are all men the same?!!

Simply answer your question: YES they are same. Think before you decide to do your big step.

I've been married 32 years. From the day we became engaged, my (future) wife became my number ONE priority. Making her happy was my main goal in life. The more I did that, the more she tried to make me happy. Yes there was time with my friends and brothers. But that came SECOND. She had time on her own when I watched the kids & I had time on my own when she watched them. But the overwhelming majority of our time was spent together. If you don't want to spend the majority of the time together, what's the point in getting/being married??? Talk to him, and if you're not the most important thing in his life, you've got the wrong man. No B.S.. That's just the way it is!

I'm not sure where some of these men get their reasoning. They think it is all about them. I have not heard any of these men ask you if you ever get time away from your children or your husband. It's hard being a single mom all week; and then when your fiancé comes home, you're still a single mom. Weigh your choices carefully. You sound stressed and probably are. Have you thought about having his friends over to your house? Maybe if they brought their girlfriends or wives? Married couples need friends that are compatible with both parties. If you don't have mutual friends; and your fiancé has only single friends; you will both suffer and the marriage will struggle.

...but it is all about me. See for yourself what the creator said:
"Dear Sir, poor sir, brave sir. You are an experiment by the Creator of the Universe. You are the only creature in the entire Universe who has free will. You are the only one who has to figure out what to do next - and why. Everybody else is a robot, a machine. Some persons seem to like you, and others seem to hate you, and you must wonder why. They are simply liking machines and hating machines. You are pooped and demoralized, Why wouldn't you be? Of course it is exhausting, having to reason all the time in a universe which wasn't meant to be reasonable."

well, since you have discussed this before with him, what did he say when you asked(I assume something like)"why do you need to see your mates so much?"

Not all men are the same, but some can't step out of the circle they are in and look back at their actions. I know, because I was one of them and spent many years with some wonderful women, but always put work ahead of spending time with them. Now, I know you are talking about spending time with his friends, but its the same end result. You having feelings of being 2nd in a relationship leaving a sour taste in your mouth.
I was in a situation where I had a lot of work to do, and it wasn't until they walked away from me after years and telling me they felt "taken for granted", that I was able to (once on my own) look back objectively and agree with them and say I was an assh**e to them.
So, I guess what I am saying, not all men are the same but maybe he doesn't recognise (honestly) that he is putting his mates ahead of you. Or maybe he feels now engaged he "has a woman/fiance/wife" and doesn't need to "keep" her (wasn't sure how to phrase it, but maybe the blunt way is better after all), or maybe he hasn't grown up enough and still needs his mates around him.

I really think communication is the answer here, I wish the lovely, beautiful women I missed out on had communicated it to me before walking out on me. I would have looked at myself and changed my attitude if I had not been such a dunce to not realise it..
You got to bring it up direct with him, rationally, and if nothing changes after making this issue open and in the air......maybe it just wasn't meant to be....sorry to say it though...

he knows how i feel about this we have gone through it before. things get better for awhile after we talk but they end up going back to the way things were before.. and yes you are extremly right, i feel taken for granted.. seems like all he wants at home is food and sex.. then he jumps to his buddies..

nothing really it always ends in us fighting
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Well then, time to think about a change. If 2 adults who supposedly love each other to get engaged can't talk, discuss or even work through an issue like this without fighting.....whats the point of being together?...really......do both yourselves a favour....

so im having a hard time with my ole man right now.. just dont know what to do.. he seems to think that spending time with his friends is more important than spending time with me and the kids.. your not single anymore your engaged for crying out loud!! this is getting old fast and to be honest its kinda making me re think getting married. cause i sure as hell am not putting up with this for the rest of my life. i will not be put 2nd!! i know that sounds bad... am i going to far with this? am i in the wrong/ what would you do?

Listen.. no matter WHAT is going on.. if you are second guessing getting married, by all means DONT GET MARRIED!! geezus you have your whole life to get married! Why people think there is a damn timeline on marrage is beyond me!!


Now, that said.. You should never be second.. BUT.. life aint a damn fairy tale. you will be second to his mother on her birthday... you will be second to your daughter on her graduation.. you wil be second to his own birthday.. you will be second on MANY occasions.. he is a man, and that is that. Deal with it. they dont think like we do.

Learn to live with it, or learn to live without him. Simple as that. Ive been married 8 years and we are HAPPY because #1, we dont bull**** each other with drama & crap and #2. i put up with A LOT of crap. NO, he does not go out with friends. he works, he comes home, he eats, he sleeps. repeat. its married life.. he can deal with it or frick off. *I* cook, clean, do laundry, care for kids, have sex.. its MARRIAGE.

YES we still have amazing moments, we still make time, we still laugh, we still are MADLY in love, but the "life" routine is simple.. cook, eat, kids, work, cook, clean, kids, sex, repeat.

I dont know why people analyze so much!! Its not that hard.. just stop thinking you are OWED something and start GIVING to your partner more..

If YOU give as much as you want given to you.. things might start looking up! (thats an in general comment.. not for you.)

i would never put up with that either! no not all men are like that. some are very devoted to their family's . if he does not act like a husband... i would not make him one. sorry you are having to deal with his childish behaviors . hope he fixes this for you both & the little ones involved .

I would call him a "distancer"; someone uncomfortable with intimacy so he has one foot out the door. That's just my impression from what you said. Since you are the mother of 3 kids, try focusing on making you and your kids thrive. Don't base your happiness on whether he is doing his part. He is where he wants to be right now. When he is out, plan a special time with your kids, something really fun, and enjoy being a great mom. Do not ask him to be there, do not rub it in that you are having fun without him, just do it and see if he wants to be included. In the meantime it will be a good thing for you.

Does he know about your expectations for HIM to have to make changes for you? I see this a lot where women get serious with a guy, and just expect them to change their lifestyles. You may want to find out if he knew that was in the contract.

Seriously? Is this for real? Of course one's lifestyle changes when one enters a committed relationship and/or becomes a parent. You think grown, married adults with children should expect to continue to party every night like single people? :sick:
Time to grow up, Peter Pan!

Do you really want to get into a battle of insult, miss Priss?

My comment was clearly about communication. Sorry your panties were too far up your keister to see that. :flowerforyou:

I saw that you said he is 26.. my husband has talked about this many many times.. he always says that he didn't really grow up until he was over 30 years old. At 26 years old, all he cared about was hooking up with girls, hanging out with his friends, going to bars, etc. He never would've been mature enough at that point in his life to get engaged or married.
Also, speaking from personal experience, I was engaged when I was 23 years old. My fiance was 25. We got engaged because we were naive and in love, and thought that's all that mattered. But in the end, neither of us were mature enough to be getting married, and he called off the wedding 4 months before our wedding date. THANK GOD!
I met my current husband when I was 29, he was 32, and it was a TOTALLY different relationship. When I got engaged this time, I knew that I was mature enough, and so was he.
My other concern would be.. before you got engaged, did always hang out with his friends as much as he wants to now? If he did, then you knew he was like that. If it bothered you (it would bother me), then why would you get engaged if it bugged you that much? Not trying to be harsh, but if there are issues in the relationship that bother you this much, then you should resolve all of them before getting engaged or married. If you have tried to talk to him about it in the past, and he is still doing it, then maybe you should really start rethinking the relationship.
I'm assuming your kids are his kids? I'm not sure why you'd have multiple kids with someone that you have these issues with?