My Boyfriend Is Not Into Fitness - HELP!

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  • OllyReeves
    OllyReeves Posts: 579 Member
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    Do the guy a favour and split up with him. Find yourself a gym bunny and you'll be happy. Don't make him miserable.
  • sexikc
    sexikc Posts: 153 Member
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    You dont seem to be ready for a new relationship to me. I know I dont know you...but from the words you wrote it doesnt seem like it. You have a low self esteem and you were with someone for 7 years, you are still bitter about the demise of that relationship. The good thing is you are recognizing these things about yourself and you are doing something to build your confidence. If you are not attracted to him then you dont need to be with him. I dont think you should find someone else tho...I think you need to learn to be happy as a single woman. Get over the bitterness of the past relationship. When you are in a relationship you have to look at what you and the other person wants...not only what you want. Until you start thinking this way...any relationship that you get in will fail...If you only want to focus on you...be single, there is nothing wrong with that. You can focus on you for now...then foucus on a relationship later.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    hes probably better off without you trying to changing him

    probably, but i do love the man and if you read my other responses you can see it's not all about his looks (I should have explained it more in the beginning). At the end of the day I just want him to be healthy, especially if this is the man I want in my future.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    You dont seem to be ready for a new relationship to me. I know I dont know you...but from the words you wrote it doesnt seem like it. You have a low self esteem and you were with someone for 7 years, you are still bitter about the demise of that relationship. The good thing is you are recognizing these things about yourself and you are doing something to build your confidence. If you are not attracted to him then you dont need to be with him. I dont think you should find someone else tho...I think you need to learn to be happy as a single woman. Get over the bitterness of the past relationship. When you are in a relationship you have to look at what you and the other person wants...not only what you want. Until you start thinking this way...any relationship that you get in will fail...If you only want to focus on you...be single, there is nothing wrong with that. You can focus on you for now...then foucus on a relationship later.

    Thank you, you're not the first to tell me this. I guess if it's meant to be, it will be.
  • BruteSquad
    BruteSquad Posts: 373 Member
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    If you like him for real.....

    I had the same excuse. I was pulling long days at work and sitting for most of it. I have lost all my weight by eating right (packing lunch and rarely eating out) and doing the workouts at www.bodyrock.tv the longest workouts are normally 16 minutes and you do them in your living room, bed room, anywhere you have about 6 ft of open floor. No excuses.

    Then if it is a deal breaker, move on.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    Do the guy a favour and split up with him. Find yourself a gym bunny and you'll be happy. Don't make him miserable.

    I'm not making him miserable...if anything, I'm making myself miserable... :ohwell:
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    I will buy a fixer upper house. I adopted special needs pets that needed a lot of work. I restore old furniture.

    But my partner is one person I have to love and accept for who he is, not for what he could be. I am encouraging my husband to eat better and exercise, because it's something he wants to do. But it's not going to make how I feel about him any different. I love him. The whole package, whether the package has a big belly or not.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...

    Keywords: I Personally. YOU. He obviously doesn't want to.
    is it bad that I am now a bit unattracted to him. Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!

    Yes, do the both of you a favor and find someone else.

    Yes I know its all me...but what to do when you really like someone and that's the only issue? If this is the man I choose to be with, it should be ok that I would like him to be healthy...is that wrong?
  • Bex2Bslim
    Bex2Bslim Posts: 1,092
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    Are you sure you're not using this as an excuse for 'You're just not into him any more'? I finished things with my ex because of this and although it was really hard as I broke his heart, I knew it was the right thing to do, and I have never regretted it, even though I've been single for over 12 months since.

    If not and you can't imagine him not being in your life, then you need to tell him how you feel and ask him to join you in your fitness journey for support if nothing else, if he loves you, he will make the time you talk about I'm sure, it's time together with you after all.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    If you like him for real.....

    I had the same excuse. I was pulling long days at work and sitting for most of it. I have lost all my weight by eating right (packing lunch and rarely eating out) and doing the workouts at www.bodyrock.tv the longest workouts are normally 16 minutes and you do them in your living room, bed room, anywhere you have about 6 ft of open floor. No excuses.

    Then if it is a deal breaker, move on.

    Thank you.
  • sillygoose1977
    sillygoose1977 Posts: 2,151 Member
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    but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time..

    There is your answer right there. Love him for who he is or move along.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    The guy I'm seeing is a bit over weight, and though we've been dating for a year, one of the reasons why I started getting into shape is so that he can see that this is a lifestyle that I am taking seriously and a lifestyle that i want him to follow. He says that he has been eating healthier but he rarely goes to the gym, he says its because of work, he gets in at 6:30 AM and sometimes leaves at 7:30 PM but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...is it bad that I am now a bit unattracted to him. Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!
    I agree that if a person wants to get in shape, that person will make the time. Your question is answered right there. Leave him alone.
  • mikeschratz
    mikeschratz Posts: 253 Member
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    It's called the "Pull my finger syndrome!"... .meaining, you are learning what he is really like now... he wanted you to believe what he wanted you to believe so he could get a "hot" chick (you)!

    Now that you know each other it is the "Pull my Finger!"...

    Been there......
  • persephone87
    persephone87 Posts: 220 Member
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    I agree with most the people on here I feel sorry for him, just because you want him to change doesn't mean he should if he doesn't want to. If you don't love him exactly as he is then he deserves someone who does and you should break it to him gently and find yourself a gym bunny, give him my number on your way out I'm not as shallow.
  • _shortstack
    _shortstack Posts: 46 Member
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    Personally? My personal opinion? It's not his problem. You started a relationship with him the way he is. If you started a relationship hoping to change him, and because you can't you don't fancy him anymore, then I feel more sorry for you than I do for him.

    Maybe he doesn't want to get in shape? Did you ask him his intentions before you started seeing him?

    Sorry to seem unsympathetic, but I have absolutely no sympathy for you.

    A lifestyle you want him to follow? Outrageous. He is a grown man and can make his own chaoices.

    We are all here because we want to be, not because some girl is telling us to be.

    You asked for my opinion, you got it.

    This.
  • Goal_Driven
    Goal_Driven Posts: 371 Member
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    Love who he is, not so much on what he looks like. I would hope that his personality is more important than the fact that he just isn't into fitness like you are. I think we've all been in his state of mind at some point. You have to want to do it for yourself, not feel forced to change your lifestyle because someone else wants you to just so that they'll be attracted to you. Love him for him and give him a break.
  • Drussander
    Drussander Posts: 266 Member
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    .
    I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym and I know he can get there. He's an awesome man but his health is a huge concern and sort of a turn off for me...how vain do I sound :-(

    You need to tell him this directly. Tell him him exactly how you feel about it. He might actually do something about it. You can't make people be something they aren't but he might listen and take your concerns about his health seriously. However, you thinking he's not attractive might bum him out....
  • loserbaby84
    loserbaby84 Posts: 241 Member
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    You can't force anyone into changing. They have to want to do it for you, them .. whatever reason.

    I suggest you have a serious heart to heart with him and let him know how strongly you feel about the issue. Give him the opportunity to change his ways and if he doesn't - you can find someone who will live up to your standards/lifestyle.

    Good luck!

    PS - I realize this was pretty cut and dry as there are probably emotions tangled in this relationship but it's the best I can give as an outsider! :D
  • wolfchild59
    wolfchild59 Posts: 2,608 Member
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    I vote for leaving him so he can have the opportunity to find someone that is going to love him the same no matter if he stays the same weight he was when they started dating, loses the weight, or gains. In other words, someone that loves him for who he is as a person and who doesn't feel the need to change him simply because she's decided to make a change for herself.

    Also note that I said you decided to make the change for yourself. Take a moment and imagine how you would feel if the tables were turned and your boyfriend had been the one to make the choice to get in shape and was constantly telling you to eat healthier and work out. How would that make you feel?
  • johnnys30
    johnnys30 Posts: 64 Member
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    Having gone through this myself all I can tell you is that when someone isn't ready to commit to a lifestyle change they don't do it. I was a college athlete and knew how and what would happen and I just put it off for years. There are way too many excuses, and that is all they are. I work 80-90 hours a week now, but the difference is I make it a priority to go to the gym. I get up early 4 days a week and go do it. I did not want to get up this morning at all but I said to myself "You didn't get here by taking days off and you won't get to where you want to be by starting now."

    It is a mindset and I'm finally ready to change. It sounds like you are as well. He just isn't. There isn't a lot you can do about that but try to talk it out. If nothing changes and you are not happy do not feel bad about yourself if you need to move on.

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