Unsupportive significant other

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  • SarahCW1979
    SarahCW1979 Posts: 572 Member
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    Posts like this make me so sad. You are a beautiful person who deserves better, as are the rest of you in this thread with
    @$$holes for partners.
    I met my husband when I was 9 years old. We started dating when I was 15 and got married at 21. 12 years and 2 little boys later he is still my best friend. BRUTALLY honest with me but so supportive even though Ive tried and failed so many times before. He tells me when I look great and when I look not so great but never belittles or humiliates me.
    People should treat their partners as they do their best friends and by the sounds of some of these partners.... they make crappy friends
  • lordlukazg
    lordlukazg Posts: 4 Member
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    Its hard to loose weith when not supported... He/she needs some serious talking to support you whole way.
    Hope he/she comes around and starts supporting you, even helping you.
    My family is really supportive, its way easier than, you know what you want, how to do it and you have people that want you to do it almost as much as yourself.

    I am new here to forums, cheers from croatia :)

    Dont let yourself down, be strong and happy about your goal ;)
  • scottbrown78
    scottbrown78 Posts: 142 Member
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    If your SO isn't supportive of you in this endeavor, how likely are they going to support you when the **** hits the fan? Time for a "come to Jesus" meeting, with yourself and BF.
  • Ellyabell
    Ellyabell Posts: 49 Member
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    Well, I see two different things. I don't try to convince people to live, eat or workout the way I do. Neither my beloved ones, nor friends or family. It's their choice, I am not going to argue with them. If they are interested, I am happy to talk about the way it works for me, give advise or train together, but I am not pushing my lifestyle onto them. If they want to go out and eat crappy food, as long as the place has something healthy as well, fine with me. They want ice cream, ok, as long as I get my apple, and so on.

    Admittedly, I live abroad right now, so I don't have to deal with it everyday. Will be interesting to see how things work out when I am back.

    On the other hand I expect respect for what I am doing. I get support when I talk about my fitness goals, they listen when I talk about my plans and weight loss (even if for them I do not seem to need to lose weight) and they eat the food I prepare (sometimes they add some cheese or the like). I would not expect them to cook and stick completely to my strict guidelines. But if they want me to eat it, they may have to adjust their normal cooking a bit and I will save some calories before and skip the desert. It's a question of compromise. But getting respect for whatever I'm doing is essential and I for sure won't accept anything else. I can always vote with my feed.
  • roguestates
    roguestates Posts: 223
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    Wow this thread has gone so far from having (un)supportive significant others... some of you sound like you're trapped in horrible relationships. A lot of what has been said is straight up emotional abuse.

    Support for your weight loss is one thing; no one has to actively encourage your weight loss, especially if they don't need to eat the same way as you do.

    But what's non-negotiable is their respect for you as a human being, FULL STOP.

    No one deserves negative comments, or for goodness sakes, the woman who hasn't heard a compliment from her spouse in 2 decades. WHY? If you wouldn't tolerate this from your family or friends, why would you tolerate it from your spouse?
  • DivineRED1
    DivineRED1 Posts: 134 Member
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    Sounds like he's insecure. He's probably worried that you might leave him if you lose the weight, gain confidence and become empowered.

    She just might if he keeps that attitude up. ;-)
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,472 Member
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    yep, i know how you feel,, but i do it for ME, not him, hee....
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    What does your SO have to do with anything? Its your body and your responsibility.

    If anything you should go as far as humanly possible for yourself and show him how self-reliant and amazing you are without crutches.
  • skrame
    skrame Posts: 16 Member
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    My wife would be more supportive, but she's a few months pregnant. When I tell her I lost a pound or something, I get the "I don't want to hear it" look. She is happy that I'm getting my muscles back that disappeared when I got a desk job.

    Another bad side effect is that she often wants Dairy Queen or something, and I'm the one who has to go get it. That's tough, because ice cream is one of my favorite foods. After seeing an evening shake or Blizzard mess up my whole day of eating good here on MFP, I'm now able to easily go there without picking up something for myself.

    Edit to say "more supportive", because she is happy I'm living healthier.
  • DivineRED1
    DivineRED1 Posts: 134 Member
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    My Boyfriend is pretty unsuportive, bar the fact he haa made it clear i need to lose weight.
    He isn't good compliments or white lies. If i ask why he doesn't say nice things he says its because atm i don't look good so he isn't going to lie. A bit hurtful but not deliberatly mean.

    I think the problem is that he doesn't understand being fat nor having a emotional relationship with food.

    He eats when he's hungry, and will put away at least 2000 calories at dinner plus lunch, snacks and about 10 mugs of sugary tea.

    Sorry but that is mean. Why is he with you if he doesnt find you attractive?
  • skrame
    skrame Posts: 16 Member
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    What does your SO have to do with anything? Its your body and your responsibility.

    Exactly. The other day my wife made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, so I wasted half of my calories and 80% of my fat on breakfast. She made a decent dinner, but I ate nothing but a full bag of steamed veggies so I could come in at goal. Freaking sacrifice.
  • DivineRED1
    DivineRED1 Posts: 134 Member
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    Well, I see two different things. I don't try to convince people to live, eat or workout the way I do. Neither my beloved ones, nor friends or family. It's their choice, I am not going to argue with them. If they are interested, I am happy to talk about the way it works for me, give advise or train together, but I am not pushing my lifestyle onto them. If they want to go out and eat crappy food, as long as the place has something healthy as well, fine with me. They want ice cream, ok, as long as I get my apple, and so on.

    Admittedly, I live abroad right now, so I don't have to deal with it everyday. Will be interesting to see how things work out when I am back.

    On the other hand I expect respect for what I am doing. I get support when I talk about my fitness goals, they listen when I talk about my plans and weight loss (even if for them I do not seem to need to lose weight) and they eat the food I prepare (sometimes they add some cheese or the like). I would not expect them to cook and stick completely to my strict guidelines. But if they want me to eat it, they may have to adjust their normal cooking a bit and I will save some calories before and skip the desert. It's a question of compromise. But getting respect for whatever I'm doing is essential and I for sure won't accept anything else. I can always vote with my feed.

    Exactly, I try not to talk to anyone really about diet/exercise mostly bc everyone thinks their way is the right way and if your way isn't their way then it's the wrong way. But I agree about not trying to get someone else to do it with you. If you friends or bf or husband don't want to don't push it. I wouldn't want someone doing that to me. Sometimes you have to lead by example and they'll come on board when they are ready. Pushing and nagging won't help. If you push and nag me, I'll rebel.
  • StephFork
    StephFork Posts: 182 Member
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    Wow.. I was just about to write a post about this. My husband and I got into a fight about losing weight last night. A little background. I was around 145-150 when we got married and slowly gained more weight during the first 5 years of our marriage. Our 5th year anniversary was last October and that's when I decided to lose weight and I quickly got my *kitten* in gear and lost 20lbs by eating healthy and working out 5-6 days a week. Well.. Fast forward to December we FINALLY got pregnant after trying for over 3 years so that's when the weight loss stopped. Our son is now just a month old and all of a sudden I'm not doing enough to lose the weight. I've already lost 28 of the 35lbs! I'm sorry I think that's pretty good and I haven't and won't be "cleared" to work out until my 6 week check up which is Oct. 3rd. Normally he is super motivating so I'm not sure where all this came from but suddenly I'm a lazy person who he doesn't think will ever lost the weight. I have been on here every day since a week after having my son and I've been tracking my calories and researching ways to work out right after having a baby and I want to do this for me not him. Now.. If I suddenly start working out (which I already planned on doing) it's like I'm doing it for him. I HATE that. I feel like he took that away from me. This is my plan and I have my own short and long term goals to live up to. I just hope he's pleasant along the way because no one wants to hear crap about weight loss! Especially when they really are planning on losing the weight and haven't been given the chance yet.
  • chellec23
    chellec23 Posts: 147 Member
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    I can't tell you what to do but he doesn't sound like someone you would want to marry. You want someone that, unless it is harmful to you. will support you 100%. Don't settle for less!! Life is too short don't make it harder by carrying dead weight ;) (no punt intended)

    EXACTLY!!! If you are trying to better yourself, that means you have to get rid of all the negative influences that are holding you back including jerk spouses!!! If you love someone you will support them when they are trying to do well...makes me wonder how much these significant others really care for you guys!
  • MVY_
    MVY_ Posts: 253 Member
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    Try to be around people who are supportive. Or talk to him about how you feel in a relationship you should be able to express your feelings.
  • DonniesGirl69
    DonniesGirl69 Posts: 644 Member
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    I used to have an unsupportive SO

    Now I'm divorced and actually much, much happier and healthier.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    i'd dump him....

    simple.
  • Dtho5159
    Dtho5159 Posts: 1,054 Member
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    My husband is very unsupportive. Im at the point where i just do it myself and not speak to him about it. He just doesn't know how to be in this situation. He is 5'8 and 140lb. He can eat 5 million calories a day and doesn't gain an ounce! Aggravating! Then he gets pissy if he makes something but i don't eat it because its wayyy too calorie laden.
  • jen_bd6
    jen_bd6 Posts: 501 Member
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    My fiance doesn't exercise or watch what he eats (when he should) but he does make comments about how proud he is of me and my progress... I do all the grocery shopping and he basically eats what I make. If he wants something special, he has to go out and get it because I'm not tempting myself... if he can't be supportive for you, then he has issues... He should be proud of you and wanting to help you in your journey!
  • NatashaRuz
    NatashaRuz Posts: 223
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    Congrats on your loss what an achievement. My husband is so unsupportive you'd think I was lying. No acknowledgements, no praise, he mocks my efforts, when others compliment me and ask what I'm doing he rolls his eyes and smirks.. There's a long list. But I'm happy and that's what's important.

    I'm so sorry for this. Doesn't sound like your husband is much of a partner.

    I had one like that for years. I ended it in 2006 after 15 years of marriage. Now, I'm married to a man who is not only my husband but he's also my best friend. Would see me through 'thick and thin', literally.

    I have very little tolerance for un-supportive partners. No one deserves that.

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