Do you get along with your inlaws........

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  • wheezybreezy
    wheezybreezy Posts: 315 Member
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    My MIL passed away before I met my husband and he hasn't spoken to his father in ten years, so I never met him either. His entire family lives in Texas (we're in California now) so we never really visit.

    They like me, and think I've been "good for my man" whatever that means.. But our values and worldview just do not match up. I'm pretty thankful we don't live closer.
  • bsuew
    bsuew Posts: 628 Member
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    My in-laws passed away years ago. I got along with them great. My husband wishes often that they would of been around longer to see their grandkids grow up! They are missed.
  • chsmith79
    chsmith79 Posts: 240 Member
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    Yes, we get along great. My dad passed away when I was 12, so my father-in-law has been like a second dad to me.
  • BettyMae73
    BettyMae73 Posts: 16 Member
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    Sadly no... :grumble: I envy those of you with good in-law relationships.

    Mine was fine until I voiced an opinion (after 16 years of doing the dutiful daughter-in-law thing) Since I have had children and we have coped very well as parents (ie we didnt fall appart and need their help contantly) the troubles have started...I believe relationships of any kind are two way things...and you should not have to spend time with people that make you miserable. I stopped visiting mine when I realised my children had an unhappy Mummy a few days either side of a visit. Now my husband takes the children now and then (reluctantly), for their sake so I don't get so upset by their words and actions.
    The thing I cannot tolerate is in-laws not making an effort with my children....dislike me by all means but to miss a child's event out of spite is not acceptable.
    I actually used to be made to feel guilty for being close to my own parents!! Anyway...this is one of those subjects I could rant on about for hours so I will stop now :laugh:
  • chulie
    chulie Posts: 282
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    Sadly I do not.....I come from a family where family is your #1 priority. So when I first met my in-laws, we were very very close because I kept pushing my BF(at the time) to do things with his family. I felt sorry for his mom because she seemed so unloved by her kids....so for 3 years I did everything in my power to do "family" things with them.......only to find out...no matter how hard I tried, his mother was just a very sad, angry woman and no matter what I did, nothing was good enough. I saw how she treated my hubby and I was just so sad she couldn't see what a wonderful, caring son she had. I could always see in his eyes he was looking for some sort of praise from her, or something that would tell him she's proud of who he has become....and it never came.

    So then I switched to protector mode, I still push to see them every other weekend, simply because if she dies I don't want my husband to have regret, I want him to know he did EVERYTHING he could to try and make her happy, even if she never was. She's a very negative woman who really poisions anyone she meets.....I have 2 sister-in-laws and a father in law. Father in law, great quiet guy....Sisters, 1 of them is like another sister to me, and the other is pretty evil too..(like her mother).....It took me a LONG time to accept I couldn't change who my MIL was.....I will always have love for her because end of the day, she brought my husband into this world and I love him more than anything on the planet(it's still a mystery how he turned out so sweet?!?) I will always respect her for that.....but she is not anything other than an "in-law" to me...

    Hubby on the other hand...well, he says he hit the jackpot when it comes to inlaws...he says my family is more a family to him than his own....he sees my mother as a REAL mother to him....
  • AuddAlise
    AuddAlise Posts: 723 Member
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    Every time I have to visit them, which is every second Sunday, I want to claw my eyes out.

    Maybe this has been asked but why do you HAVE to visit them? They're not your parents; nor are they your responsibility. If you don't want to go, don't. But if you do go then the only person you can blame for your unhappy eye clawing is you.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
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    Yes! Mine are great, I love them, and they are such wonderful grandparents to my son.
    That sounds wonderful!
  • amicklin
    amicklin Posts: 452
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    Mine are VERY fake and close minded. They have good intentions in their weird, warped perspectives though. Very strange arrangement.

    I love my husband dearly though so that helps quite alot.
  • AuddAlise
    AuddAlise Posts: 723 Member
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    Oh, and in answer to your question as to whether I like my in laws or not; I like my inlaws very much. Sure we butt heads now and again but they are good caring people whom I love.

    My family I often avoid and would never make my husband play nice with if he disliked them. In fact when I would visit them I would make sure it didn't interfere with my husbands off time so that he wouldn't have to miss the children. They have now both moved far enough away that I no longer visit. I've seen my Mom once in the past two years and my Dad lives in Brazil. I haven't seen him since August of 2011.
  • travisseger
    travisseger Posts: 271 Member
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    I once heard a psychologist say that when visiting people you should strictly adhere to a "five meal rule." That means that the length of your/their stay should last no longer than the period of time it takes to have five meals. That means if I come in town before lunch today, I am gone before breakfast on Friday. As long as this rule is adhered to, I get along with my in-laws fine. Every single time that rule has been broken it has led to problems. They live across the country so we don't see them often, and when we do, unfortunately the visit usually last too long and some sort of friction/drama occurs.

    I can't wai for their two week visit in December. :explode:
  • BettyMae73
    BettyMae73 Posts: 16 Member
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    I once heard a psychologist say that when visiting people you should strictly adhere to a "five meal rule." That means that the length of your/their stay should last no longer than the period of time it takes to have five meals. That means if I come in town before lunch today, I am gone before breakfast on Friday. As long as this rule is adhered to, I get along with my in-laws fine. Every single time that rule has been broken it has led to problems. They live across the country so we don't see them often, and when we do, unfortunately the visit usually last too long and some sort of friction/drama occurs.

    I can't wai for their two week visit in December. :explode:

    I like this but can I swop meals for hours? Its funny how there is a cut-off point....4 and a half hours is fine...stay 5 hours and like you say friction and drama!!
    Good luck in December!
  • Katz135
    Katz135 Posts: 22
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    I lost my mother in law years ago and my father in law a few years back.. They brought something special into the lives of those who knew them. (including mine) There is hardly a day that goes by that I don't think of them and miss them.
  • iAMsmiling
    iAMsmiling Posts: 2,394 Member
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    Yes, ever since they died.
  • lamoursuffit
    lamoursuffit Posts: 267 Member
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    Most days. We live with his mom and his step-dad. His step dad is the most amazing person on the planet, pretty much, and I love him very much. His mother and I are alike, so we bump heads sometimes, but most days we get along great :) I also love her very much.

    Now, his father is a pig-headed, racist, arrogant *kitten* that thinks everything is a game and kicked his son out and refuses to call him so he doesn't feel like he "lost".


    But for the most part, yes, I do get along with my inlaws.:laugh:

    ETA: as far as my fiance's feelings on my family...he loves my dad, mom and brother. My sister...he could do without. I can't blame him, I've been in school for over a year and have had many conversations about it with her...and she has no idea what I'm going to school for. Sometimes my mom can be a bit rash and he doesn't like that, but for the most part he really loves my family and tolerates my sister :bigsmile:
  • Jocosase
    Jocosase Posts: 82 Member
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    The descriptions used by some are hillarious!!!

    I have awesome inlaws. Can't complain. They are awesome to my kids. They live 500 miles away and we try to visit as often as we can.
  • ReesesPuffs
    ReesesPuffs Posts: 169
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    I get along with my "In laws" better than my own parents. They're literally a second family to me at this point.
  • DisneyAddictRW
    DisneyAddictRW Posts: 800 Member
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    I respect them and get along with them. We are totally different people but I've learned to get along. I'm going on my first vacation with them to Disney World in December. This will be a REAL test for me!
  • Damion72
    Damion72 Posts: 531 Member
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    I pretned to.
  • jnh17
    jnh17 Posts: 838 Member
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    Hell no. But my husband likes them even less so it's all good.
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
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    I tried for years to get along with my mother-in-law who was abusive toward almost everyone she ever knew. She could be very sweet but would also turn on you for no reason in the middle of a conversation. From sweet to scary in ten seconds. I've never been to a funeral where no one cried, but that's how hers was. I asked my husband the other day if he missed her, and he said "No." When she died, I wasn't grieving her as much as missed opportunities to be close. It just couldn't happen due to her mental illness that was never properly diagnosed or treated. Her abusive nature pushed everyone away.

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