"You would be STUNNING if you just lost some weight"

Has anyone ever gotten this "compliment" before? Why am I not stunning now? Idk, it just hurts...like the only way I'll ever be desirable is if I'm skinny.

I really hate backhanded compliments. I have received those before. "You would look really great if you lost 20 pounds" or when it comes to guys, they might say things in your face such as "the other one was way hotter or something". As mentioned before here, it usually comes from men who need both a face and body transplant. I never had an actual good-looking guy give me a back-handed compliment that I can recall or that I was affected by, I don't remember. But it does mess me up how people with body mass are treated like folk devils and when their weight normalizes others react as if we'd shed some kind of moral fault or something. Every once in a while when I show myself in that normal, standard, "pretty" look even my snarky aunts comment suddenly like "you're beautiful!" and whatnot. Ugh. As if I wasn't able to project beauty before.

Why can't you see me as someone interesting now?
Why do you notice me only after I lost the weight?

I became infatuated with this guy and his girlfriend was/is STICK THIN. Her head is bigger than her body. She always dressed fashionably and spent more time taking care of her accessories/hair/look more than I did. She was like a little fashion plate. A couple of years later I'd lost some weight, this was after an alternate relationship I had to seek because he was unavailable for me. After that breakup I had more time to do cardio, hit the gym and take bellydance lessons. Suddenly, I had morphed in his eyes into this improved and "sophisticated" version of my previous self. See? Implications that overweight people are careless and primitive, which aren't really true. She cheated on him continuously and he developed something of a crush on yours truly. But I could not bring myself to do anything with him because he only kept seeking me out to his convenience, even in secret. He would tell me things personally when nobody was watching. Tried to lure me into sex with him at the very inopportune moment when my mother had passed away, whereas before he was absent from my life, never available. And he was not available after that incident to make contact with me in a better moment for intimacy. Before the incident of my mom's death, he wanted to be seen publicly flirting with me at a party only after his girlfriend introduced him to her new partner, to be seen as somebody who gets around. He told his friends I was hot. But I could not bring myself to let him take advantage of me.

Likewise with other friends, instead of saying "you are attractive", they say something like "I can't recognize you". I'm fed up with these ridiculous notions that fat is like a moral taint.

I'd like to be liked for the essence of who I am, not for the ****ing cultural figure I am trying to imitate so witty and skillfully or the brand of fashion I wear or where I work or who my friends are or any of that bull****.

I've thought it a lot but never said it. Honestly though I have seen a lot of women who had such absolutely gorgeous faces, smiles, and personalities that the fact that they were 20, 30, or even 40 lbs overweight did absolutely nothing to make them seem less attractive. In fact, to be perfectly honest, there is a girl on my friends list who is exactly what I described. She could stand to lose a fair bit of weight but with the way her face looks I'm fairly certain her weight would be a total non-issue.

I had lost about 40 pounds, was going through a divorce, met someone that said that exact same thing, told me I was like a 10 but I could be like a 12 if I'd loose weight. Imagine my dispare when I'd just worked my butt off to lose 40 pounds. Anyway, that was the first and last date with him, he left that message on my phone when I was in a class. Since then, I've gained back every pound so am just starting again, down 11 in the first three weeks but have about 50 more to go. Why do people say such hurtful things? Good luck on your journey!

I've never gotten that one but heard a lot of "What the F....K happened to you?!?!" or "Do I know you?"

you are a awesome husband! my husband tells me this every time I turn around no matter if it is because I am discourage from not loosing or someones smug a** comment!!

There is so much difference between a fat male and a fat female. Guys can be 50 over and still its not as big a deal as a girl that is 50 over. I dont think this is very fare but sometime people are just ****s!

My wife is the most beautiful woman I know. She is over weight. Now if she was skinny would she be better looking? In society's eyes yes in my eye no! My wife is beautiful and attractive no matter what happens. I didn't marry her just for the way she looks! I love her because of the person she is! The mother of my children, the woman of my dreams! In this world shallowness is like a cancer that infects our young people and makes us think if we dont all look like supermodels then there is something wrong with us!

Well I say F___ that! If people dont love you because of who you are as a person they are not worth your time!

Its the truth if we could only see the beauty of a person on the inside!!!! There would be a lot of ugly people!

Erm hang on... To the person saying appearance is the attraction and weight isn't attractive etc...
It might be the INITIAL attraction but it certainly ends there if the person is a complete ar$e. There is Celebrity Big Brother showing at the moment in the UK and there is a model in there called Jasmine Lennard. She is a nice looking woman, she says herself she needs to put on weight, but man she has a horrible personality. She picks fights, tells lies about the other housemates and is an out and out vile individual (In my opinion obviously not gospel). To me she looks ugly. Her face looks too big for her body, she has straggly hair and sallow skin. I didn't notice those things before she started being a total b1tch. Go figure.
I used to date a man who was a Gym manager. He had a handsome face and a really buff body. He was also as interesting as watching paint dry. After a few weeks I found him thoroughly unattractive.
So you can speak for yourself thank you, attraction is the whole package NOT just a physical appearance of a person.

This is what 'm talking about! Attraction is only skin deep for a shallow POS!

Ive been told that I have a beautiful pregnancy glow not once but TWICE by different people- I am not pregnant by the way and never have been. It was a little sad, but I guess thats what motivates me!!

well.....although i would never EVER tell that to someone - i often think it of myself.

ive gotten " you are so pretty you should be a plus size model"

but yes given the choice i would much rather have a pretty face rather than a pretty body. people look more at your face anyways.plus weight can be lost..faces are kind of stuck there. haha

but im working on having a pretty face AND body. that would be A-MAZE-ZA-ZING-!

OMG, I get "You are SO funny!" That's it. that's the only compliment I ever got. Sometimes I get the "You could be cute if..." if what? I swapped bodies with someone? I was abducted by aliens and they probbed my fat away? Ugh.

yup. frequently, especially from my mom. it is kinda true.

:ohwell:

i get all of the backhanded compliments. and you know what? THEY ARE ALL CORRECT. yes, i have a pretty face and a great personality, plus size madel blah blah and would be a complete man eater if i only lost some weight. the truth hurts sometimes, but why is everyone getting fussy over compliments? id be more angry if someone said i was an ugly fat slob and always will be. people are too sensitive.

Sure, people are rude in a lot of ways: my partner's mother told me this weekend that I "have such beautiful hair (natural red), that it would be stunning if I cut and dyed it". WUT?????? That didn't even add up to making sense, and she wasn't drunk--

Ha, I haven't heard STUNNING, but the first time I was told I was "very pretty but too fat" I was in elemtary school. 5th grade, to be precise. I was crushed then, but I'm made of shamrocks now. :P

I've since heard variations of this "compliment" a couple of times, and while I'm not ecstatic about it, it doesn't upset me greatly either. I take compliments depending on the source more than on the words themselves. Usually I hear this from old ladies who are sure that they are being helpful and are not at all malicious. *shrugs*

My mom always told me how pretty I'd be if I were skinnier.
My grandmother always compared me to my cousin (who has a similar face to mine but weighs probably 50 lbs less), saying, "Why don't you look like her? She's actually pretty."

It's one thing to hear it from strangers, but not from your own family.