who I otherwise would never have met.

My kids have done well, despite all (I had to take my eldest daughter away from my wife for a year at one point as she was close to having a nervous breakdown with the turmoil in the place), with my eldest having just got 5 A's at A level. My "wife", I hope i never speak to again. I will never trust a thing she says.

So thats how I coped. It was hard, but now is much, much better than then ever was. I'm actually glad she cheated so I found out that our marriage was such a lie.

Think of what you want for your kid(s). Do you want them thinking THIS is how a husband should act? Would you want their significant others to treat them this way? If the answer is no you gotta get out. You haven't been married long at all, it is only likely to get worse from here on out.

People have to decide if it is in them to forgive or not. If they truly can learn to forgive and move past the infidelity then kudos to them for giving their marriage/relationship another chance.

If you cannot let it go then it isn't healthy to stay in the relationship. If you will always bring it up or throw it in your spouses face when you are angry then move on. Staying together for the kids is not a good enough reason. The kids might not be happy that mommy and daddy split up...but it is better than growing up in a house where the parents don't speak to one another or are always yelling at one another.

I have been married 9yrs and he has never cheated on me, nor I have ever cheated on him. I honestly don't know what I would do in that situation and honestly hope I never have to find out.

First off there is no excuse for cheating. If he feels like he can't save it for his wife, then he has no reason to be married.

Secondly, you are an adult, you have a child of your own. Break away from the umbilical cord that you are still attached to with your mother. It's ok to have a good relationship with your mother, but she can't force you to do anything. You are your own person. This is something I'm trying to teach my 9yr old son right now. When he tells me someone made him do something, no one held a gun to his head, no one made him do things he knows not to be right, he has his own head, he did his own thing. Your mother might have wanted this badly for you and wants it badly to work for you, but your mother is not the one suffering and in the end, as a mother all we want is for our kids to be happy and healthy. Living in this kind of marriage is not happy nor is it healthy. So what if she gets mad, she is not having to deal with this.

My husband is a recovering porn addict. Yes, most men look at porn but porn is not healthy and I don't care what anyone says on that, it isn't. It rots the brain and is very unhealthy in a relationship. My husband and I have had many of fights over this. Our love life is just now becoming a more normal love life. I really rather not go into all that on here, just know that porn can do some real damage to peoples head's. My husband is just now starting to realize the damage and the hold it has had over him.

No one can tell you weather you should stay or go, we are not living in that, you are. Do you think you should leave him? Do you think he will do it again? Do you want to forgive him? Do you love him enough to save your marriage?

We can't answer that for you. Best of luck!