ADVICE NEEDED--Annoying sister in law
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First of all, it's NOT worth a million dollars to me to have people invade my privacy or take away from me enjoying my home time. Second of all, you need to tell your husband that YOU are what's important and what truly matters here, not anyone else! If you guys let this come between your marriage, this could do your relationship in...Stop this before too much damage is done. If he doesn't tell them to leave then I would tell him I'm going...He has to see what this is doing to your household and that it's not healthy for any of you.
Hang in there! I recently told my in-laws and brothers-in law where they could go and I feel so much better! None of them lived with me thankfully- they just always treated me horribly and I put up with it for way too long so my husband could have a relationship with them. I have never been close with them, but I kept the peace recently until I was called names and talked down to for the last time. They never acknowledged their grandkids or did anything with them. Our kids are 20 and 22 years old now and we have two grandkids. They've never met their great grandchildren either. Can you even imagine...I'm a good person and I've never been given a chance by them. It's their loss...This girl has had enough and never again will put up with such nonsense from them nor anyone else. Do not let people walk all over you!0 -
Being a man I hate suggesting this as a possible solution ......try withholding the nookie claiming you are not comfortable with other people in the house.....they should be out within a month
This will only work if she hasn't already been using this tactic and he has been getting nookie regularly.0 -
Frankly, I would not allow that to happen to my children.Would you not be upset if your kids got kicked out of their room so that your pregnant sister n law could have a room to sleep in?
Agreed. Pretty sure I would never let that happen in the first place!
*shakes head* WTF?!0 -
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Right! My daughter is 2 and she knows she is not to touch the TV. But if I had a babysitter over to my house and she did damage something...that is part of having a kid...I wouldn't expect the babysitter to cover it.
I really don't understand your logic here. :noway:
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my point is, if she was watching them like she should have they wouldn't have done it. I don't have pens laying around in my house and I came home to my daughter saying that "she" gave her the pen. My 11 yr old comes home saying that all my sister n law was doing was holding the 7 month old in her arms while my kids were unattended to. wth? they never do that stuff when I'm home with them.0 -
Put it down now!!!!!!!!! Just cuz you didn't then, doesn't mean you can't take back some control now. You have your own family, they have yours...send them on their way to live on their own!
Frankly, I would not allow that to happen to my children.Would you not be upset if your kids got kicked out of their room so that your pregnant sister n law could have a room to sleep in?
Now, after the fact, I sooooo regret that. I should have put my foot down then
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They pay too much in rent to be called "guests." I know its not a straight half, but when they cover that percentage they probably are feeling like they are at home. So as to you and them, maybe you all have different expectations re how they should behave in the house. You feel intruded on, and they may feel like they pay rent and shouldnt be intruded on. Obviously, they should keep the house clean, and clean up after themselves. Unless they feel like they pay enough rent and will clean up or throw down stuff as they see fit. Just a thought.0
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Right! My daughter is 2 and she knows she is not to touch the TV. But if I had a babysitter over to my house and she did damage something...that is part of having a kid...I wouldn't expect the babysitter to cover it.
I really don't understand your logic here. :noway:
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my point is, if she was watching them like she should have they wouldn't have done it. I don't have pens laying around in my house and I came home to my daughter saying that "she" gave her the pen. My 11 yr old comes home saying that all my sister n law was doing was holding the 7 month old in her arms while my kids were unattended to. wth? they never do that stuff when I'm home with them.
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How many kids was she watching? Sounds like she was vastly outnumbered.0 -
Basically I agree with Brett on all counts. You are just pissed that your husband made a decision without consulting you (I get the sense this isn't the only time he's done this....), and instead of confronting this situation head on, you've decided to cry to the internet, and treat your family with passive-agressive matyrdom.
Stand tall, take responsibility for your fault in the situation, and ask for an amicable resolution between you and your husband. Hopefully you haven't damaged your relationship so much in this that it doesn't all work out in the end.
Would you not be upset if your kids got kicked out of their room so that your pregnant sister n law could have a room to sleep in? If I'm ranting here its because I'm trying to get rational people that maybe have been in this situation to give me sound advise because I don't want to cause a rift between siblings, but at this point they both need to realize the issue here.
If you are not standing up and saying to your husband and your ILs that this is NOT OKAY, then you are just as much at fault for the situation. If you are trying to resolve this and get them all to see that this is hurting your family and affecting your children, and they aren't responding, then you need to take actions of your own, up to and including removing yourself and your children from what appears to be a toxic situation for you.
You cannot be helped until you help yourself. There is nobody that is going to fix this but you, and you're going to have to put your foot down if it's hurting you. One of two things will happen: Either you're right, and they're being *kitten*, and the ILs move out and you get your way, or they decide you're a demanding psycho and ignore your demands and requests. I have no idea which situation will come to fruition, because all I have to go on is your one-sided account of the facts.0 -
Your responsibility is to provide a safe, loving and comfortable home for your child(ren). The current situation is toxic and not emotionally healthy to be around. Whether she's a capable babysitter or not, you are uncomfortable, tired and cranky and that impacts the kids. Give the losers 30 day notice and don't look back. If your husband holds a grudge because you forced his freeloading family to take care of themselves then he's just as big a loser as they are.0
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Right! My daughter is 2 and she knows she is not to touch the TV. But if I had a babysitter over to my house and she did damage something...that is part of having a kid...I wouldn't expect the babysitter to cover it.
I really don't understand your logic here. :noway:
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my point is, if she was watching them like she should have they wouldn't have done it. I don't have pens laying around in my house and I came home to my daughter saying that "she" gave her the pen. My 11 yr old comes home saying that all my sister n law was doing was holding the 7 month old in her arms while my kids were unattended to. wth? they never do that stuff when I'm home with them.
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you believed a 2 year old?0 -
I like Latin food.....wth happened to this thread?
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WOW Christina you could have talked to ME rather then posting this **** for me to find. Dont worry we will be out ASAP.
Nevermind my question.
This just got good.
thx LMAO when I got off the phone dealing with my reponsibilities as an adult who doesnt have family to sponge off of even if my guilt and self-repect would allow0 -
Right! My daughter is 2 and she knows she is not to touch the TV. But if I had a babysitter over to my house and she did damage something...that is part of having a kid...I wouldn't expect the babysitter to cover it.
I really don't understand your logic here. :noway:
my point is, if she was watching them like she should have they wouldn't have done it. I don't have pens laying around in my house and I came home to my daughter saying that "she" gave her the pen. My 11 yr old comes home saying that all my sister n law was doing was holding the 7 month old in her arms while my kids were unattended to. wth? they never do that stuff when I'm home with them.
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How many kids was she watching? Sounds like she was vastly outnumbered.
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she just watched my 4 and 2 yr old. the 11 year old comes home from school just a couple hours before I do and no one "watches" her. she's old enough.0 -
I would simply ask her what their game plan is. When do you plan to move? Surely they didnt intend to live with you forever. Time is up, they need to start thinking about where they are going to live. And if I were you I would have someone else start watching your kids. Sever the ties.0
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I would simply ask her what their game plan is. When do you plan to move? Surely they didnt intend to live with you forever. Time is up, they need to start thinking about where they are going to live. And if I were you I would have someone else start watching your kids. Sever the ties.
yes, she got upset because of me getting upset with her laziness and me making my rules that she said she wouldn't take care of my kids anymore so I bring them to the old babysitter now0 -
If you are overworking and not getting sleep you will get unwell.
Then you won't be able to keep doing the housework you are doing.
I have way too many friends carrying free-loader relatives.
I am not talking money here. When you charged them rent they thought of it as their place.
You could actually look for a new place and move your family out, husband kids and all and let them keep the old dirty place, lols
anyway back to workload.
None of my friends stopped till they got sick.
Mostly organ failure and infections but also CFS.
You don't want this.
You won't listen to me I know this, they didn't and they know me.
PLEASE!! prove me wrong. Stop doing the cleaning and find a way to get your sleep.
Can you get a cubby house to sleep in?0 -
What kind of person makes a decision like that without consulting with their spouse?
Your primary problem is with your husband, Your inlaws are only secondary.
Exactly this. Tell hubby they go or you do and stick to it.0 -
When is your lease up?
The best solution may be for you to move into a new apartment at the end of the lease. I know you don't want to move; however, you can offer to let them keep the apartment you are currently living in and your family will move into something more suitable for you. They will take over full rent and utilities on the old place and you will take over rent and utilities in the new. Ensure they realize there will not be room for them to continue to live with you.0 -
simple
put all their personal crap they leave around in those bins with lids and close it..I wouldnt wash or clean anything beyond that..and I def wouldnt argue about it or complain...why cause any stress in your own relationship perhaps they dont like you either and this could be a good way to get you and your guy to break up...you gotta be smart...just toss their stuff in a bin...and buy ear plugs and sleep..you agreed to them living there so tolerate it until they are out ......if you and your hubby need to move then do so when the lease is up.0 -
When is your lease up?
The best solution may be for you to move into a new apartment at the end of the lease. I know you don't want to move; however, you can offer to let them keep the apartment you are currently living in and your family will move into something more suitable for you. They will take over full rent and utilities on the old place and you will take over rent and utilities in the new. Ensure they realize there will not be room for them to continue to live with you.
Yes, this^^. I'm trying to work on fixing my credit and saving $$ to buy a home and they damn straight will not be living with me, no ifs ands or buts0 -
you need to tell your husband to stop feeling bad for his sister cause his sister is only taking advantage of you guys if she cared enough she would have her *kitten* up helping you trying to see if u need anything or at least help clean up when i lived with my inlaws we all sat down and worked out a sceule on whos doing what one day and so on take turns washing dishes vacuuming and cooking if u make seperate meals that s fine but u gotta talk to her and tell her u dont wanna argue u just need her help arond the house if shes planning on living there and ur husband should understand that0
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Thank you to the ones who gave me advice....I will be sitting my hubby down tonight to seriously talk about this issue without fighting and hopefully things will change.0
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It sounds like your husband isn't respecting your feelings. I think it's time to put your foot down. You've been nice and put up with it for his sake now it's time for him to tell his sister to get her act together. I know none of my brothers would put up with that crap from me, especially if I was irritating their wife!0
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I hate people!0
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Also when he leaves his crap around the house I would "clean" by throwing it away.0
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this is so true! what is wrong with people?!welcome to 2012 where it's ok to be a freeloader0 -
What kind of person makes a decision like that without consulting with their spouse?
Your primary problem is with your husband, Your inlaws are only secondary.
This^^^^
This situation is putting stress on your marriage and you are obviously feeling resentful. If you and your husband can't resolve this it will kill your marriage.0 -
What kind of person makes a decision like that without consulting with their spouse?
Your primary problem is with your husband, Your inlaws are only secondary.
I agree and unfortunately your hubby is going to have to be the one to ask them to leave. Don't let him use you as an excuse to make himself look better either. I have been in you exact position (totally different situation though) and I know how hard it is. You really need to keep communicating with your husband until he can understand where you are coming from and you need to be prepared to do what you have to do if he never gets there.
You as his wife should come first! I feel you pain and hope it works out for everyone! SOON!
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Bye bye in-laws time to go face the real world & hubby needs to be supporting YOU0
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