Thanksgiving Help....dreading the Food Pushers!

myohana4
myohana4 Posts: 205 Member
in Motivation and Support
Just got off the phone with my mom. We are planning the Thanksgiving menu. I don't know how many times I told her that we need to not go over board with desserts and dips, etc. I told her that I would make a fruit salad, steamed broccoli, etc. (trying to keep it a little bit healthy.) She is so disappointed. She wants the fattening broccoli casserole and the gazillion calorie fruit dip. Twenty desserts that no one will eat.

I am actually dreading Thanksgiving. I have already told her so many times that I am watching what I am eating. She just says "Nonsense...It is a holiday!"

I am already anticipating her pouting because I won't eat her food. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I have to put myself first.

Any advice? How do you handle the food pushers in your life? Especially ones that are family and you don't want to hurt their feelings.
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Replies

  • wizbeth1218
    wizbeth1218 Posts: 358 Member
    This is a great question and one that I have been struggling with myself.

    I have been super-open and transparent with my efforts at improving my lifestyle and my struggles with food addiction and compulsive overeating. I have recently started saying, out loud, "I'm a compulsive over-eater." It's not easy to say!

    But it is helping me when I am confronted by a food-pusher (I love that term!). I can say, "wow, that looks wonderful! I'd love to have some, but I am a compulsive over-eater. I'm like an alcoholic, but with food. I haven't had a binge in more than 2 months, and I know that if I eat that it will trigger a binge."

    I have found that equating my choice to not eat something to an alcoholic declining a drink helps frame my choice so that feelings are not hurt.

    Good luck with your mom... Moms are tough sell, no matter what you do. :)
  • danielleryan01
    danielleryan01 Posts: 2 Member
    I am also dreading Thanksgiving this year. I only officially started my "journey" as of Nov 1st, but I have already seen so much progress. I am very anxious about Thanksgiving and all of the temptation that will come along with it and I am very concerned about gaining everything back and getting thrown off of the wagon altogether. I know that I have very little will power, it is something I am working on, but with all of the food and family, I tend to eat and talk and not really think about what is going in my mouth, or how much! I don't know if I can even blame the 'food-pushers.' I just seem to lose control this time of year! I really think it would be nice for some MFP veterans to "weigh-in" on this matter and let us know how they made it through the holidays! :)
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Your mother and the rest of your family have nothing to do with the pact youve made with your body.
  • myohana4
    myohana4 Posts: 205 Member
    You bring up a great point about eating and talking. I need to make sure that I am not hanging out around the kitchen table on Thanksgiving.

    I am also dreading Thanksgiving this year. I only officially started my "journey" as of Nov 1st, but I have already seen so much progress. I am very anxious about Thanksgiving and all of the temptation that will come along with it and I am very concerned about gaining everything back and getting thrown off of the wagon altogether. I know that I have very little will power, it is something I am working on, but with all of the food and family, I tend to eat and talk and not really think about what is going in my mouth, or how much! I don't know if I can even blame the 'food-pushers.' I just seem to lose control this time of year! I really think it would be nice for some MFP veterans to "weigh-in" on this matter and let us know how they made it through the holidays! :)
  • Yolanda4160
    Yolanda4160 Posts: 170 Member
    We are going to my husband's aunt's house for Thanksgiving and I fully intend to bring my Lean Cuisine. I don't care who gets mad or pouts! I have worked too hard and too long to have a "binge day" :smile:
  • myohana4
    myohana4 Posts: 205 Member
    This is great advice. Thanks! I do need to come up with a standard response so that I don't have to over thinking it and possibly say something to hurt her feelings.
    This is a great question and one that I have been struggling with myself.

    I have been super-open and transparent with my efforts at improving my lifestyle and my struggles with food addiction and compulsive overeating. I have recently started saying, out loud, "I'm a compulsive over-eater." It's not easy to say!

    But it is helping me when I am confronted by a food-pusher (I love that term!). I can say, "wow, that looks wonderful! I'd love to have some, but I am a compulsive over-eater. I'm like an alcoholic, but with food. I haven't had a binge in more than 2 months, and I know that if I eat that it will trigger a binge."

    I have found that equating my choice to not eat something to an alcoholic declining a drink helps frame my choice so that feelings are not hurt.

    Good luck with your mom... Moms are tough sell, no matter what you do. :)
  • angievaughn
    angievaughn Posts: 655 Member
    Sounds like our mothers talk!! I use to be given a whole pecan pie to take home after Thanksgiving. I took the pie home to not hurt any feeling and threw it in the trash. It's probably not the best answer but with my food pushers....I put it on my plate along with the things I want to eat....and since it's busy and no one is paying attention...the plate goes in the trash after I have what I wanted!! This will be 3rd holiday season while losing weight...and it works!! Don't know if it's the right answer for you!! But it's what I do!!
  • MrsR0SE
    MrsR0SE Posts: 313 Member
    If there are small children invited you could offer to help with them - they will keep you so busy that you don't have as much time to eat, and in my experience they usually want to leave the table early, so you can go and play with them in another room!
  • ekz13
    ekz13 Posts: 725 Member
    FREE day... I look back on all the times that I've tried to keep in weight standards or this diet or that one, and all the wonderful food I've missed.. you should just enjoy yourself in moderation, be thankful that you have good food and company this year, and press on with your schedule/routine on friday, one day won't kill you, just don't over do it.


    as for the rest of it..small portions, make one plate, eat slow. but still enjoy yourself some, you've worked hard, and earned it
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
    I've seen it all over the boards..it's not what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas, it's what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving.

    Don't stress out over one day. Enjoy the time with family and the food, and get back on track the next day.
  • myohana4
    myohana4 Posts: 205 Member
    This is exactly what I told my husband I was going to do!! Just put it on my plate and toss it when no one is looking! LOL

    I think our mother's do talk! Every Christmas I get a big box of chocolate that I just let the kids poke their fingers in (which half the fun is seeing what is in the inside!) and then we toss them. I hope they never tell Grandma!
    Sounds like our mothers talk!! I use to be given a whole pecan pie to take home after Thanksgiving. I took the pie home to not hurt any feeling and threw it in the trash. It's probably not the best answer but with my food pushers....I put it on my plate along with the things I want to eat....and since it's busy and no one is paying attention...the plate goes in the trash after I have what I wanted!! This will be 3rd holiday season while losing weight...and it works!! Don't know if it's the right answer for you!! But it's what I do!!
  • MrsR0SE
    MrsR0SE Posts: 313 Member
    FREE day... I look back on all the times that I've tried to keep in weight standards or this diet or that one, and all the wonderful food I've missed.. you should just enjoy yourself in moderation, be thankful that you have good food and company this year, and press on with your schedule/routine on friday, one day won't kill you, just don't over do it.
    Excellent advice :)
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    I've seen it all over the boards..it's not what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas, it's what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving.

    Don't stress out over one day. Enjoy the time with family and the food, and get back on track the next day.

    THIS!

    I'd be terribly hurt if I spent a long time preparing a feast and someone brought a lean cuisine to my home. Be kind to your hostesses.

    You can eat the feast in smaller portions, folks.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Just got off the phone with my mom. We are planning the Thanksgiving menu. I don't know how many times I told her that we need to not go over board with desserts and dips, etc. I told her that I would make a fruit salad, steamed broccoli, etc. (trying to keep it a little bit healthy.) She is so disappointed. She wants the fattening broccoli casserole and the gazillion calorie fruit dip. Twenty desserts that no one will eat.

    I am actually dreading Thanksgiving. I have already told her so many times that I am watching what I am eating. She just says "Nonsense...It is a holiday!"

    I am already anticipating her pouting because I won't eat her food. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I have to put myself first.

    Any advice? How do you handle the food pushers in your life? Especially ones that are family and you don't want to hurt their feelings.

    Ignore them. Bring and eat what you want. Let Mom make the fattening side dishes and desserts because not everyone is on a diet or worried about eating healthy on a holiday. And stop being such a kill joy.
  • suzie308
    suzie308 Posts: 29
    I feel if I continue to log onto MFP, log in EVERYTHING I eat and try and keep the calories under my daily allotment, I should be ok. Being truthful with yourself and enjoy the holidays in other ways than food. I'm going out of town and plan on taking my computer so I can keep up with my food log. Stay strong fellow MFPers. Happy Holidays.
  • redhousecat
    redhousecat Posts: 584 Member
    Your mother and the rest of your family have nothing to do with the pact youve made with your body.

    THIS!!

    As one poster said in one of the other (numerous) tday threads: Hosts and hostesses (giggle) have enough to stress over by making dinner, don't add to their stress by expecting them to cater to your needs that you set for yourself.

    Just moderate food intake and enjoy.
  • tiffany5839
    tiffany5839 Posts: 104 Member
    I've seen it all over the boards..it's not what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas, it's what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving.

    Don't stress out over one day. Enjoy the time with family and the food, and get back on track the next day.


    THIS^^^^^
  • Restybaby2012
    Restybaby2012 Posts: 568 Member
    Let em push.
    Let em bake and cook to their hearts content
    Let em buy all kinds of fattening sugary oh so not good for you foods.
    Let em load the table and one another with all those foods YOU no longer want to plunder YOUR body with
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    ...........................then...stand tall, square your shoulders, plant your feet....and


    DONT
    EAT
    WHAT
    YOU
    KNOW
    YOU
    SHOULDNT/COULDNT/DONT WANT.

    Shy of shoving it in your mouth this is no different than the million other times people offer you things that you dont want. They cant make you.

    I, myself am the one doing most of the cooking for the holiday feast for my children and grandchildren. Im not quite sure how just yet but it'll happen. Being in control gives me a tad more control than if I were going elsewhere. Fortunately my kids were raised to eat healthy foods and they've maintained that.

    cattalkingtoscale.jpg
  • Molly_Maguire
    Molly_Maguire Posts: 1,103 Member
    Here's what I would do: First, fill yourself up with healthier foods, like lean turkey, some roast potatoes, fresh fruit and a really big green salad with tons of vegetables. Once you're fairly confident you can control yourself to eat only a little bit, take tiny portions of her food to be polite, then just have a small taste of each. When your mom pushes you to have more, just tell her how full you are, and itwassodeliciousthankyoubutIreallycouldn'teatanotherbite!
  • beansNboo
    beansNboo Posts: 23 Member
    I understand completely how hard this can be. My family were always confused about my decision to lose weight (I was never that overweight, but for my frame and build, I was certainly not looking/feeling my best). When I first started, I found it hard to resist their offerings, but I think that was mainly because I was still new to this change in lifestyle. I started using tricks like, "Oh, I'm still full from XX, but I'll probably try some later" or if it's booze - "Oh, I am too thirsty.. gotta have some water first or I'll be in trouble". They are silly distractions, but seem to appease the pushers. Finally, when I started getting comfortable with my own eating lifestyle, I would just simply say "no thank you". The feeling was uncomfortable.. and there was certainly confusion, but by and large, a simple "no" seemed to do the trick. Keep in mind that many people are "pushers" in part so they can justify their own indulgence (if we are all doing it, it's not bad!). If other people are uncomfortable with your healthy choices, that's okay. They'll get distracted soon enough. You'll feel proud to have resisted, even if just a little!
  • momma3sweetgirls
    momma3sweetgirls Posts: 743 Member
    There are always going to be food pushers in our lives and we're always going to be in situations where food is the centerpiece. However, nobody is stuffing food down your throat except for yourself!

    Maybe I'll remember that over the holidays myself!!
  • Barbellsandthimbles
    Barbellsandthimbles Posts: 205 Member
    I can't do things in "moderation". I've tried to eat one cookie but it always leads to more. I know this about myself and do my best to stay away from it. This year, I'm only going to my Mother-in-Law's for Thanksgiving and I have no problem telling her no! Otherwise, I'm surrounded by 5-10 desserts (I kid you not), dips, chips, and most everything cooked an unhealthy manor other than the turkey. I've said "no thank you" enough times that my family usually only asks once now instead of pushing more. They know how hard I've been working and what I want.
  • Car0lynnM
    Car0lynnM Posts: 332 Member
    Wow!! This is a lifestyle change, not a diet, and one day of indulgence and enjoyment will not de rail the whole process. I would be OFFENDED if I had prepared a Thanksgiving feast and someone brought a Lean Cuisine. Don't do that!! Talk to your hostess and plan a couple of healthy choices together. Get a good work out in, take a little of your favorites, fill up on veggies, and enjoy the company. Talk a lot--you won't have time to put food in your mouth!! Sheesh, people. This is a holiday, and a time to be thankful. Enjoy it!!
  • samf36
    samf36 Posts: 369 Member
    I just say no thank you and go on. This is my reply to any food or beverage it don't want to consume. No reason to give a reason. If they ask you can reply "why do you want to know? " and change the conversation.
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    I was always to to SAY NO TO DRUGS.....but in this case, replace drugs with FOOD.
    Either this or just take your plate, eat, and then barricade yourself in with claymore, C4 traps, and a trusty M14.
  • xMonroeMisfit
    xMonroeMisfit Posts: 411 Member
    I have to agree with everyone else you seem to be ignoring on this thread.

    It's ONE day, and as someone who makes a life style change you CANNOT expect to NEVER enjoy yourself with your family. You know what you do every other day so this really shouldnt be an issue. If you believe that one day will off set all this effort you say you've put into your body than you are seriously mistaken.

    Life style changes require a good relationship with food and not a let me cause unnecessary problems with my family because I can't sit down, eat first what i know is healthier choices and then IF I am still hungry, enjoy the rest of the food.

    Loosen up.
  • myohana4
    myohana4 Posts: 205 Member
    I am not ignoring everyone. I just haven't been at my computer to respond.

    There has been some wonderful advice on here. Especially being more concerned about what you eat from Christmas to Thanksgiving. I really appreciate everyone's feedback because this is a real issue for me.

    I certainly don't think that one day will ruin my entire life. However, I am really trying hard to take control of my life and my health. I have worked so hard. I am not trying to be a kill joy...if anything I am thinking too much of other's feelings and trying to balance my mom's feelings and what I need to do for me. I am not telling everyone that they can't bring all of their food made with a pound of butter. I am just saying that I am going to bring some healthier options.

    Unfortunately in my family, the food is the center of all of our gatherings. This isn't the first time that I have declined to eat the crap and stick with the healthy things at family functions. I know what follows. I know of the pouting and the endless begging of me to try something that she has worked so hard on. But I didn't ask for it and I don't want it.

    I also know that I have NO WILL POWER. That is what got me into this mess in the first place.


    I have to agree with everyone else you seem to be ignoring on this thread.

    It's ONE day, and as someone who makes a life style change you CANNOT expect to NEVER enjoy yourself with your family. You know what you do every other day so this really shouldnt be an issue. If you believe that one day will off set all this effort you say you've put into your body than you are seriously mistaken.

    Life style changes require a good relationship with food and not a let me cause unnecessary problems with my family because I can't sit down, eat first what i know is healthier choices and then IF I am still hungry, enjoy the rest of the food.

    Loosen up.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    You dont have willpower cause you dont want it.
  • TexanThom
    TexanThom Posts: 778
    One day did not make you fat. One day WILL NOT make you fat. Enjoy it, for crying out loud!!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Your mother and the rest of your family have nothing to do with the pact youve made with your body.

    This.

    I wouldn't even have the conversation. I would make what I planned to make, show up and eat what I want and not worry about it. Once you put it out there that you are purposely not eating things, people will notice.

    Anyway, your mother is right. It's one day. Let go and enjoy yourself.

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