Cruel Family Members

I've found, in my forty-three years of life, that when mean people talk about (or to) others, they're really talking about themselves.

When he said, "you're fat," what he really meant was I don't like myself so I'm going to try to make you as miserable as I am. And the better you feel, the harder I'm going to try.

Instead of being upset with yourself, it might help if you try to feel sympathy toward him for his self-hatred.

Fourteen pounds is a great accomplishment, especially for one of us petite women.

Congratulations on your weight loss!

A lot of old people tend to make rude comments about weight. I've noticed that over the years.

I've been in similar situations. As much as it's hard to ignore, try to. It'll only hurt your progress in changing your lifestyle. You do what you need to do to make yourself feel more better about yourself. You will show them!!

This remark wasn't made by friends at all. My senior year of high school, three years ago, I had to do a group project where we had to reenact a part of Shakespeare; we had to improvise with things we had right then and there. Well I was going to be the sound effects, thunder mainly. Well my group was up, so I was making a "boom" sound and in front of the whole class the two "popular" girls said:

1st girl: "Wow, she sounds like a cow making those sounds."
2nd girl: "well look at her, she is a cow."

It simply broke me hearing those words. I wanted to cry, i wanted to hurt them, anything to make me feel better. But what I did do was simply smile at them and went on. However after school I bawled my eyes out for hours.

A year after my daughter was born (she is my third) it was chrstmas dinner my stepdad said quite loudly "So now that ur married you can get fat?" I almost died. I looked him rigtht in the eyes and said " I just had a baby, my third by the way" Called him a a-hole in my head and ran to the bathroom and cried.

That was four years ago and I remember it like yesterday. People have know idea what how hurtful those comments can be and how long we hold onto them.

After reading all of your postings I say "let go of the power those people hold over us, we are all trying and that is aewsome"

After trying & failing for years I've finally decided that the best method, for me, is to just not tell anyone. When my family knew I was losing weight I'd get comments all the time about not eating 'their' food and if I was ever seen eating something but lettuce I'd get a sharp "oh THAT'S on your diet, is it?"

A few days ago I was talking about the gym with a friend of mine & a guy we know laughed & said "you go to the gym?".

So now only people know on a need-to-know basis. Too many people tend to relish in the fact that I fail rather than helping me out, so I'll get slim in secret and then buy something super slinky for a family gathering as a big F you to everyone that laughed, haha.

EDIT: Sorry, you've sparked memories & anger, haha. I remember my friend had a boyfriend in high school who said to me "Miah, you better be careful next time you go into town. I heard they've got a new weight restriction." Ugh. & in year 7 (so I was 11!) my Physical Ed. teacher called me a 'fat waste of school time'. Also, gossipy girls who couldn't act their age in my second year of college were trying to work out who in our class was a virgin or not. It got to me & I heard them say "her? No way has she. Can you imagine it?" and start doing all these 'wobby' noises and actions.

Ha. I hate people sometimes.

I'd get a sharp "oh THAT'S on your diet, is it?"

....HEY!! - are we from the same family?? I always wanted a sister ;-)

My dad once told me that if l lost some weight maybe l could find a boyfriend. And my grandma has said you're pretty but you would be so much prettier if you lost some weight. I love my family but sometimes what they say does hurt. I've lost 10lbs now and lm really proud of that!!

I've found, in my forty-three years of life, that when mean people talk about (or to) others, they're really talking about themselves.

When he said, "you're fat," what he really meant was I don't like myself so I'm going to try to make you as miserable as I am. And the better you feel, the harder I'm going to try.

Instead of being upset with yourself, it might help if you try to feel sympathy toward him for his self-hatred.

Fourteen pounds is a great accomplishment, especially for one of us petite women.

Congratulations on your weight loss!

totally this!!! I lost someone who I thought was a really good friend because of this journey. I think she was jealous that I was able to finally lose the weight and get healthy. She would start a diet and then stop. Every time I tried to encourage her all she would hear is "blah, blah, blah, you're fat, blah, blah, blah". I never said that but that's how she felt and it's easier for her to think that I said it than admit that's what she really thinks.

Be proud of yourself!!! Deep down I bet your Grandpa is proud of you too!

Luckily nothing my family has really said to me left a nasty impression- but I do remember comments about my weight growing up and blah blah blah. They don't tell us anything we don't already know... but some people just feel the need to knock others down, when they should be supporting each other. I've had nasty comments said to me all my life about how beautiful I was, but that I was fat. Had many guys who wouldn't date me because of my weight. Even had a fling when I was younger and he told me that if I lost weight a guy would want me as a girlfriend and not just a F buddy. People are a holes. They don't realize their words hurt us so much and don't help us at all only hurt us. I had a horrible neighbor once that we had to make multiple complaints on and when they got threatened to be evicted for disturbing others and people not on the lease living there- I heard the one girl yell "Oh thanks to our fat *kitten* neighbor!" Took everything I had not to go outside and snap the skinny biotch in half lol. Once working as a secretary for an attorney I had a older woman say, you're so beautiful, but you really need to lose weight. Like duh- as if I want to be fat! After losing almost 150lbs I'm still considered overweight and people look at me strange when I tell them I go to the gym.... but when I go to the gym most of the people are like me, in transition and our outer bodies havent adjusted to our lifestyles yet... people are ignorant.. just try and use your grandfathers nasty and rude comment as motivation to show him next time that you aren't always going to be "fat". If someone in my family would have said that I would have called them out on it and told them that the weight didn't come on overnight and it isn't going to come off overnight either. 14lbs is an amazing loss so keep pushing and show him he is wrong!

Oye! Family can be such a pain in the as*.
My brothers had me convinced I was fat for years. Looking back after college, a few years later, I realized they were full of sh**. Idiots, really, my brothers are about women anyway. I haven't paid much attention to their opinions about things in a long time.
I remember this with a chuckle now, doesn't sting anymore, but a brother's friend made a comment that stayed with me the longest. I was bouncing on the high dive at our local pool when I was 16 or 17 years old (a long, long time ago) and the friend remarked how I jiggled all around when I jumped on the diving board. Ouch!
Now when that phrase comes back to me, I think "What an a**hole" and mentally move on.
Refuse to give anyone the power to bring you down.

3 weeks after to giving birth to my son, my mother looked at me and said " You're fat from your shoulders to your knees." I will never forget that. I was 19, and a size 14 (I'm 5'10").

My brother told me the song "Baby Got Back" was written especially for me.

My older sister said she would die if her butt ever got as big as mine. I was a size 12 at the time.

Same sister (who uses Adderall to prevent herself from eating) also likes to stand in front of me and stretch as high as she can towards the ceiling so I can see how thin she is. Seriously. This only happens at holidays because I refuse to be around her any other time.

Did I mention that my sister AND brother are both single, bitter a**holes and also have a drinking problem?

I just smile, nod and say "Yep, that's me. Fatty with a big butt, a husband and son who adore me, a successful business, a triathlete, a non-alcoholic and happy as hell!" They always change the subject when I say this.

It's a wonder any of us survive our childhood.

At my BIL's wedding, his uncle remarked to my husband that BIL had better taste in women than he (my husband) did. And I was standing right there, too.

I decided it was a compliment to how lovely the bride looked and not an insult to me. It's easier on my feelings to think that way.

No family members have ever said anything mean to me but in grade school I was known as "Grape Ape". And once when I was 12 or 13 I was at a video arcade (yes, I know that term ages me), I was told, "Get out of my way, fatty."

Both of those have stuck with me for the past 30-some years and I think they both have a lot to do with how I perceive myself to this day. Never mind that I've been happily married for 22 years and have 3 beautiful kids and a full, wonderful life. Those words still hurt.

A lot of the popular people I went to grade school with who liked to call me "Grape Ape" have found me on FB and friended me. And you know what? I'm a lot thinner than they are. So neener-neener. But you also know what? I would never, ever say anything like that to them because I know how much it hurts.