My Boyfriend Is Not Into Fitness - HELP!

I read through two pages and had to stop and reply. DO not listen to any of them. **** all these dumb **** people. Stop telling her to just cut it off cuz she is expecting too much. Or to stay and give him a chance to change. All of you are incredibly ****ing wrong. What if she breaks up with him, he didn't understand it fully, but wanted to marry this girl and just didn't get it. That fitness was a tiny little bump in his way. He just hasn't been able to muster the motivation. Everyone's needs are different when it comes to compromise.

Talk to him and tell him you are becoming less attracted to him. Be honest for ****s sake. He is the only one you should have this debate with, even if it causes you to break up. That just means it was meant to be. You need to be smarter and not ask a forum full of people how to deal with something that has way more going on than ANYone here can figure out with just a few posts of you trying to explain and re-explain yourself.

Shame on you guys for giving terrible relationship advice.

I think the real discussion you need to have with him has to center around how you find this a major point of compatibility. If it's something he does want and will work for great. If it's something he absolutely doesn't then go from there. But you need to make it clear that's it's more than just a preference for you at this point, because it obviously is something of a requirement. Don't make it about his weight or physicality. Make it about a shared lifestyle and passion.

In my personal opinion, you are being a bit rigid. But really you have a right to have the preferences you want. But he deserves the courtesy of knowing straight up how important this is to you.

Guys can be bribed into loosing weight....for example set weight loss goals for him that offer bedroom rewards he doesn't already currently get. This would work for me just sayin

Well, you have a host of items to consider.

It sounds like emotionally, you may do better for yourself to take some time to work through self-esteem issues. Sure, you say you love the guy, but when you have self-esteem issues, it's easy to feel like you love someone when in fact you are settling for the best you think you can hope for.

If you want someone to be the father of your children and to be healthy and active, then you might want to lay that out on the table for him. You know, just say "Boyfriend, I am concerned about your weight and health, and the impact it will have on you in the future. Frankly, I think we could have a wonderful life together, possibly leading to marriage and children. You're a hard worker, you have a good job, emotionally we seem to be a good fit, etc. I don't know if my current emphasis on healthy living might turn out to be a phase - but I'm hoping that living healthy is a permanent change in me. You know, you actually helped inspire me to begin taking care of myself better, because when we first met, you were working out at the gym and it seemed you were concerned about taking good care of yourself as well. And I know, I still have more work for myself to do towards my goal of living and being healthly. Lately though, it feels like you aren't as concerned about your health; you aren't going to the gym and you aren't worried so much about what you eat. I see your health declining as you gain weight. And I know it's tough with some of the long shifts you pull. Are you concerned about your health and the foundation you are setting for the future? Because if you are, I'd like to help and work through this with you so that you can still get a couple of workouts in during the week. But if you aren't, please be honest with me. I don't want the potential future father of my children being someone who can't keep up with his kids and develops preventable health issues like cardiovascular disease or diabetes at an early age... I want someone who I can share and enjoy life with for a very long time and hopefully grow old together gracefully".

He might feel outraged/insulted. If that's an initial reaction, let it slide. Most people have a hard time with criticism. Let him think about it for a few days. (not weeks or months). If he's still outraged, I'd say the relationship is done. He might - or might not - decide to work out after your relationship breaks up - and if he does - he might - or might not - later on come to realize that you meant well. But don't wait around to see if that happens. Go work on yourself, figure out what you need to do to strengthen your own self-esteem and do that.

Alternatively, he might feel flattered that you care enough about his health to say something. He might even agree to start working out again. Give him plenty of pats on the back!

Then again, he might simply say - he likes that you are doing this for yourself, that you care enough to encourage him, but that he simply isn't ready to commit to a living healthy at this time. You need to decide for yourself whether you want to stay with him or not. If his looks and health are deal-breakers for you, you may decide to break it off. If they aren't deal-breakers, then you need to accept him as he is - and accept that he may continue to gain weight over time. I would say if you aren't attracted to him, though, you seriously need to think about whether to continue a relationship where you aren't that attracted to the person anymore.

Another thing - he might not be viewing YOU as LTR material - and his reaction might showcase that too. In which case, you need to be prepared to dust off his rejection of you as fitting his image of his future, go out, do things for yourself, and over time, you'll undoubtedly find someone else that may or may not be a better fit for you.