Upset people because you DONT drink alcohol

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Replies

  • lallaloolly
    lallaloolly Posts: 228 Member
    obviously our culture has shifted and pushing people to partake is not acceptable anymore, but it is not unnatural for humans to want to participate in activities like that as a group. culturally, this expectation to join is ingrained in us. for thousands of years, taking intoxicants represented bonding, and it was used to solidify relationships, make pacts, and prepared us to pray, read omens, organize a hunt, or prepare for any number of life's rituals.

    it was man's a way of demonstrating that "we're on the same wavelength, and now we can communicate on equal ground."
  • crimsoncat
    crimsoncat Posts: 457 Member
    I tell people that alcoholism run in my family and my fiance's family. We don't drink because we don't trust ourselves. That usually shuts people up.
  • daylily2005
    daylily2005 Posts: 203 Member
    I'm not a big drinker (plus it's stinking expensive) but my grad group goes to happy hour every week. It's really just our excuse to go hang out at a bar because there are no drink specials. There's a couple of people that seem to take offense when I don't drink, and after finally discussing when they were completely sober, I figured out that they view it as a judging thing. Like since I'm choosing not to drink, I judge them because they are. Totally not true, I'm just a cheap skate. I think they also feel like they can't completely relax with the alcohol, because I won't be. I have just as much fun drinking as I do not drinking, so it really makes absolutely NO difference to me. But that's their perception.
  • DenyseMarieL
    DenyseMarieL Posts: 673 Member
    I'm not much of a drinker myself, but I'm sure it was a combination of many things. Perhaps you should have asked them why they cared so much instead of a forum which likely will not answer your question.

    I never understood why people here can never be direct with issues concerning their friends.

    I agree. It took only twice for someone to make a comment about my not drinking while we were out, for me to answer honestly back. 'I am embracing a healthier lifestyle and drinking just doesn't fit into my plan'. It shut them up about it. I have not abstained completely. I will have the occasional light beers or white wine. I don't miss the headaches the next day. I do rather enjoy being a spectator at an event where there is likely to be numerous staggering drunks!
  • evmoses
    evmoses Posts: 46 Member
    i cant seem to conquer this peer pressure and always end up drinking every weekend

    NO NO NO PLEASE DO NOT EVER DRINK BECAUSE SOMEONE PRESSURES YOU!

    Sorry the Mama just came out in me! As a person who does like to occasionally party and drink I would never pressure anyone to do the same. People handle alcohol in different ways and I at times am not interested for whatever reason and would find a new batch of friends if the ones I have tried to pressure me to do something I did not want to do.


    You are stronger than that!
  • basillowe66
    basillowe66 Posts: 432 Member
    It would be easier to tell them you are on medicaion, but I doubt that they really care, they were just trying to shame you into drinking
  • Zangpakto
    Zangpakto Posts: 336 Member
    Umm because...

    Why not?

    I love it, you do not need to be fat to love it.. hell you can fit in alcohol everyday if want to be honest... most days I do.. I still lose weight...

    I get moaned at that I am becoming a bit too small... so what do I do? drink more... don't care and carry on shrinking...

    :)

    Your choice, but personally? I'm drinking a 21yo famous grouse whisky right this second, and it is better than sex :D
  • shaneNSW
    shaneNSW Posts: 42 Member
    Alcohols for drunks
  • sk_bennett
    sk_bennett Posts: 11
    It's one thing if someone says something about it.......

    But when you get drinks thrown in your face by the bartender because all your drinking is soda, that's something completely different.
  • joconnor09
    joconnor09 Posts: 124
    I don't drink, and I've even tried it on two different occasions just so people would stop telling me I'd like it if I tried it. It seems that, even though everyone around me could get fall-down drunk and I wouldn't care, they think I'm judging them for it. It seems like it's definitely more of a perception problem on their end than anything we're doing. They think I think I'm better than them, or that I'm upset with them for drinking, which isn't the case or I wouldn't even be around them would I?? I don't drink, though I feel societal pressure to do so, and I even feel kind of embarrassed that I don't sometimes, but I made a decision that I have been standing behind for several years. And, I know that if I ever wanted to change my mind and start drinking I could. I think it bothers people more that I could drink if I wanted to and that there's nothing stopping me, more than it would if there was some kind of medical reason behind it. I think the lack of a "real" reason is what makes people think I'm judging them.
  • crystalflame
    crystalflame Posts: 1,049 Member
    Wow ok. Wow. I love how everyone on here who DOESN'T drink is saying "Oh, it's because they don't have self control and feel bad about themselves" or some other slightly insulting comment toward the drinkers. Having been both the drinker and the one not drinking, there's usually an obvious disparity between those drinking and those not. The sober person often seems uncomfortable or annoyed or even left out, and that makes the whole group a little uncomfortable and can put a bad tone on a good night. It has nothing to do with being judged for my lack of self-control; I certainly don't feel guilty or worthless for tipping a few back. I just don't like getting eyes rolled at me if I laugh a little too long at something. Sorry that I'm having fun.

    Reasons why I may ask someone if they're sure they don't want a drink:
    -Money can be tight in my friend group, and I'll pick up a drink or two for my friend if they actually want it
    -If there's a specific reason why they're not drinking, they may want to talk about it but aren't sure how to bring it up (medical issue, etc.)
    -They've obviously had a stressful day - one drink won't ruin a diet, but it will help you calm down a little

    That said, if they've stated they're fine with soda or they're not drinking for whatever reasons, I don't pressure them. I certainly leave people who flat out don't drink alone. On nights where I choose not to drink, I find the pressure coming from people who just want to make sure I'm having a good time, like the host of the party or a friend who knows I've had a bad week. It's easy to deflect. Offering someone a drink and hoping they accept is similar to offering someone a homemade cupcake - you want to share an experience with them and want them to enjoy themselves.
  • Crying_In_Color
    Crying_In_Color Posts: 246 Member
    Tell me when you find out. To many pages to read through. I don't drink often. I'm talking maybe 2x a year if that.
  • Colleen118
    Colleen118 Posts: 491 Member
    i cant seem to conquer this peer pressure and always end up drinking every weekend

    ^^^ THIS is exactly why!
    PEER Pressure. It's likely that they feel they are "cutting lose and having a good time so should you." nd well, drinkers don't tend to understand the thought of fun without alcohol ---

    To the OP AND the person I quoted. STAY STRONG. If you occasionally drink then stick to what you have allowed yourself or graciously decline an offer for someone to buy you alcohol. If they pressure you and you really feel like you can't get them off your back, tell them you are the DD. If they continue after that then they are proving they have no interest in your best interest and shouldn't be trusted anyway, walk away.
  • dri22
    dri22 Posts: 4 Member
    i love to drink wine, but not when i am watching my calories,, so when i am not drinking with friends, i usually get my "drink" from the bar myself. i get sparkling water and i ask for a red wine glass. somehow it feels better to me to be holding a wine glass in a social situation regardless of what is in it. then after my friends have had a round or two, no one even bothers to notice that i am not drinking.

    my husband once said to me..

    the next morning, no one regrets " not drinking"
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    Why do people get upset when you choose NOT to drink alcohol. This has perplexed me forever and I would like to know the answer from the 'upset' people. Dont get me wrong I enjoy beer and wine. But last night I was at a sports bar with some people and I only drank diet coke because I was watching my calories which I will do quite often, 3 of the people with me made a comment about my not drinking. I mean, what is the big deal. I have never once cared if someone drinks or not but since I started this fitness journey over a year ago, people will often made snide or friendly comments to me. Oh and God forbid if you answer them that you are 'dieting', you will get a hail storm of comments, I just said I had a stomach ache (which was true also).

    Bottom line - it is a jealousy that comes up because you are able to say no, and they can not. They may feel bad for their decisions, thus putting pressure on you to drink so their guilt is diminished.
  • kimcalica
    kimcalica Posts: 525 Member
    i think when someone chooses not to drink, it makes the others around that are drinking, feel like they are doing something wrong.. it might make them feel like the one not drinking, is judging and perhaps is holier than thou.. I don't have this problem because I Don't spend a lot of time around friends that don't know me that well, or what kind of life i have. Many of the people i am around, are very understanding that A. i want to lose weight and i'm serious. B. I have done my fair share of partying and i need to get serious for my son who has special needs. and C. I'm on medications myself that really throws me off if i even have one drink.. plus i don't let people push me around.. no means no!!! :)
  • kimcalica
    kimcalica Posts: 525 Member
    i love to drink wine, but not when i am watching my calories,, so when i am not drinking with friends, i usually get my "drink" from the bar myself. i get sparkling water and i ask for a red wine glass. somehow it feels better to me to be holding a wine glass in a social situation regardless of what is in it. then after my friends have had a round or two, no one even bothers to notice that i am not drinking.

    my husband once said to me..

    the next morning, no one regrets " not drinking"

    I LIKE THIS
  • paynesmom
    paynesmom Posts: 9
    I'm 33 and I've never had one drop of alcohol. I get this A LOT! People will always say the same thing, "you don't drink, like, ever?". Like it is some unchartered territory. My opinion as to why people make such a big deal out of it is because they feel ashamed/embarrassed of their own drinking. They know they are partaking a little too much and they are envious of you and your will power. They wish they had the same. And they think that people that aren't drinking are judging them. Again, just a reaction becasue they feel insecure about their drinking. That's my opinion anyways...
  • whitelaurel
    whitelaurel Posts: 162 Member
    I've never had this problem where my friends peer pressure me or try to sabotage my weight loss efforts. Those seem like terrible friends to me!

    Conversely, when I go out to a bar or the club with friends, there's kind of a mutual understanding that we're going to drink. If the purpose of the get-together is to have a casual lunch or dinner, then I could see not drinking, but otherwise, I expect it. And I expect that it will be awkward if I have to tell them that I choose not to drink. It's not necessarily because your drinking friends are jealous or hate their own drinking habit. It would be kind of like if you went to the swimming pool with your friends, and then one of your friends said, "I actually have a skin condition, so I can't change into a swimsuit or get in the pool at all." Well... Okay...

    If it's not your scene, don't go. :) And if it's not casual and friendly enough that you feel comfortable saying, "I don't want to drink because I don't feel like it," then don't go.
  • whitelaurel
    whitelaurel Posts: 162 Member
    Wow ok. Wow. I love how everyone on here who DOESN'T drink is saying "Oh, it's because they don't have self control and feel bad about themselves" or some other slightly insulting comment toward the drinkers. Having been both the drinker and the one not drinking, there's usually an obvious disparity between those drinking and those not. The sober person often seems uncomfortable or annoyed or even left out, and that makes the whole group a little uncomfortable and can put a bad tone on a good night. It has nothing to do with being judged for my lack of self-control; I certainly don't feel guilty or worthless for tipping a few back. I just don't like getting eyes rolled at me if I laugh a little too long at something. Sorry that I'm having fun.

    Reasons why I may ask someone if they're sure they don't want a drink:
    -Money can be tight in my friend group, and I'll pick up a drink or two for my friend if they actually want it
    -If there's a specific reason why they're not drinking, they may want to talk about it but aren't sure how to bring it up (medical issue, etc.)
    -They've obviously had a stressful day - one drink won't ruin a diet, but it will help you calm down a little

    That said, if they've stated they're fine with soda or they're not drinking for whatever reasons, I don't pressure them. I certainly leave people who flat out don't drink alone. On nights where I choose not to drink, I find the pressure coming from people who just want to make sure I'm having a good time, like the host of the party or a friend who knows I've had a bad week. It's easy to deflect. Offering someone a drink and hoping they accept is similar to offering someone a homemade cupcake - you want to share an experience with them and want them to enjoy themselves.

    ^^ This, too.
  • tdhighfill
    tdhighfill Posts: 200 Member
    For the same reason that people feel like you should eat like a pig at Thanksgiving. If everyone else is doing it, then they dont like a few people not doing it, its group think. They need to validate that what they are doing is ok because after all, everyone is doing it. So its the same with booze. Nobody wants a teetotaler hanging out with them if they want to have more than a few. It makes them look bad. I dont drink, and I dont care what anyone thinks. If they dont like it then they can find a new friend. They should be glad at least someone can drive.

    well said. I don't drink much. Never liked it. My true friends are super happy about this because they have a driver. :) When I go to an event that creates this kind of situation - I "fake drink"....I ask the bartender for a water in or seltzer a tall glass with a lime wedge. You also have to mention to the other people you want to keep your tab separate "to make it simplier". "Fake drinking" has worked for me for over 25 years.

    **ha ha ha*** just realized my current profile pic has me holding a wine glass....fyi - "fake" drink. That is diet coke.
  • Zangpakto
    Zangpakto Posts: 336 Member
    I'm 33 and I've never had one drop of alcohol. I get this A LOT! People will always say the same thing, "you don't drink, like, ever?". Like it is some unchartered territory. My opinion as to why people make such a big deal out of it is because they feel ashamed/embarrassed of their own drinking. They know they are partaking a little too much and they are envious of you and your will power. They wish they had the same. And they think that people that aren't drinking are judging them. Again, just a reaction becasue they feel insecure about their drinking. That's my opinion anyways...

    Not quoting on you to pick on you, but you said something that is stupid...

    No, while the occasional person will care, many who drink do not.

    Envious? Seriously? Get off your damn high horse... Why would I be envious? Will power? I've almost killed myself pushing myself to the limit in a cycling and running race that medics didn't know how I was walking after alive.... So no, will power is NOT the issue...

    Sure I can feel embarrassed... that about it, ashamed? I do it to myself, if I didn't want to then I wouldn't, so why feel ashamed for something I WANT to do?

    Yes, I judge people like you, because yes, you do seem to have an holier than thou attitude.

    Again, not direct AT you exactly, but towards you and people like you with those views.
  • kimcalica
    kimcalica Posts: 525 Member
    i don't think anyone is truly at peace with their "guilty pleasures" weather it be drinking, drugs, foods that are obviously not good for us.. i'm not even going into the dark sexual stuff.... anyway, we're getting into behavioral psychology here, and it's not a very easy subject to delve into.. for many, it takes years and years to understand. we can't just assume things about each other.. every person is a single entity that views the world in their own separate way. arguing over which one of us has the most peace within ourselves.. or who is a fascist and who isn't.. it's just going to exhaust you. just enjoy your life with as much contentment as you can muster. Your life so far, has given you the perception you have of everything. that's what makes us all different. What's important is that we can have peace with the things we do.. weather it's bad or good.. if we think it's ok.. or not ok.. do it or don't do it.. but remember that, i guess, before judging others.. and reacting to what we think, is others judging us.
  • WickedGarden
    WickedGarden Posts: 944 Member
    I don't usually drink because I'm a light weight, and don't like the taste of liquor (most mixed drinks). Beer is fine, but most bars don't have the beers I do like.

    Just thought of something to say to people who pressure others to drink...just replace the word 'drink' with 'smoke',
    "why don't you smoke?"
    "I don't like it"
    "oh c'mon! everybody likes to smoke!"
    "no, I'm okay, really"
    "just one, it won't kill you!"

    same conversation, right?
  • pucenavel
    pucenavel Posts: 972 Member
    I don't usually drink because I'm a light weight, and don't like the taste of liquor (most mixed drinks). Beer is fine, but most bars don't have the beers I do like.

    Just thought of something to say to people who pressure others to drink...just replace the word 'drink' with 'smoke',
    "why don't you smoke?"
    "I don't like it"
    "oh c'mon! everybody likes to smoke!"
    "no, I'm okay, really"
    "just one, it won't kill you!"

    same conversation, right?

    Good one.

    I have done this same comparison except with heroin. Why is it OK in our society to "unwind with alcohol" but it's taboo to put yourself in a euphoric state with narcotics? They are both drugs, they are both additive. Granted, narcotics are generally MORE addictive than alcohol, but for some people, alcohol is no less addictive.

    "Wow, Rough Week!"
    "Yea, let's go smoke some crack!"
    "Party on, Garth!"

    My answer when someone goes beyond me replying with "No thanks" is to tell them that I really would rather not go back to rehab (as a patient that is).
  • tubbyelmo
    tubbyelmo Posts: 415 Member
    I'm tea-total, and I used to get all the comments, I now volunteer to be the designated driver, but my friends all know my rule, just one comment about having just one drink and they are walking home!!!
  • Illona88
    Illona88 Posts: 903 Member
    I don't drink because it doesn't mix well with a mental illness I have.
    My closest friends know this, so they don't even ask anymore. It's become normal to them.

    I am a University student, so I do get harassed about it by other students a lot. They just try to peer pressure me into drinking.
    I have now come to the stage where if people try to pressure me into drinking, after I have said that I don't drink, I just leave.
    I don't want to be friends with people like that, so **** 'em.
  • MonicaW1988
    MonicaW1988 Posts: 23 Member
    Personally for me its about a healthier lifestyle... just because I don't drink that night doesn't mean I can't have a good time (sure I may not be on a buzz like others) you see I was constantly having more than one cider (with ALOT of calories in it - even the low carb ciders) and then after that binge eating on **** and then waking up feeling so crap for it (always doing this every weekend whether I was home or socially out) I guess I just don't always want to rely on alcohol to make me feel better.... or worse be dependant on it (cause thats when things can get messy depending on the situation) and then because I binged eat on junk along with all the calories in the alcohol I would put on weight instantly... unfortunately I am not one of those people who can eat and drink whatever they desire and not put on any weight.... in an ideal world I'd love to be that way but this is my life in this world and the decisions I make impact me and thats ok if others wanna drink but thats also ok if I don't want to drink.

    Bottom line: You do what is right for you, you make the decisions and if others still don't approve then thats their problem... never feel like you have to do something you don't want to - it's your life.
  • divalivious
    divalivious Posts: 213 Member
    Think its just a society thing. No one believes anyone can have fun not drinking when socializing. All the ads etc tell us to be a fun individual ~ drink!. So your friends are just wanting to see you have fun in a weird, twisted, messed up way. They probably arent even conscious of it. If your friends are use to you drinking it will take them a bit to get use to you not drinking. Also when the alcohol gets flowing they will ask/push as they seem to have a tendency to forget with each drink.

    I rarely drink maybe 2x a year and its 1-2 drinks. Yup hard partier! I grew up in a family that didnt drink much either only on special occasions. My mom never drank actually. Where my inlaws are wine connoisseurs and enjoy having a few drinks when they get together. They just cant grasp my no drinking thing. Constantly get your just having water? As they do a roll call of the liquor cabinet, coffee and tea on house. Its been 10 years and still get the same question. My sil has no clue how I can walk this earth not drinking coffee let alone alcohol.
  • Sharon009
    Sharon009 Posts: 327 Member
    Just to respond to some comments on here:

    I was at a restaurant/sports bar to watch the Bucs game, not at a club and there was no dance floor. It was a restaurant with a bar, just like Bennigan's.
    I was with a group of friends and people I just met, my friends didnt comment on my soda because they know I drink alcohol, it was the new people who inquired as soon as I said 'diet coke please'.
    I do drink socially.
    I have never thought myself to comment on whether someone drinks alcohol or not so I'm wondering why other people do.
    I have noticed that it is the people who drink to excess that tend to comment.
    I am 45 and the commenters are all ages so how old does one have to be before it stops?

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