Cruel Family Members
Replies
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I AM the cruel family member. However, that's because my family is a bunch of sloths, gradually waddling their way toward type 2 diabetes (brother weighs 325 at 5'11", mother weighs 285 at 5'7" as examples), and much like myself, will never do a damned thing about it, unless someone like myself keeps stabbing at them over it. We are a hardheaded bunch, and the only think that got me moving was some rather nasty words coming from a man I greatly admire. Sadly, they will require the same things, and it will take a LOT of it to get them to break their complacency.
I hope you read these so that you will understand that being cruel wont help.
Personally if someone I admirred did that, I would be enraged (possibly facing assault charges) and then I would become depressed.
The difference is that he dropped information, not just nasty comments. Believe it or not, there is actually a segment of the population that doesn't respond well to "awww, poor you, it'll be okay, try harder next time". I am a good example. It just gives us a sense that failure is fine, so long as we get there one day, while ignoring the fact that we may be dead before 'one day' comes.
"Take a good hard look at yourself. You look like a pile of laundry covered in mayonnaise. Humans are not designed to suck, so stop ****ing sucking. It's time to stop patting yourself on the back for that 315 pound squat, and get pissed that there is a 114 pound girl out there who makes you her punk ***** every day." These are the things that are more likely to work for people with a mentality similar to my own.0 -
My uncle (mother's brother) wrote her an email a few months ago to remind her what a horrible person she was. (BTW... she's not... he's the one that is gone off the deep end lately.) She was crying so much over the next few days. I didn't know why. I finally convinced her to tell me what was wrong. She showed me the email. In the email, he told her how she had ruined her life and my life (like that's any of his business)... and how I (not her -- but me) was a fat slob because of her.
Personally, I think he's just lost his mind... but, it still hurt. Later, my aunt (mom's baby sister) told mom (after some pleading for answers) that the brother had said that he hates me and mom. No one is sure why, though.
Long story short... we don't talk to him anymore. Mom never brings him up... but, I know it still hurts her. She's the oldest. He is her baby brother... and she's always been there for the family.0 -
Family can be either be the foundation for success with their support, or can be that awful hack that works at undermining success. I've chosen (with MUCH difficulty sticking to that) to ignore anything detrimental my mother mentions. According to her I am intimidating people who know me cause I am an overachiever, I am borderline symptomatic of a potential candidate for anorexia, I shouldn't be eating (x, y, z) foods cause they aren't good for me/weight loss... I could go on and on. In my heart I know she MEANS well (I chose to believe that regardless of it feeling like a lie...) but it still sucks to hear family ripping you apart. My dad has my back, and that guy has told most of Smalltown Hicksville (where I grew up) all about me and my weight loss. With his pride I can easily ignore my mother's "support."
I wish you (OP and all others) the same luck at learning how to not take to heart the undercutting hurtful thoughtless comments that tend to spew like vomit from people who are intimidated by your success or have no faith in you. Good luck guys!
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This remark wasn't made by friends at all. My senior year of high school, three years ago, I had to do a group project where we had to reenact a part of Shakespeare; we had to improvise with things we had right then and there. Well I was going to be the sound effects, thunder mainly. Well my group was up, so I was making a "boom" sound and in front of the whole class the two "popular" girls said:
1st girl: "Wow, she sounds like a cow making those sounds."
2nd girl: "well look at her, she is a cow."
It simply broke me hearing those words. I wanted to cry, i wanted to hurt them, anything to make me feel better. But what I did do was simply smile at them and went on. However after school I bawled my eyes out for hours.
I hear ya. In middle school I was called a cow to my face mercilessly. They would even moo at me and steal my notebooks and write moo all over them. It hurt like hell.
Thanks to Facebook I've seen current pictures of some of these girls. Guess what? They didn't age so well; i look better, younger, fitter, hotter than any of them. I suppose I get the last laugh :-)0 -
Oh, I have an answer for this one.
I had an uncle and cousin (his son) who always liked to 'tease'. I've always had a pear shape and all through childhood and well into adulthood I was always 'lard *kitten*' or 'fat *kitten*' and my cousin's favorite thing to say was, "You've got an *kitten* two ax handles wide!" Keep in mind, neither of them were thin. My mother, who I inherited my pear shape from, would hear all this and never say a word. Maybe she was glad that the heat was off her --- I don't know.
One year at Christmas she called me and asked me if I was going to go over to Aunt Betty and Uncle Don's for our traditional Christmas Eve get-together. Having had two babies in less than two years and having put on some weight, I told her no, because I wasn't going to put up with the comments from Uncle Don and Tommy about my weight. I told her in no uncertain terms that I had put up with it my entire life and I wasn't going to put up with it anymore.
She called me back a little while later and she told me that she had called Uncle Don and told him what I had said and she ASSURED me that nothing would be said about my weight. I took a chance and went and not only was nothing said that night, but nothing was ever said by either one of them for the rest of their lives.
Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and demand respect when people aren't respectful or intelligent enough to give it to you on their own.0 -
Blarg, family can be beyond cruel at times.
Congrats on your loss so far, 14 pounds is great!0 -
My grandpa one time said at someones birthday party: "Don't you think you shouldn't be eating that cake" in front of a lot of my family. I felt so embarrassed. I feel that older people are very opinionated and aren't able to hold in their thoughts as they get older...ha...oh well. Some people will encourage you along this journey, some will pretend you don't exist anymore, some will not even say anything after you've lost nearly 50 lbs because they are jealous.....no matter what, you are doing this for you, and no one else, yes I love that my mom is so proud of me now, but in the end I want to just sit down and cry for how happy I am for accomplishing this on MY OWN!
That's baloney! Old people say the things that they say just because they think no one will say anything about it because they're old and they can get away with it.0 -
When I was about 12 years old or so my Grandmother come to visit and made it a point to take me aside. She sat me down and told me that I needed to lose weight and that I would have a horrible life if I didn't. She said that I would never be able to get a good job because companies won't hire fat people, I would never get married and I would never be happy or healthy. I ate my feelings that day and never told anyone what she had said.
Fast forward several years and I had an epiphany. I realized that at 282lbs I had a wonderful fiancee', a great job and I was truly, really happy with my life. The only prediction that she had made that day that came true was that I wasn't healthy.
I started this journey for me but also because I had proven her wrong and I was ready. I married the love of my life weighing 230lbs and she was there to see it. It wasn't until I spoke with my Mom about this that I realized my grandmother hadn't said those things to be mean but in her mind they had been the truth. She was so obsessed with staying thin and her happiness depended on that one fact for so long thay by saying those things to me she had been trying to save me from her own personal hell. I forgave her and I'm still trucking along and losing weight for ME.
My advice is to find your reason for losing weight and stick to it. Remember that when people say mean things it's because they don't feel good inside or because making others feel bad makes them feel better. Don't let a bully make you feel like you haven't accomplished anything, Losing that weight is something that YOU did by YOURSELF and NOBODY can take that from you!!! Keep it up and show them all what you're made of!0 -
Towards the end of my senior year I put on wuite a bit of weight because i wasnt involved in activities and sporta like i was in the fall and basically became all around lazy. On the night of my graduation one of my boyfriend's friends (whom i also did marching band with in the fall) comes up to me as im going to greet my parents and says "there's been a lot of rumors floating around in bamd so i just wanted to know, is it true that you're pregnant? because you have really put on a lot of weight recently" and i laughed it off like " no, just a few too many cheeseburgera lately!" but it really scarred me. thats my most vivid memory of my graduation. People can be really cruel sometimes
A guy that I used to work with walked up to me at work once and asked me if I was pregnant because I was wearing a loose fitting top. I looked at him and asked him, "Why? Are you worried?" It shut him right up.0 -
My favorite thing to say is, "I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can lose weight."
Shuts them right up.0 -
I AM the cruel family member. However, that's because my family is a bunch of sloths, gradually waddling their way toward type 2 diabetes (brother weighs 325 at 5'11", mother weighs 285 at 5'7" as examples), and much like myself, will never do a damned thing about it, unless someone like myself keeps stabbing at them over it. We are a hardheaded bunch, and the only think that got me moving was some rather nasty words coming from a man I greatly admire. Sadly, they will require the same things, and it will take a LOT of it to get them to break their complacency.
I hope you read these so that you will understand that being cruel wont help.
Personally if someone I admirred did that, I would be enraged (possibly facing assault charges) and then I would become depressed.
The difference is that he dropped information, not just nasty comments. Believe it or not, there is actually a segment of the population that doesn't respond well to "awww, poor you, it'll be okay, try harder next time". I am a good example. It just gives us a sense that failure is fine, so long as we get there one day, while ignoring the fact that we may be dead before 'one day' comes.
"Take a good hard look at yourself. You look like a pile of laundry covered in mayonnaise. Humans are not designed to suck, so stop ****ing sucking. It's time to stop patting yourself on the back for that 315 pound squat, and get pissed that there is a 114 pound girl out there who makes you her punk ***** every day." These are the things that are more likely to work for people with a mentality similar to my own.
Okay, now let ME be plain ---
You're nasty and nasty doesn't work. I think you have issues.0 -
In my case it's my Mother and she is being purposely cruel I feel. She's always been fiercely competitive with me, flirting with my boyfriends, taking my friends out partying, or having parties with them at home while I was at work (she was a teen mom so only 16 years older than me). [...]
She started losing weight last year by basically starving herself, she keeps her hunger pains at bay with cigarettes, coffee and alcohol, her health is in real danger. She raves on about how young she is to be a grandma but then gets hiffy when no one says anything in response- most likely because though she is 40-something she looks almost 60.
[...] For the record we're the same height and she was still about 20 lbs heavier than me. She's just in the past month or two started to pile weight back on, I [...] suspect she is now heavier than me again, but goes on about her weight loss on facebook all the time, fishing for compliments, then tagging me in all her pictures that she has of me from about two years ago when I was the heaviest post-baby. [...]
UghGrr, I think your mother needs counselling. On the surface, she behaves like an ugly old ***** but there is some very serious unhappiness underneath that. Maybe it's because she was a teen mom and in her mind, couldn't enjoy her teenage years (that's me speculating, though, please do NOT take it any other way).
If there is ever a chance, do explain to her how hurtful she is and that you understand it comes from her unhappiness but are not in a position to help her; then suggest counselling out of a deep concern for her. She is crying for help, perhaps without even realizing so herself.
All the best to you and your whole family!0 -
In my case it's my Mother and she is being purposely cruel I feel. She's always been fiercely competitive with me, flirting with my boyfriends, taking my friends out partying, or having parties with them at home while I was at work (she was a teen mom so only 16 years older than me). [...]
She started losing weight last year by basically starving herself, she keeps her hunger pains at bay with cigarettes, coffee and alcohol, her health is in real danger. She raves on about how young she is to be a grandma but then gets hiffy when no one says anything in response- most likely because though she is 40-something she looks almost 60.
[...] For the record we're the same height and she was still about 20 lbs heavier than me. She's just in the past month or two started to pile weight back on, I [...] suspect she is now heavier than me again, but goes on about her weight loss on facebook all the time, fishing for compliments, then tagging me in all her pictures that she has of me from about two years ago when I was the heaviest post-baby. [...]
UghGrr, I think your mother needs counselling. On the surface, she behaves like an ugly old ***** but there is some very serious unhappiness underneath that. Maybe it's because she was a teen mom and in her mind, couldn't enjoy her teenage years (that's me speculating, though, please do NOT take it any other way).
If there is ever a chance, do explain to her how hurtful she is and that you understand it comes from her unhappiness but are not in a position to help her; then suggest counselling out of a deep concern for her. She is crying for help, perhaps without even realizing so herself.
All the best to you and your whole family!
She has had counselling, sadly it gave her momentum, she declared the counsellor had said she's had such a hard life (not really, her parents/my grands are wonderful- I credit them for how I turned out) and it was all our fault and that the universe owes her everything, blah blah, blah.
A friend of mine from High School (who is now a psychologist) says in her now-qualified opinion that Mom has "Malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder", she gave me some links to some websites that really blew open the doors on why/how/who she is, and how to deal with it. I'm not in regular contact with the friend, it must have just rung bells with her, I'm extremely grateful!
They term the children of people with MNPD as "victims" and when I read that I bawled my eyes out (and I'm not a cry-er), it was amazing! I definitely cope with her better now, especially with a great husband and my children to look after. It's just difficult having to deal with her still. I try to ignore her, but it does still hurt! Especially when she makes a point of being so public about it, and I still don't feel capable of defending myself, and I know it won't really make a difference anyway, if anything it'll encourage her.
I definitely agree it does say more about the mean people than you when they're being cruel.0 -
I AM the cruel family member. However, that's because my family is a bunch of sloths, gradually waddling their way toward type 2 diabetes (brother weighs 325 at 5'11", mother weighs 285 at 5'7" as examples), and much like myself, will never do a damned thing about it, unless someone like myself keeps stabbing at them over it. We are a hardheaded bunch, and the only think that got me moving was some rather nasty words coming from a man I greatly admire. Sadly, they will require the same things, and it will take a LOT of it to get them to break their complacency.
I hope you read these so that you will understand that being cruel wont help.
Personally if someone I admirred did that, I would be enraged (possibly facing assault charges) and then I would become depressed.
The difference is that he dropped information, not just nasty comments. Believe it or not, there is actually a segment of the population that doesn't respond well to "awww, poor you, it'll be okay, try harder next time". I am a good example. It just gives us a sense that failure is fine, so long as we get there one day, while ignoring the fact that we may be dead before 'one day' comes.
"Take a good hard look at yourself. You look like a pile of laundry covered in mayonnaise. Humans are not designed to suck, so stop ****ing sucking. It's time to stop patting yourself on the back for that 315 pound squat, and get pissed that there is a 114 pound girl out there who makes you her punk ***** every day." These are the things that are more likely to work for people with a mentality similar to my own.
Okay, now let ME be plain ---
You're nasty and nasty doesn't work. I think you have issues.
I never said it works for everyone or even the majority of people, but your belief that it doesn't work for anyone is patently ridiculous. Remember that no two humans are wired the exact same. Some people require all of that nurturing and supportive stuff to get through. I (and quite a few other people I have met) on the other hand require a hatred for weakness to be motivated, the realization that humans were never meant to be this soft. Destroy, erase, improve, as it were.
Do we have "issues"? Probably. However, that doesn't change the fact that those with our mentality often strive for greatness, while the coddled are often fine with 'average' or 'just good enough'. Does that make us better? In an obvious way, yes and in another less obvious way, no. We're the kind of people who will stomp all over anyone who gets in the way of our goals, so it tends to make us far less likable, in general. That said, most of us aren't in the iron game to make friends. We are there to prove something to ourselves.0 -
Tell your grandpa that you're fat and he's old. But you're losing weight and he's just getting older. One day, you'll be skinny and he...well, he'll stop getting older.0
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I AM the cruel family member. However, that's because my family is a bunch of sloths, gradually waddling their way toward type 2 diabetes (brother weighs 325 at 5'11", mother weighs 285 at 5'7" as examples), and much like myself, will never do a damned thing about it, unless someone like myself keeps stabbing at them over it. We are a hardheaded bunch, and the only think that got me moving was some rather nasty words coming from a man I greatly admire. Sadly, they will require the same things, and it will take a LOT of it to get them to break their complacency.
I hope you read these so that you will understand that being cruel wont help.
Personally if someone I admirred did that, I would be enraged (possibly facing assault charges) and then I would become depressed.
The difference is that he dropped information, not just nasty comments. Believe it or not, there is actually a segment of the population that doesn't respond well to "awww, poor you, it'll be okay, try harder next time". I am a good example. It just gives us a sense that failure is fine, so long as we get there one day, while ignoring the fact that we may be dead before 'one day' comes.
"Take a good hard look at yourself. You look like a pile of laundry covered in mayonnaise. Humans are not designed to suck, so stop ****ing sucking. It's time to stop patting yourself on the back for that 315 pound squat, and get pissed that there is a 114 pound girl out there who makes you her punk ***** every day." These are the things that are more likely to work for people with a mentality similar to my own.
Okay, now let ME be plain ---
You're nasty and nasty doesn't work. I think you have issues.
Agreed.0 -
Just be happy that you can now fit into that pair of pants that you couldn't 14 lbs. ago! Keep up the good work. All of us here at MFP are proud of you (and I am jealous -- only down 3.5 lbs so far).0
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There is never a reason or a good time to be so completely disrespectful and rude
doesnt matter who you are.
I wouldnt have a friend or family member left if they EVER spoke to me or anyone I know in the manner some of you have tolerated. I dont give a flying rats *kitten* IF its true or not. Just because you have a thought or an opinion doesnt give you the right to voice it. Covering something as snotty, rude and disrespectful as some of what y'all have been told in the name of "just being honest".....or "just keeping it real" is absolute bullsh!t. It's not helpful or expected or any of the other names you want to tag it with...it's absolutely rude, disgusting and disrespectful to speak to ANYONE in that manner.
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Last December my aunt (whom I had not seen for about 2 years) told me "you got fat!" when I came to visit her. The problem was, she was completely right. I did get fat, but I really did not need to hear that. It was very rude.0
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My Grandad is pretty insensitive too. Once he demanded that he sat in the back of the car with my Grandma and my brother instead of me because "he would fit easier" ..My brother is more overweight than I am.
Also, when I was 18 (2 years ago) my 12 year old cousin came and sat next to me, looked me up and down and blurted out "HELLO BIG MOMMA" infront of loads of my family. I was so embaressed. In shock I just smiled and said "hello little boy" ..I know he's only a child but all I could think of doing was swinging his head clean off his body.0 -
My daughter is now in middle school and like so many 11 and 12 year old girls (and older) she is the nice one and suffering the rude, insulting and degrading comments from girls who think they are 'cool' (and not taught how to behave with kindness). Some of the comments have left me reeling - you're fat (she weighs 45kg on 5'2"), you're ugly (not!), you'll never get a boyfriend (she's 11) and on and on! So I say to my daughter "do you admire these girls" - "of course not, Mum" ' So why would you pay any attention to the comments of someone you don't admire? Just lay their comments to one side, know your own goodness and beauty and remember that if they are pointing a finger at you, there are 3 fingers pointing back at themselves!" So now my beautiful daughter retaliates with "better be careful, what goes around comes around" Now that's a cool kid!0
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The most painful memory I have is my boyfriend (ex) breaking up with me after I gained quite a few pounds after being put on hormone medication. This devastated me because I knew he was not happy with the way I looked and was starving myself to lose weight. He dumped me after I lost 10 pounds. This happened 3 years back. Now that I have started putting new pics of me on facebook where I am considerably leaner, He wants to get back together with me. (I don't think so...)
Recent one, (Happened two months ago):
My uncle came here on vacation after a long time (He lives in another country) I was really excited to see him. His first reaction when he saw me was "Ewwww..Disgusting! Why do you look like that?", referring to my weight. Yup, this came from a 60 year old guy. It was not the form of greeting I expected. I was heartbroken and wanted to bawl my eyes out because I lost quite a bit of weight and he kinda implied that I looked ugly. Should I mention that he is overweight too?
Few weeks later, My uncle's brother-in-law was talking to me about weightloss. He has seen me lose weight and is proud of me and he said, "I am sure you'll be thinner when I see you next time, yea?" and I replied, "Absolutely, it's a promise". My uncle was listening to this conversation and said pretty loudly, "Ugh! Yea, right! As if that's gonna happen..How the hell is she gonna do" His BIL and I were too shocked to say anything. What a mean *kitten*, seriously! I am super glad that he is in another country. But this incident added fuel to my weightloss journey and I broke a plateau..lol
14 pounds is a great feat. Don't let the haters get to you. You are doing awesome! 0 -
Don't let the comments get to you, they will make you even more determind. If you receive comments like that again, just say your working on it!!!
If you have friends and family giving you support, then what the hell if one old man can't be nice.
Stick with it my friend and you will go far. I need to lose 4 stone and so far have lost 1st 3lb, I have the full support of my family and they encourage me all the way.
Best wishes and keep up the good work x0 -
After 10 years of brutal bullying I can take a lot, but somehow when it comes from your family it hurts so much more.
My gran is the worst. She just does not care if her comments are hurtful.0 -
I AM the cruel family member. However, that's because my family is a bunch of sloths, gradually waddling their way toward type 2 diabetes (brother weighs 325 at 5'11", mother weighs 285 at 5'7" as examples), and much like myself, will never do a damned thing about it, unless someone like myself keeps stabbing at them over it. We are a hardheaded bunch, and the only think that got me moving was some rather nasty words coming from a man I greatly admire. Sadly, they will require the same things, and it will take a LOT of it to get them to break their complacency.
I hope you read these so that you will understand that being cruel wont help.
Personally if someone I admirred did that, I would be enraged (possibly facing assault charges) and then I would become depressed.
The difference is that he dropped information, not just nasty comments. Believe it or not, there is actually a segment of the population that doesn't respond well to "awww, poor you, it'll be okay, try harder next time". I am a good example. It just gives us a sense that failure is fine, so long as we get there one day, while ignoring the fact that we may be dead before 'one day' comes.
"Take a good hard look at yourself. You look like a pile of laundry covered in mayonnaise. Humans are not designed to suck, so stop ****ing sucking. It's time to stop patting yourself on the back for that 315 pound squat, and get pissed that there is a 114 pound girl out there who makes you her punk ***** every day." These are the things that are more likely to work for people with a mentality similar to my own.
Okay, now let ME be plain ---
You're nasty and nasty doesn't work. I think you have issues.
Nasty does not work for everyone but I for example am the kind of person that needs her butt kicked from time to time and while some words may hurt I prefer people to be painfuly honest with me than to pat me on my back. TBH I think that most things I acomplished in my life that happened with someones help happened when people were brutally honest with me. The methode itself is not a bad one , it just does not work with everybody.0 -
Seriously. WTF is wrong with these people?0
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This remind me of something my husband once said he is a chef and he said if you got a hundred compliments back about your food and one complaint its the complaint you will remember,Im sure plenty of people are telling you how well you are doing so try and put this nasty remark to one side unfortunately sometimes older people think because they are older it gives them the right to say anything and it dosnt,it was unkind and un called for!ignoe him and move on!
Hey MFP's
This started as a reply to another topic then I started to go off topic so I made this thread.
Anyone have any discouraging/nasty or just mean comments made by family members/very close friends? How do you cope and what did they say?
My grandfather the other week when I was down for Thanksgiving I commented on how much he's lost and he looks at me and says "You're still fat"
I've lost 14 pounds since I last saw him and that comment actually made me cry because I've been working so hard. I sat open mouthed and wide eyed for several minutes before a high pitched "Seriously? How could you say that?" Came out and he seemed to think there was nothing wrong with his comment.
The rest of my family knows I am trying to lose and always asks for updates, my 19 year old sister even just signed up for MFP! I don't think anyone has really said anything about my weightloss that didn't already know about my journey as I am telling everyone what I'm doing as motivation I'm not quitting/gaining back.
I really think on my 5'2 frame a 14 pound weight loss would be fairly significant but for some reason and Im sure some of you can relate: Even after many compliments, the words of my grandfather are the ones that stick in my head
Im trying to use it as motivation but at the same time it hurts like hell.
Tell me your stories.0 -
My grandfather the other week when I was down for Thanksgiving I commented on how much he's lost and he looks at me and says "You're still fat"
I had a lot of weight issues growing up. If I was losing, my grandfather would always say.."your to skinny". If I had gained...."your too fat". There never seemed to be a "your looking good". It's taken a long time, but I realized, that it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. How do you feel, how do you look? Are you happy with your progress? Everyone is going to have an opinion, even after you lose weight. Do if for you, and pat yourself on the back for your accomplishments. Keep going, and love yourself!0 -
I AM the cruel family member. However, that's because my family is a bunch of sloths, gradually waddling their way toward type 2 diabetes (brother weighs 325 at 5'11", mother weighs 285 at 5'7" as examples), and much like myself, will never do a damned thing about it, unless someone like myself keeps stabbing at them over it. We are a hardheaded bunch, and the only think that got me moving was some rather nasty words coming from a man I greatly admire. Sadly, they will require the same things, and it will take a LOT of it to get them to break their complacency.
I hope you read these so that you will understand that being cruel wont help.
Personally if someone I admirred did that, I would be enraged (possibly facing assault charges) and then I would become depressed.
The difference is that he dropped information, not just nasty comments. Believe it or not, there is actually a segment of the population that doesn't respond well to "awww, poor you, it'll be okay, try harder next time". I am a good example. It just gives us a sense that failure is fine, so long as we get there one day, while ignoring the fact that we may be dead before 'one day' comes.
"Take a good hard look at yourself. You look like a pile of laundry covered in mayonnaise. Humans are not designed to suck, so stop ****ing sucking. It's time to stop patting yourself on the back for that 315 pound squat, and get pissed that there is a 114 pound girl out there who makes you her punk ***** every day." These are the things that are more likely to work for people with a mentality similar to my own.
Okay, now let ME be plain ---
You're nasty and nasty doesn't work. I think you have issues.
I never said it works for everyone or even the majority of people, but your belief that it doesn't work for anyone is patently ridiculous. Remember that no two humans are wired the exact same. Some people require all of that nurturing and supportive stuff to get through. I (and quite a few other people I have met) on the other hand require a hatred for weakness to be motivated, the realization that humans were never meant to be this soft. Destroy, erase, improve, as it were.
Do we have "issues"? Probably. However, that doesn't change the fact that those with our mentality often strive for greatness, while the coddled are often fine with 'average' or 'just good enough'. Does that make us better? In an obvious way, yes and in another less obvious way, no. We're the kind of people who will stomp all over anyone who gets in the way of our goals, so it tends to make us far less likable, in general. That said, most of us aren't in the iron game to make friends. We are there to prove something to ourselves.
When I was at my heaviest, my husband once tried to "motivate" me when I was trying to jog around the track in town. I was 190 lbs at 5'4", hadn't jogged a day in my life, and I couldn't even go 1/8 of a mile without feeling like I was going to die. After just getting into the Army, Mr. Motivation decided to jog behind me and remind me of how badly I was failing- Drill Sgt Style. He told me I wasn't even really trying, and that I was never going to lose weight if I kept it up, etc. He kept nagging at me until I got so frustrated that I jogged probably a good 1/4 mile (really, really mad, mind you) just to shut him up. When we got back in the car he was all "I'm so proud of you!" but by that time the damage was already done. His words were really, really hurtful. Did it make me go a bit faster? Yes. It also gave me shin splints so bad that I could barely move for a week, and made me feel like I was nothing but a big, fat failure. When you're trying to push someone, make sure you're not pushing them too far. A little "You might suck right now, but you won't be this way forever" can be motivating.. it puts a focus on improvement, whereas just berating someone may make them feel like they shouldn't even bother. It's all in the wording.0 -
I have struggled with my weight almost my whole life---and would be very happy if I could just lose 15 more lbs. Usually it doesnt bother me too much, I go to the gym 4 nights a week, eat reasonably healthy and am usually happy with my body shape. A couple weeks ago my best friend (of 24 yrs) and I were shopping---a lady was in the aisle with an oversized purse, and everytime she turned around her purse would whack me---she says oh my goodness Im sorry---my best friend said to the lady "oh its not your fault she just has a big butt"--Well I took offense to it and havent spoken to my friend since. The worse part is that when I told her that her words hurt me--she apologized but said she had no idea what she said to offend me! It was such a small thing to say, but when a person struggles with weight and size, they also struggle with A good body image---and if you dont have support from friends and family its hard to accomplish. Congratulations everyone on their successfull weigh loss---whether it be 5 lbs or 50!!0
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