I think he is cheating...
dakotababy
Posts: 2,407 Member
in Chit-Chat
Ok, I have had the "women's intuition" going on here for a few months. This is not common, so I figure I would look into the idea that my boyfriend may be cheating. I went on his computer and found naked pictures of one of his friends ex-girlfriends. I looked into the information on the file and found those pictures were sent from his friend, not the girl.
I went on Facebook and searched his friend - and found pictures of the friend with his girlfriend, who are broken up now.
My boyfriend is incredibly touchy with his phone - and he will refuse to let me see it. I have snuck it away from him while he is sleeping to find nothing. I have checked his emails. I found a "trash" email that was for a personal ad on craigs list. He was going to reply to the ad...this was addressed about a year ago now. He always blocks his history on the computer as well.
He is so reassuring that he would never cheat - and part of be believes him. Part of me doesn't. Not too long ago I also got a terrible infection that sounds like it could have been chlamydia. I was even prescribed meds meant for chlamydia infections - but I was never formally tested or anything (dr. said it was a bladder infection).
I don't know what to do now. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks...and I have read never to say anything until there is solid proof of cheating - but i can't hold it in. I have pretty much started to plan where I will be living..etc.
Any advice on how to catch him? I have looked into getting a gps and hide it in the vehicle, but I have no idea where to even get one of those! (I'm in canada).
I went on Facebook and searched his friend - and found pictures of the friend with his girlfriend, who are broken up now.
My boyfriend is incredibly touchy with his phone - and he will refuse to let me see it. I have snuck it away from him while he is sleeping to find nothing. I have checked his emails. I found a "trash" email that was for a personal ad on craigs list. He was going to reply to the ad...this was addressed about a year ago now. He always blocks his history on the computer as well.
He is so reassuring that he would never cheat - and part of be believes him. Part of me doesn't. Not too long ago I also got a terrible infection that sounds like it could have been chlamydia. I was even prescribed meds meant for chlamydia infections - but I was never formally tested or anything (dr. said it was a bladder infection).
I don't know what to do now. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks...and I have read never to say anything until there is solid proof of cheating - but i can't hold it in. I have pretty much started to plan where I will be living..etc.
Any advice on how to catch him? I have looked into getting a gps and hide it in the vehicle, but I have no idea where to even get one of those! (I'm in canada).
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Replies
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Not good, dude. You've got more red flags than a signalman on a warship.0
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If you have no proof and by the sounds of it you have checked everything! Maybe he isn't cheating and its just in your head?? I think you should trust him and go make him a sandwhich.0
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Not good, dude. You've got more red flags than a signalman on a warship.
I know...I don't want to go into the denial phase of this..or just "ignore it". Im scared though...0 -
And what exactly is wrong with being "touchy about people searching through your phone computer"?
I would be beyond pissed if I found out someone was going through my personal stuff.
Sounds like you have trust issues, and ignoring the possibility of cheating or not... sounds like he'd be better off without you if you continue to breech privacy.0 -
Ok, I have had the "women's intuition" going on here for a few months. This is not common, so I figure I would look into the idea that my boyfriend may be cheating. I went on his computer and found naked pictures of one of his friends ex-girlfriends. I looked into the information on the file and found those pictures were sent from his friend, not the girl.
I went on Facebook and searched his friend - and found pictures of the friend with his girlfriend, who are broken up now.
My boyfriend is incredibly touchy with his phone - and he will refuse to let me see it. I have snuck it away from him while he is sleeping to find nothing. I have checked his emails. I found a "trash" email that was for a personal ad on craigs list. He was going to reply to the ad...this was addressed about a year ago now. He always blocks his history on the computer as well.
He is so reassuring that he would never cheat - and part of be believes him. Part of me doesn't. Not too long ago I also got a terrible infection that sounds like it could have been chlamydia. I was even prescribed meds meant for chlamydia infections - but I was never formally tested or anything (dr. said it was a bladder infection).
I don't know what to do now. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks...and I have read never to say anything until there is solid proof of cheating - but i can't hold it in. I have pretty much started to plan where I will be living..etc.
Any advice on how to catch him? I have looked into getting a gps and hide it in the vehicle, but I have no idea where to even get one of those! (I'm in canada).
well, you're not married, so i'm not sure what the point of trying to "catch him" would be. you shouldn't be spying on him and searching his phone and computer while he sleeps. if you think you have to do this, then there are problems in the relationship whether he's cheating or not. break it off and find somebody who you can trust.0 -
Ok, I have had the "women's intuition" going on here for a few months. This is not common, so I figure I would look into the idea that my boyfriend may be cheating. I went on his computer and found naked pictures of one of his friends ex-girlfriends. I looked into the information on the file and found those pictures were sent from his friend, not the girl.
I went on Facebook and searched his friend - and found pictures of the friend with his girlfriend, who are broken up now.
My boyfriend is incredibly touchy with his phone - and he will refuse to let me see it. I have snuck it away from him while he is sleeping to find nothing. I have checked his emails. I found a "trash" email that was for a personal ad on craigs list. He was going to reply to the ad...this was addressed about a year ago now. He always blocks his history on the computer as well.
He is so reassuring that he would never cheat - and part of be believes him. Part of me doesn't. Not too long ago I also got a terrible infection that sounds like it could have been chlamydia. I was even prescribed meds meant for chlamydia infections - but I was never formally tested or anything (dr. said it was a bladder infection).
I don't know what to do now. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks...and I have read never to say anything until there is solid proof of cheating - but i can't hold it in. I have pretty much started to plan where I will be living..etc.
Any advice on how to catch him? I have looked into getting a gps and hide it in the vehicle, but I have no idea where to even get one of those! (I'm in canada).
Dump him like a turd in the toilet. No bother trying to catch him in the act not worth it.
Although I would take my word for it, I am told 24/7 I am wrong about every thing.0 -
If you have no proof and by the sounds of it you have checked everything! Maybe he isn't cheating and its just in your head?? I think you should trust him and go make him a sandwhich.
I dont understand how you can say there is no proof. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks so it would be hard to find anything.
I have found
- reply to personal ad
- naked pics of a friends ex...which why would he keep that? even if they were sent from the guy himself
- protective over computer history
- protective over cellphone
- my intuition is telling me somethings up.
I just don't know how to go about really catching him red handed. I know guys like to cover up for other guys, so don't be offended if I take these sort of responses with little credibility.0 -
you can hire people to follow him around. other than that, he sounds pretty smart and he likely wont get caught no matter how hard you try. if you have a techy friend, they can get on the computer and see where he's been and trace down IP's and get really specific. even if he clears the cache and all that, the info is still there, you just have to know how to get to it.
it seems to me though, that you have enough circumstantial evidence to pretty much know that at least he thinks about it. or, puts in effort to look into it. it doesn't mean he does it, but he looks into it, maybe he flirts and tries, maybe he does it. hard to tell. but, you have enough info to realize that it's a problem. i wouldn't confront it because he'll deny it, and come up with reasons why things appear the way they do. i'd just decide if you want to be with someone so defensive all the time.
i used to look at porn a lot on my phone. not anymore, but i used to. i would freak out when my gf would grab my phone to use it for something.0 -
If you have no proof and by the sounds of it you have checked everything! Maybe he isn't cheating and its just in your head?? I think you should trust him and go make him a sandwhich.
I dont understand how you can say there is no proof. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks so it would be hard to find anything.
I have found
- reply to personal ad
- naked pics of a friends ex...which why would he keep that? even if they were sent from the guy himself
- protective over computer history
- protective over cellphone
- my intuition is telling me somethings up.
I just don't know how to go about really catching him red handed. I know guys like to cover up for other guys, so don't be offended if I take these sort of responses with little credibility.
there are obvious trust issues whether he is cheating or not. just move on and find somebody better. somebody who you don't have to wonder about constantly.0 -
And what exactly is wrong with being "touchy about people searching through your phone computer"?
I would be beyond pissed if I found out someone was going through my personal stuff.
Sounds like you have trust issues, and ignoring the possibility of cheating or not... sounds like he'd be better off without you if you continue to breech privacy.
^^^This. I never understand why some people think it's okay to search through their SO's phone and computer or that they have the right to see whatever is on it.0 -
Just break up...0
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And what exactly is wrong with being "touchy about people searching through your phone computer"?
I would be beyond pissed if I found out someone was going through my personal stuff.
Sounds like you have trust issues, and ignoring the possibility of cheating or not... sounds like he'd be better off without you if you continue to breech privacy.
^^^This. I never understand why some people think it's okay to search through their SO's phone and computer or that they have the right to see whatever is on it.
I hear ya, on the other hand, it's a sensitive issue. if we're dating seriously, and were out and about, and were looking for a place to eat, and i say, let me see your phone, i'll search yelp and find a place, and you're apprehensive, i'll think, "WTF". so, it depends on how it goes down. no one has the right to search through your stuff, but it's not really about that as much about if i just want to look at google or something because my phone is dead, and i see all these strange references to porn sites or whatever, which you've obviously been looking at, and now i'm like, "WTF is going on"?0 -
you can hire people to follow him around. other than that, he sounds pretty smart and he likely wont get caught no matter how hard you try. if you have a techy friend, they can get on the computer and see where he's been and trace down IP's and get really specific. even if he clears the cache and all that, the info is still there, you just have to know how to get to it.
it seems to me though, that you have enough circumstantial evidence to pretty much know that at least he thinks about it. or, puts in effort to look into it. it doesn't mean he does it, but he looks into it, maybe he flirts and tries, maybe he does it. hard to tell. but, you have enough info to realize that it's a problem. i wouldn't confront it because he'll deny it, and come up with reasons why things appear the way they do. i'd just decide if you want to be with someone so defensive all the time.
i used to look at porn a lot on my phone. not anymore, but i used to. i would freak out when my gf would grab my phone to use it for something.
This is why he claims to get so defensive over me even TOUCHING his phone. If i even glance at his phone too long he will grab it and put it in his pocket. I mean - I understand porn, and porn is not what I am looking for - it is online affairs/cheating. I mean I would classify "having nude pictures of a friends ex girlfriend" cheating. That is a person who he has met, who he has talked to...and there is naked pics of that person on his computer. That to me is cheating!...even if they were sent from the buddy, not the girl. He could have deleted them after they were sent to him. I don't know. I am scared if I bring up the fact that i don't trust him, and this is what i have found - he will get even MORE hardcore with covering his tracks.0 -
I'm just going to give some old lady's advice:
Prepare to move on without the drama of an investigation. Life continues and a new person will come your way. Note his behavior in the back of your mind (ultra private about computer/phone) and use your radar for such behavior when meeting new men and let a new man know that that is something you are uncomfortable about since it is a value of yours. As a former public health worker, chlamydia, by federal and state law is reportable and by the same law you must be notified (unless he managed to lie about having sex with a prostitute that he has no memory of identifiers). These public health workers are very good at what they do and at confirming if the partner was in fact notified. A doctor covering it up would be risking not just his integrity but also a potential lawsuit. I recommend that you get a copy of the lab report for your own curiosity (it's your body) but leave the investigation part to paid professionals. Unless you have more at stake, like children or alimony, just move on.
Make an exit for yourself that when you are my age, you can look back at and not feel embarrassed about; that you can say to yourself, "I had some pretty classy balls when I left that guy. I didn't drag him in the gutter nor myself."0 -
You either trust him or you don't. It doesn't matter whether he's actually cheating. If you don't feel like you can trust him, it will never be a good relationship and you're both probably better off without each other.0
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Nothing you said is indicating he is cheating....or maybe I am just missing something. Anyway I think he would be better without someone that is unable to trust him for what ever reason.0
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you can hire people to follow him around. other than that, he sounds pretty smart and he likely wont get caught no matter how hard you try. if you have a techy friend, they can get on the computer and see where he's been and trace down IP's and get really specific. even if he clears the cache and all that, the info is still there, you just have to know how to get to it.
it seems to me though, that you have enough circumstantial evidence to pretty much know that at least he thinks about it. or, puts in effort to look into it. it doesn't mean he does it, but he looks into it, maybe he flirts and tries, maybe he does it. hard to tell. but, you have enough info to realize that it's a problem. i wouldn't confront it because he'll deny it, and come up with reasons why things appear the way they do. i'd just decide if you want to be with someone so defensive all the time.
i used to look at porn a lot on my phone. not anymore, but i used to. i would freak out when my gf would grab my phone to use it for something.
This is why he claims to get so defensive over me even TOUCHING his phone. If i even glance at his phone too long he will grab it and put it in his pocket. I mean - I understand porn, and porn is not what I am looking for - it is online affairs/cheating. I mean I would classify "having nude pictures of a friends ex girlfriend" cheating. That is a person who he has met, who he has talked to...and there is naked pics of that person on his computer. That to me is cheating!...even if they were sent from the buddy, not the girl. He could have deleted them after they were sent to him. I don't know. I am scared if I bring up the fact that i don't trust him, and this is what i have found - he will get even MORE hardcore with covering his tracks.
if he had nothing to worry about, he wouldn't care that much if you looked at his phone. some people have issues with personal space, and i'm one of those. but, i wouldn't freak if my gf or wife was using my phone for some purpose. it wouldn't bother me at all. the only reason it did in the past was beccause there was stuff on there i didn't want her to see.0 -
you can hire people to follow him around. other than that, he sounds pretty smart and he likely wont get caught no matter how hard you try. if you have a techy friend, they can get on the computer and see where he's been and trace down IP's and get really specific. even if he clears the cache and all that, the info is still there, you just have to know how to get to it.
it seems to me though, that you have enough circumstantial evidence to pretty much know that at least he thinks about it. or, puts in effort to look into it. it doesn't mean he does it, but he looks into it, maybe he flirts and tries, maybe he does it. hard to tell. but, you have enough info to realize that it's a problem. i wouldn't confront it because he'll deny it, and come up with reasons why things appear the way they do. i'd just decide if you want to be with someone so defensive all the time.
i used to look at porn a lot on my phone. not anymore, but i used to. i would freak out when my gf would grab my phone to use it for something.
This is why he claims to get so defensive over me even TOUCHING his phone. If i even glance at his phone too long he will grab it and put it in his pocket. I mean - I understand porn, and porn is not what I am looking for - it is online affairs/cheating. I mean I would classify "having nude pictures of a friends ex girlfriend" cheating. That is a person who he has met, who he has talked to...and there is naked pics of that person on his computer. That to me is cheating!...even if they were sent from the buddy, not the girl. He could have deleted them after they were sent to him. I don't know. I am scared if I bring up the fact that i don't trust him, and this is what i have found - he will get even MORE hardcore with covering his tracks.
let me ask you a question. do you like the "drama" of trying to catch him? the reason i ask is because you've ignored the suggestions above that tell you that you have trust issues in your relationship and that maybe you should move on. if that's not what you want to hear and you just want people who agree that you should try to catch him, then let the rest of us know. we'll stay quiet.
also, how old are you? how old is he? how long have you dated? are you exclusive? how long? etc. all of these details matter if you are asking complete strangers for their advice. he does sound like he's very wary of letting you see all aspects of his life. that might mean he's cheating. that might mean he's not 100% committed to you yet. that might me he puts a high priority on privacy. has there been cheating in the past by either of you?0 -
I don't know, it doesn't sound like you have much on him becuase you haven't been able to find anything to solidify he is cheating.
But I also agree in gut feelings.
If you honestly feel something isn't right, I don't see any reason why you can't sit down and talk to him. Don't accuse him of anything, don't tell him what you have done, etc. Just say I have been feeling off lately, and I am wondering if anything is going on that you want to talk about.
I don't know maybe that is silly, but when something is on my chest I want to say it.
I just recently got out of a 9 month relationship where from the start it had its ups and downs. I could never really put my finger on the issue, but I never once considered it to be cheating. I always made excuses, he is busy with his kids, he is busy at work, blah blah. But one of his friends outted him last week for having a gambling addiction in his past. DING DING... everything made sense, it all added up. I knew my gut was right telling me something was wrong, but I couldn't figure out what it was. So that is why I say a women's (or a man) should trust their gut.
Good luck0 -
If you have no proof and by the sounds of it you have checked everything! Maybe he isn't cheating and its just in your head?? I think you should trust him and go make him a sandwhich.
I dont understand how you can say there is no proof. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks so it would be hard to find anything.
I have found
- reply to personal ad
- naked pics of a friends ex...which why would he keep that? even if they were sent from the guy himself
- protective over computer history
- protective over cellphone
- my intuition is telling me somethings up.
I just don't know how to go about really catching him red handed. I know guys like to cover up for other guys, so don't be offended if I take these sort of responses with little credibility.
Sorry to be harsh but if you're not married and you have all this evidence and you feel so bad all the time about your relationship, why are you here asking us advice and not just packing it up and moving on? Just seems senseless. (a nicer workd than the one I want to use)0 -
Why would you NOT get tested? Seriously, if the trust isn't there, then there's not much left, just break up and save yourself the infections.0
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if you are anything like you seem to be based on this description, i'd be running for the hills0
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Not good, dude. You've got more red flags than a signalman on a warship.
thank god you don't work on a submarine.
you'd be like "i hear a boat in the water... therefore it must be an enemy vessel trying to destroy us! FIRE!"
nothing hear says cheating.
1)some guys, whether any of us like it or not, send photos of their girlfriends to eachother... don't ask me to explain, but I've met a lot that do... and that's without their girlfriends permission... (1 more reason to not take naughty photos)
2)not wanting someone on their phone is just an issue of privacy. I had snoopy parents and so now I don't like anyone ever touching my stuff.
3)clearing browser history... maybe the dude is just looking at porn and doesn't want her to know?0 -
I just think that if it's gotten to the point where you're stealing his phone while he sleeps to look for proof of his infidelity, and trying to find a way to hide a GPS device on his vehicle so you can track his whereabouts... maybe there are some trust issues you want to deal with? I can't say whether he's cheating or not, but it doesn't sound like a super healthy relationship. My best advice would be to find a relationships counsellor in your area and talk to them about how you're feeling. It may help put somethings in perspective.
Good luck!0 -
Not good, dude. You've got more red flags than a signalman on a warship.
thank god you don't work on a submarine.
you'd be like "i hear a boat in the water... therefore it must be an enemy vessel trying to destroy us! FIRE!"
nothing hear says cheating.
1)some guys, whether any of us like it or not, send photos of their girlfriends to eachother... don't ask me to explain, but I've met a lot that do... and that's without their girlfriends permission... (1 more reason to not take naughty photos)
2)not wanting someone on their phone is just an issue of privacy. I had snoopy parents and so now I don't like anyone ever touching my stuff.
3)clearing browser history... maybe the dude is just looking at porn and doesn't want her to know?
You may actually be right. We're only hearing one half of the story here and, now that you mention it, I have friends that send me pictures of naked chicks all the time; facebook, sms, email, etc.. I don't feel the need to hide it, but he could be embarrassed or she could be overly paranoid.0 -
I have trust issues myself, and for good reason. But that's another story...
It's a hell of a predicament to be in. The suspected party can say all they want about how you have trust issues and are invading their privacy, and, while that may be true, it might very well be justified. This is a person that you want to be comfortable with without paranoia and distrust. You want to be wanted exclusively. It's a sad thing that that's often too much to ask.
Your relationship with him seems to be heading south, no matter what happens. I'm not saying he is or isn't cheating, but suspicions are tough to slay. Whatever his reasons for being so protective, it's unhealthy for a relationship with someone who wants the reassurance you're looking for, and vice versa.
I say find someone else, and lay it on the line that you want to be honest and, more importantly, *open* with each other.0 -
I feel for yeah.............with a lot of these sort of posts...............my reply is usually.............just read what you wrote............seems to be the answer is already there. I got to say, if it's at the point where it is, considering GPS, ect............all of the above you stated.......it's over anyways..............it's just a matter of time, 2 weeks, 2 months, possibly 2 yrs.............but a relationship like this will not last, period. it isn't health, it isn't fair.
Remember....................this is not your husband.............if it was................I could understand 100 times more you checking up on him and trying crazier things to figure out if he's cheating.................with marriage, there's a lot more at stake. It's a boyfriend, living together boyfriend at that...............so what, *kitten* happens, move along, there's plenty of guys that would be flattered for you to be able thumb through there phone.................and not while there sleeping. Try finding a guy that doesn't care if you happen to look through his phone...........he just might be secure.............and have nothing to hide.
The best to you.0 -
If you can't trust him, it doesn't matter if he's cheating or not. Learn to trust him and respect his personal privacy, or let him go find someone who will. Being his girlfriend doesn't give you free license to practically stalk him.0
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"1)some guys, whether any of us like it or not, send photos of their girlfriends to eachother... don't ask me to explain, but I've met a lot that do... and that's without their girlfriends permission... (1 more reason to not take naughty photos) "
I just be out of the loop.............i definitely have never done this......(above quote)...............nor even considered it.0
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