Single at 33..why?

30, single. I've often wondered the same thing myself.

Don't consider it a defect. Consider it FREEEDDOMM

What do you call a bass player without a girlfriend?

Homeless...


(Seems like a gratuitous joke, but there is a lesson in there too.)

I told this to my bass player husband. He LOL'd all over the place. This is a great one. However, my bass player is our breadwinner. But his playing time went away after our first baby except on rare occasions. I do love to watch him play though......

I have a theory that most of us have no clue where we are heading until we are pushing 40, therefore most every decision we make that works out well before than is pure luck, the younger you are when you get married, the more pure luck is involved in holding the relationship together as you get older.

I agree that most of us probably don't know where we are headed, but I don't believe that every decision that works out well is luck. For my husband and I, it took a boatload of work. Compromise. Understanding ourselves and working on ourselves. We are very different people, with a great deal of respect for who the other is and what they bring to the home. We butted heads with each other for a good long time, when we each had to have things our way. Eventually we figured out that sometimes, his way was better and sometimes mine was. We play on each other's strengths and we bolster either other's weaknesses if it's wanted. Especially this year, we've been through some hell and still love/want each other madly. Situations don't dictate relationships. People do.

30, single, never married, no kids, no desire to have kids. All my ex-boyfriends either petered out into friendships or post break-up found they preferred boyfriends instead of girlfriends. I think it gave me a complex.

I met my man whrn he was 42- never married or engaged with no kids- which was great for me as I'm not for marriage or kids and would never a date a man with kids (and preferably not an ex-wife either).

I think it depends what's normal in your community. When I was 33 no-one I knew was married so it didn't occur to me to feel left on the shelf! Now we're in our late 30s people are starting to settle down.

To be honest, I'd happily stay single for ever if it wasn't that I want kids.

I think people are failing to recognize that while age might only be a number for men, it isn't just a number for women. If you meet your husband at 36 or 42, not having children is a real possibility. People don't usually plan on infertility, so the earlier you can try, the better. I didn't get married until 34 and it happened very suddenly. My engagement period was only 3 weeks. I know that doesn't help most of you and you've heard the same story a thousand times, but remember that each day can bring something different.

I think people are failing to recognize that while age might only be a number for men, it isn't just a number for women. If you meet your husband at 36 or 42, not having children is a real possibility. People don't usually plan on infertility, so the earlier you can try, the better. I didn't get married until 34 and it happened very suddenly. My engagement period was only 3 weeks. I know that doesn't help most of you and you've heard the same story a thousand times, but remember that each day can bring something different.

You don’t need to be married to have a child. If having a child is all that matters to you, go to a sperm bank. Adopt. Don’t marry some guy you don’t want to be with just so you can have kids.

Sorry, but even if I wanted kids, which I don’t, I’m pretty sure I’d rather be childless than have a child with a man I didn’t want to be with.

So glad you've got to a happy place about it! And next time you're down - remember that lots of people are in bad marriages, and that would be far worse than being single. The grass is not always as green as it appears.

xx

Almost every I know that is in a relationship or married.. is pretty unhappy. They get treated like crap or have absolutely no trust in their relationship. I am single, 26 years old.. and I have a 9, almost 10 year old daughter. I often as myself that same question.. but then I know why - I AM WAY TOO PICKY!! I can't lower my standards just so I can be like everyone I know and be miserable. They love their spouse or significant other, however they are LOCKED DOWN. I enjoy very much not having to answer to anyone or worry about someone else other than my daughter and myself. Also, I don't like to bring strange men around my daughter. That is my problem. I can't get close to someone because I don't want them being around my child until I know they are THE ONE! .. and they never really are.. If I were you, and I am in the same boat so just the same.. I wouldn't worry about it. Let GOD take control, it is his plan anyways.. Don't settle for less than you deserve. Don't let someone stand in the way of HIS plan for you.

Hang in there. I didn't meet the love of my life until I was 44 and he was so worth the wait. I, too, dated musicians and crappy guys until one day I decided I needed to figure out why i kept going after the unavailable men. Just about the time I figured it out, I met my husband.

Musicians and crappy guys... Aren't they one and the same?

We should get a bunch of single ladies together on a tropical island somewhere so we can all embrace being single, happy and on a beach!


Anyone??

Bump. I find this topic fascinating. OP: You are correct, you do have all those qualities and more.
Thank you for asking these questions, it got many of us wondering about our future. :flowerforyou:

Let's Do Some Math...
(the good news is the gap is closing.. The first time I ran these numbers it was more dramatic.)

Starting with the premises...
1) 49% is male and 51% of the population is female
2) 9% of the male population is gay and 5% of the female population is gay. (1993 janus survey)

Straight Male Population: 49% minus 9% = 44.59% of total population
Straight Female Population: 51% minus 5% = 48.45% of total population

Ratio of Straight Men to Straight Women 9:10

Yes, that is 9 straight men for every 10 straight women.
And that is if just anyone would do.
You might want to weed out axe murderers, drug addicts, and wife beaters


Hmm?

Maybe it was foolish to spend 26 years in NYC?



Definitely want to stay away from ...


Hmm? Aim for the dark blue patches.

I grew up in an area where people marry young, sometimes even before graduating high school. Then I went to a college where one of the most popular majors is Marriage, Family, and Human Development and a huge emphasis is put on finding a mate before graduation. I bought into it big time and ended up engaged at 19 to a male person (man is not the right word) who abused me in every way imaginable because he was the only one who was interested in me. Luckily I came to my senses and got out, but I spent the rest of my college career looking for a husband instead of a degree and had no luck with either. I stayed single more or less for the next decade, went to nursing school and got a decent job, then ended up dating another guy who was all wrong for me because no one else was interested. When I finally got out of that relationship, I poked around a few dating sites hoping to make friends and go from there, and I met my fiance within a couple months. Everything happens in its own time, and it sounds trite but patience is the only way to avoid crappy relationships in the meantime.

P.S. I'm 32.