husband hasn't noticed.

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Replies

  • KrazyAsianNic
    KrazyAsianNic Posts: 1,227 Member
    maybe he just doesnt notice. like ourselves, he sees you everyday. maybe put out some comparison photos and look at them when he passes by and see if he sees it in photos
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
    its been yrs since hes told you that you were pretty? im sorry but bigger issues here
  • sammys1girly
    sammys1girly Posts: 1,045 Member
    If he's like my husband then maybe he's scared to comment on your weight. Some guys think that a woman's age and weight are off limits, often because they mistakenly offended someone.

    This is also true, sometimes when a man would say something like

    "Wow you have really slimmed down!"

    Emotional women translate that as:

    "OMG you were so fat before"

    When that is not what we said at all.

    My thought too...if he said he noticed you lost alot of weight, he might be afraid you'd be offended...:ohwell:
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    The only way I get compliments from my husband is if I fish for them, as flat out ask for them. 'eh, there are more important things in relationships than getting compliments.
  • lawrahmck
    lawrahmck Posts: 57
    My clothes are hanging off my body and I just can't imagine why he doesn't say anything.

    Sometimes it takes a new outfit showing off the progress to turn some heads.

    agree with this!
  • Edestiny7
    Edestiny7 Posts: 730 Member
    I find it easier to notice things on people I do not spend all of my time with. I bet if you put on a 'hot' fitted outfit, he would take notice right quick! ;-)
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    My fiance never compliments me only has critical comments. In fact, I've been emotional over the loss of my baby and he told me I need to change my F**ck*ng attitude. So yay I'm w/ a really great guy. They wont ever change so you either accept it or you move on.
  • mom2handh1975
    mom2handh1975 Posts: 224 Member
    Put on a sexy outfit that FITS you. He'll say something for sure. Baggy clothes don't attract attention.
  • atxdee
    atxdee Posts: 613 Member
    He is just jealous!
  • danifo0811
    danifo0811 Posts: 544 Member
    I'm going to be honest and say I only notice my weight loss because I can wear smaller clothes.

    My husband never commented other than to ask how it was going. I'm ok with that because then I can continue the delusion he didn't notice the extra 40+ lbs.
  • thelaurameister
    thelaurameister Posts: 689 Member
    I'm only down 20 with a LOT more to lose, so my weight loss really isn't obvious, but my boyfriend makes comments about my baggy pants. He'll say stuff like "Is the MC Hammer look coming back?" He also seems to get a kick out of grabbing the back of my pants since they're baggy enough for him to slip his hand into so I can't walk (all in fun, not in a mean way). He says stuff like that, but he has not once directly said anything about my weight loss, even though I'm sure he notices with the things he has said. I don't think it's wired in most men's brains. Men aren't as compliment-driven as women tend to be. Also, it could be insecurity on HIS part...You're succeeding in something while he's not (don't know if that's true, just a possible scenario). I honestly think that's why my boyfriend never mentions anything...He's not overweight so he has no need to lose weight, but he doesn't have any goals set for himself that he can strive for...I'd imagine it's not a great feeling when somebody close to you is succeeding. There's no reason for jealousy, but I'd imagine that jealousy does play a part in why he doesn't say anything.
  • zeebruhgirl
    zeebruhgirl Posts: 493 Member
    if it makes you feel better you hubby looks like a dork ...... maybe a pocket protector would turn him on

    You're on fire today boo haha
  • qtiekiki
    qtiekiki Posts: 1,490 Member
    Tell him how you feel.

    And that's what makes things work. Nothing else needs to be said. Let him know. Men can't read minds. Not the minds of women for sure.

    Yup.
  • bluefox9er
    bluefox9er Posts: 2,917 Member
    he HAS noticed..he's just saying nothing.
  • strawbblondie
    strawbblondie Posts: 143 Member
    hello fellow MFPs.

    I need to rant for a minute. I've been working out the last few months, lost a total of 25 pounds and my husband has said NOTHING. my coworkers comment, but zilch from the man. he's an extraordinary person, a great father, but really... can't he just say something nice and encouraging?

    I can't remember the last time he told me I was pretty or that I looked nice (we are talking YEARS). My clothes are hanging off my body and I just can't imagine why he doesn't say anything. grrrrrrr

    thank you for listening to my rant.

    Unfortunately, if he hasn't complimented you in a long time, he isn't going to compliment you on your weight loss, either. Mine was the same way...now he's my ex. You may have to beat him over the head with it. Or have a male friend or family member compliment you in front of you...he may get the picture then, only because it was coming from someone else and not you.
  • kydreamer256
    kydreamer256 Posts: 2
    I know what you mean... I'v lost 40 lbs and he hasn't said a word........keep up the good work.....:flowerforyou:
  • findfan4ever
    findfan4ever Posts: 153 Member
    Its okay to vent. We all need to every now and again.

    As a husband with a wife who has lost roughly 30 pounds, I have noticed and I tell her. I try to be as supportive as I can and let her know just how amazing she is looking. Her clothes falling off her body is a welcomed benefit. Whoopie!!!!!!

    If his lack of communication regarding your weight loss and everything else is a norm, then there could be deeper rooted issues. Maybe he was raised in such a way that men don't show that much emotion, however you did say he was a great father. By that I am guessing he is a good daddy, too.

    As one person suggested above, you could try talking to him about it and DO NOT beat around the bush about it. Just be honest ..... "Honey I've been loosing weight. I feel insignificant when I don't hear you say anything positive about it." Use "I" statements to eliminate his feelings of being attacked. Maybe this can stimulate a conversation about why he hasn't mentioned anything.

    Maybe I'm over analyzing this. Open honest communication I feel is needed though.
  • happypath101
    happypath101 Posts: 534
    I was married to a man who, I swear to gawd, for 15 years never said so much as "you look nice today". It turns out he was, actually, a jerk and I divorced him 8 years ago.

    Then I had a few relationships with great guys, and not so great guys, that said something nice every time they saw me. I loved that.

    Then, I found Mr. Right. And, errrgggggh, he rarely gives me a compliment (maybe once a month or so?). And, when he does, it's SO hard for him it's painful for me to watch. I really started worrying at some point that I was with a jerk. And, then I met his family - they don't compliment each other. None of them. Ever. I started paying attention at our mutual family gatherings and it became obvious. My family will greet each other with a compliment, we'll scatter compliments throughout the conversation, and then say good-bye with a compliment. His? Nada.

    So, I think it can be a family culture thing too.

    I agree with the other posters. Men can be trained to NOT to give a compliment for fear of saying the wrong thing. But, some people are just not raised that way and not comfortable with it. He probably *has* noticed. :O)

    (BTW: I've told my guy this is really important to me, so he's working on it. In the meantime, I get a self-esteem boost here and from my friends. :O)
  • WrenAlive
    WrenAlive Posts: 23 Member

    I can't remember the last time he told me I was pretty or that I looked nice (we are talking YEARS). My clothes are hanging off my body and I just can't imagine why he doesn't say anything. grrrrrrr

    It's actually shouldn't be surprising at all. If he hasn't complimented you on your looks in years, He is not going to start now. Maybe if you can really get through to him how important it is to you, Guys mostly tell us we look good to make us happy. Whether they only say it when they notice, and its true, or if it's just BS to make us smile. The Goal is the same, to make you happy. (and the benefits that come to him when you are happy) So IF your husband knows that it will make you happy if he notices and says something nice; And IF he wants to make you happy. But right now he doesn't know because he obviously hasn't tried it in a while, and you haven't told him.
  • biljones
    biljones Posts: 1
    Here's a thought. Men are sometimes afraid to comment on a woman's appearance and they're especially afraid to comment on certain women. (I once knew a woman who's response to someone saying "you have a lovely face" was to say while in tears "I know what he really meant. He means I have a fat ugly body and nobody will ever want me")
    It's entirely possible you husband fears your response to "great job with the diet you look great" might be "oh so you thought I was fat and ugly before" or he's afraid that if he complements your weight loss he'll be in the doghouse for doing so if/when you regain the weight. I do not know you and certainly don't know how your husband feels - just stating what is often the case.
  • gaj87
    gaj87 Posts: 53 Member
    I decided to let go of my irritation in my husband for not saying anything/much about my 43 pound loss when I realized he had also said nothing about my 80 lb. weight gain since we got married. Love that man!! :happy:

    What a great way to look at it. I am just starting to realize this about my husband. He loved me when I was big and now he loves me small. To him it does not matter my size.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    If he's like my husband then maybe he's scared to comment on your weight. Some guys think that a woman's age and weight are off limits, often because they mistakenly offended someone.

    This is also true, sometimes when a man would say something like

    "Wow you have really slimmed down!"

    Emotional women translate that as:

    "OMG you were so fat before"

    When that is not what we said at all.

    ^^
  • quiltingducky
    quiltingducky Posts: 103 Member
    Same here. My husband hasn't said anything yet either, but I've only lost 15 pounds. On the other hand, as someone else mentioned, my husband has never said that I needed to lose weight either in our whole 27 years together, even as I continued to gain weight steadily over the past 5 years. He always tells me he loves me no matter what size I am. I have my own problems with that thinking "how can he?", but he insists.

    I grew up in a family where we seldom heard compliments and married a man who rarely gives compliment, so I am used to it so much so that I am not offended by the lack of them, and when I get a compliment from someone, I have a hard time accepting it, giving reasons in opposition to the compliment.
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,318 Member
    Husband: Hey, hon...you are looking great!
    Wife: What did I look like before?
    Husband: Well, you looked great then, too....but now you look...um....great-er!
    Wife: Greater? But I've lost all that weight...how can I look greater?
    Husband: I don't mean your body looks greater....no, wait...yes I do...I mean you don't have a greater body....no wait..... I mean...I mean.....
    Wife: So what DO you mean??
    Husband: Just shoot me now...ok?
  • collingmommy
    collingmommy Posts: 456 Member
    Don't feel bad, i went from 237 in Feb, 2012 to 187 as of this morning, so 50 lbs, and i had a.baby in Dec 2011.. I have to basically beg for compliments.. Lol i don't but i finally got one about 2 Weekls ago. . The sad part is i lost 54lbs in 2010 between march and October and got pregnant in march 2011, and during the whole pregnancy, no one would let me do my taebo, or walk with me our anything.. That i did beg for, so i got huge while carrying my son, and to this day, i throw that in his face, "all i wanted was someone to walk with me while i was pregnant, and u never would, you're the reason I'm basically killing myself now " so on occasion, i get compliments, good luck getting some..
  • YoshiZelda
    YoshiZelda Posts: 340 Member
    He sees you everyday... that makes it hard to notice a difference...

    This. The first couple of months my family didn't notice, but my friends did. They're just so used to you it's harder for them to tell than people you don't see on a daily basis.
  • purpleipod
    purpleipod Posts: 1,147 Member
    He sees you every.single.day. Do you really expect him to notice that quickly? It's so much harder when it's someone you see every day, especially if you have a lot of weight to lose. It takes 30-40 pounds off of me before anyone even notices.
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    It's weird for some people to compliment others or show affection in that way. I have a hard time putting my feelings into words, I know a lot of people who are the same way. As long as he SHOWS you, that's what really matters, right? And as you said, he's an extraordinary person and father, so I think that would be better than a simple compliment. Right?
  • HotCuppaJo
    HotCuppaJo Posts: 476 Member
    I suggest telling him how you feel. Maybe he has noticed but he's afraid if he comments that you will take it the wrong way. Or maybe since he sees you every day it's kind of gone over his head. Or maybe he's a total doucher, I don't know!

    Better to talk about it with him than to stew!

    LOVE this response....she's spot on.
  • jennyrebekka
    jennyrebekka Posts: 626 Member
    I decided to let go of my irritation in my husband for not saying anything/much about my 43 pound loss when I realized he had also said nothing about my 80 lb. weight gain since we got married. Love that man!! :happy:

    this is very mature - - i am super impressed.....wow.

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