My Boyfriend Is Not Into Fitness - HELP!

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Replies

  • DarthH8
    DarthH8 Posts: 298 Member
    And yeah I said it. Being healthy is the correct way to live. Go ahead and mud up the future generations of human civilization if you want. But my kids will have good genes. We are not all created equal. We only have equal rights as human beings.

    Edit: Trollioliolioliolio >:-) Don't cry too much.
  • HotMummyMission
    HotMummyMission Posts: 1,723 Member
    deal_with_it____pinkie_style_by_j_brony-d4da33b.png
    . Ahhhh these are soo cuteeee
  • NeverGivesUp
    NeverGivesUp Posts: 960 Member
    You can't change anyone but you. You have to figure it out if this is a deal breaker because if you can't live with this now, it will be worse if you get married. For me, I like a good person, above and beyond anything else and I have been happily married for 10 years. I would hate it if my husband tried to make me workout because he wanted me to be more attractive to him. I took this on when I was good and ready for it with no pressure from him whatsoever. Your demands are a bit selfish in my opinion.
  • Fred4point0
    Fred4point0 Posts: 160 Member
    I believe you may need to change the way you approach your boyfriend with this problem.

    I was super fit when I met my wife 25 years ago. Then over the years I got fat and out of shape. I'm talking about 40 lbs out of shape. Not very attractive if you know what I mean.

    The thing is my wife never ever nagged me about it. Before mfp I had been a yo-yo dieter. I'd gain 25-40 and lose it and had done so four times.

    Each time my wife would just make a suggestion and then leave it alone. This last time, while we were snuggled together watching tv one late night....she rubbed my big unattractive belly and said, "Fred... I love you and I really want you to be around with me for a very long time. Then she went back to watching t.v. That's all it took and I was off to the races.

    Try talking to him one more time and attempt to get him to see that you not just talking about his physical appearance but his life and you guys life together.

    That might just work.

    Just my opinion.
  • fefe0201
    fefe0201 Posts: 49 Member
    Wow, how would you feel if he said all this about you??
    You said in you r post that you are starting to get unattracted to him, shallow!! has he all of a sudden become unattractive because he doesnt work out!
    I can understand your point about wanting him to be healthy, but you cant force someone to do it, they need to want to make the change themselves,
  • Ashleighkitty
    Ashleighkitty Posts: 49 Member
    You chose to be with him. Personally, I think you are the one that needs to change your attitude, like others have said, I understand you wanting him to be healthy, but if he's happy with how he is then it shouldn't matter! He will make the decision if he wants to lose weight. you shouldn't be trying to change the person you are with. Either deal with it and stay with him, or leave him if it means that much to you. His existence isn't there to suit you. He probably will want to lose weight one day, but I know personally that if you have someone going on about it, then its a serious step in the wrong direction.
  • EllieMo
    EllieMo Posts: 131 Member
    The only reason anyone should change is because they want to. Would you like it if he demanded you be someone other than who you are? I doubt it.

    You can not force him to be someone he isn't. If you are starting to not like the person he is, then he is not the right person for you. Move on and let him find someone who appreciates him as he is.
  • crimsoncat
    crimsoncat Posts: 464 Member
    ...but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...

    With this statement you nailed it. He has to WANT to change to MAKE the time. If he doesn't want to, he won't. I will also argue that I'd have a much harder time making time for exercise at any intensity after a 13 hour work day. Nothing you say or do can change that. You are doing the best you can by leading by example. As for being unattracted to him, that is normal. You have discovered a major difference in your lifestyles that leads to MANY different changes in hobbies. Despite what people say about opposites attract, I've found that common strokes keep people together. Your high activity has likely changed your diet, your routines and your outlook on life. Those are some MAJOR changes which need to be adjusted for and that he never signed on for. You're now at a natural turning point.

    I will be a bit different from many people here, because I'm going to tell you working it out doesn't always work. If you cannot compromise on this (and given his lack of enthusiasim this may be the case), you will reach a decision point. Do not force your fitness beliefs on him, even if you're right. The yo-yo dieting that may ensure could harm his health. If the difference between his unhealthy life and yours is truly irreconcilable, then you both deserve better than dissatisfaction every time you come home.

    Personally, my boyfriend lives a rather unhealthy life style aside from walking at work. However, we still have enough in common to make my day go. He understands I need exercise to cope with stress and encourages me to do so. He works with me on meals so that we can eat things that fit into my life an his. I in turn do not demand that he should exercise with me. This is MY hobby, not his. This is an example of things you'll need to do to make this work.
  • BarbaraC47
    BarbaraC47 Posts: 175 Member
    Hmmm, I am in the same boat. My other half has type 2 diabetes and should lose 10kg to get his cholesterol under control. He constantly uses food as treats and also cannot resist a bargain no matter if he likes the food or not! I cannot control what he eats or how he uses food as a reward and its hard resisting him constantly telling me 'go on, one little treat won't hurt' but I have made him aware of how hurt I am that he will not support me or help in any way.

    Its reached the stage now where I am actively seeking accommodation so I can get on with my life my way. Its sad that it has to come to this - he could make such a small change in his attitude but nothing seems to sink in. Don't let it get this way with you - give him a shake and be honest about your feelings, if that doesn't make a change then maybe you need to reassess your priorities...
  • basillowe66
    basillowe66 Posts: 432 Member
    You've been going with him a year or so, you like most of the things about him. The only way you can motivate him is to keep motivating yourself. He should see how turned on you are from working out. He doen't have to go to a gym. He can start by eating right and maybe starting a running program.
  • Dying2Live84
    Dying2Live84 Posts: 154 Member
    If you like this guy his weight shouldn't be an issue, unless you want him to shape up because you're concerned for his health. Kicking him to the curb for other reasons is just shallow imo.

    xx
  • Darling no one needs help from an online community to let them know they are falling out of love with their boyfriend. Otherwise his weight would never be an issue. End it now.
  • Aquarian
    Aquarian Posts: 1,031 Member
    I think that your relationship might not be very deep, in which case, I honestly think you both deserve to be with people you can connect better with. Even if he makes an effort now to please you, ten years down the road with two kids and more workload he might well go back to being overweight. If you are still into fitness then, which I assume you would be, you might find it even more unattractive and then you would be stuck in a marriage with no way out. Think long and hard before you decide to get more involved. Maybe a break would help put things in perspective.
  • keithgi
    keithgi Posts: 96 Member
    After almost 30 years of marriage let me say that the closer aligned your goals, the happier you will be. Health and fitness are not the top items, but certainly near the top of the list. You will have to decide if this is a deal breaker for the relationship. People can change, but generally don't. What you see now, is probably what you will contend with remainder of your relationship.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    Hey, thanks for replying!
    I've been very patient. I am not a mean person and will never tell someone that they are not good enough or that they are fat and all that other stuff...I myself have a low-self esteem. Especially since my ex (who was my fiancee) left me last year. I'm still bitter about the whole thing because we were together for seven years but him leaving me gave me the motivation to hit the gym....
    fast forward to the new guy...
    I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym and I know he can get there. He's an awesome man but his health is a huge concern and sort of a turn off for me...how vain do I sound :-(

    Rebound guy? If you are still bitter about your ex leaving you, then you are not in love with this guy. If you were in love with this guy, you would be THANKING your ex for leaving you, trust me, it does work that way.

    You do not have to stay with the guy because you have been dating a while. This is why so many people marry the wrong people, they feel obligated to marry someone they do not love.

    You are gorgeous, go find someone that makes you happy and has the same goals.

    I found him, trust me, he is out there.
  • I think, I agree with you.
  • lilpoindexter
    lilpoindexter Posts: 1,122 Member
    Just dump that fool already.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    I can not believe the amount of people telling her to deal with it.

    Seriously, he is a boyfriend, nothing more. This is why we date, to figure out what we want and what we do not want. Lord knows that had I not accepted anything less than exactly what I wanted, then I would not have the wonderful relationship I have now.

    We deserve to have what we want, we do not owe anyone anything, PERIOD.
  • SarahCW1979
    SarahCW1979 Posts: 572 Member
    If he doesnt make you happy or you are not attracted to him end it. Go after one of the fit bunnies at the gym, just remember even with fit/toned/gorgeous men someone, somewhere is tired of their *kitten* too. You could have the perfect man and never know it. The grass is never greener on the other side.... its just a trick of the light.
  • NewAngel35
    NewAngel35 Posts: 183 Member
    Hey, thanks for replying!
    I've been very patient. I am not a mean person and will never tell someone that they are not good enough or that they are fat and all that other stuff...I myself have a low-self esteem. Especially since my ex (who was my fiancee) left me last year. I'm still bitter about the whole thing because we were together for seven years but him leaving me gave me the motivation to hit the gym....
    fast forward to the new guy...
    I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym and I know he can get there. He's an awesome man but his health is a huge concern and sort of a turn off for me...how vain do I sound :-(


    Reverse it....I would hate it if my fella wastn't that attracted to me any more and was window shopping for the next women!!!..I would want to be told .!!!I think you owe it to him to tell him.It will be hard..yet it is giving him the respect that you would want. treat people how you want to be treated.