Ladies I need your advise...

Unless you want her to be your ex-wife, I'd STFU.

When my ex husband got me pilates equipment for my birthday I smiled, said thanks, then put it in the closet never to open the box. After our divorce I sold it in a very profitable garage sale. The key words of my message are "ex husband."

All I can say is do it together. I have the same issue and my husband and it is hard to walk that line, but honestly is important and health is even more important. If she is not ready to take that step yet...be patient and keep your journey going and she will come around.

I am going to get hammered for saying this, but next time she says do these pants make me look fat, Say yes.

Calling for Thor right now...just a minute honey.

I am going to get hammered for saying this, but next time she says do these pants make me look fat, Say yes.

LOL!!! That's what my husband would do!!

Turn it into a date night. My fiance and I reconnect when we walk. And it works! He is down 130 and I'm down 60....Good luck to you both!

subtle : sign up for some healthy cooking classes. look for activities that you can do as a couple that involve physical activity. groupon usually has a lot of good deals on things like that. if you dont want to go that route then look for places that you can hike or walk together

no so subtle : i agree with those who say if she asks you if she looks fat then say yes. if she complains about it, just let her know that you feel the same (about yourself) and tell her that you're going to schedule something you can do together.

Start learning how to cook & cook amazingly healthy meals.. sign up for healthy cooking classes to take together (and tell her its because YOU want to learn to cook FOR HER on anniversarys, birthdays etc.. and you better do it!) and do things like ask her to go on walks with her.. but when you walk with her, hold her hand, tell her how much you love her.. make her WANT to go.. you gotta be tricky.. especially after the kids and all..

Totally wrong. People can get fat on healthy food if you eat enough of it. Cooking "healthy" is silly unless you are going to monitor every bite of food that goes in her mouth. Not to mention, an entire week of progress can be undone with a box of Oreos.

There is NOTHING you can do, whether it's positive (cooking, touching, praise, cleaning) or negative (criticism, fear) to change her mind. PERIOD. At worst, doing positive stuff with the implict expectation that she will act a specific way is passive-agreessive bull****.

Here's what you do. Focus on yourself, eat healthy for yourself, and don't budge. Work out yourself. Ask her to join you occasionally, no more than once every few weeks. She's going to say no a lot. Then, go do something active. Ask her to come along. She's going to say no a lot, so involve your kids. You do what you want to do, and if she doesn't want to be a part of it... her loss.

If she expresses interest in going to the gym or needing time to exercise, THEN you step up and offer to help out by watching the kids or doing whatever is necessary to help her do that. But until then, it's totally pointless.

Heaven help you if you say ANYTHING close to what you posted... your marriage may not last till year 13. You may not last the night (j/k - but really, don't - i punched my SO for something similar to that. Of course the roles are now reversed - I'm working on healthy, he;s happy with his new weight and lack of caring).

As many of the others have suggested - it will have to be her choice. The best you can do is try to find something that interests her or maybe start a new "family" thing where everybody in the family partakes in a activity (bike riding, walking at the park, ect). Maybe start finding new cookbooks and leave them around, talk to the kids and see if they have any ideas about what everybody can do. Getting them to help may help her realize it's not just herself that is effected by her weight/lesser activity level.

You can be honest with her - if she asks you about her weight, try to be kind but lay it out straight to her. It all depends on her and her mood when it comes up, you've lived with her long enough to be able to tell when she'll listen and when you're beating against the "brick" wall.

Good luck and hopefully you'll find something that will help her understand that it's not a punishment to be healthy.

Start learning how to cook & cook amazingly healthy meals.. sign up for healthy cooking classes to take together (and tell her its because YOU want to learn to cook FOR HER on anniversarys, birthdays etc.. and you better do it!) and do things like ask her to go on walks with her.. but when you walk with her, hold her hand, tell her how much you love her.. make her WANT to go.. you gotta be tricky.. especially after the kids and all..

Totally wrong. People can get fat on healthy food if you eat enough of it. Cooking "healthy" is silly unless you are going to monitor every bite of food that goes in her mouth. Not to mention, an entire week of progress can be undone with a box of Oreos.

There is NOTHING you can do, whether it's positive (cooking, touching, praise, cleaning) or negative (criticism, fear) to change her mind. PERIOD. At worst, doing positive stuff with the implict expecatation that she will act a specific way is passive-agreessive bull****.

Here's what you do. Focus on yourself, eat healthy for yourself, and don't budge. Work out yourself. Ask her to join out with you occasionally, no more than once every few weeks. She's going to say no a lot. Then, go do something active. Ask her to come along. She's going to say no a lot, so take your kids biking. You do what you want to do, and if she doesn't want to be a part of it... her loss.

If she expresses interest in going to the gym or needing time to exercising, THEN you step up and offer to help out by watching the kids or doing whatever is necessary to help her do that. But until then, it's totally pointless.

I completely disagree with most of this. Yes, a week's worth of healthy meals can be undone by a bad eating day. However, people who are not dieting, are less likely to make that binge. If she eats the way she normally does most of the week, but has a couple of healthier, lower calorie meals without even really knowing it, it is unlikely she will binge.

In addition, making a workout not a workout, like going on a family hike is a great way to get her to start exercising. I wouldn't invite her to the gym at first, but maybe after the hike when she can't breathe, you might suggest that she come with you to use the stair stepper at the gym to work up better endurance for the hike.

I can never get my DH to workout or to eat healthy. However, when I say, I'm going on a walk, want to spend some time together, he goes with me. Same thing with hiking. Likewise, when I make a healthy meal, he eats it.

Start with little things like this. She will either decide she wants to change or not. I assume you didn't marry her for her body and after having your children, it's unlikely (although it is possible with a lot of work) that she will ever look like she did 12 years ago.

You can help her get healthier. You can't make her 12 years younger. Focus on health. Weight loss will come in time. It may be really slow, but it does happen. And oreos every once in a while are a key part of a healthy diet.