"you'd be pretty if you were skinny"

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  • mhouston2011
    mhouston2011 Posts: 155
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    I know exactly how this made you feel. I can't even count the number of times I've been told that I have such a pretty face for a big girl and how much prettier I would be if I was thin. Even my own aunt several weeks ago over family lunch said , "I knew somewhere under the fat that you were a pretty girl just shouting to get out."....I could feel my cheeks turning bright red and my temper about to unleash. However, I just sat there and took it and decided to move on and keep in going! People have no clue how hurtful their words can be.
  • demonlullaby
    demonlullaby Posts: 499 Member
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    its a terrible thing to hear .. and its not just women that hear it... I have been told "I would totally date you if you didn't look like you" There is one thing you can take away ... You can always lose weight ... but thier personality is stuck forever.

    THIS!
  • amysuespears
    amysuespears Posts: 127
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    Okay..
    so this has happened on two different occasions where I was in a public bathroom doing my make up or whatever and a lady has told me.
    "you would be beautiful if you were skinny"
    ......... i always take this as an insult though i'm not sure if it is.

    today at work a lady came in and told me-
    "if you lost weight you'd look so pretty"

    HAS THIS HAPPENED TO ANYONE ELSE? for some reason it makes me feel so sad and ugly... I guess at the same time it's pushing me more to lose weight. I just don't know how to feel about it.

    There's a reason why it makes you feel so sad and ugly: because it's a "CONDITIONAL" compliment. Not really a compliment.

    Think of what they are saying to you:

    "You'd BE pretty if you were thinner."

    Translation (basically what it means): "You're not attractive now, but you could be if you reached a socially acceptable image."

    It's NOT a compliment, and all people in this thread who are saying it is, are sorely mistaken.

    A compliment usually makes you feel good. This is an insult dressed as compliment.

    The same thing with "you have a pretty face." You may very well have a pretty face, but usually when people say that to overweight people, it translates to "Well, you're overweight, so I can't COMPLETELY compliment you. So, i'll just compliment your face."

    Actual compliments aren't conditional. Therefore, this is not a compliment and anyone who uses it as such is an *kitten*.

    This exactly.

    Also This ^
  • Mamao7
    Mamao7 Posts: 79
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    Yea it really sucks when your own mother says that **** to you.. I ignore ppl who say that and use it as motivation, those ppl don't matter and i honestly don't think they mean any hard.. but it can be quite aggravating
  • ChristyRunStarr
    ChristyRunStarr Posts: 1,600 Member
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    A guy said that to me in a pub once - actually took me aside and gave me a lecture on how I could be so attractive to men if I'd only stop eating cake.

    I don't eat cake :angry:

    It was all I could do not to pour a drink over his head.

    You have way more self restrant that I do :laugh:
  • reenielovesthebeach
    reenielovesthebeach Posts: 98
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    There are some people, actually quite a lot that have no tact and people who make senseless comments like this obviously have none. What? Your face is actually pretty compared to what? I have heard this said before and it's just plain dumb...

    Have you ever seen someone so beautiful and the second they open their mouth, they become ugly? I have seen that a whole lot and the people who have made comments like this before fall into that category...Then I have met some people who aren't attractive on the outside, but their personality and kind ways make them so attractive. Self confidence is a very attractive quality to posess. Hold your head high and be confident! Don't let anyone make you feel inferior. I'm not sure of your age, but one thing I love about being a 43 year old woman is the confidence that I now have and it comes with age, even though I'm not skinny or perfect. Nobody is, unless they're airbrushed on a magazine cover and that's not real...

    Ignore people who make comments like this to you. Beauty comes from within and there are many ways to be pretty or beautiful and I'm sure that you posess many of those ways. :flowerforyou:
  • TheCurvyJ
    TheCurvyJ Posts: 43 Member
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    I don't understand the advice to use an insult as motivation. That is not motivating or inspiring in the least. Call it what it is. A rude comment that should be completely disregarded and not be used to detract or distract from the hard work you have committed yourself to.
  • KittieLea
    KittieLea Posts: 1,156 Member
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    That is so rude. Let this comment be your motivation to work hard and reach your goal. More power to you!!
  • apedeb09
    apedeb09 Posts: 805 Member
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    That's not a compliment, that's an insult. People are just straight up rude.
  • xSCiNTILLATEx79
    xSCiNTILLATEx79 Posts: 245 Member
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    Its rediculous how many times this has happened to me..it used to be how my grandma would great me "oh honey, your so pretty, if only you weren't so fat"

    I dont take it as a complement, I take it as nasty comments from shallow people who are only concerend about looks and think thats the only way I have any value. A family friend at a family function looked at me and said"look at you! You are the fatest and youngest person in the room, you need to take care of yourself...you'd be so pretty" after that is when I started to lose the weight I was humiliated and horrified and lots of people heard her say it.

    BUT I still think people who make comments like thay are shallow and mean spirited. There are far more tacktful less hurtfull ways to say something like that...but those were people closest to me...IF a stranger said that to me, I'd probably burst into tears, but want to puch the (*^&^%^&%$ in the throat. Then tell her she must be a very shallow insensitive person and I feel sorry for her...then punch her in the throat...humans are so dissapointing and cruel.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    Maybe they think you would look even more beautiful than you do now if you dropped some weight or even prettier? Some people suck at being helpful or giving compliments even though they do try....

    I think a reality check is in order here though. While it may not be fair or universally true, slimmer people in general are deemed to be more desirable in Western societies. That may change over time but that's just the way it is right now.
  • lakismile
    lakismile Posts: 1
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    It is a compliment but it coming from a very mean place. I feel sorry for the people who said it; they must be under culture's delusion that skinny is best and can be achieved by all people. Personally, I am too muscular to be skinny and wouldn't want to be.

    Enjoy who you are today and be the best you, you can be. Love the face and body you have today, everyday. Those women are the kind who are never satisfied and are probably looking in the mirror thinking about plastic surgery that they don't need.
  • SMarie10
    SMarie10 Posts: 953 Member
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    next time someone says that to you catch them off guard and ask them.."So basically you're saying I'm ugly???" I agree with you saying that its insulting... regardless of your weight I'm sure you are beautiful inside and out! :flowerforyou:
    This is how I take that remark - and I think it's the appropriate response to the dunderhead who says it.
  • AngelsInThighHighs
    AngelsInThighHighs Posts: 247 Member
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    AND- my own dad once said to me 'Eating well, are you?' F*%$ off!!!!!!!
    Sorry, this thread is making me remember all the times....

    When I was younger I can remember a time where my mom was buying me a shirt and said should we get her a large? And my dad said "are you serious she's a fatass get a men's XL"
    still haunts me. needless to say me and my dad have no relationship.


    Honestly id say "ya well i believe im pretty now, my goal is to be sexy thanks anyways though.." that was my response for a long time. I remember when i was 12 getting ready for homecoming
    and none of the dresses fit me. I cried for days! I had to go in a nice dress suit :/ the worst part in my opinion is my family used to call me fat ALL the time! Now that ive lost weight they act like it NEVER happened! What a fudgeing insult!

    Dont let people get you down, if you wanna lose do it for you, and say so maybe a "ya well your opinion of me doesnt matter cause im not losing weight to be pretty to you."
  • marydlugo
    marydlugo Posts: 10 Member
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    I grew up with "You'd be so pretty if you only lost weight". My whole family did this to me. I grew up thinking I was never good enough. They starting saying this to me when I was 4 years old. At one time I had lost 85 lbs, still not good enough for my family. They micro-disected my body to tell me of my imperfections. I remain with the struggle with my self worth. Don't let this get to you. People rarely look at their own imperfections. Unfortunetly they feel they must demote others to make themselves feel better. So sad. I looked at myself and decided to write down everything that I felt was worthy. When I was done, I looked in the mirror, and discovered a beautiful women. Though I still struggle....I know I am worthy, beautiful, and intelligent. You are too!:happy:
  • happythermia
    happythermia Posts: 374
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    ASSHATS! ALL OF THEM. >:-/
  • ReesesPuffs
    ReesesPuffs Posts: 169
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    Girls always used to say "Oh you'd be so cute if you were skinnier"

    WELL I SURE PROVED THEM WRONG. HA
  • xSCiNTILLATEx79
    xSCiNTILLATEx79 Posts: 245 Member
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    A guy said that to me in a pub once - actually took me aside and gave me a lecture on how I could be so attractive to men if I'd only stop eating cake.

    I don't eat cake :angry:

    It was all I could do not to pour a drink over his head.



    I used to go out to bars with a friend of mine who basically looked like a barbi doll - we had tons of fun, but we met this guy and he absolutely hated me he said it was because I was fat and he couldnt believe she would be seen hanging out with me because he sure didnt want to be associated with me. He was a shallow Dbag
  • stillme4you
    stillme4you Posts: 33
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    No!! Really?? How rude!

    No, the truth is you ARE pretty, extra weight and all! You just need to work on getting to a healthier weight. Really, what are these people thinking?
  • FlamingJune67
    FlamingJune67 Posts: 96 Member
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    I'm no good with snappy comebacks, and I find it very difficult to be mean to someone - even when they are rude. However, one thing that works for me is to ask them to clarify and to absolutely refuse to accept their comment.
    "You'd be so pretty if you lost weight"
    "Huh? what do you mean?"
    "I mean, if you lost weight you'd be prettier!"
    "do you mean I'm ugly now?"
    Ummmm.... no, I just think you'd look better if you lost some weight.
    "HA hA! Well, I'd probably look prettier if I were 10 years younger too!"

    Really, this works almost every time I get a rude comment (usually based on how many kids I have) because it totally ruins the moment to have to explain your jab!

    "6 kids??? - You need to invest in a TV for your bedroom!"
    " huh? what do you mean? I already have a tv.
    "ummmm.... I mean you should find something else to do ..... ummmmm... you know, in the bedroom....."
    (me - totally confused look) - " Well - I sleep in there. Of course, the kids like to get in bed with me sometimes and watch tv. Is that what you mean?"

    At this point I have to hold back the laughter because the "rude" person is completely confused. Usually it just ends with "never mind"

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