Can fat people find love?

jennifer_417 · October 2012

I don't want to sound patronizing, but you're 20. You have LOTS OF TIME to become who you want to be and find the love you deserve! The sooner you start, the sooner you'll be what you want to be!

Faericn_Rising · October 2012

All of you beautiful, wondering ladies....

I was 300 lbs up to recently. It didnt mean anything, because it was all about my confidence. There are tons of men out there who love a good curvy woman, and many who love curves plus!

I dated like CRAZY for along while, but the entire time, i was waiting for that perfect man. I was between 250 and 300 lbs, the entire time. Sometimes i had one man in my life, sometimes i had many. I stayed up all night talking and drinking coffee, and all day toodling around in the park with whichever of them i wanted to, maybe playing violin.

Your life is what you make it.

There is a LOT of fat hate out there. and it hurts. Sometimes it hurts bad. But i learned 2 very valuable words in my life so far. they have absolved me of more stress than i can ever add up and explain to you all:

**** Em.

Thats right, **** em. Hear them if you want, listen if you must, but always turnaround and walk on, head held high. Because those are the moments when those men will see you.

Enter my fiancee. 6'5, 320. Tall Dark and handsome. I love my man to death. Look at our smiles in my pictures... And wether i was 250, 300, or what, he always loved and supported me for who i am in all those ways that actually matter..

There is someone for everyone, just as they are. It is more a question of wether or not you believe you are worthy, of being happy. if you dont believe in your own worthiness, no one else will either.

I know it is different for everyone, but truly.... you have to love yourself, before someone else can love you.

You may even find that after you love yourself, you dont even need, anyone else. :-)

I wish all of you the best! And please! Stop judging yourselves based on the opposite sex's reaction to you! There is so incredibly much more to life.

Dont make yourself into what you think someone else wants... make yourself into who YOU want.

Me? I met my fiancee when i was 250, and we both gained 50 lbs after that. Now i want to know what it is like to run a mile.
And he likes to bike.

But we had to be happy in our skins, first. Alone, AND, together.

butterflyqueen1984 · October 2012

You are very pretty!! I have always been fat and I hit rock bottom when I split with my first love at the age of 21 I had been with him for over 5 yrs and I really didn't know what to do with myself. I had got even bigger and fatter so I thought I would never find a nice guy, no one will want me! But one day I woke up and said to myself I can do this! In 2006 I decided to love myself again. I went out and I didn't care what people thought, I went out drinking having fun, something I had not done in years! I just didn't worry about what people thought of me because I just didn't care! People started to see me as a more confident person and loved me for me, not my weight.

Then 2 yrs after we split up I met a lovely guy we were together for 2 and half yrs then one day he just broke up with me and slept with someone else got her pregnant, he was in debt, oh I was devastated!! But this time it didn't take me an age to get off my bum and love myself again (I had got fatter being with him because I knew deep down inside that I wasn't happy in that relationship). I went online and started to chatting to people to get my confidence back, I met the love of my life 2 months after my ex had hurt me, he has helped me through EVERYTHING, I was still deeply upset about the break up, he helped me through it. I had a lot of past issues and he was always there. We now have a mortgage together, getting married in Oct 2013 and trying for kids after the wedding. I love him soooooooo much and he is wayyyy better looking than all my ex's. Before I was just settling because I thought I wasn't worth anything, don't waste your life 'settling' love yourself and don't care what people think. Now I have found the love of my life my weight is coming off, I am more happier with the way I look but I know my lover likes me for me and not my weight. Smaller people will never know whether their partner would love them if they were fat, but us fat people know that our partners love us for us, which I think is even better and shows they love us no matter what! Good luck hun and please don't give up! If you would like to add me as a friend feel free too!

Sarah xx

jinjin8 · October 2012

So when a 20 year old woman says she's not the least bit pretty, I immediately investigate. Lady, you're gorgeous!! Your eyes are lovely and your hair is fabulous!! There's a saying along the lines of "if you can't dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bull****". Make that your to-hell-with-my-low-self-esteem mantra. I'm not skinny in any way, but I ignore that nagging voice that says "You shouldn't wear that dress", pull on some heels (and stuff myself into Spanx ha) and walk into a room like they're all there waiting for me. What does that involve? Shoulders back, eyes up, big ****-eating grin and a hello for the first person you see. Yes, your mom said it too, because it's true, stop laughing. If you get in the habit of doing these things, you'll feel differently because people are going to be more receptive of you. My husband is pushing the 300-mark and I'm not kidding he has to be the most adored person everyone knows. While he is acutely aware of his weight (he is also on here, we're doing this together) it doesn't even occur to him that people might judge him or ignore him because of his size because he doesn't give them a chance to. He has something nice to say to everyone, a borderline inappropriate joke for us, and is the first person to offer a hand when needed. Having said that, yes larger people can find love because while I'm not quite the size he is, I couldn't be crazier about him if he tried to pay me. So ignore that little voice, you're a woman and unfortunately we're born with it, you just have to have selective hearing. Take your weight loss in small steps. Lose 7 lbs, you'll be under 300. There's your start.

This post ROCKS.

Agreed!

LennyInFlorida · October 2012

My wife loved me when I was over 300 lbs. She never once told me I needed to lose weight. Someone is out there for you that doesn't judge and will love you for you!

Dtho5159 · October 2012

Absolutely! You just have to find the right one!! When my husband and I met, I was 18 and he was 23. He weighed 110lb, yes you read that right 110lb. I weighed 220 at least. Our entire 10 years together I have doubled his weight. Until I joined MFP. He and I have been together 10 years in December, married 8 and a half years and have a 7 year old and an almost 5 year old together. He is the love of my life and I am his. I ask all the time and he says my weight never bothered him. He fell in love with ME.

icandoanything2 · October 2012

don't base your self-worth on what a significant other would think of you, especially in the looks department! be the best you!

jbaca9602 · October 2012

Yes, if you have a personality worth falling in love with! I have many friends in happy marriages, of all shapes and sizes. I have two best friends - the guy recently met a girl and fell in love with a girl at his work within days of meeting her. They were together less than 3 months, and there I was helping him pick out engagement rings and plot the proposal. She's "morbidly obese" but so pretty, happy, nice, and devoted to her faith. These are the things he fell in love with her for. My female best friend is a size 18 at 5' and has been in long-term relationships for most of the time I've known her, always having friends falling in love with her despite her relationship status, and recently got married. She has such a huge heart and is studying to go into social work. Totally worth falling for.

Consequently, I know of both skinny and heavier people who are jerks and can't find love. They probably spend more money on their hair and clothes and such than any of the happily attached people I know. It's all about WHO you are, not WHAT you are.

jbaca9602 · October 2012

Also, my husband used to be 300 lbs and was basically never single. I've been overweight since we met, when he was down to a lean 165 lbs at 6'2". He thinks I'm totally sexy and is actually a bit apprehensive about me losing weight because he doesn't want me to lose my curves and the way I look in a pair of jeans lol, but he does actually push me to succeed anyway

aussiemegs82 · October 2012

To be honest, alot of young men are superficial. In their early 20's alot of guys are worried more about how a girl looks then if they are good to talk to. Now, (before I get crucified) I am generalising but in my experience, its mostly true.
Then they grow up. They realise that the girl they want to marry is first and foremost a good person, kind and good to talk to. She is happy, confident and at ease with herself and others.
Now, the important question to ask yourself is this. Am I the latter? If you aren't, work on that. Because nothing, nothing, is more unattractive than a person that is looking for constant validation from their partner. You need to be ok with yourself before anyone else can be too. If you continue to have such self loathing and insecurity I promise you this...you will not have a successful relationship even if you meet Mr Perfect. You will be so racked with insecurity that you will sabbotage anything that may have been possible.
Now girlfriend...love yourself. You owe yourself that. Life is too short to feel so crap.

Erisad · October 2012

I found my bf when I was halfway towards my goal. I'm not there yet but he has thought I was sexy every step of the way. It just takes some confidence in yourself and the right fella. Then again, my bf is 28 (I'm 23, so I'm not too far behind) so maybe he grew out of the immature phase most guys go through in their teens and early 20s.

sariannach · October 2012

My boyfriend is a bit more than 100lbs overweight. I was about 55lbs overweight when we started dating four years ago; I'm down to about 35lbs over now. I'm making changes in my life because I want to be healthier and feel more comfortable. He eats like he doesn't know when his next meal will be. His lifestyle choices are just that--his. Would I be pleased if he decided to lose weight and quit smoking? Sure, I'd love to have more quality years together. Will I pressure him about those things? Hell no. They are his choices--just as my choices are my own. I think it's a mistake made by many people, the belief that you can change someone else. The choice should be between accept your partner as he or she is, or acknowledge that you can't deal with those aspects and move on instead of torturing them with your expectations/demands. I love my sweetie and I am proud that he is by my side. He's a wonderful, gentle, thoughtful guy and I think he's quite brave given the challenges life has thrown in his path.

Can fat people find love?

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