Dating and kids

Met my wife who had four children. Married her, and then adopted the kids. Didn't want a family with two last names. The kids accepted me as thier dad. The term "step-father" does not exist in their vocabulary. Their choice. I consider them my children as opposed to "her" children. It was a package deal, all or nothing as far as I was concerned. That was 36 years ago. Now I'm a grandfather of 9.

Totally agreed. I can't adopt Selena as her bio dad is in the picture and won't allow it to be changed, but she's got my wife's maiden name not his. Not that it matters. She's my daughter and a last name or a piece of paper doesn't change that.

I love children and can totally respect someone with full custody of theirs. However, as a 26 year old with no children I probably would not date someone who had children. There could be an exception (I'm with my forever and he has no children), but I want to be able to share that first time having a child with my husband..so I'd have to say no.

Absolutely!

Personally... I am single with no kids and it is very hard to date someone that has full custody of his kids. I have tried... I don't mind kids as long as the person I am dating will make time for me as well. There a lot of scheduling conflicts and things that come up.... I guess it just depends on the person...

Why does everyone assume if you date someone with kids, the other person is looking for the partner to "fill the role" as a second parent?

I am recently divorced, and have spilt custody of my children. I am dating someone who thinks my kids are great, and they love him too, but I am not interested in having him be their "second" Dad right now. Your kids get focus and attention, but when you have time to be a couple and do your date nights or be with that other person, you focus on them and each other... just like any normal relationship.

Dating or seeing someone with kids does not mean you are automatically locked into being an "insta-parent" overnight. That's a high expectation to have of anyone.

I'm a single mother and my son's father terminated his parental rights more than 7 years ago, so we're completely on our own. Since then, I've barely dated and I learned really quickly not to involve my son. In general, I don't anyway, but I temporarily had a long distance relationship with an old friend, so when we traveled to visit him or he came to visit us, obviously my son would have to be there. At first it was all "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to adopt your son" and then one day it was "I don't think we should see one another anymore." He didn't say so at the time, but he later confessed that he couldn't handle my son, who has Down syndrome. He would get frustrated by my son's acting out for attention and then would feel like a jerk for being upset with a child who has a disability. It made him feel like a bad person and he was getting depressed, so he ended it. I felt just horrible about letting my son get attached to him only to have him just walk out one day. That was nearly six years ago, and since then, I haven't introduced any of my dates to my son. I don't want them to bond unless I know that the guy is not going to leave and break my son's heart. I need to really get to know a guy before I can risk having my son get hurt over him. Ultimately if I were to settle down with a guy, he would be like a second parent to my son, but not every guy is going to be that guy; the screening process is pretty rigorous, and unless a guy is going to be that guy, I don't want him to have anything to do with my son.

I absolutely would, there's nothing sexier than a hands-on involved father.

Plus, dates that are kid-friendly like the zoo or aquarium are things I love to do anyway!

Yes, I have in the past and will always be open to that. I have a first date tonight with a single mom.

The problem is, it's very hard depending on the ladies circumstances. I want to build a relationship and that takes time together, getting to know one another. Many single moms do not have the support they need for child care or financial means to hire a baby sitter if the father isn't helping with custody or there is no family locally to help out. While I feel bad for those women, in order for me to make her a priority, I must be one as well. She has to be able to achieve a certain balance.

So, yes, if she has time for me in her life along with her kids. Also, in my age range, I'm sick of all the women that feel they need to drone on about their kids coming first. That is a given, and if you don’t put your kids first, I’d drop you like a bad habit. The other thing some mothers do not realize is that their children will grow up, move away, and have their own lives, and they often get so caught up being mommy, they forget look to their own future and make it a priority to find a way to build a romantic relationship. It may not be easy, but it is possible.

Not at my age (21). I don't think it would be fair to either the children to get them involved with someone like me who isn't ready to settle down yet...I also really want my own children later in my life so I wouldn't want them to be too far apart in ages. I think its great though, everyone deserves a great partner.

yup. more to love and saves me from the scary part. besides, they are part of someone you fell in love with. They get mad love by default.

MAD LOVE BY DEFAULT! LOVE IT!!!

I would date someone with kids and expect him to put his kids and his family matters first as I do.

I have mostly dated men without kids (not intentionally) and the only set back was that they usually want kids. My two are 16 and 13. I am not sure I could go back to diapers. Just sayin...

I have dated a man with a kid and it was awesome. When he had his Daddy weekends, I had my own weekends. If he had drama with the ex, he took care of it. I stayed out of it. He was a good dad and that was nice to see. (I do see a lot of good Dad's out there!!!)

My kids are older though and very easy going. I think any man who dates me and actually gets to meet my kids is one lucky guy!

I'm a single mom (POS baby daddy) - so I can't judge. I feel a man who has full custody is a good man. He obviously wants what's best for his children, and having to deal with a dead beat dad, I would honestly find it very attractive that they aren't one.

This. Exactly. Well, I was a single mom. My husband accepted my daughter with no strongs attached. I dont know what it is like to date someone with kids because I never did but it wasnt because I was apposed, it was bc I never met anyone like that.

Is dating/marrying someone with kids easy- no. Its a whole other element to the relationship but it can be a really great one.

I was a single mom with a 1 year old when I met my now husband. We got married when my son was 2. If it was the other way around and he was the one with a child and taking care of him I would have loved him even more for being such a great dad to his son. Love a guy who makes his kids his whole world.

I dated a guy for a few months who had a three year old. He didn't have full custody, but the "Baby Mama Drama" was enough for me to break it off. His ex was a real b*tch and excruciatingly immature.. Sending me threatening messages on Facebook, etc.

I really had a hard time trying to wrap my mind around the idea that he already had a child with someone else. I want children of my own, and I'd think, "If we got married and I got pregnant, it would be new to me and 'been there, done that' for him.."

Not eliminating this option from my life completely.. I guess if it was meant to be and I loved the guy enough, this stuff wouldn't matter.

Would you date someone who has full custody of their kids? Or kids at all?

This is not eharmony.

You're new here. . aren't you?

Yes, your point? I thought this website was called My Fitness Pal, not My Dating Pal.

Yep. . that's what I thought too. .

The OP is not looking for dates, she's just asking other people's opinions about whether or not they would date a person with children because she is considering dating someone who has full custody of his child. So far as I've seen, no one on this thread is trying to hook up with anyone else.

Dating while having my kids is my only option as things progress. Thus, I would have no issues with my date having kids, too.

Here's what gets me though - after dating, and especially have marriage -

When I get married again, my wife will be the central person in my life - yes, above my children. My wife - as chosen to be my wife - will be my number one.

Why do you feel the need to automatically put your children lower than your wife? I wouldn't want to date someone that even thought that way.

Dating while having my kids is my only option as things progress. Thus, I would have no issues with my date having kids, too.

Here's what gets me though - after dating, and especially have marriage -

When I get married again, my wife will be the central person in my life - yes, above my children. My wife - as chosen to be my wife - will be my number one.

Why do you feel the need to automatically put your children lower than your wife? I wouldn't want to date someone that even thought that way.

Since I do not want to turn this into a religious debate... I won't even touch this question. That alone should probably answer it though, if the man who wrote it, wrote it for the reasons I'm believing he did. Did you get that? lol
I think its very awesome to see a man that came forth like this though. Just because he will put his wife first, doesn't mean he will love his children any less. It's all opinion though.