My Boyfriend Is Not Into Fitness - HELP!

Options
13567…11

Replies

  • jeme3
    jeme3 Posts: 355 Member
    Options
    The only person you can change is yourself.

    If her never ever changes, will you still love him?
  • Rinkermann
    Rinkermann Posts: 108 Member
    Options
    i have sympathy for overweight people, because i used to be one. i understand how you can end up being overweight, and we shouldn't really judge. i have a certain respect for people who accept that they eat too much but just want food more than they want to be thin. it is their life choice, a bit like smoking, and we should just respect that.

    on the other hand, i also know that you can choose to be healthy. i have zero sympathy for people who want to be thin but who make excuses, live in denial and refuse to take responsibility for their actions. it is seriously unsexy, and i couldn't date such a person these days because mentally i've just moved on.
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,472 Member
    Options
    well i know how you feel!,,, mine is not into it either, he thinks i am obsessed with it, i am!!!!!!!
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
    Options
    I agree with most the people on here I feel sorry for him, just because you want him to change doesn't mean he should if he doesn't want to. If you don't love him exactly as he is then he deserves someone who does and you should break it to him gently and find yourself a gym bunny, give him my number on your way out I'm not as shallow.

    I guess you're right but if I as that shallow I would have left him a year ago, instead I did fall for an awesome guy, the only concern is his health and that to me is something major. Especially if its someone I want to be with in the long run.
  • taiyola
    taiyola Posts: 964 Member
    Options
    Do the guy a favour and split up with him. Find yourself a gym bunny and you'll be happy. Don't make him miserable.

    I agree. You'll make him feel self-conscious and have low self-esteem like you do now.

    I have someone in my life who loved me when I was 2st lighter, and when I was 2st heavier, and now in the middle. I wasn't exactly huge, but I let myself go a bit. Now thatttt is love. If he gained weight, I wouldn't all of a sudden not love him anymore. Fair enough, if either one of us got really big and gained like 5st, it's to be expected that we might not find each other attractive anymore. If we're honest, it's rare that people are attracted to overweight people.

    If I were you, if you haven't already, I would make healthy versions of foods you both like and have date nights, plan exercises together... but maybe he doesn't want that. If he's happy, leave him alone.
  • jocybee83
    jocybee83 Posts: 155 Member
    Options
    All you can do is change yourself. Maybe once he sees how healthy and fit you are he'll jump in and commit to getting healthy as well. But until then, don't pressure him. It has to be his decision. If you can't live with that then you both need to move on. I hope you're able to work it out though. Good luck. :)
  • odditblue
    odditblue Posts: 34 Member
    Options
    It will be a very long road to travel down together if he is not on board with being healthy. I can tell you this from 25 years of my own marriage. If he is into unhealthy habits and does not think working out or staying fit is needed, it will haunt you later. I am making changes in my own life to be healthier and have made progress. My husband is still making excuses. He saw no point in trying to be fit early on. And now he's got health problems that keep him from being physically active much. I am not saying don't get married, but just getting married does not cause problems to go away. Differences are more pronounced with time. And if you think you won't resent things later that you can overlook right now you'd be wrong. I love my husband. But I regret not putting fitness in my lfe as a bigger priority. I am paying for that now. Lesson learned the hard way.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
    Options
    The only person you can change is yourself.

    If her never ever changes, will you still love him?

    Yes I will...but I would be a bit disappointed because he didnt try...
  • oddyogi
    oddyogi Posts: 1,816 Member
    Options
    Hey, thanks for replying!
    I've been very patient. I am not a mean person and will never tell someone that they are not good enough or that they are fat and all that other stuff...I myself have a low-self esteem. Especially since my ex (who was my fiancee) left me last year. I'm still bitter about the whole thing because we were together for seven years but him leaving me gave me the motivation to hit the gym....
    fast forward to the new guy...
    I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym and I know he can get there. He's an awesome man but his health is a huge concern and sort of a turn off for me...how vain do I sound :-(
    Being turned on or off by someone is NOT vain! It is a natural reaction that we have little control over. Just do yourself and him a favor. Do some soul searching and figure out if you can love this man and live with this man AS HE IS. If so, great, if not, move on, NOW! Don't waste this mans time.

    This. You can't help who you're attracted to and who you're not. When you start to pay more attention to what you eat and spend time exercising, your whole mindset towards life changes. It's not your fault what you find attractive anymore changes. If you can deal with that and love him anyway, then try to make it work. If it's going to nag at the back of your mind until he makes the change, it's best to end it as soon as possible.
  • OllyReeves
    OllyReeves Posts: 579 Member
    Options
    Don't edit your original post to make yourself not look like a vain and unpleasant person. I saw the original, and it made me glad I have noone like you in my life (anymore)

    I've unfriended you and look forward to not having to see your posts again.
  • YoSoyFiesta21
    YoSoyFiesta21 Posts: 17
    Options
    I think your situation is similar to the one I'm in. If you encourage him and he still doesn't go, then you should be supportive of his decision not to go, but encourage healthy living in other ways. If its difficult for you to be attracted to him still, then maybe its time for a change.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
    Options
    It will be a very long road to travel down together if he is not on board with being healthy. I can tell you this from 25 years of my own marriage. If he is into unhealthy habits and does not think working out or staying fit is needed, it will haunt you later. I am making changes in my own life to be healthier and have made progress. My husband is still making excuses. He saw no point in trying to be fit early on. And now he's got health problems that keep him from being physically active much. I am not saying don't get married, but just getting married does not cause problems to go away. Differences are more pronounced with time. And if you think you won't resent things later that you can overlook right now you'd be wrong. I love my husband. But I regret not putting fitness in my lfe as a bigger priority. I am paying for that now. Lesson learned the hard way.

    and that is a major concern for me...thank you.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
    Options
    Don't edit your original post to make yourself not look like a vain and unpleasant person. I saw the original, and it made me glad I have noone like you in my life (anymore)

    I've unfriended you and look forward to not having to see your posts again.

    and that's perfectly fine. I felt that I needed to explain myself more because people jumped to the conclusion that it was all about looks and I'm happy that you unfriended because I don't need a person judging me without knowing every detail. have a good life.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    Options
    but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...

    Keywords: I Personally. YOU. He obviously doesn't want to.
    is it bad that I am now a bit unattracted to him. Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!

    Yes, do the both of you a favor and find someone else.

    Yes I know its all me...but what to do when you really like someone and that's the only issue? If this is the man I choose to be with, it should be ok that I would like him to be healthy...is that wrong?

    Yea, not buying it. Your OP said you weren't finding him attractive and wanted him to get into shape. You're backpedaling.
  • danmiller87
    danmiller87 Posts: 6 Member
    Options
    I was in this same boat but with a girlfriend (now ex.)

    I was overweight as well as her but i decided one day to eat better and exercise. She was a high school athlete just like me but she never wanted to exercise! I suggested easy things first such as walks, bike rides, etc and she wouldn't budge so I pretty much told her i'd come over to see her when I was home from the gym.

    After a while I had a realization... Her and I were not as much alike as I had thought. I went back to my athletic roots and it became a lifestyle (lost 45lbs in 4 months) and she would much rather spend time sitting around in her vast amount of free time and watch tv. That eventually led us to break up after being together for over a year and a half.

    Now im not saying this will happen to you or it is, but you really have to take a deep look at who they are and just know that with some things people will never change. For myself, it was one of the best decisions I have made because I am now with someone who goes to the gym with me and her and I have a lot more in common than my ex!

    Hope this helps...

    -Dan
  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,245 Member
    Options
    this is a problem, it seems that he's not only into fitness but he's having trouble with keeping healthy too. either you both fix it or this will not work
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
    Options
    Are you sure you're not using this as an excuse for 'You're just not into him any more'? I finished things with my ex because of this and although it was really hard as I broke his heart, I knew it was the right thing to do, and I have never regretted it, even though I've been single for over 12 months since.

    If not and you can't imagine him not being in your life, then you need to tell him how you feel and ask him to join you in your fitness journey for support if nothing else, if he loves you, he will make the time you talk about I'm sure, it's time together with you after all.

    No, I still love the man and look forward to be with him almost every single day but its just a bit frustrating...
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Options
    I want someone I can succeed with, not succeed and hope they get it. On the other hand, if I love someone, I have to hope that they are strong enough and brave enough to want to be better people.

    So I would ask myself, Is it his lack of desire to workout and get in shape and his slight tubbiness that bothers me, or is it the fact that he doesnt seem to have ambitions or expectations that he is trying to meet so he can grow as a person consistently.

    Is it because of his size and lifestyle?
    or
    Is it because of his lack of interest in leveling up and preference to keep the status quo?
  • ToughTulip
    ToughTulip Posts: 1,118 Member
    Options
    You sound controlling and vain. Do him a favor. Leave him and save him some heart break.
    I have 12-14 hour days and don't go to the gym because I'm exhausted. So I dont blame him.
  • ObtainingBalance
    ObtainingBalance Posts: 1,446 Member
    Options
    Personally? My personal opinion? It's not his problem. You started a relationship with him the way he is. If you started a relationship hoping to change him, and because you can't you don't fancy him anymore, then I feel more sorry for you than I do for him.

    Maybe he doesn't want to get in shape? Did you ask him his intentions before you started seeing him?

    Sorry to seem unsympathetic, but I have absolutely no sympathy for you.

    A lifestyle you want him to follow? Outrageous. He is a grown man and can make his own choices.

    We are all here because we want to be, not because some girl is telling us to be.

    You asked for my opinion, you got it.


    I agree.

    You started the relationship with him when he wasn't in shape, obviously you were attracted to him still.
    I wouldn't give up on him now, you should support him... try to get him to go bike riding with you , take a walk together. Cook him healthier meals :) He doesn't have to go to the gym and workout 2 hours... LOL. He sounds busy... Like I said, just try to get him to go with you on active things like hiking or anything else .

Categories