Cruel Family Members

I AM the cruel family member. However, that's because my family is a bunch of sloths, gradually waddling their way toward type 2 diabetes (brother weighs 325 at 5'11", mother weighs 285 at 5'7" as examples), and much like myself, will never do a damned thing about it, unless someone like myself keeps stabbing at them over it. We are a hardheaded bunch, and the only think that got me moving was some rather nasty words coming from a man I greatly admire. Sadly, they will require the same things, and it will take a LOT of it to get them to break their complacency.

I hope you read these so that you will understand that being cruel wont help.
Personally if someone I admirred did that, I would be enraged (possibly facing assault charges) and then I would become depressed.

The difference is that he dropped information, not just nasty comments. Believe it or not, there is actually a segment of the population that doesn't respond well to "awww, poor you, it'll be okay, try harder next time". I am a good example. It just gives us a sense that failure is fine, so long as we get there one day, while ignoring the fact that we may be dead before 'one day' comes.

"Take a good hard look at yourself. You look like a pile of laundry covered in mayonnaise. Humans are not designed to suck, so stop ****ing sucking. It's time to stop patting yourself on the back for that 315 pound squat, and get pissed that there is a 114 pound girl out there who makes you her punk ***** every day." These are the things that are more likely to work for people with a mentality similar to my own.

In my case it's my Mother and she is being purposely cruel I feel. She's always been fiercely competitive with me, flirting with my boyfriends, taking my friends out partying, or having parties with them at home while I was at work (she was a teen mom so only 16 years older than me). [...]

She started losing weight last year by basically starving herself, she keeps her hunger pains at bay with cigarettes, coffee and alcohol, her health is in real danger. She raves on about how young she is to be a grandma but then gets hiffy when no one says anything in response- most likely because though she is 40-something she looks almost 60.

[...] For the record we're the same height and she was still about 20 lbs heavier than me. She's just in the past month or two started to pile weight back on, I [...] suspect she is now heavier than me again, but goes on about her weight loss on facebook all the time, fishing for compliments, then tagging me in all her pictures that she has of me from about two years ago when I was the heaviest post-baby. [...]

UghGrr, I think your mother needs counselling. On the surface, she behaves like an ugly old ***** but there is some very serious unhappiness underneath that. Maybe it's because she was a teen mom and in her mind, couldn't enjoy her teenage years (that's me speculating, though, please do NOT take it any other way).
If there is ever a chance, do explain to her how hurtful she is and that you understand it comes from her unhappiness but are not in a position to help her; then suggest counselling out of a deep concern for her. She is crying for help, perhaps without even realizing so herself.
All the best to you and your whole family!

I AM the cruel family member. However, that's because my family is a bunch of sloths, gradually waddling their way toward type 2 diabetes (brother weighs 325 at 5'11", mother weighs 285 at 5'7" as examples), and much like myself, will never do a damned thing about it, unless someone like myself keeps stabbing at them over it. We are a hardheaded bunch, and the only think that got me moving was some rather nasty words coming from a man I greatly admire. Sadly, they will require the same things, and it will take a LOT of it to get them to break their complacency.

I hope you read these so that you will understand that being cruel wont help.
Personally if someone I admirred did that, I would be enraged (possibly facing assault charges) and then I would become depressed.

The difference is that he dropped information, not just nasty comments. Believe it or not, there is actually a segment of the population that doesn't respond well to "awww, poor you, it'll be okay, try harder next time". I am a good example. It just gives us a sense that failure is fine, so long as we get there one day, while ignoring the fact that we may be dead before 'one day' comes.

"Take a good hard look at yourself. You look like a pile of laundry covered in mayonnaise. Humans are not designed to suck, so stop ****ing sucking. It's time to stop patting yourself on the back for that 315 pound squat, and get pissed that there is a 114 pound girl out there who makes you her punk ***** every day." These are the things that are more likely to work for people with a mentality similar to my own.

Okay, now let ME be plain ---
You're nasty and nasty doesn't work. I think you have issues.

This remind me of something my husband once said he is a chef and he said if you got a hundred compliments back about your food and one complaint its the complaint you will remember,Im sure plenty of people are telling you how well you are doing so try and put this nasty remark to one side unfortunately sometimes older people think because they are older it gives them the right to say anything and it dosnt,it was unkind and un called for!ignoe him and move on!
Hey MFP's

This started as a reply to another topic then I started to go off topic so I made this thread.

Anyone have any discouraging/nasty or just mean comments made by family members/very close friends? How do you cope and what did they say?

---

My grandfather the other week when I was down for Thanksgiving I commented on how much he's lost and he looks at me and says "You're still fat"

I've lost 14 pounds since I last saw him and that comment actually made me cry because I've been working so hard. I sat open mouthed and wide eyed for several minutes before a high pitched "Seriously? How could you say that?" Came out and he seemed to think there was nothing wrong with his comment.

The rest of my family knows I am trying to lose and always asks for updates, my 19 year old sister even just signed up for MFP! I don't think anyone has really said anything about my weightloss that didn't already know about my journey as I am telling everyone what I'm doing as motivation I'm not quitting/gaining back.

I really think on my 5'2 frame a 14 pound weight loss would be fairly significant but for some reason and Im sure some of you can relate: Even after many compliments, the words of my grandfather are the ones that stick in my head Im trying to use it as motivation but at the same time it hurts like hell.

Tell me your stories.

I AM the cruel family member. However, that's because my family is a bunch of sloths, gradually waddling their way toward type 2 diabetes (brother weighs 325 at 5'11", mother weighs 285 at 5'7" as examples), and much like myself, will never do a damned thing about it, unless someone like myself keeps stabbing at them over it. We are a hardheaded bunch, and the only think that got me moving was some rather nasty words coming from a man I greatly admire. Sadly, they will require the same things, and it will take a LOT of it to get them to break their complacency.

I hope you read these so that you will understand that being cruel wont help.
Personally if someone I admirred did that, I would be enraged (possibly facing assault charges) and then I would become depressed.

The difference is that he dropped information, not just nasty comments. Believe it or not, there is actually a segment of the population that doesn't respond well to "awww, poor you, it'll be okay, try harder next time". I am a good example. It just gives us a sense that failure is fine, so long as we get there one day, while ignoring the fact that we may be dead before 'one day' comes.

"Take a good hard look at yourself. You look like a pile of laundry covered in mayonnaise. Humans are not designed to suck, so stop ****ing sucking. It's time to stop patting yourself on the back for that 315 pound squat, and get pissed that there is a 114 pound girl out there who makes you her punk ***** every day." These are the things that are more likely to work for people with a mentality similar to my own.

Okay, now let ME be plain ---
You're nasty and nasty doesn't work. I think you have issues.

I never said it works for everyone or even the majority of people, but your belief that it doesn't work for anyone is patently ridiculous. Remember that no two humans are wired the exact same. Some people require all of that nurturing and supportive stuff to get through. I (and quite a few other people I have met) on the other hand require a hatred for weakness to be motivated, the realization that humans were never meant to be this soft. Destroy, erase, improve, as it were.

Do we have "issues"? Probably. However, that doesn't change the fact that those with our mentality often strive for greatness, while the coddled are often fine with 'average' or 'just good enough'. Does that make us better? In an obvious way, yes and in another less obvious way, no. We're the kind of people who will stomp all over anyone who gets in the way of our goals, so it tends to make us far less likable, in general. That said, most of us aren't in the iron game to make friends. We are there to prove something to ourselves.