Broken Hearted :-(
deniseearheart
Posts: 919 Member
in Chit-Chat
How long do these things last?? I've been crying for a few weeks now leading up to this and the relationship ended last night. I just don't know how to get over this! My guy of 4 years and I ended it and he threw me out and has absolutely no emotion over it. I have no job , no money, no phone, no car. We just got back into town two weeks ago. luckily an old friend said I could stay a few days but that is it... I also have my 14 year old son with me.. I am so f'd I don't know what to do... I am emotional, worried, scared, hurt, I can't eat and I feel like someone died.......... Anyone.....
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Replies
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I know how you feel. My ex and I ended around 5 months ago and it is still hard sometimes. Time is really the only thing that can heal unfortunately. But know that you are better off being by yourself, than being with someone who doesn't want to be with you!
::hugs::0 -
OK dear.
You've posted numerous threads about this man and this situation. It sounds like you are much better off without.
Turn on some Fiona Apple, eat a great big steak and some ice cream.
THEN GO HAVE AN ANGRY WORKOUT!
You are much much much much better off.0 -
Not to be harsh, but if you have a child, no money, no job, no car, and no place to live I think you have bigger things to worry about than your "broken heart." I'd start with finding a longer term place to live and a job.0
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Maybe this is harsh but ... I know when I break up with someone i show no emotion, and that is because I am usually done. I do not know your situation or why it happened but you need to pull up your big girl panties and handle stuff.
It is ok to be hurt, and sad and angry and greive but for your sake and your childs sake you need to push it aside and get things figured out. Take any job - even retail, fast food ANYTHING that will give you money right now - you do not have to stay there forever use it as an interm kind of thing (its coming up to christmas everyone in retail hires more during the holidays).
It won't be easy, it was 4 years of your life but you NEED to do it.0 -
I am really sorry this has happened to you and your son. You both deserve better than this. I am glad to hear/read that you
have a friend to be with you, even for a few days. Maybe meet with someone (Social worker, counselor, etc.,) to help you decide
what is your best move.
Hugs, :flowerforyou:0 -
wow..what an ahole.. u have no family or anything? would offer but share a place already and wld be kinda creepy since we have never met..lol.. i would suggest going to the help office and ask them and they can point u somewhere..maybe to a shelter or something tell u get on your feet... hope something works out for u.0
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I'm not sure where you live but their are some government agencies that you can go to that help in emergency situations and get you into some temporary housing. I would recommend you do that first so that you can begin to process the loss of your relationship. You have too many stressors right now to cope with all of them at once.0
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i agree!,...turn on some angry Beyonce /Cher you did me wrong,now I'm out the door music,brush yur shoulders off,u hav a child to think of,..get in ONE LAST CRY,ANGRY WRKOUT(PUNCHING/BOXING),AND THEN START PLANNING U & YUR SONS FUTURE.,..& NEVER SHED ANOTHER TEAR 4 T HAT FOOL AGAIN!,..YOU HAVE THE STRENGHTH IN YOU,LIKE SOOOO MANY WOMEN B4 U,YA JUST GOTTA DIG DEEP!~best wishes0
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Not to be harsh, but if you have a child, no money, no job, no car, and no place to live I think you have bigger things to worry about than your "broken heart." I'd start with finding a longer term place to live and a job.
uh ya I am asking advice cause i have no where to start... hours and hours and hours of job searching since we have been back in town and I onloy got one interview and that is not even guaranteed... :-/0 -
wow..what an ahole.. u have no family or anything? would offer but share a place already and wld be kinda creepy since we have never met..lol.. i would suggest going to the help office and ask them and they can point u somewhere..maybe to a shelter or something tell u get on your feet... hope something works out for u.
no family no nothing0 -
Be better prepared next time. As an adult, how do you not have money, car or phone? Were you just leeching off of him?0
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Believe me, after a four year relationship it's going to hit him harder than it hit you, emotionally. It'll just take longer. He's going to have a complete meltdown, probably in private and he *might* tell his best friend or it might cause him to show it in anger but men, in general, have more emotional damage after a breakup with some one they truly love than women do. Women just show it a lot more. Men internalize. Of course I'm speaking in general terms here so don't you all come at me with the NUH-UH NO IT DON'T. I know what I've lived and what I've read.0
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Not to be harsh, but if you have a child, no money, no job, no car, and no place to live I think you have bigger things to worry about than your "broken heart." I'd start with finding a longer term place to live and a job.
uh ya I am asking advice cause i have no where to start... hours and hours and hours of job searching since we have been back in town and I onloy got one interview and that is not even guaranteed... :-/
Your post centered on your emotional state (e.g. "How long do these things last?? I've been crying for a few weeks now"), and only briefly referenced practical issues. If you're looking for practical help, it might be useful to clearly state that.
A few things:
-If you've worked recently, you might qualify for unemployment.
-Depending on your situation, you might qualify for TANF, food stamps, etc., so contacting the appropriate agencies would be a good idea.
-There may also be local organizations that could provide help, since you clearly have internet access, I'd recommend starting with Google.0 -
i agree!,...turn on some angry Beyonce /Cher you did me wrong,now I'm out the door music,brush yur shoulders off,u hav a child to think of,..get in ONE LAST CRY,ANGRY WRKOUT(PUNCHING/BOXING),AND THEN START PLANNING U & YUR SONS FUTURE.,..& NEVER SHED ANOTHER TEAR 4 T HAT FOOL AGAIN!,..YOU HAVE THE STRENGHTH IN YOU,LIKE SOOOO MANY WOMEN B4 U,YA JUST GOTTA DIG DEEP!~best wishes
This and Rhiannas whole "Take a Bow" album. There are many more out there that would appreciate you., while he apparently didn't.0 -
OK dear.
You've posted numerous threads about this man and this situation. It sounds like you are much better off without.
Turn on some Fiona Apple, eat a great big steak and some ice cream.
THEN GO HAVE AN ANGRY WORKOUT!
You are much much much much better off.
Best advice ever!!0 -
Not to be harsh, but if you have a child, no money, no job, no car, and no place to live I think you have bigger things to worry about than your "broken heart." I'd start with finding a longer term place to live and a job.
^^^^^^^THIS0 -
I'm pretty sure the rest of us saw this coming a mile away. Why didn't you? Over the past few weeks you have posted numerous threads about how your relationship was failing. I'm a single mother and there is no way I would ever allow myself to be in a position where I had no home, car, job, etc...
1. Put your child first
2. Find a place to live. Not with a friend or BF. Your own place.
3. Get a job. Any job is better than none.0 -
Be better prepared next time. As an adult, how do you not have money, car or phone?
My thoughts exactly. I always have an exit plan.0 -
It's all a slow process. When my exhusdband and I split. I had no money, no car, and no job. So our 2month old daughter and I lived in the housing authority. I got a job at the restuarant right across the street from where I lived, the job was under the counter so I didn't even get minimum wage. I finished my college online at the town library. What I am saying here is do what you have to do inorder to make it. Take any job you can get, don't ever fill it is below you. Get assisstants and work your way out. It is a hard depressing time, but don't look for anyone to save you. Get up and make it on your own. That happened to me 6yrs ago, and I have made it a long way. And if I can do it you can to.0
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You poor thing. I just broke up with my guy too. We were living together and he asked for a bunch of money back on bills so now I have to rely on my mother to play catch up on my bills this month...such a pain! I can totally relate. I don't have a child to consider but I would just say take things a day at a time. I know it sounds like the biggest cliche ever but seriously it works. Only tackle the things you can handle at this very moment and then the other things will start to fall into place. Your friend is a very good friend indeed to invite you and your son to stay. I know it must be tough to accept that type of help as an adult and a mom but remember that people who care for you only want the best and want you to lean on them if needed. I hope things get better for you! :-)0
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Go to a social services office, they will make sure you get set up on some assistance to keep you fed to start with. After that you have to look at the states laws for community property, in 4 years depending on what your relationship was like you most likely contributed to the household wealth and are entitled to a portion of it. Marriage isn't the only legally binding relationship courts will enforce. Hell if he has been claiming supporting your child on his tax return and taking the exemption he probably has established some sort of precedence for supporting your child.0
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Yes, you are going to have to prioritize honey. It may be a hard thing to do but some cities have women/children shelters. I know, it is an awful thing to have to do but it could help you get back on your feet. If you have family or friends that are willing to let you guys stay with them, that can be better than a shelter, or it can be worse. All hard decisions but you have to take care of that little guy.
denise
PS If you friend me, I might be able to do some research for you on your area. I would be glad to help because I have been down and out before in my life.Not to be harsh, but if you have a child, no money, no job, no car, and no place to live I think you have bigger things to worry about than your "broken heart." I'd start with finding a longer term place to live and a job.0 -
Telemarketing jobs will hire /anybody/. Literally. Do that short term until you find a better job. If you're needing a place to live, I am sure there are many women's shelters around where you live that will assist you until you save up enough money. Google them and move past this.
Best of luck!0 -
Be better prepared next time. As an adult, how do you not have money, car or phone? Were you just leeching off of him?
um no I moved out of state with him a few years ago. I had a job and car up to that point. He was making really great money where we went and so he wanted me to stay home and I did the wife and mom thing as one of his kids lived with us to... No leeching at all.0 -
Not to be harsh, but if you have a child, no money, no job, no car, and no place to live I think you have bigger things to worry about than your "broken heart." I'd start with finding a longer term place to live and a job.
uh ya I am asking advice cause i have no where to start... hours and hours and hours of job searching since we have been back in town and I onloy got one interview and that is not even guaranteed... :-/
Well I agreed with the above but I understand it's not so easy. You may have to take a job that you don't necessarily want but you have to because you aren't alone in your situation. You may have to live somewhere that isn't ideal either. Sometimes the tasks of daily life really help distract from a broken heart. Just remember that you can't afford to sit and wallow. You have to get your sh!it together because you have no other choice.
I speak from experience here. I was in about the same situation a year ago. Just put the big girl panties on and do what has to be done. You can grieve later. I really didn't have time to be depressed about the break up until a couple of months ago and it was a very, very dark place but I am surviving. Why? Because I am a mother first and foremost, and my kid needs ME, not a crying, sad sack of a woman. Also, you should resolve to be alone for quite some time. It sounds like you may be a tad codependent and it would do you a lot of good to learn to exist all on your own.0 -
This is the moment you tune in to the strong creature you are and you understand that you need noone!!! You will pick yourself up and fight for your child and yourself - use the few days that your friend is offering for you to stay at their house very wisely - stay away from MFP, instead research what types of help you might be eligible to receive to get on your feet.... apply for all the jobs you find - regardless of minimum wage or not (something is better than nothing)... while working that job then you can seek for something more substantial
The secret here is to go in to complete MOTHER gear here...
As a woman you can do anything a man can do - you can be your own provider- therefore you don't need one, unless you are trying to have a child of course where their donation is extremely necessary, ha
The road will get bumpy but you got this 0 -
I'm pretty sure the rest of us saw this coming a mile away. Why didn't you? Over the past few weeks you have posted numerous threads about how your relationship was failing. I'm a single mother and there is no way I would ever allow myself to be in a position where I had no home, car, job, etc...
1. Put your child first
2. Find a place to live. Not with a friend or BF. Your own place.
3. Get a job. Any job is better than none.
I have to agree with this. You saw it coming. You are automatically taking a victim stance (Waaah, I got nothing!), which is acting like a 15 year old when you are an adult in your 30's. The sympathy you're here to get won't help you. Take stock of what you DO have going for you (your health? a friend who cares enough to take you in??), talk that up, along with your plan for tomorrow. Teach your son that an adult can turn it around instead of laying down and crying. Cry in your car on your way to work.0 -
Go to a social services office, they will make sure you get set up on some assistance to keep you fed to start with. After that you have to look at the states laws for community property, in 4 years depending on what your relationship was like you most likely contributed to the household wealth and are entitled to a portion of it. Marriage isn't the only legally binding relationship courts will enforce. Hell if he has been claiming supporting your child on his tax return and taking the exemption he probably has established some sort of precedence for supporting your child.
Yes she could do this but then that would probably reqire her to get a divorce (which cost money) and possibly share custody of her child (if he wanted to be a jerk because she is making him support a child that isn't his).0 -
I don't necessarily agree with any of these responses. It sounds like you are struggling right now and really need some support, at least while you get your feet back on the ground. Figure out who in your life you can get some safe support from and practice some self care daily (even if only in small ways). Have you considered looking for a shelter to stay in? I know there are shelters for women and children while you try and look for work. Maybe try calling a local crisis line to see if you can figure some stuff out. Good luck.0
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From what I can see from a quick search you should start here :
Pioneer Human Services
9707 Turk Dr
Tulalip, WA
360) 651-8287
It looks like your closest Human Services organization. If not, find your closest one. They can help you with your job search, counseling, and if it comes down to it assistance for shelter and food. Count your lucky stars that you are rid of him, there is someone out there that will love you and care for you.0
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