I think he is cheating...
Replies
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You're thinking about putting a gps somehow in his car and you're still wondering why he is deleting his browser history?
So you don't trust him and want trust from him? I think there is the problem.0 -
wow!! shocked at how many people put the blame solely on this girl.
i dont think it's fair to go through someone elses personal info, HOWEVER in a relationship individuals are usually happy to share their lives and there is meant to be that level of trust. hiding and grabbing ones phone? deleting internet history? dodgy.
have a chat with him and be prepared for what comes out.0 -
I dont understand how you can say there is no proof. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks so it would be hard to find anything.
I have found
- reply to personal ad
- naked pics of a friends ex...which why would he keep that? even if they were sent from the guy himself
- protective over computer history
- protective over cellphone
- my intuition is telling me somethings up.
I just don't know how to go about really catching him red handed. I know guys like to cover up for other guys, so don't be offended if I take these sort of responses with little credibility.
Ok, I think you should read what YOU wrote here out loud. Your relationship has been reduced to you sneaking around TRYING to catch him cheating. Do you really want to stay like this? Are you hoping that you'll find definitive prove like a sent email to a hot girl showing his junk? It sounds like your mind is made up and now you're just hanging on and driving both of you nuts.
Do I like people looking at my phone? No. However if the person I love feels uncomfortable and I have nothing to hide I'd hand it over. Same thing with the computer. I guess you could put spyware on the computer and there's probably some app you could DL onto his phone that would track what he's doing and email it to you. (NO, I don't know of any but I bet they are out there).0 -
let me ask you a question. do you like the "drama" of trying to catch him? the reason i ask is because you've ignored the suggestions above that tell you that you have trust issues in your relationship and that maybe you should move on. if that's not what you want to hear and you just want people who agree that you should try to catch him, then let the rest of us know. we'll stay quiet.
also, how old are you? how old is he? how long have you dated? are you exclusive? how long? etc. all of these details matter if you are asking complete strangers for their advice. he does sound like he's very wary of letting you see all aspects of his life. that might mean he's cheating. that might mean he's not 100% committed to you yet. that might me he puts a high priority on privacy. has there been cheating in the past by either of you?
Agree with all of the above.0 -
Feel free to ignore me because I have been married for almost eight years and have forgotten a lot about dating, etc but...
This sounds like waaaaaaaaaaay too much work for a boyfriend. If you were married, I'd understand grilling him, etc. But just dating a guy that you feel compelled to check their phone while they sleep?? Oh heck no. No no no. You shouldn't be doing that anymore than he should be giving you a reason to do it. If I ever caught my own *husband* going through my phone, email, facebook, whatever, I would flip. my. lid. and I have absolutely nothing to hide. That's just so uncool to do, mistrust or not.0 -
I simply can't live like that.
I can't live in paranoia. Fear of being cheated on. Fear of STD's??? I mean that is your life at stake.
Constantly checking up on someone. I have done it. It was horrible. Having proof doesnt make things any easier.
Trust your intuition. Even if he is not cheating something is telling you that it may be time to move on from this relationship.0 -
To all of you people saying "why would you go through your SO phone" I am married and I have the RIGHT to go through whatever. What's mine is yours sort of thing. If you have nothing to hide why is it a big issue in the first place??? My husband has the passwords to my facebook and on here plus can look at my phone all he wants and I can do the same for him. It's not a TRUST thing it's just a common sense thing....
Its only common sense to spy on your significant others.
I have NO reason to spy, we have each others passwords. If he gave me a reason to look into it I would and if I didn't I would be a fool.0 -
Listen, trust is like a fresh paper. Once its crumbled, it will never be as smooth as it once was.
You donot trust him. You have invaded his privacy. At this point, it does not matter whether he's cheating or not. What matters is that you simply donot and most likely will never trust him. And at the same time, one slip up from your paranoia will make him distrust you. I mean...its not normal to snoop on your boy friends emails, phones and did I hear something about installing GPS on his car? yeah if he gets wind of any of these which he sooner or later will, then HE will be dumping you.
Do yourself, him and the spy gadget making companies a favor and end it. Maybe get some therapy or something too0 -
I love how a lot of people make bold decisions like "leave him" with such little evidence to support that decision.
Keep one thing in mind when getting advice online... most people will give advice that they would never take themselves because if they lead you astray, it doesn't affect them. Since the responders have nothing to lose, they can give bad advice without fear.
Remember as well.....................she's asking for advice/opinions.................none of went to her profile and snooped around and came to a conclusion that she needs help...............she asked.
You might be right about.............wouldn't use your own advice...............were all different and unique in our own ways........and part of the beauty in life....................were not all robots, we don't all act/react the same.............it would be pretty boring if we all weighed the same, looked the same, talked the same, thought the same...........I think.0 -
:flowerforyou: Don't continue to worry yourself sick over this....Your heart can tell if he's cheating or not...if you have to snick around to look for evidence with his phone and computer, your wasting your precious time...Give your energy to someone who can value you as his partner and quit wasting your time with this cheater! Once a Cheater always a Cheater!!! Stop humiliating yourself......... I speak from experience! Why would you want to continue a relationship that brings you so much heartache....0
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let me ask you a question. do you like the "drama" of trying to catch him? the reason i ask is because you've ignored the suggestions above that tell you that you have trust issues in your relationship and that maybe you should move on. if that's not what you want to hear and you just want people who agree that you should try to catch him, then let the rest of us know. we'll stay quiet.
also, how old are you? how old is he? how long have you dated? are you exclusive? how long? etc. all of these details matter if you are asking complete strangers for their advice. he does sound like he's very wary of letting you see all aspects of his life. that might mean he's cheating. that might mean he's not 100% committed to you yet. that might me he puts a high priority on privacy. has there been cheating in the past by either of you?
Agree with all of the above.
you are clearly wise and sensible well beyond your years.
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This is why he claims to get so defensive over me even TOUCHING his phone. If i even glance at his phone too long he will grab it and put it in his pocket. I mean - I understand porn, and porn is not what I am looking for - it is online affairs/cheating. I mean I would classify "having nude pictures of a friends ex girlfriend" cheating. That is a person who he has met, who he has talked to...and there is naked pics of that person on his computer. That to me is cheating!...even if they were sent from the buddy, not the girl. He could have deleted them after they were sent to him. I don't know. I am scared if I bring up the fact that i don't trust him, and this is what i have found - he will get even MORE hardcore with covering his tracks.
Why don't you ask the exgirlfriend if she knows your man has naked pictures of her? it's possible her exbf is a douchbag & sent her naked pics to all his buddies without telling her..
As for the rest of it- dump this guy. You have trust issues & they won't be resolved by proving that he is currently cheating or not.0 -
To all of you people saying "why would you go through your SO phone" I am married and I have the RIGHT to go through whatever. What's mine is yours sort of thing. If you have nothing to hide why is it a big issue in the first place??? My husband has the passwords to my facebook and on here plus can look at my phone all he wants and I can do the same for him. It's not a TRUST thing it's just a common sense thing....
Its only common sense to spy on your significant others.
I have NO reason to spy, we have each others passwords. If he gave me a reason to look into it I would and if I didn't I would be a fool.
mmhmm so basically even though right now you're not spying on him, you will at the drop of a hat. I'm not saying anything against your methods, just asking you to call it what it is. And that is lack of trust with your SO. Good luck though0 -
I knew my post would get a little reaction..... sometimes you throw a worm into the water just to see what you will catch..... heck, Im trying to watch the Green Bay v Jacksonville Jags football game on one station and the Atlanta Falcons v Phil Eagles on the other and also watch the NASCAR race in Martinsville!
and read these funny things on here.... I also am a firm believer in being able to say what you want to but what I said is what I wanted to say.... so she can have her say and I was just saying what i wanted to....I did put...ITS JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION....
you just never know when someone might take your advice..... free will is such a grand part of life....0 -
Listen, trust is like a fresh paper. Once its crumbled, it will never be as smooth as it once was.
You donot trust him. You have invaded his privacy. At this point, it does not matter whether he's cheating or not. What matters is that you simply donot and most likely will never trust him. And at the same time, one slip up from your paranoia will make him distrust you. I mean...its not normal to snoop on your boy friends emails, phones and did I hear something about installing GPS on his car? yeah if he gets wind of any of these which he sooner or later will, then HE will be dumping you.
Do yourself, him and the spy gadget making companies a favor and end it. Maybe get some therapy or something too
Bravo0 -
To all of you people saying "why would you go through your SO phone" I am married and I have the RIGHT to go through whatever. What's mine is yours sort of thing. If you have nothing to hide why is it a big issue in the first place??? My husband has the passwords to my facebook and on here plus can look at my phone all he wants and I can do the same for him. It's not a TRUST thing it's just a common sense thing....
Its only common sense to spy on your significant others.
I have NO reason to spy, we have each others passwords. If he gave me a reason to look into it I would and if I didn't I would be a fool.
mmhmm so basically even though right now you're not spying on him, you will at the drop of a hat. I'm not saying anything against your methods, just asking you to call it what it is. And that is lack of trust with your SO. Good luck though
no..she WOULD if she had reason to. That is not a lack of trust, that's doing what any smart person would do. If she was CURRENTLY doing it then you could say that she has a lack of trust with her SO. That's not the case.0 -
Thank you
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To all of you people saying "why would you go through your SO phone" I am married and I have the RIGHT to go through whatever. What's mine is yours sort of thing. If you have nothing to hide why is it a big issue in the first place??? My husband has the passwords to my facebook and on here plus can look at my phone all he wants and I can do the same for him. It's not a TRUST thing it's just a common sense thing....
Its only common sense to spy on your significant others.
I have NO reason to spy, we have each others passwords. If he gave me a reason to look into it I would and if I didn't I would be a fool.
mmhmm so basically even though right now you're not spying on him, you will at the drop of a hat. I'm not saying anything against your methods, just asking you to call it what it is. And that is lack of trust with your SO. Good luck though
no..she WOULD if she had reason to. That is not a lack of trust, that's doing what any smart person would do. If she was CURRENTLY doing it then you could say that she has a lack of trust with her SO. That's not the case.
As much as I love your posts, I simply cannot agree with this. She has herself said that she has the RIGHT to go through her husbands private stuff. This "reason" she speak of can be as little as him getting a wrong number call at his cell after dark in front of her and that should be enough reason to hire KGB. Not saying that this is the case however this is what it sounds like so far. There is never a reason to spy on a loved one. If you donot have faith or trust, you simply donot have a relationship.
But like I said, this is just my PoV. If spying on your loved ones (with or without reason) is your thing, then go ahead. Who am I to say what you should or shouldn't do.0 -
Um weren't you the same person who posted about his brother's wife leaving cause she cheated on him? You were wondering why people don't first talk about it before actually doing it? You said you trust your man but now you say you don't. To me it almost sounds like you really want him to be cheating. Or you are reading in to it way to much, because of resent events in the "family" What it really boils down to is you either trust him or you don't! If you don't, what is the point of being with him other then for fun? If you do trust him, stop questioning everything he is doing before you ruin what relationship you do have with him.0
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He might be, and he might not be. You're not married, don't drive yourself crazy.
Do find out for sure whether or not that was chlamydia you got. Hold off on any bedroom activities until you find out for sure. Tell him why. Cheating or no cheating, STIs are no joke.0 -
Oh my god.
Do yourselves a favor and just break it off, now.
It doesn't matter whether he is cheating or not. It really doesn't.
You two do NOT have any sort of healthy relationship.
You can see that, right? Get some help.0 -
I don't know how people can say it doesn't matter if he is cheating, of course it matters!
I presume you only started checking these things because of suspicion and I don't see anything wrong with that.
I don't think my boyfriend would be rude enough to just grab my phone and look through it, but if he did, I'd be annoyed because it was rude, not because I have anything to hide.
Couples share everything with each other (at least we do, maybe not all do, but I just see that as normal) any secrecy in my eyes is a signal for something not right....If they can't be honest with you about things, how do they expect a relationship to work?
In a relationship I need total honesty, from me and the other person, or it just won't work. Maybe that is just me. If you want privacy about everything, don't be with someone. If it were me I'd rather be upfront and ask rather than spying... but I can understand why you did it too. Everyone reacts differently. I think you should talk about it, and if he has a bad reaction, maybe you are better off without each other.
*PS, I don't think it's snooping if she found pics on their computer of another girl (only presuming it is a mutual computer, I'm not sure) Surely that's just disregard for her feelings if he just left them there..0 -
I hope you break up with him, since no guy deserves to have a girlfriend who goes through personal emails, steals his mobile phone to invade his privacy, and basically creeps all over his fb page. You have serious issues, and I pity anyone who has to live with that.
For his sake, dump him.
--P
I agree. Your behavior shows no respect for him let alone trust. Sorry.0 -
Wow you obviously read into my post a little too far....I guess it just didn't click in your brain what I was talking about...Thanks Dr.Phil!
Any woman or man who has a reason to "think" someone is cheating is an idiot not to look into it or has no self respect...like I said before I have no reason to suspect anything because there is no reason too...0 -
I don't know how people can say it doesn't matter if he is cheating, of course it matters!
I presume you only started checking these things because of suspicion and I don't see anything wrong with that.
I don't think my boyfriend would be rude enough to just grab my phone and look through it, but if he did, I'd be annoyed because it was rude, not because I have anything to hide.
Couples share everything with each other (at least we do, maybe not all do, but I just see that as normal) any secrecy in my eyes is a signal for something not right....If they can't be honest with you about things, how do they expect a relationship to work?
In a relationship I need total honesty, from me and the other person, or it just won't work. Maybe that is just me. If you want privacy about everything, don't be with someone. If it were me I'd rather be upfront and ask rather than spying... but I can understand why you did it too. Everyone reacts differently. I think you should talk about it, and if he has a bad reaction, maybe you are better off without each other.
Agreed!! ^^^0 -
Take it from someone with some experience in this situation. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. End the relationship and move on. It will be better for both of you in the long run.
I wish you the very best0 -
a womens intuition is normally right
if you think a bloke is cheating then 9 times out of 10 he will be
why does he keep his history hidden on his computer, thats a bit weird!!!
if he has nothing to hide then he would let you look through his phone, him not letting you do this will automatically cause suspicion, if my fella thought i was cheating, id let him look through everything of mine, because i would have nothing to hide and not letting him look through would make him trust me even less and cause arguments..
men are stupid, throw rocks at them!!
hope you sort it out
x x0 -
Well all women have that feeling when a man is cheating. There is something that you've seen since you search his things. I too have searched my man's stuff but I wasn't as lucky as you. I found way too much. I see leave while you can and try to find that trust you deserve.0
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Wow you obviously read into my post a little too far....I guess it just didn't click in your brain what I was talking about...Thanks Dr.Phil!
Any woman or man who has a reason to "think" someone is cheating is an idiot not to look into it or has no self respect...like I said before I have no reason to suspect anything because there is no reason too...
You (and few others I have seen on this thread) and I (along with few others) have obviously different opinions on this topic which I think is fine, I donot have any problem disagreeing with people on these topics. However, I do wish that neither of us have reasons to suspect our loved ones!0 -
From my previous relationships I have learned to go with my gut. You probably know deep in your heart if he would cheat or not, reguardless if you have proof. I'm not saying that all cheaters give off the cheating vibes, but most of the cheaters I've dated certainly did. They had wondering eyes, sneaky ways, issues with their phones or what-not, or had a reputation as a cheater, and I just couldn't trust them. I think if you pay attention, most times you can just tell. But the really good cheaters give off no vibes at all. You rarely encounter one that good. Chances are, you already know the answer. Women have a tendency to know their men, better than they know themselves......so give yourself some credit and trust your own judgement.0
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