When is a relationship beyond fixing

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  • 1996gtstang
    1996gtstang Posts: 279 Member
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    just do what is best for you and makes you happy. take a little break to think the situation over
  • peuglow
    peuglow Posts: 684 Member
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    Talk to him about the problems instead of asking an internet forum. You'll probably learn a lot more and get flamed a lot less.
  • Arie_Here_Love
    Arie_Here_Love Posts: 5 Member
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    I thought I was the only one asking this question...my boyfriend haven't talked to me in almost a week....he have completely lost focus of what we planned for our future ...so now we are on two complete pages...and I feel like it's a waste of time and it's making me miserable. :-(
  • Goal_Line
    Goal_Line Posts: 474 Member
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    I'm just learning how to make the right decisions for ME not everyone else.

    Per you profile you have 2 kids, so you are not just making decisions for YOU.
  • jlapey
    jlapey Posts: 1,850 Member
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    When you can not see yourself with him for the rest of your life, it's pretty much over. Ask yourself: Is what he has to offer, what you want in life? Is he enough without you having to change him?

    BUT don't just walk out. Discuss the issue with him and see what he thinks, how he feels and then both of you decide whether it's fixable. After 4 years, you each deserve the opportunity to explain yourselves.
  • Missanticipated
    Missanticipated Posts: 31
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    I hope this doesn't sound harsh but I'm just going to get straight to the point. It sounds like you've already made you're decision, you're just looking for some back up and someone to tell you to do it. Not once in your post did you say any good points to the relationship.im not trying to be heartless, I'm having my own relationship troubles but I'm just trying to be honest to you from what you've written. Hope this helps :)
  • ahviendha
    ahviendha Posts: 1,291 Member
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    For me, I argue everyday with my spouse, but it's not important life decisions or personal traits we're arguing about.

    It's often, "We already went to that restaurant, let's go to a new one!"
    "No we didn't! I would remember eating there! Look at that cool sign I would remember that!"
    "uhhh I got spicy tuna roll and you got the cheesesteak, no mayo with fries. you don't remember?"
    "i would definitely remember, you're crazy"
    "no YOU'RE crazy!"

    then we make out.

    But yeah. If you don't want to repair it, then it's done. Or if you have that burnt out feeling ... where you feel you give too much and don't receive in return (or vice versa).
  • dalana84
    dalana84 Posts: 75 Member
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    Sounds like you don't enjoy arguing? Do you think he's the kind of person that likes a verbal challenge?

    We're both very strong minded and opinionated but don't think either of us like arguing. We've both been on the voicing end of "I hate arguing like this, it has to stop" so I'm not so sure its that he enjoys it, just that neither one of us really backs down
  • abnerner
    abnerner Posts: 452 Member
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    I think if you are asking that means you care and want to fix the issues. I personally dont think that relationships are ever "EASY". Yes, some times are easier when its the right person, but I don't believe that people can get through things without working at them.

    If you are both willing to work at it, than it's worth fixing. If one of you doesn't want to work, it's not worth fixing. If both of you want to be happy again, than it's worth it, if neither of you are happy and don't want to try to be happy, than it's not.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    If you have kids with this man, you owe it to them to try to make it work. However, if there is no middle ground, you owe it to them to give them a safe household.
  • dalana84
    dalana84 Posts: 75 Member
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    I hope this doesn't sound harsh but I'm just going to get straight to the point. It sounds like you've already made you're decision, you're just looking for some back up and someone to tell you to do it. Not once in your post did you say any good points to the relationship.im not trying to be heartless, I'm having my own relationship troubles but I'm just trying to be honest to you from what you've written. Hope this helps :)

    I guess you could be right, sometimes I'll sit and think about how I'll do things on my own but every time I do I can't really imagine it. I do still have love for him, a lot of it and I miss the days when I confided in him and went to him for comfort. That is what keeps me hanging on, hoping that all I have to do is find out why they're gone.
  • dalana84
    dalana84 Posts: 75 Member
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    Talk to him about the problems instead of asking an internet forum. You'll probably learn a lot more and get flamed a lot less.

    I think I worry about his answer ...........
  • BruteSquad
    BruteSquad Posts: 373 Member
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    Here is what I think and that is all it is.


    I believe you can break up any time. So I suggest putting down all the old arguments and crap that we hold onto in a relationship. You can't start over, but you can be who you want to be and not apologize. That may lead to a break up, but it is honest. For that to work, both people have to be onboard. Most people are where they are in a relationship because they don't always express what is going on inside. So many things unsaid or undone including "I'm sorry, I was wrong" "I won't be doing that" "You are awesome" "I did not live up to my end of the deal."

    Now if your finances aren't right, you are on an uphill battle. No one wants to be the one to sacrifice for the good of the household. IMHO that is the downfall of modern relationships. I believe as a man I should damn well provide a place to live and food on the table. Regardless of other things, or who does laundry or dishes or whatever. I take responsibility for a place to live and food on the table. That means I can veto where we live based on price and I do the grocery shopping. But then again, I was raised to be a man, not an androgynous selfish boy. I am sure I am stubborn and my honesty is sometimes mistaken for being purposefully hurtful. However, there is no misunderstanding as to what I think or how I feel. You know my word is good and it is not all about me. I often sacrifice something I want, to ensure the woman that I take into my household is cared for properly.

    I tell you all of that so that you understand that not every woman is right for me. Not every man is right for you.

    If you are asking if it is over, then you are on your way out even if it could be salvaged. What do you put into the relationship? What does he put into the relationship? Is it WORTH fixing or are you scared to be alone.

    Never let your fear decide your fate.
  • dalana84
    dalana84 Posts: 75 Member
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    I'm just learning how to make the right decisions for ME not everyone else.

    Per you profile you have 2 kids, so you are not just making decisions for YOU.

    True but I need to be in a healthy and positive state of mind for them, and so does he. I don't want them to grow up in a house full of anger and stress.
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,143 Member
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    When in doubt, get out. :)
  • dalana84
    dalana84 Posts: 75 Member
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    Here is what I think and that is all it is.


    I believe you can break up any time. So I suggest putting down all the old arguments and crap that we hold onto in a relationship. You can't start over, but you can be who you want to be and not apologize. That may lead to a break up, but it is honest. For that to work, both people have to be onboard. Most people are where they are in a relationship because they don't always express what is going on inside. So many things unsaid or undone including "I'm sorry, I was wrong" "I won't be doing that" "You are awesome" "I did not live up to my end of the deal."

    Now if your finances aren't right, you are on an uphill battle. No one wants to be the one to sacrifice for the good of the household. IMHO that is the downfall of modern relationships. I believe as a man I should damn well provide a place to live and food on the table. Regardless of other things, or who does laundry or dishes or whatever. I take responsibility for a place to live and food on the table. That means I can veto where we live based on price and I do the grocery shopping. But then again, I was raised to be a man, not an androgynous selfish boy. I am sure I am stubborn and my honesty is sometimes mistaken for being purposefully hurtful. However, there is no misunderstanding as to what I think or how I feel. You know my word is good and it is not all about me. I often sacrifice something I want, to ensure the woman that I take into my household is cared for properly.

    I tell you all of that so that you understand that not every woman is right for me. Not every man is right for you.

    If you are asking if it is over, then you are on your way out even if it could be salvaged. What do you put into the relationship? What does he put into the relationship? Is it WORTH fixing or are you scared to be alone.

    Never let your fear decide your fate.

    Thank you for this. I think I will walk away having taken the most from your post.
  • jwaitman
    jwaitman Posts: 367 Member
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    If you aren't married and no kids now is definitely the time to break things off. I am kind of in the same boat, I find everything about my husband annoying, even his chewing. If it was simple I would have been gone years ago, but we have kids so it is just not that easy. Get out now while you can before you find yourself married for way too long and you can't get out.
  • oneIT
    oneIT Posts: 388 Member
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    Kids and money can kill any relationship. lol
    It's hard as **** to keep it together.
    Been there, done that. I feel free now.
  • ILoveTheBrowns
    ILoveTheBrowns Posts: 661 Member
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    sometimes its just time to end it and live life being single and collecting cats
  • crazyellybean
    crazyellybean Posts: 999 Member
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    Oye if I knew the answer to this question I may not be so unhappy myself. I'm in a similar situation, only I've been married 5 years and we have been together going on 10 years. We fight ALL the time, and it seems like we can't just have one day of being happy.

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