Unsupportive significant other
Replies
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My husband isn't verbally mean... but, he doesn't every lay a finger on me. If I get IT once a month I am very lucky.0
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It always depresses me to read when other's SO's are jerks. If it were me, I'd be out of there. It's one thing to be kind of meh about not supporting you (like keeping bad food in the house for example, or not putting a lot of emphasis on your weight loss - which is GREAT by the way), but it's a total other issue if he's insulting you and being a general *kitten* hat (which, let's face it, he is).0
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My husband is about 30lbs heavier than when we met. He is still eating bad foods, drinking soda, etc. I have tried getting him involved with me, but he just refuses, and lately he has been wanting to go out or order pizza, etc and it just pisses me off because I have no choice, we are low on groceries and I have NO fruits or veggies left in the house so if I want to eat, I gotta eat where he wants to. He isn't exactly unsupportive, but he just acts like it doesn't matter what I eat as long as I stay in my calories or he gets annoyed when I need to log my food and track. he tells me to stop worrying about it. The other night he went out with friends and spent about $18 at Wendy's, I was pissed!! I could have gotten 2 weeks worth of produce at the farmer's market for that much! But really there's nothing I can do at this point, just keep working out and eating as best as I possibly can.
ETA: he does compliment me and tell me I am doing a good job and stuff, but just the food part of it he doesn't get why it's important.0 -
My husband is unsupportive too... has not said a word about my weight loss, appearance etc. But why would he? he has never given me a compliment in 33 years together. I am doing this for myself and if he doesn't have anything nice to say, screw him. Last week, I actually asked him to go walk with me. After 2.5 miles, I was sweating profusely and tired, and he said, Wow, that was easy. like it wasn't any effort for him. Today is our 23 year wedding anniversary, and I am not acknoledging it.0
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My hubby tried to do it with me for a while, It didn't last, and he had a heart attack in June from plaque buildup in his arteries and had 2 stents put in... Still want's to eat the junk, and I remind him every day that it's going to kill him to keep eating this way. Plus he is a diabetic, high blood pressure cholesterol... I get mad when he wants me to go get him food I am trying to stay away from and then ask me if I want some...I explained how I felt and he is getting a bit better about things, don't eat in front of me if he can go in another room. Which helps a little. I am a sugar, little debbie, cookie cake chip ice cream recovering addict. I don't want to be around it period... But what can ya do? Only control yourself and try to explain how you feel...
He does make remarks and give me complements at times, and he did say that he is proud of me, So that makes me feel good0 -
My husband was unsupportive for the longest time, and was afraid that I would leave him. But, I told him 'I'm doing this for me, to make sure I don't die young" (a lot of people in my family don't make it to age 60). He still eats out, but I won't (I refuse to eat fast food, so while he eats that, I find a veggie at home to eat) and I usually make dinner, and no complaints, which is nice. The last time he tried to sabotage me was when he ran out for McDonald's and brought home a medium chocolate chip frappe, and I said "thank you for the offer, but you can have it, you know I don't drink those anymore." He got a little offended, but was glad that he had something to drink.
He compliments me a lot nowadays including "You can tell you are losing weight, and looking good!" Never once have i ever had a guy tell me that I looked good, and I'm glad he thinks I look good, helps me accept that once i do get to goal weight then i can love me no matter what. He is proud of me, and though he hates my running, he has come out to one of my 5ks, and plans on going to one that I am running this month (I have tried getting him to do one, even to walk one, but he won't do it). I'm hoping that once he sees me being really successful, that he will follow but as of right now, I don't push it, he has to make the choice, and he knows that I will love him, no matter what
Some men will always be jerks, but I love my hubby, and well, I'm just glad that he lets me do the cooking, even if it cooking separate things sometimes. When I tried one of the recipes from skinnytaste, he thought it would be gross (it was the baked chicken parm), but then he loved it, and was glad that it tasted delicious :happy: if he was a total d-bag like others that i had dated, then I wouldn't be with him, because I learned to not take it. :noway:0 -
You made your body healthy, I think it is time to make your mind healthier too. Being with someone who rolls his eyes when someone else compliments your success? Sounds to me like the only thing he is doing is holding you back.0
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my husband was extremely unhelpful all the times I've tried to lose weight. All I'd have to do is mention a craving I was having and he'd go get it (part of me was glad, lol). He would buy bags of Doritos and ice cream, etc. while grocery shopping that I would always later lose my resolve and plunder. He loves eating out and he would choose barbecue joints and fast food - sometimes I would just order a water cuz I couldn't find anything under a million calories. Now he has joined a gym and had a few sessions with a personal trainer and suddenly he's making healthy choices (read; is finally doing what I've told him he should do for YEARS). The other day I threw some frozen waffles in the shopping cart and he looked at me like "hey" . He said "you know I'm trying to stay away from that kind of stuff" - so I told him "so stay away from it, then"0
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I don't understand why so many of you post about this topic, and then STAY with these douches. If he's a **** to you and completely unsupportive, why on earth are you continuing to date him?! LEAVE! It is never, ever, ever going to get better.
And like I always say "I'd rather be single than with the wrong person."0 -
You should ask yourself what you want from a partner and sit down and define all the things you want from your partner.
For me, a partner should be my cheerleader and supportive of the things that are important to me, even if they aren’t directly involved, they should at least be supportive. If he’s rolling his eyes when someone pays you a compliment, he’s got some issues. If he doesn’t think you look good, what does he see in your and why is he with you? I couldn’t be with someone I wasn’t attracted to, but that’s just me. That’s part of being with someone romantically.
Perhaps he just wanted a roommate to split the bills with and have regular sex with…hate to say it, but it happens.
Define what you want from a partner and accept nothing less!0 -
My ex-husband was very unsupportive. Usually when a man is unsupportive or goes out of his way to savatoge your efforts it's bc he is insecure about himself, or is afraid once you "look sexy" you will leave. My ex-husband was always cooking up big & unhealthy meals, making me feel guilty everytime I worked out, and the healthy lifestyle as a whole was just exhuasting bc I was constantly battling him.
My boyfriend now is Mr. High Metabolism too. We were friends before we became a couple & he knew how much I enjoyed exercising & eating healthy. So even though he'll eat a donut at the gas station, he'll pick me up a fat free milk & banana. And if I want some training on some stregnth training, he's more then happy to help me out. He's an amazing supporter of my lifestyle and goes out of his way to become PART OF IT. He just wants me happy.
If your significant other isn't supportive, usually there's more problems to the relationship then him just being "un-supportive". At least, this was the case for me anyways. And if there isn't problems, this may cause a rift & rise in problems alone. Maybe a simple stright up talk about the situation can help him see the hurt he is causing? Good luck0 -
My Boyfriend is pretty unsuportive, bar the fact he haa made it clear i need to lose weight.
He isn't good compliments or white lies. If i ask why he doesn't say nice things he says its because atm i don't look good so he isn't going to lie. A bit hurtful but not deliberatly mean.
I think the problem is that he doesn't understand being fat nor having a emotional relationship with food.
He eats when he's hungry, and will put away at least 2000 calories at dinner plus lunch, snacks and about 10 mugs of sugary tea.0 -
Been married 22 years and my husband is nothing but supportive of what I do. I can tell you that being supportive and being encouraging are two totally different things. He will support my decisions whatever they are and I am thankful for that. But he doesnt encourage me, which is what I need right now. You know, to have someone behind you pushing you to do better..
If your bf/husband/friend isnt supporting you in your lifestyle goals now, how will he/she support you when you are married and have marriage/family topics to handle. I agree with most of the other posts. Re-evaluate what it is you want out of this relationship and then see if he can deliver. If he cant, dont bend who you are to try and make it work. It takes to to tango, have sex, play tennis and make a relationship work!
Best wishes to you!0 -
Married 38 years, weighed in at 386 when I started the Gastric Sleeve process. My husband was not supportive for years while I "dieted" to lose weight or tried another exercise program and failed. He wasn't thrilled when I decided on the surgery, but once he realized my mind was set, he got on board 100%. I was very clear with him of what the dietary requirements would be, and what he could and couldn't do anymore (like bring home ice cream - I can't leave it alone and he knows it). I made it very clear that any form of sabotage wasn't acceptable and if he wasn't with me 100% I couldn't do the surgery, wouldn't be worth it. He assured me he was with me, and since I had the surgery last year, he's been there 100%. He supports my efforts with food and exercise, he shops around what I can have, which means he eats better too (and he said that's a good side effect).
You owe it to yourself and your guy to be honest and say what you need. You can't expect him to know, tell him, including the fact that praise for your success is important and compliments when he thinks you look good is essential. Relationships are on cycles. Sometimes wonderful, sometimes not so wonderful and sometimes just plain temporarily bad. Give him a chance to be supportive and then if he can'/won'tt, reevaluate the relationship. Everyone deserves to be valued, loved and supported, you too.0 -
Congrats on your loss what an achievement. My husband is so unsupportive you'd think I was lying. No acknowledgements, no praise, he mocks my efforts, when others compliment me and ask what I'm doing he rolls his eyes and smirks.. There's a long list. But I'm happy and that's what's important.0
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I always say, if want a guy to care about you, don't EVER let him know you need him. Ever ... even the good guys. trust me ... AND DON'T EVER Mother a guy ... if you don't want to be treated like his mom.
I find this to be generally true... My guy complains sometimes that I don't "need" him. Sorry, it's better this way
I agree. Too bad no one told me this along time ago.0 -
Congrats on your loss what an achievement. My husband is so unsupportive you'd think I was lying. No acknowledgements, no praise, he mocks my efforts, when others compliment me and ask what I'm doing he rolls his eyes and smirks.. There's a long list. But I'm happy and that's what's important.
I'm sorry, but how on earth do you tolerate that and claim to be happy? If my husband ever did any of those things, the first time he'd be sleeping on the couch, and if that behaviour continued, I'd kick him to the curb.
Look, losing weight is hard enough without a supportive spouse, but what happens when you reach goal? Maintaining weight is even more difficult than losing it, and that requires a spouse on board with that lifestyle. This is the kind of man who is content with his wife being fat and unhealthy, and now that you're changing it, he's resisting in every way possible. This is not a man who wants you healthy. This is not a man who wants you to feel good about yourself. If he did, he would be encouraging you, not trying to sabotage you.0 -
if you decide to break up with him send this whole thread to him via email or just show it to him before hand.....0
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your doing the right thing and tell him that one that it will catch up with him as it did with me I could eat any and everthink and not put on weight but in later life if was there but what I should say is that I let it get that way and not do any think about it so now I am but hope he can see your doing it right0
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Posts like this make me so sad. You are a beautiful person who deserves better, as are the rest of you in this thread with
@$$holes for partners.
I met my husband when I was 9 years old. We started dating when I was 15 and got married at 21. 12 years and 2 little boys later he is still my best friend. BRUTALLY honest with me but so supportive even though Ive tried and failed so many times before. He tells me when I look great and when I look not so great but never belittles or humiliates me.
People should treat their partners as they do their best friends and by the sounds of some of these partners.... they make crappy friends0 -
Its hard to loose weith when not supported... He/she needs some serious talking to support you whole way.
Hope he/she comes around and starts supporting you, even helping you.
My family is really supportive, its way easier than, you know what you want, how to do it and you have people that want you to do it almost as much as yourself.
I am new here to forums, cheers from croatia
Dont let yourself down, be strong and happy about your goal
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If your SO isn't supportive of you in this endeavor, how likely are they going to support you when the **** hits the fan? Time for a "come to Jesus" meeting, with yourself and BF.0
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Well, I see two different things. I don't try to convince people to live, eat or workout the way I do. Neither my beloved ones, nor friends or family. It's their choice, I am not going to argue with them. If they are interested, I am happy to talk about the way it works for me, give advise or train together, but I am not pushing my lifestyle onto them. If they want to go out and eat crappy food, as long as the place has something healthy as well, fine with me. They want ice cream, ok, as long as I get my apple, and so on.
Admittedly, I live abroad right now, so I don't have to deal with it everyday. Will be interesting to see how things work out when I am back.
On the other hand I expect respect for what I am doing. I get support when I talk about my fitness goals, they listen when I talk about my plans and weight loss (even if for them I do not seem to need to lose weight) and they eat the food I prepare (sometimes they add some cheese or the like). I would not expect them to cook and stick completely to my strict guidelines. But if they want me to eat it, they may have to adjust their normal cooking a bit and I will save some calories before and skip the desert. It's a question of compromise. But getting respect for whatever I'm doing is essential and I for sure won't accept anything else. I can always vote with my feed.0 -
Wow this thread has gone so far from having (un)supportive significant others... some of you sound like you're trapped in horrible relationships. A lot of what has been said is straight up emotional abuse.
Support for your weight loss is one thing; no one has to actively encourage your weight loss, especially if they don't need to eat the same way as you do.
But what's non-negotiable is their respect for you as a human being, FULL STOP.
No one deserves negative comments, or for goodness sakes, the woman who hasn't heard a compliment from her spouse in 2 decades. WHY? If you wouldn't tolerate this from your family or friends, why would you tolerate it from your spouse?0 -
Sounds like he's insecure. He's probably worried that you might leave him if you lose the weight, gain confidence and become empowered.
She just might if he keeps that attitude up. ;-)0 -
yep, i know how you feel,, but i do it for ME, not him, hee....0
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What does your SO have to do with anything? Its your body and your responsibility.
If anything you should go as far as humanly possible for yourself and show him how self-reliant and amazing you are without crutches.0 -
My wife would be more supportive, but she's a few months pregnant. When I tell her I lost a pound or something, I get the "I don't want to hear it" look. She is happy that I'm getting my muscles back that disappeared when I got a desk job.
Another bad side effect is that she often wants Dairy Queen or something, and I'm the one who has to go get it. That's tough, because ice cream is one of my favorite foods. After seeing an evening shake or Blizzard mess up my whole day of eating good here on MFP, I'm now able to easily go there without picking up something for myself.
Edit to say "more supportive", because she is happy I'm living healthier.0 -
My Boyfriend is pretty unsuportive, bar the fact he haa made it clear i need to lose weight.
He isn't good compliments or white lies. If i ask why he doesn't say nice things he says its because atm i don't look good so he isn't going to lie. A bit hurtful but not deliberatly mean.
I think the problem is that he doesn't understand being fat nor having a emotional relationship with food.
He eats when he's hungry, and will put away at least 2000 calories at dinner plus lunch, snacks and about 10 mugs of sugary tea.
Sorry but that is mean. Why is he with you if he doesnt find you attractive?0
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