My Boyfriend Is Not Into Fitness - HELP!
Replies
-
but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...
Keywords: I Personally. YOU. He obviously doesn't want to.is it bad that I am now a bit unattracted to him. Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!
Yes, do the both of you a favor and find someone else.
Yes I know its all me...but what to do when you really like someone and that's the only issue? If this is the man I choose to be with, it should be ok that I would like him to be healthy...is that wrong?
Yea, not buying it. Your OP said you weren't finding him attractive and wanted him to get into shape. You're backpedaling.
completely agree. Add attention *kitten* to the list.0 -
but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...
Keywords: I Personally. YOU. He obviously doesn't want to.is it bad that I am now a bit unattracted to him. Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!
Yes, do the both of you a favor and find someone else.
Yes I know its all me...but what to do when you really like someone and that's the only issue? If this is the man I choose to be with, it should be ok that I would like him to be healthy...is that wrong?
Yea, not buying it. Your OP said you weren't finding him attractive and wanted him to get into shape. You're backpedaling.
ummm no..that was ONE of my concerns, just thought I tell you guys everything...but whatever.0 -
Sometimes people grow apart & change! My husband is in the Army so his active lifestyle has actually helped me tremendously. Well kinda he is the kinda guy that can eat anything he wants & not gain a pound but he knows that I'm trying to get in shape & fully supports me. He's eating my food(lots of protein & green veggies) & I think that's one of the reasons i'm doing so well. You will have to make a decision on if he is going to change & tell him that you'd like to go to the gym together. Great quality time together! Let him know how you're feeling though cause men are not mind readers....:) Good luck!!!!0
-
but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...
Keywords: I Personally. YOU. He obviously doesn't want to.is it bad that I am now a bit unattracted to him. Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!
Yes, do the both of you a favor and find someone else.
Yes I know its all me...but what to do when you really like someone and that's the only issue? If this is the man I choose to be with, it should be ok that I would like him to be healthy...is that wrong?
Yea, not buying it. Your OP said you weren't finding him attractive and wanted him to get into shape. You're backpedaling.
ummm no..that was ONE of my concerns, just thought I tell you guys everything...but whatever.
You edited and changed your OP to save face. Have fun.0 -
Yeah, unfortunately you're not going to be able to change him and make him want to get into shape. He's only going to do that on his own when HE wants to do it. If he's comfortable the way he is now, he probably isn't going to change any time soon. Looks are part of a relationship because we have to be attracted to our significant other, so if it really is a show stopper for you then there isn't much else to do other than let him go. It's not too much to want the father of your kids to be healthy and be able to keep up with them, but again..he has to want that.0
-
I will buy a fixer upper house. I adopted special needs pets that needed a lot of work. I restore old furniture.
But my partner is one person I have to love and accept for who he is, not for what he could be. I am encouraging my husband to eat better and exercise, because it's something he wants to do. But it's not going to make how I feel about him any different. I love him. The whole package, whether the package has a big belly or not.
.0 -
but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...
Keywords: I Personally. YOU. He obviously doesn't want to.is it bad that I am now a bit unattracted to him. Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!
Yes, do the both of you a favor and find someone else.
Yes I know its all me...but what to do when you really like someone and that's the only issue? If this is the man I choose to be with, it should be ok that I would like him to be healthy...is that wrong?
Yea, not buying it. Your OP said you weren't finding him attractive and wanted him to get into shape. You're backpedaling.
completely agree. Add attention *kitten* to the list.
I'm not the one going back to a post of someone I deleted to reply and say I'm an attention *kitten*. This was my first post and didn't know I had to explain every detail. Do us BOTH a favor and don't write about me. You don't know me and THANK GOD I don't know you.0 -
Don't edit your original post to make yourself not look like a vain and unpleasant person. I saw the original, and it made me glad I have noone like you in my life (anymore)
I've unfriended you and look forward to not having to see your posts again.
and that's perfectly fine. I felt that I needed to explain myself more because people jumped to the conclusion that it was all about looks and I'm happy that you unfriended because I don't need a person judging me without knowing every detail. have a good life.
it's a bit dramatic to delete a friend because of this , LOL.
I think you and him should strive to make it work, but whatever happens I'm not going to delete a friend over their relationships. We all have problems. gee.0 -
Probably best to leave. He can only change if he wants to, and he shouldn't have to deal with the emotional stress of his girlfriend telling him she "isn't attracted to him".
Just imagine how you'd feel if a man told YOU that.0 -
but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...
Keywords: I Personally. YOU. He obviously doesn't want to.is it bad that I am now a bit unattracted to him. Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!
Yes, do the both of you a favor and find someone else.
Yes I know its all me...but what to do when you really like someone and that's the only issue? If this is the man I choose to be with, it should be ok that I would like him to be healthy...is that wrong?
Yea, not buying it. Your OP said you weren't finding him attractive and wanted him to get into shape. You're backpedaling.
ummm no..that was ONE of my concerns, just thought I tell you guys everything...but whatever.
You edited and changed your OP to save face. Have fun.
Yes....for people I will never meet in my life...jeesh0 -
First off OP, you're BEAUTIFUL and the fact that you want your boyfriend to shape up so that you can have a great life together tells me that you're probably beautiful on the inside as well. That being said, you can only lead a horse to water. You can't make him drink. If you live together it's fairly easy to impose your food choices on the rest of the household but if you're not cohabitating yet then it's a bit more difficult to be a good influence. If there's a specific type of exercise that he has shown interest in (like lifting weights) then maybe the solution is to start out by asking him if he'll spot you at the gym or on a home weight bench (sometimes found ridiculously cheap on Craigslist) so that he builds his own interest in lifting. If his family is a bad influence on his eating habits then you really can't fight that influence with logic... help educate him about the benefits of eating fewer processed foods, organic foods, etc. so that he can make the decision for himself. If his looks are falling off because of his eating habits or lack of exercise then you could always go the manipulative route and start making little comments about hot guys on TV (wow I wish I could get my abs to look that good) or something like that but that approach can backfire. I typically take the opposite approach with my hubby and kind of rag on the hot guys on TV pointing out their flaws to help boost his confidence and make him wonder, "maybe I could be hotter than that guy with his bad teeth/ugly hair/buggy eyes if I started pumping up my arms & chest".0
-
My man isn't into exercise, at all, though his job is more active than mine he could still do with shaping up. I accept it would be his decision. My main reason for getting back into shape is because I want him to look at me and fancy me. Only 10 pounds off so far and he's not noticed any change - he must have noticed the exercise bike parked in the living room though :laugh:
I'm hopeful he will notice eventually, and perhaps if he threw the occasional compliment my way it would be nice :blushing: but I wouldn't dream of leaving him because his fitness goals vary from mine.
Hope everything works out for the best!0 -
Don't edit your original post to make yourself not look like a vain and unpleasant person. I saw the original, and it made me glad I have noone like you in my life (anymore)
I've unfriended you and look forward to not having to see your posts again.
and that's perfectly fine. I felt that I needed to explain myself more because people jumped to the conclusion that it was all about looks and I'm happy that you unfriended because I don't need a person judging me without knowing every detail. have a good life.
it's a bit dramatic to delete a friend because of this , LOL.
I think you and him should strive to make it work, but whatever happens I'm not going to delete a friend over their relationships. We all have problems. gee.
I agree. It wasn't that serious but I'm ok with it.
If ANYTHING I am VERY supportive of the guy I am with and it pisses me off that I go here for advice and people just wanna call you attention *kitten*...smh...
anyways, thanks for responding.0 -
Just want to reply to the original post.
I can relate to your situation. I lost a lot of weight when I met my now fiancee and pledged to keep it off and embrace my new found thin-ness. I also thought I had found somebody who felt the same way - she said she swims a few times a week and I thought this was great because I wanted to get into swimming too. You get the picture, I'm sure.
However, once the relationship had progressed a bit it was clear that she wasn't in to fitness at all and was just lucky that she hadn't put on a lot of weight. I hadn't found a fitness buddy after all.
I've since put on weight - a lot.
However, what I've managed to do is find a range of other reasons to love the person who has come into my life and actually fitness and weight is still a big deal, but it's not the only deal.
I've started to embrace a healthier lifestyle without her now and just do my own thing. I want to shift all that extra weight I put on, even though she says I am lovely as I am.
I'm doing it for me and I love her for who she is not what I hope she might one day become.
It's her choice, all I can do is encourage and support.0 -
No, I still love the man and look forward to be with him almost every single day but its just a bit frustrating...
Then talk to him and not a bunch of people that don't really know you or him!0 -
The guy I'm seeing is a bit over weight, and though we've been dating for a year, one of the reasons why I started getting into shape is so that he can see that this is a lifestyle that I am taking seriously and a lifestyle that i would like him to follow. He says that he has been eating healthier but he rarely goes to the gym, he says its because of work, he gets in at 6:30 AM and sometimes leaves at 7:30 PM but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...
here are my concerns:
1. Is it bad that I am getting a bit unattracted to him, (I'm still with him and we are trying to make it work)
2. If this is the man I want in my future, is it ok that I want my future husband and father of my kids to be fit and able to chase after my kids and all that good stuff?
3. His family is very unhealthy and I feel like he is following the same road
... Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!
I don't know if he is starting to become unattractive to you because of his looks, but my view on relationships is that if you find you don't have as many common interests the more both of you grow, especially healthwise, that it can hinder any relationship from progressing. People grow apart as the years go by and your goals change. There are many reasons why people lose interest in their partner.
I would want my future husband to want to be healthy because I want to know that he cares for his health and doesn't want to have major health problems as he gets older. I don't like death, and I surely don't want to see my SO slowly dying before my eyes.
As for his family being unhealthy, it is his decision whether or not to follow along in those footsteps or learn better habits that will prolong his life physically. It is all about educating yourself and learning there are healthier ways of doing things besides the unhealthy habits that one has been learning/seeing their whole life.
I'm not one to tell you what to do in a relationship because it is your decision alone. Do what you feel is right for you and your future. Focus on becoming more healthy, and perhaps reaching your own success will open his eyes and give him the motivation to live healthy, too. If not, by then you will know where you stand in the relationship. You should always communicate with him and let him know your concerns. It really is his life to decide whether or not to be more healthy, even though his decisions affect those who love him.0 -
"you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"
Just because you have decided to change something in your life, does not mean he will. He is an individual with his own likes and dislikes, needs, and wants. Yes it is to much to ask him to change, if he doesn't want to. It's immature. If this is a deal breaker for you, then cut your losses and move on.
Sorry if that sounded harsh, but I don't believe in sugarcoating serious topics~0 -
Something here is baffling to me. You say you care about him, but he has a work schedule from 6:30AM to 7:30PM and you think he should just be able to "squeeze it in." With that schedule, I'm assuming he is up at 5:30AM and home from work around 8? Yeah, that's really easy....
So, what if he gets into going to the gym every day? He will still work incredibly long hours, and then go and work out at the gym, and then you don't see him at all. AN THEN you will complain you aren't getting enough attention....
I try to make it to the gym when I can and I am pretty careful with my diet. That said, as someone who works a lot, I find it offensive when people say I should just squeeze it in and if I really wanted it I'd work out every single day for an hour like it's nothing. Like people who work hard don't have a right to be TIRED at the end of the day. Please, spare me. Instead of judging, plan some fun activities to get outside and do something on the weekends.
What do you do for a living? Is he supporting you? How much is he adding to financial picture compared to you?
You met him in this condition. You can't change someone because it's what you want. It has to be what he wants. Especially in this case because you are asking a hell of lot from a guy who seems to already be doing a hell of a lot. If you can't be happy with him as he is now, then you need to move on and let him live in peace.0 -
I met my husbaand when we were both young and very fit. He now has a tiny bit of a tub and I love it just as much as I love the rest of him. I on the other hand put on loads of weight, got it off, put it on and am now losing it again, hopefully permanently this time. He has loved me throughout as it is the whole of me he loves, not just my looks. I would be devestated that he didn't find me attractive anymore just because of how my body looks. Attractiveness is in the whole package, what's inside, not just simply the wrapping paper! If you don't find him attractive because he isn't fit enough for you now, then it's time to get out of the relationship because if you stay together, maybe he will change and get fit enough for you which would be good -for now, but at some point he will get older, maybe lose his hair, get some wrinkles, maybe (god forbid) get into an accident and become unable to keep up this attractive image you need from him and then what...? I feel a bit sorry for him to be honest, fancy not realising your girlfriend doesn't find you attractive anymore because you are a little bit overweight even though that's how you were when you met...0
-
Something here is baffling to me. You say you care about him, but he has a work schedule from 6:30AM to 7:30PM and you think he should just be able to "squeeze it in." With that schedule, I'm assuming he is up at 5:30AM and home from work around 8? Yeah, that's really easy....
So, what if he gets into going to the gym every day? He will still work incredibly long hours, and then go and work out at the gym, and then you don't see him at all. AN THEN you will complain you aren't getting enough attention....
I try to make it to the gym when I can and I am pretty careful with my diet. That said, as someone who works a lot, I find it offensive when people say I should just squeeze it in and if I really wanted it I'd work out every single day for an hour like it's nothing. Like people who work hard don't have a right to be TIRED at the end of the day. Please, spare me. Instead of judging, plan some fun activities to get outside and do something on the weekends.
What do you do for a living? Is he supporting you? How much is he adding to financial picture compared to you?
You met him in this condition. You can't change someone because it's what you want. It has to be what he wants. Especially in this case because you are asking a hell of lot from a guy who seems to already be doing a hell of a lot. If you can't be happy with him as he is now, then you need to move on and let him live in peace.
That's not his schedule everyday, that was just an example of his shift. I work in a hospital from 8-5PM and then I volunteer twice a week after work. He does not support me at all (at least financially) I am tired too, if anything ALL the time because I have Lupus...I actually met him when he was working out and now all of a sudden he stopped....0 -
"you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"
Just because you have decided to change something in your life, does not mean he will. He is an individual with his own likes and dislikes, needs, and wants. Yes it is to much to ask him to change, if he doesn't want to. It's immature. If this is a deal breaker for you, then cut your losses and move on.
Sorry if that sounded harsh, but I don't believe in sugarcoating serious topics~
Not it's ok, I appreciate the feedback. Thank you.0 -
I suspect he will only change the day you leave him, once he realise what he had in you he will regret taking you for granted.
Please don't drop his sorry *kitten*, work through it and give it a fair chance
Hey, thanks for replying!
I've been very patient. I am not a mean person and will never tell someone that they are not good enough or that they are fat and all that other stuff...I myself have a low-self esteem. Especially since my ex (who was my fiancee) left me last year. I'm still bitter about the whole thing because we were together for seven years but him leaving me gave me the motivation to hit the gym....
fast forward to the new guy...
I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym and I know he can get there. He's an awesome man but his health is a huge concern and sort of a turn off for me...how vain do I sound :-(
If your interests are moving on to other places already, unfortunately he will likely not be catching up to the more attractive guys at the gym any time soon. If waiting for a change is truly an option then be blunt and honest. Honesty hurts sometimes but it can be one hell of a motivator.0 -
No, I still love the man and look forward to be with him almost every single day but its just a bit frustrating...
Then talk to him and not a bunch of people that don't really know you or him!
you are absolutely right. Thank you0 -
You said that your last relationship ended last year and this one is new. But if you feel like this about your boyfriend THIS early on it's really not a good sign is it? I don't think this relationship has any staying power, sorry.0
-
You said that your last relationship ended last year and this one is new. But if you feel like this about your boyfriend THIS early on it's really not a good sign is it? I don't think this relationship has any staying power, sorry.
good point...seems like I need to get things straight. Focus on me...
thanks for replying.0 -
you can help in ways not related to the gym. When my fiance and I got together he was very active, playing baseball a few times a week and regularly going to the gym.. I was not. In the past 5 years, the tables have turned. He's lost his opportunities to play sports and I workout/exercise everyday.
While his health and mine are important to me, I've never pressured him to lose weight or change his habits..(lets face it.. changing someone is like turning a horse into a cat) I've just started preparing healthier meals for the both of us. I suggest salads instead of fast food. I use tons of veggies and fruits. I do less baking, I buy healthier options at the grocery store. I keep less junk in the house. I love my fiance no matter what.. and when I gain those pregnancy lbs, and those middle age lbs, he will love me too. It's a journey together..0 -
The guy I'm seeing is a bit over weight, and though we've been dating for a year, one of the reasons why I started getting into shape is so that he can see that this is a lifestyle that I am taking seriously and a lifestyle that i would like him to follow. He says that he has been eating healthier but he rarely goes to the gym, he says its because of work, he gets in at 6:30 AM and sometimes leaves at 7:30 PM but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...
here are my concerns:
1. Is it bad that I am getting a bit unattracted to him, (I'm still with him and we are trying to make it work)
2. If this is the man I want in my future, is it ok that I want my future husband and father of my kids to be fit and able to chase after my kids and all that good stuff?
3. His family is very unhealthy and I feel like he is following the same road
... Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!
You got an admiral amount of patience for the circumstances. I've had friends who've gotten tired of my late hours and left. However, as to your issue...
Speaking from experience, I find nothing wrong with being a bit big, however, being unhealthily big can be a huge problem. If its not weight, its the health problems associated with it. I have family history on both sides for Heart Disease and Diabetes, both easily controled through proper diet and exercise, even if you like to stay 'big'. Now you don't have to run marathons, a little effort will make a massive difference, though.
You mentioned already having a talk about the future. What you want from your relationship. Now, while the question bares if he agrees, and wants it too, he may want to look into family medical history. If he's got no heart disease on either side, I'm calling your boyfriend a lucky horseshoe, keep him, that kinda luck HAS to spread. Joking aside, even if heart disease isn't in his future, Diabetes doesn't need a family history to hit. Both my parents are diabetic, my grandparents were diabetic, my uncles are diabetic, save one, why? They didn't keep their health in check, you know how fun a family gathering is when everyone, even you, has to watch what you eat? Not enjoy it?
Its not a fun experience, for me or my family.
Now don't get me wrong. If he doesn't wanna change, he just doesn't want to change. Either accept that or talk about it a bit more, if he's such a great guy, the least he can do is lend you an ear and let you try to explain. However, the reality of diabetes and heart disease can motivate just about everyone. I had a scare a year ago, feeling my chest tighten (it was just a case of bad stress, but I was scared witless for a while), but the Doc did point out I was dangerously close to falling into the same fate as the rest of my family. I hate to say it, you can only do so much for him in this regard, sadly, it may take a scare to convince him, but I imagine that's not something you wish to go through.
Other than that, just be happy with him. Sounds like someone you took to warmly, no matter who he was, don't be afraid to keep going.0 -
Iv been with my hunk nearly four years and he dosant look like he use to an neither do I. we both started changing after z6 months of bein inseparable buttttt I love my chunk we have chubby love hahahh I love him any way he is how ever he looks, even is he has a full beard an hasn't had his hair cut for weeks he is frigin sexy. You cnt be happy your obvisouly ashamed of him DON'T BE WITH HIM!!!! It's not fair on him you don't love him other wise u wouldn't of posted this thread! I ladore the bones of my man and I will love him if he was 50 or 9 stone what ever he wanted to be I'd be happy
0 -
If you love him, you accept him. I love my husband, and he's a moron and wants to get in shape too and get healthy mainly, but he lacks the conviction. He'll get there someday. You haven't even been together a year, if it's bothering you now, move on. i think you're being a big selfish though.0
-
I'm going to answer this differently than most people here. First off, even after he is able to change his body, you still may not find him attractive. Just imagine elderly couples that have been together forever, and their bodies are worn out, still manage to find one another hot as hell. Physical attraction is about how you feel, not about what you see.
You can subtly get him moving in the right direction. You have to be positive and effusively compliment him for even the tiniest effort. For instance, if you see him fixing himself a healthy breakfast give him a high five (and may some sex?) to encourage that behavior. I know it sounds shallow, but we really do alter our behavior based on how others react to us. Peer pressure is a powerful thing. Be careful on how you complement him, though. Don't just simply say "good boy!" He's not a dog.
Compliment the effort, even if it is a failed effort. So long as he keeps making the effort he will make progress.
When his behavior is bothering you, make yourself absent. Don't complain or nag or conjole. Just leave or ignore it. Ignoring someone is extremely effective way to get their attention. We are social creatures and crave companionship. This is why solitary confinement is considered torture in many nations around the world.
If you unable to find a way to compliment his efforts and find yourself ignoring him most of the time, I think it would be time to reevaluate your relationship. People change, but not usually at the same pace. Sometimes one partner changes, the other stays the same and neither can bear the situation any longer.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.7K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8.1K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 1.2K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions