are all men the same?!!

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Replies

  • Retiredmom72
    Retiredmom72 Posts: 538 Member
    You have the right to feel the way you do. I agree that you should talk to him. You both need time to do what you enjoy without always depending on the other person. If he goes out with friends one night, he should be will to take care of the kids and let you get out of the house with girlfriends. Perhaps you want to go out during the afternoon and he could watch the football/sports while you are out with friends.

    Don't think that you can change him once you are married. He is probably tuning you out when you are explaining your feelings. So pick a quiet time to sit down and discuss it. I can feel your frustration in your post.

    Good luck.
  • dcurzon
    dcurzon Posts: 653 Member
    Engaged and already nagging, no wonder he wants to go out with his friends.

    You should encourage him. That'll mind trip him
    wow so now wanting to spend time with your man is now considered nagging?!

    It can seem that way, yes
    well thats bull****

    You're right, it is.

    How's your way working out??
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    So when he does decide to stay home with the you and the family, how is it? Is it enjoyable or a complete pain in the butt for him?
    for the most part its enjoyable but could be better
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    You have the right to feel the way you do. I agree that you should talk to him. You both need time to do what you enjoy without always depending on the other person. If he goes out with friends one night, he should be will to take care of the kids and let you get out of the house with girlfriends. Perhaps you want to go out during the afternoon and he could watch the football/sports while you are out with friends.

    Don't think that you can change him once you are married. He is probably tuning you out when you are explaining your feelings. So pick a quiet time to sit down and discuss it. I can feel your frustration in your post.

    Good luck.
    thank you
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Engaged and already nagging, no wonder he wants to go out with his friends.

    You should encourage him. That'll mind trip him
    wow so now wanting to spend time with your man is now considered nagging?!

    It can seem that way, yes
    well thats bull****

    You're right, it is.

    How's your way working out??
    well apparently not so well.. all i want is to sped time with my man without having to compete with his friends.. is that so much to ask
  • skheather
    skheather Posts: 42 Member
    You see my white hair. I can tell you men never change. What you see is what you get.
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    You see my white hair. I can tell you men never change. What you see is what you get.
    thats not good
  • 13nicholas
    13nicholas Posts: 154 Member
    Go on a vacation, plan one dinner date every couple of weeks, and relax!
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Go on a vacation, plan one dinner date every couple of weeks, and relax!
    easier said than done
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    thanks for all the advice guys i appreciate it
  • _JR_
    _JR_ Posts: 830 Member
    Engaged and already nagging, no wonder he wants to go out with his friends.

    You should encourage him. That'll mind trip him
    wow so now wanting to spend time with your man is now considered nagging?!

    It can seem that way, yes
    well thats bull****

    You're right, it is.

    How's your way working out??
    well apparently not so well.. all i want is to sped time with my man without having to compete with his friends.. is that so much to ask

    Does he know about your expectations for HIM to have to make changes for you? I see this a lot where women get serious with a guy, and just expect them to change their lifestyles. You may want to find out if he knew that was in the contract.

    Has he asked you to make sudden lifestyle changes for his wants and needs? Look at it from both sides.
  • aliceguy
    aliceguy Posts: 128 Member
    Not all men are the same, but some can't step out of the circle they are in and look back at their actions. I know, because I was one of them and spent many years with some wonderful women, but always put work ahead of spending time with them. Now, I know you are talking about spending time with his friends, but its the same end result. You having feelings of being 2nd in a relationship leaving a sour taste in your mouth.
    I was in a situation where I had a lot of work to do, and it wasn't until they walked away from me after years and telling me they felt "taken for granted", that I was able to (once on my own) look back objectively and agree with them and say I was an assh**e to them.
    So, I guess what I am saying, not all men are the same but maybe he doesn't recognise (honestly) that he is putting his mates ahead of you. Or maybe he feels now engaged he "has a woman/fiance/wife" and doesn't need to "keep" her (wasn't sure how to phrase it, but maybe the blunt way is better after all), or maybe he hasn't grown up enough and still needs his mates around him.

    I really think communication is the answer here, I wish the lovely, beautiful women I missed out on had communicated it to me before walking out on me. I would have looked at myself and changed my attitude if I had not been such a dunce to not realise it..
    You got to bring it up direct with him, rationally, and if nothing changes after making this issue open and in the air......maybe it just wasn't meant to be....sorry to say it though...
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
    You mentioned "kids" as in more than one. Prioritize your kids. Focus on yourself. Seems like your giving him way to much attention.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    All men are NOT the same, just like all women are not the same. He just sounds really immature. It doesn't sound like quite he's ready to be a husband or a father.

    My husband and I were your age when we got married. We were so into one another that hanging out with friends kind of faded in importance - it became more of an every couple of weeks kind of thing. We didn't have kids before we were married, so it was easier to really bond as a team in those first few years of marriage. I think that's a bit of a challenge for you, since you already have the pressures of young children in the mix, but it can be overcome. :heart:

    When you form a family, your life changes. Time to grow up. It doesn't mean he shouldn't hang out, but it means his priorities need to shift, and he should hang out less with his friends and more with his family. He should actually WANT to do this - if it's forced, it doesn't work well.

    Hanging out with his friends EVERY night doesn't sound normal to me. That's avoidance behavior. I don't know his side of the story, so I really can't give any advice here. Good luck! :flowerforyou:
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    nope they're not all the same.
  • veganbaum
    veganbaum Posts: 1,865 Member
    Aside from what you want, if even only one of your three children is his, and he is out of town five days a week, he should be making an effort to create some time for family EVERY weekend, period. If you don't want the responsibility of children, don't have them. It doesn't begin and end with financial responsibility. You say you've talked to him, you need to keep doing so and maybe your kids can express that they miss their dad as well, if they do.
  • losindood
    losindood Posts: 36 Member
    Perhaps start with calling him something than your "ole man."

    :bigsmile:

    Seriously.
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Not all men are the same, but some can't step out of the circle they are in and look back at their actions. I know, because I was one of them and spent many years with some wonderful women, but always put work ahead of spending time with them. Now, I know you are talking about spending time with his friends, but its the same end result. You having feelings of being 2nd in a relationship leaving a sour taste in your mouth.
    I was in a situation where I had a lot of work to do, and it wasn't until they walked away from me after years and telling me they felt "taken for granted", that I was able to (once on my own) look back objectively and agree with them and say I was an assh**e to them.
    So, I guess what I am saying, not all men are the same but maybe he doesn't recognise (honestly) that he is putting his mates ahead of you. Or maybe he feels now engaged he "has a woman/fiance/wife" and doesn't need to "keep" her (wasn't sure how to phrase it, but maybe the blunt way is better after all), or maybe he hasn't grown up enough and still needs his mates around him.

    I really think communication is the answer here, I wish the lovely, beautiful women I missed out on had communicated it to me before walking out on me. I would have looked at myself and changed my attitude if I had not been such a dunce to not realise it..
    You got to bring it up direct with him, rationally, and if nothing changes after making this issue open and in the air......maybe it just wasn't meant to be....sorry to say it though...
    he knows how i feel about this we have gone through it before. things get better for awhile after we talk but they end up going back to the way things were before.. and yes you are extremly right, i feel taken for granted.. seems like all he wants at home is food and sex.. then he jumps to his buddies..
  • _JR_
    _JR_ Posts: 830 Member
    Perhaps start with calling him something than your "ole man."

    :bigsmile:

    Seriously.

    I stopped reading the first time when I got to that line. :laugh:
  • auntdeedee87
    auntdeedee87 Posts: 706 Member
    Men are all the same in that none of then are mind readers.

    Put on your big girl panties, make a plan for next weekend to spend time together and calmly and rationally discuss thing with him. If he isn't aware of the severity of the problem, he can't fix it.
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    let me guess all the guys reading this think im a nagging b***h now right?

    i do
  • ScatteredThoughts
    ScatteredThoughts Posts: 3,562 Member
    Perhaps start with calling him something than your "ole man."

    :bigsmile:

    Seriously.

    I stopped reading the first time when I got to that line. :laugh:


    Topics with blanket statements like "are all men the same?" tend to put me off.
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Engaged and already nagging, no wonder he wants to go out with his friends.

    You should encourage him. That'll mind trip him
    wow so now wanting to spend time with your man is now considered nagging?!

    It can seem that way, yes
    well thats bull****

    You're right, it is.

    How's your way working out??
    well apparently not so well.. all i want is to sped time with my man without having to compete with his friends.. is that so much to ask

    Does he know about your expectations for HIM to have to make changes for you? I see this a lot where women get serious with a guy, and just expect them to change their lifestyles. You may want to find out if he knew that was in the contract.

    Has he asked you to make sudden lifestyle changes for his wants and needs? Look at it from both sides.
    well i mean its kinda commen since.. once your together for years and get engaged... your gonna have spend time together to make it work.. right?
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    Perhaps start with calling him something than your "ole man."

    :bigsmile:

    Seriously.

    i read that and wonder if she's a Sons of Anarchy fan.
  • aliceguy
    aliceguy Posts: 128 Member
    well, since you have discussed this before with him, what did he say when you asked(I assume something like)"why do you need to see your mates so much?"
    Not all men are the same, but some can't step out of the circle they are in and look back at their actions. I know, because I was one of them and spent many years with some wonderful women, but always put work ahead of spending time with them. Now, I know you are talking about spending time with his friends, but its the same end result. You having feelings of being 2nd in a relationship leaving a sour taste in your mouth.
    I was in a situation where I had a lot of work to do, and it wasn't until they walked away from me after years and telling me they felt "taken for granted", that I was able to (once on my own) look back objectively and agree with them and say I was an assh**e to them.
    So, I guess what I am saying, not all men are the same but maybe he doesn't recognise (honestly) that he is putting his mates ahead of you. Or maybe he feels now engaged he "has a woman/fiance/wife" and doesn't need to "keep" her (wasn't sure how to phrase it, but maybe the blunt way is better after all), or maybe he hasn't grown up enough and still needs his mates around him.

    I really think communication is the answer here, I wish the lovely, beautiful women I missed out on had communicated it to me before walking out on me. I would have looked at myself and changed my attitude if I had not been such a dunce to not realise it..
    You got to bring it up direct with him, rationally, and if nothing changes after making this issue open and in the air......maybe it just wasn't meant to be....sorry to say it though...
    he knows how i feel about this we have gone through it before. things get better for awhile after we talk but they end up going back to the way things were before.. and yes you are extremly right, i feel taken for granted.. seems like all he wants at home is food and sex.. then he jumps to his buddies..
    [/quote]
  • wbgolden
    wbgolden Posts: 2,066 Member
    why do all women post topics like this?
  • _JR_
    _JR_ Posts: 830 Member
    well i mean its kinda commen since.. once your together for years and get engaged... your gonna have spend time together to make it work.. right?

    Clearly it's not common sense if after all of these years he hasn't changed. Think about that for a minute.
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    All men are NOT the same, just like all women are not the same. He just sounds really immature. It doesn't sound like quite he's ready to be a husband or a father.

    My husband and I were your age when we got married. We were so into one another that hanging out with friends kind of faded in importance - it became more of an every couple of weeks kind of thing. We didn't have kids before we were married, so it was easier to really bond as a team in those first few years of marriage. I think that's a bit of a challenge for you, since you already have the pressures of young children in the mix, but it can be overcome. :heart:

    When you form a family, your life changes. Time to grow up. It doesn't mean he shouldn't hang out, but it means his priorities need to shift, and he should hang out less with his friends and more with his family. He should actually WANT to do this - if it's forced, it doesn't work well.

    Hanging out with his friends EVERY night doesn't sound normal to me. That's avoidance behavior. I don't know his side of the story, so I really can't give any advice here. Good luck! :flowerforyou:
    exactly!!
  • _JR_
    _JR_ Posts: 830 Member
    why do all women post topics like this?

    I see what you did there. :wink:
  • judykmmg
    judykmmg Posts: 56 Member
    I'm not sure where some of these men get their reasoning. They think it is all about them. I have not heard any of these men ask you if you ever get time away from your children or your husband. It's hard being a single mom all week; and then when your fiancé comes home, you're still a single mom. Weigh your choices carefully. You sound stressed and probably are. Have you thought about having his friends over to your house? Maybe if they brought their girlfriends or wives? Married couples need friends that are compatible with both parties. If you don't have mutual friends; and your fiancé has only single friends; you will both suffer and the marriage will struggle.

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