EXTREME weight loss & divorce

My husband was a little worried about this when I started exercising, but to be fair it is because two women on our street lost weight/changed body composition and then immediately cheated on their husbands. It seemed like a bad omen. He got over it fairly quickly after we talked about my reasons, and was very supportive and started making small changes to his diet as well.

As many people have said, weight loss doesn't cause marriage problems, but it can point out the insecurities. And when your spouse is willing to go part of the way with you, it's a beautiful thing.

My experience was just the opposite. We were both thin when we started dating and he actually had medical problems where I had to focus on him gaining and maintaining weight when I prepared meals. I ended up gaining as well but to the point of obesity. I guess his way of motivating me was to call me names and berrate me if I tried to lose weight and cheated at all. I was in college and eating a lot of fast food as well because I was traveling over 80 miles to my University for class just making the problem worse. I found myself hiding to eat and eating what I could when he wasnt around so I could do it in peace. Finally I caught myself doing it and decided to not go on diets so I didnt cheat by eating something I just wanted. Well, he motivated me alright... My new husband loves me just the way I am and supports MY decision to lose weight. Now I include my husband in my walks (short walks to build endurance) and he we discuss our meals. We talk about my calorie intake everyday to assure I am maintaining a healthy diet plan.. the next time we go for a walk maybe I will take my new Masters degree with me just to remind myself I can do anything I set my mind too.. and to gloat just a little...

My husband says he'd like to start exercising and things but he hasn't. I love him the way he is, I'd like him to get healthy but I don't want to bug him about it because I don't want him to end up feeling like I'm putting him down or something. He doesn't mind me getting healthy and working out, that I know of. But I also don't deprived myself from anything, I haven't asked him to change for me (like what foods he buys and things). So I may have a turkey hot dog or ground turkey burger while he still eats a regular hot dog and hamburger or if he's craving pizza/donuts, I'll practice portion control or eat something else.

I think, sometimes, the other partner feels left behind, not good enough, etc. And they blame the other person and start treating them different. Or on the other hand, the person getting fit starts feeling better about themselves and starts liking the attention from other people and things get out of hand. I'm just guessing on here though.

There's a relationship blog I read on occasion called the "Married Man Sex Life". There's a lot to his thinking, and it makes some sense if you can get your mind around it, but this summary is probably going to sound a bit shallow. His overriding theory is that people generally end up with someone around the same level of attractiveness as themselves. I.e. A guy that's a 7 is going to end up with a woman that's a 7.

When one half of a relationship starts losing weight/working out/getting healthier, their "rank" goes up which throws the relationship somewhat out of balance. If the 7 wife starts working out and turns herself into a 9 she's gained power in the relationship and thrown it out of balance. The man's choice is to fight her changes and bring her back to his level (probably counter productive), start working on himself and improve his level too, or fight human nature and hope that things will work out.

I can't recommend his thoughts enough, its a pretty decent part of the reason I'm on this site now.

Have your spouses/partners/significant others gotten on board with your loss? Or are they like mine, content to sit around & bring in "your weakness"?

My husband is very supportive. He himself has lost ten pounds in the last two months that I've been on MFP! He enjoys the healthier meals I'm making at home, and when our schedules allow, he comes to the gym with me.

If your husband wants to eat a donut, he should buy a donut. Not a dozen. He brought home a dozen because he wanted YOU to eat a donut, and that's a red flag to me. I'd bring it up, not in an accusatory way, but rather in a way that he can feel like it's important to you that he's with you on this... even if he doesn't want it for himself.

If he's trying to sabotage your efforts, it's probably out of fear. Do what you can to calm his fears, and he will probably change his tune. If he doesn't, you've got to ask yourself if he's worried for no reason, or if he's worried with good reason. In other words, does he treat you well otherwise? Would you stay with him if you got to your goal weight?

My husband supported my goal to lose weight, but I never pushed him to follow my lifestyle. Since I do all the cooking, he became more open to eating healthier foods in smaller quantities. Before he knew it he lost 60 pounds without stepping foot in a gym! When I started biking, he wanted to bike too which wasn't an easy task (he never learned how to ride a bike as a kid, so we got him adult lessons and he is doing great). He would go on walks with me and started running when i got into it. Now I am encouraging him to start weight training. I never thought weight loss and healthy living would bring us closer together - but it did :-)

Eating healthy is contagious as is eating unhealthy. When a couple works together the odds are much higher they will succeed no matter what it is they are doing. Often when one makes healthy changes the other will follow when they see results. It's far easier as are most things when married if you do it together. Sometimes it doesn't work that way and like anything else where you don't agree it can cause problems.

Food and overeating are often a means of emotional coping and masking feelings. Once the food and overeating are no longer obscuring facts, the obvious becomes glaring. This isn't the case for all -- but it certainly isn't infrequent. Just sayin...

There are a lot of possibilities, but a few of them are

(1) Thin/fit person now has more (or different) options and is attracted to other people. Harsh, but true.
(2) Thin/fit person now has vastly different interests and life goals, and wants someone who is willing to share them.
(3) Content overweight person loses attraction, maybe the one who didn't change doesn't like the changes in his/her partner.

As many people have said, weight loss doesn't cause marriage problems, but it can point out the insecurities. And when your spouse is willing to go part of the way with you, it's a beautiful thing.

completely agree.

I think resentment can build if your spouse doesn't support you. I started this journey with my DH because we were both having health issues. now a year and half later my journey continues and his health is worse than ever. It's hard not to resent that. I want him to live and I take care of myself, but have to watch him killing himself with a fork. So I guess I don't think its the weight loss itself that causes the problem, but the if the journey changes one person and not the other, then things can fall apart.

Changing your eating habits in many ways means changing your life and the way you think, so it's not surprising that divorce can be one of the consequences.

My husband could stand to lose a few pounds and tone up his belly, but he isn't interested. He feels he's earned that big belly, almost like it's a rite of passage. Now that I want to lose 50 pounds and tone up my middle-age slipping toward elderly body, I can see that there's going to be an ever-widening chasm between us. I already have to get up and go do something else when he's snacking and I'm tempted.

It's funny this topic came up because I was just wondering why in many cases break up or divorce leads people to lose weight. Why don't we get healthy and do things to better ourselves while in our relationships? I am so lucky I have the BEST husband in the world! He has been nothing but happy and supportive of me. He brags about the miles I run and I'm sure he loves the confidence I have with a better body. Me becoming a better person and doing things for myself now and then (taking off on an hour run or lifting weights) has actually made us both happier. Maybe a good old fashioned heart to heart is in order for you two!

A marriage will be successful if both partners continue to learn, grow and bring something fruitful to the relationship or else it becomes stagnant. One person may decide to change, lose weight, go back to school , or in any new way begin to change themselves for the better, in anyway that is of a positive benefit to themselves.

At that point, they may still love their partner but desire them to get on board, its easier and more fun that way. But sadly, that other person still likes the status quo , maybe is very content, and thus doesnt want to change.

Thats when the trouble begins...

The new and improved person will feel their light bulb moment to change is being threatened even thwarted by their partner, feel frustrated and eventually resentful at being left to do this on their own in other words alone. They will begin to seek out like minded people, first mainly as friends, but then perhaps as they feel more confident and desirable themselves and energized from all their new life affirming choices and activities, they become discontent and seek/desire a new more compatible healthy, fit and active partner to grow, learn and explore all the wonderful new experiences and adventures life has to offer, not sit at home every single night watching tv and stuffing your face till you fall into a foodie comma.

I dont even think it has so much to do with falling out of love with your current partner or wanting to leave them, you obviously originally love them and care or else youd never of asked them to join you in your big change in the first place, heck you might of even stayed if that person was showing interest in getting/being/staying involved but they dont participate in the relationship where you want it to go, either individually and as a couple, so you end up in two entirely different places and from what I have seen, change albeit for the better over all, brings more change with it.

Good Luck.