Top 5 things you say/type at work

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Replies

  • JosephVitte
    JosephVitte Posts: 2,039
    I just skimmed through the replies and just realized how R-rated my office is. My top 5 are:

    1) That's what she said.
    2) For f*cks sake!
    3) Are you f*cking kidding me?!?
    4) What the hell does she want now??
    5) Shut your f*cking face.

    No lie.

    Sounds healthy, lol
  • evereadysmile
    evereadysmile Posts: 137
    1. No, we've already done that, the documents are here.
    2. [name redacted] hasn't turned in his reports yet, I don't have final numbers.
    3. I'm sorry, there seems to be an error in your invoice. I'm only coming up with (X) amount. Can you verify the quantity difference?
    4. Yes, I'll submit it as soon as you send corrected documents.
    5. Omy #@$%ing G$%!! Seriously? It's 3:45 on Friday he isn't even going to look at the report before Tuesday.

    Thing most commonly said to me: Can you have that to me by the end of day today or first thing tomorrow? Which when I finally crack, you'll find me wandering around muttering, "It's the SAME thing, either way it has to be done before I leave."
  • StinkyWinkies
    StinkyWinkies Posts: 603 Member
    Say:

    "Come with me"
    "It's time for (insert meal here)"
    "My names is (insert name here)"
    "Turn this/that way for me please"
    "It's time for bed/get into bed, please"

    (CNA working home care and a facility)
  • achampionsheart
    achampionsheart Posts: 1,020 Member
    1. Did so-and-so have a BM (bowel movement)?
    2. No, the supervisor didn't tell me so-and-so was in the hospital.
    3. Are you scheduled to work? Because I'm on the schedule...? Okay I'll go home.
    4. Stop staring at me.
    5. OMG, it went everywhere.

    your job sounds very exciting..hehe
  • dylan104373
    dylan104373 Posts: 55 Member
    Haha here are a few of the things I say or think when an engineer brings me a sketch to draw up:

    1. When do these drawings need to be finished?
    2. They changed their minds...again.
    3. Man, this drawing is bloody.
    4. That drawing is going in my "it's after 4pm and I don't have the focus to deal with that *kitten* today" pile.
    5. (At 4:55pm) You just brought this drawing to me...what do you mean when you say you want it finished by the end of the day??
  • DRBuchholz
    DRBuchholz Posts: 55 Member
    1. No, in Chinese. (in response to a student asking if something needs to be done in Spanish).
    2. Saquen los paquetes y abranlos a la página....
    3. Silencio, por favor. Escuchen. ¡Cállense!
    4. {Insert name here}, you still haven't handed in your {insert assignment here}
    5. They want us to incorporate technology but then none of it works.
  • acuratlsd
    acuratlsd Posts: 228
    I don't go to work, but I do go to college and that seems like work to me cause you know.. the teachers and students are just so damn complicating.

    1. Shut up, the teacher isn't talking to you.
    2. Get off facebook, no one likes you!
    3. Don't bother putting software on that computer, once you reboot, it will just erase it. (never ever listen to me!)
    4. Pull your damn pants up, this isn't the 90's
    5. World doesn't revolve around you, get over it! (I'm 28, we have a lot of young people thinking their hot **** at 18 and 19 y/o)
  • giggitygoo
    giggitygoo Posts: 1,978 Member
    1. Call the producer, this deadline is ridiculous
    2. Did you read the email I sent you? (or just open the attachment)
    3. Let's take another look at this layout
    4. This font is enormous
    5. Typing it in Helvetica does not make it a brand.
  • super_monty
    super_monty Posts: 419 Member
    I used to be an IT manager
    1) No the lead time is xxxx
    2) Get off facebook and do some work
    3) Just turn it off and on again
    4) I need a drink
    5) I will get that done by COP today.
  • tetracat
    tetracat Posts: 74 Member
    1. Hydrocodone 5/500
    2. T1T PO QD
    3. No, we can't accept a fax for that, we need the actual hard copy
    4. Can I put you on hold for the billing dept? (We don't have a billing dept, I just usually don't want to answer the question.)
    5. No, we really can't take a fax. No, I don't know why they told you we could. They are not the pharmacy, we are.
    6. F'ing computer/QS1/nurses!
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
    G-Unit, Totes, jajajajaja, why are you ignoring me, brb

    I have a friend from our office in another city I used to work at and I talk to him every day through office communicator.. he is pretty much the only person from work that I talk to.These are some of our catch phrases.
  • ChristyRunStarr
    ChristyRunStarr Posts: 1,600 Member
    1. Just a moment please
    2. No, I haven't read your email yet cause it came through 1.5 seconds before you walked up to my desk
    3. You're an adult-put your dishes in the dishwasher
    4. It's 4:45-you seriously need that 1,000 page report you're coming to me with to be ready for FedEx at 5pm?
    5. Close the door-can't you read the sign?
  • heyshell79
    heyshell79 Posts: 65 Member
    Name?
    Date of Birth?
    Which Arm would you like to use?
    Just a little Pinch...
    Great! now put some good pressure right here while I get the bandage.
  • travisseger
    travisseger Posts: 271 Member
    1. "Your PDF proof is attached. Please review carefully and respond back with print approval or with any necessary revisions."

    2. "The PDF you sent me is low-res and will look like *kitten* if we take it to press. Can you get your customer to send me either a high-res PDF or the native files?"

    3. "You're either going to have to get me a better logo or they're going to have to pay for me to recreate it."

    4. "What are you looking for? Don't touch my job jackets unless you want a broken arm. Tell me what you need and I'll get it for you."

    5. "The job jacket isn't marked. Am I laying this out for the Heidelberg or the Shino?"
  • Onesnap
    Onesnap Posts: 2,819 Member
    1. What date do you need your policy to begin?
    2. What year did you graduate from dental school?
    3. How do you spell that?
    4. I'm not sure if the fax came through. I have to go down to the mail room and check. Did it say on your end that it went through?
    5. Are you doing partially impacted 3rd molars or just fully erupted? We don't cover fully impacted.
  • erica79
    erica79 Posts: 242 Member
    1. this is Erica
    2. can you repeat your name please?
    3. I'm sorry your name again?
    4 can you please spell your last name?
    5. you don't get paid until tomorrow..if the check is not in your account then, please call me back.
    (they never call back)
  • feather314
    feather314 Posts: 97
    1. Thank you for calling __________; how may I help you?
    2. Report sent to ______ or report uploaded to _______ website
    3. Kristal, Robert, Angelena, Gerrie, Cathy, Tracy (emails to people in my dept)
    4. Thanks
    5. Please let us know if there is anything else we can help you with.
  • chubby_checkers
    chubby_checkers Posts: 2,352 Member
    1. What user name are you using?
    2. Click on the IE icon. The internet. Bottom left corner. Left. Click. No, left click.
    3. Ctrl A, Ctrl C, Ctrl V.
    4. I don't know why you can't access your email at home.
    5. Did you save it to your flashdrive?
  • travisseger
    travisseger Posts: 271 Member
    oh oh...also...

    "no, 72dpi is NOT high res."

    Oh god this... all day long!!!

    And ... just because you put .eps at the end doesn't make it a vector file.

    HA YES!

    If I only had a dollar for every time I say both of these things...
  • Toya2xcel
    Toya2xcel Posts: 107 Member
    1. Is your caps lock off?
    2. No we cannot refill your prescription for hydrocodone, percocet etc, it was just filled yesterday, if it was "stolen" you will have to file a police report.
    3. Are you using Internet Explorer?
    4. No, medicaid does not cover mattresses (for regular beds) or electric blankets or rides to work or food or cosmetic surgery or whatever other ridiculous thing you can think of to ask lol
    5. The claim was denied because....
  • andiechick
    andiechick Posts: 916 Member
    1. "Hello IELTS" (when answering the phone every 30 seconds!)
    2. I'm hungry
    3. You can pay by credit or debit card
    4. I'm really not in the mood for work today
    5. No we have got any tests available before ....
  • Onesnap
    Onesnap Posts: 2,819 Member
    1. this is Erica
    2. can you repeat your name please?
    3. I'm sorry your name again?
    4 can you please spell your last name?
    5. you don't get paid until tomorrow..if the check is not in your account then, please call me back.
    (they never call back)

    I ask people all of the time to spell and re-spell their names. My clients come from all over the world originally (but work in the US)
  • SherryR1971
    SherryR1971 Posts: 1,170 Member
    1. I'm sorry your order is late
    2. It will now ship on (insert lie here)

    that is all I say...
  • meg7399
    meg7399 Posts: 672 Member
    1. Let go of my hair!
    2. You need to sit in your chair and keeps hands down!
    3. Let go of her hair!
    4. Quiet voices please!
    5. Again let go of her!

    Autism teacher...quite a bit of hair pullers!
  • bushidowoman
    bushidowoman Posts: 1,599 Member
    "Buh-lood! Not funny!"
    "It's only a flesh wound!"
    "Code brown!"
    "He's dead, Jim."
    "I've had enough of this $#!%. I'm going to be a bartender."
  • bugaha1
    bugaha1 Posts: 602 Member
    1. Don't make me come over this wall.
    2. You wanna get swept?
    3. If I get up your going down.
    4. Hey guy on the other side of the cubical wall, STOP moaning mmm good while you're eating your lunch.
    5. Don't forget to get you're husbands a card for bosses day. =)
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    1. Pls see attached.
    2. Please let me know if you have any questions.
    3. The following policies have been published.
    4. Let's do a Live Meeting so I can see the problem.
    5. That's a line of business policy, not a corporate policy.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    1. WTF is wrong with the printer?
    2. WTF is wrong with our customer service agents?
    3. Issue: Research: Action: Resolution:
    4. WTF is wrong with these managers?
    5. Just be glad we have a job!
  • LeeshaNichole
    LeeshaNichole Posts: 179 Member
    1.) Hi, How are you doing?
    2.) This line is for returns and exchanges, for purchases go through the maze.
    3.) Yes, I understand I am the only person up here but purchases are through the maze.
    4.) Thank you-have a great day.
    5.) Thank you for calling your Jantzen beach _______, Where you find new treasures everyday, This is Alicia-how may I help you?
  • Dina275
    Dina275 Posts: 35 Member
    1. Come on
    2. Push up
    3. Get up
    4. Out you go
    5. Move up

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