ADVICE NEEDED--Annoying sister in law
The_New_Christina
Posts: 818 Member
in Chit-Chat
To start with, I didn't invite her and her lazy hubby to live with me. My husband invited her while she was still PREGO because he felt bad for her. I've told him that I don't really care for them living with us anymore, but I don't want their *kitten* to affect my relationship.
1. she is not very clean.
2. he is lazy
3. when i ask them to do something (clean their own *kitten*) she gets upset and says I'm always fighting about something
4. they are awake until 12 am every night and even their 7 month old baby is whining up until that time, which causes me lack of sleep
5. i have to "pick up" after my brother in law in the mornings cuz he's to damn lazy to do it himself
6. i get in fights with my hubby because of these pair of lazy bums
7. they're basically living off our kindness but yet they feel they should have 1/2 of everything we have. ($900 rent and they only pay $350 plus 1/2 of bills)
End rant...
1. she is not very clean.
2. he is lazy
3. when i ask them to do something (clean their own *kitten*) she gets upset and says I'm always fighting about something
4. they are awake until 12 am every night and even their 7 month old baby is whining up until that time, which causes me lack of sleep
5. i have to "pick up" after my brother in law in the mornings cuz he's to damn lazy to do it himself
6. i get in fights with my hubby because of these pair of lazy bums
7. they're basically living off our kindness but yet they feel they should have 1/2 of everything we have. ($900 rent and they only pay $350 plus 1/2 of bills)
End rant...
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Replies
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Kick them out....0
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Kick them out....
I soooooo want to. But my hubby "feels bad" for his sister cuz they have a small baby and he's the only one working, but that was their decision, not mine. Why do I have to pay for their mistakes? But If I try to have this convo with my hubby he gets upset because it's his sister0 -
tell hubby
:he has 1 month to get a job or you will go live with a friend. 3 months to move out. also that they need to put a curfew on that kid and allow you to sleep. if not, go live iwth a friend tile they're gone.
insane!0 -
Is it wrong (since they're paying rent too) for me to set a time that everyone has to be "quiet"? Not necessarily sleep but just be quiet. I'm sure they wouldn't be happy if my kids didn't let them sleep.0
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ok, he invited them in when she was prego....baby is 7 months old now....ummm, they have over stayed their welcome. yes, your hubby might get upset but, the situation needs to be resolved. Maybe look for them an affordable place without them knowing and then spring it on them...see what they think. You gotta have your life too.0
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When you are both calm, sit down and brainstorm ideas (already have a list of your own that you can show him right away)... Don't say kick them out, say something like "I don't want them on the streets, so can you help enforce these "rules" in OUR home.. clean up after yourself, do groceries, "quiet time" starting at 10pm Sun-Thurs., etc" and tell him if they can stick to this, then there won't be other issues, but it's causing a lot of stress on you as well... and if they can't live up to what you expect at YOUR home, then give them X amount of time to find a place before they need to be out.... approach in a good mood so it doesn't end in arguing and maybe help them find a place...
hope this helps a bit!0 -
tell hubby
:he has 1 month to get a job or you will go live with a friend. 3 months to move out. also that they need to put a curfew on that kid and allow you to sleep. if not, go live iwth a friend tile they're gone.
insane!
This...sometimes the best love is tough love...0 -
tell hubby
:he has 1 month to get a job or you will go live with a friend. 3 months to move out. also that they need to put a curfew on that kid and allow you to sleep. if not, go live iwth a friend tile they're gone.
insane!
She's right. If your husband wont make them leave, then you leave until they do.0 -
I would kick them out. I would never allow my hubby's sister to live with us in the first place. She's a *****. And her kids are a-holes who don't listen to anyone, brats... I wouldn't put up with it. And you know, it's your house too!! I'd sit the hubs down and have a serious chat.0
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and if they can't live up to what you expect at YOUR home, then give them X amount of time to find a place before they need to be out....
True...they got upset most recently because I told them initially what the cleaning days were and they switched it by doing it one day early (which was one day after me doing it). She threatened me by saying that I should find a new babysitter. (she WAS watching them). So maybe I should do the same. Threaten them back to find a new place to live!0 -
I think you've answered your own question. I wouldn't put up with it. That is pure BS. They have their own family and don't need to be intruding on yours. They're both adults and need to take care of themselves!!! I would NOT allow it. Your husband needs to grow a pair and learn how to treat his family too (not that your husband is bad, i'm just stating in this aspect). You have a concern and he is overlooking it.0
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Yeah, I have answered this question for myself, however this topic always makes me and my hubby argue and leaves me looking like the bad guy. UGH...so frustrating0
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tell hubby
:he has 1 month to get a job or you will go live with a friend. 3 months to move out. also that they need to put a curfew on that kid and allow you to sleep. if not, go live iwth a friend tile they're gone.
insane!
i agree with all this....but good luck putting a cerfew on a 7m old. lol
if your that upset about it, id give the "them or me" ultimatum.
$350/m rent is F all! theyll coast and mooch off you forever at that price!0 -
tell hubby
:he has 1 month to get a job or you will go live with a friend. 3 months to move out. also that they need to put a curfew on that kid and allow you to sleep. if not, go live iwth a friend tile they're gone.
insane!
i agree with all this....but good luck putting a cerfew on a 7m old. lol
if your that upset about it, id give the "them or me" ultimatum.
$350/m rent is F all! theyll coast and mooch off you forever at that price!
I LOL'd at the curfew for the 7mo old too.
I'd have a hard time flat kicking out family (like 'em or not) w/ a baby. A timeline probably needs to be set.0 -
You need to set up a game plan for your in-laws. So much time to find job, work/save, and move out. It sounds like they are just lazy and mooching off of you and your husband. It's your house, your rules, regardless how much they are paying. It sucks for your husband to be put in the middle, but your his wife. He needs to stand by you and support you. Also, your in-laws need to realize that your house is not their house, even though they pay rent and 1/2 th bills. They are your guests so to speak and they need to respect the rules that you have in place for them. Period.0
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What kind of person makes a decision like that without consulting with their spouse?
Your primary problem is with your husband, Your inlaws are only secondary.0 -
I have the same situation with my sis-in-law but thankfully, I don't live with her but my BF does. He is a softy like your hubby but yet likes to rant about the mess in his house, the spoiled 3yr old and the very low rent he charges ($500 a month including utilities).
If it was up to me, I would draft up a contract, have a sit down with your hubby and talk about it and then sit with the four of you and talk it out. Give them a deadline to save money to find their own place. Tell them that this is affecting you and your husband's relationship and that in order for them to have a future together, they have to work for it. Nothing is free. You are willing to help them out until such a date but then they have to leave. Or else, they will stay forever. At least it gives you hope.
This is a really tough situation and your husband is very generous for letting them stay.
I have completely changed my future plans with my BF due to this. I don't need that drama in my life. I own my own house and he owns his. I no longer hope for us to move in together. She knows she has it good and he is not man enough to tell her to get out and find a place of her own. Or even give her a deadline!0 -
I hear ya. I recently joined on my bf's phone plan, since we live together it makes sense to be on the same bill. His older sister and her boyfriend were on his plan also, since they have bad credit. Since I have been on there I see they never pay their portion or if they do it's not in full or on time. His sister just got done with EMT school and can't find a job because she has about 20 piercings on her face/ears. She posted on FB last week that she just added another piercing and is giving up the EMT thing because she wants to keep the piercings and can't find a job.
I'm fine with that because my BF has big stretched ears...but he also is about to graduate college, has a good job and is paying his bills on time. She cannot afford to take care of her kids, pay bills that are effecting OUR credit, is on welfare, and can't find work but chooses her appearance over her family's well being.. :grumble:
Like your hubby, my bf is defense because it's his sister but also for the sake of his niece and nephew. He grew up the only man in a house with a single mom and 3 sisters.... So his family is off limits to me when it comes to disagreeing.0 -
Wow! I'm sorry! I'm not married... but If my husband hypothetical Husband invited his sister to live with us I would N-O-T be happy about that... I know I'm going to sound like a monster for saying this... but I would give them a 6 month time frame to get a job and get out... I realize the economy is bad... But I truly believe that if you legitimately spend 40 hrs per week looking for a job, you will have a job within a month... It may just be working at McDonalds... but hey Debt collectors will take McDonald's money just the same as if it came from a CEO of a major corporation... Good luck with your situation.0
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What kind of person makes a decision like that without consulting with their spouse?
Your primary problem is with your husband, Your inlaws are only secondary.
This is the truth!
Give them a deadline ( this includes your husband) & options. You locate them a place to rent but be advised if you try to throw them out they have rights & you have to give them a 30 day eviction notice & make it legal. Basically you have to be the bad guy.
Sucks for you.0 -
Wow! I'm sorry! I'm not married... but If my husband hypothetical Husband invited his sister to live with us I would N-O-T be happy about that... I know I'm going to sound like a monster for saying this... but I would give them a 6 month time frame to get a job and get out... I realize the economy is bad... But I truly believe that if you legitimately spend 40 hrs per week looking for a job, you will have a job within a month... It may just be working at McDonalds... but hey Debt collectors will take McDonald's money just the same as if it came from a CEO of a major corporation... Good luck with your situation.
Funny thing is...she is a hairstylist, but her husband decided for her not to work so she could stay at home with the baby. She also made the decision that she will only clean (not him) and he only takes out the garbage (not her). Meanwhile my hubby and I split all the chores equally between the two of us. She can go back to work if she wanted. She just won't. So yeah, they got it good. If it weren't for us letting them live there so cheaply, theyd both have to get there arses to work! Just like me and my hubby both work.0 -
Its time for him to choose. You or them. Be prepared to move out. I would NOT live with that **** for more than like 2 weeks and if their offspring is 7 months old then their using you and mooching off your husband needs to come to an end PRONTO.0
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The problem is between you and your husband. I agree that you need to learn to negotiate with your husband. Of course you're the bad guy when it is three against one.
This is a tough one. I'd find somewhere else to stay if it is really intolerable, but it sounds like it is just inconvenient. I hate to say it, but the more little rules you can create, the more likely they will get tired of it. I'd love to hear the private conversations the sister is having with the loser husband. :laugh:0 -
Stop dealing with them. This is your husbands mess. HE SHOULD DEAL WITH THIS!!0
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What kind of person makes a decision like that without consulting with their spouse?
Your primary problem is with your husband, Your inlaws are only secondary.
^ I would be more worried that your husband doesn't seem to be concerned that you can't sleep, keep your place tidy, or feel comfortable in your own home. If he doesn't make you a priority then that's where your problem lies. Family is important, but this is your home . Some solution needs to be reached mutually.0 -
welcome to 2012 where it's ok to be a freeloader0
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What kind of person makes a decision like that without consulting with their spouse?
Your primary problem is with your husband, Your inlaws are only secondary.
Totally agree. Honestly I am appalled by your husband's behaviour. You need to talk to your husband and make him understand that the stress this is putting on you and your relationship must be his top priority. What would happen if you got into a fatal car accident from being tired because your inlaws kept you up late at night? His sister is an adult and has to learn to take care of her own family. You have been more than generous with the help you have already provided. Time for them to stand on their own 2 feet, otherwise they never will. Be firm and give him a deadline to get them out. If they don't leave, then you should.0 -
The problem is between you and your husband. I agree that you need to learn to negotiate with your husband. Of course you're the bad guy when it is three against one.
This is a tough one. I'd find somewhere else to stay if it is really intolerable, but it sounds like it is just inconvenient. I hate to say it, but the more little rules you can create, the more likely they will get tired of it. I'd love to hear the private conversations the sister is having with the loser husband. :laugh:
Yeah, I'm hoping that if I push their buttons hard and long enough, they'll get out, but then again...they have it easy...why would they right?0 -
...on my little rules thing.....start complaining about the type of deodorant they use, and the color of his hair, and the TV shows they like, and how their talking annoys you...do it when your husband isn't there, then deny deny deny...I know I'm going to Hell. It's okay, I have a stool reserved at the bar.0
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...on my little rules thing.....start complaining about the type of deodorant they use, and the color of his hair, and the TV shows they like, and how their talking annoys you...do it when your husband isn't there, then deny deny deny...I know I'm going to Hell. It's okay, I have a stool reserved at the bar.
:laugh:0
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