Needing to "Vent" - HELP!

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  • jlapey
    jlapey Posts: 1,850 Member
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    I've assured him that I'm going no where yet I cannot keep myself heavy just to make him happy. That I need to take care of myself. He knows where I stand. He still stands his ground and asks that I do not lose another inch. He does not want to live being insecure.

    Seriously?? :explode: He expects you to be UNHEALTHY so he doesn't have to be INSECURE? :noway: Could he be any more selfish? Sounds to me like he's the one with issues that need to be addressed. I feel for you and hope you do not give in to his unreasonable and ludicrous demands.
  • TKRV
    TKRV Posts: 165 Member
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    I've assured him that I'm going no where yet I cannot keep myself heavy just to make him happy. That I need to take care of myself. He knows where I stand. He still stands his ground and asks that I do not lose another inch. He does not want to live being insecure.

    Seriously?? :explode: He expects you to be UNHEALTHY so he doesn't have to be INSECURE? :noway: Could he be any more selfish? Sounds to me like he's the one with issues that need to be addressed. I feel for you and hope you do not give in to his unreasonable and ludicrous demands.

    I feel like it may take more than one discussion before he truly understands that you will not leave him. I suggest asking him if he would be open to couples therapy in order for you to both have a better understanding of each other's sides. I don't know your whole story, but, in my opinion, you should try couples therapy before even thinking about divorce.
  • PrettyGirlPayton
    PrettyGirlPayton Posts: 93 Member
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    Well I see you sat down and talked to your husband. I don't mean to sound harsh but his reasoning is very irrational. Of course other men will be more attracted to you. You will be in better shape and look much better. But trust should overtake his insecurity. If he feels this way then maybe he should get in shape. That's the only way he will feel better. He could also be using this as a cover up. Encourage him to get in shape. When and if that happens you will see if that was true reasoning. If he still finds a way to sabotage the marriage then as a last resort seek counselling. And if that doesn't work then seek the truth and move on. (closure)
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
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    My 2 cents. . . this may be a symptom of a deeper issue for him. It may not be about your weight at all. Having successfully blown up my first marriage by being too proud to get help when we needed it. . .I would kindly and whole heartedly advise you to consider some talk sessions with a neutral party. There may be bigger fish to fry than either one of you are capable of knowing how to manage.

    Marriage is for better or for worse, not for easier and more pleasant. You guys have come through a lot, this isn't something that should be such a dramatic game changer.
  • JingleMuffin
    JingleMuffin Posts: 543 Member
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    Very Interesting that he doesnt want you to be healthy. It might be an unresoved issue within himself. I wouldnt do anything unitll you both sit down with a counselor. seriously thsi is sme deep serious stuff that needs to be resolved and talked about.
  • sndiane
    sndiane Posts: 83 Member
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    First of all, a HUGE THANKS to all of you taking the time to reply. I appreciate it so very much!

    We had a very long talk today and I have gotten down to the bottom of his reasoning. A couple of weeks back we had a job-related dinner with his co-workers. Long story short... the guys were coming up to him at work and making comments about how lucky he was and etc... Guys just being guys my hubby said. He told me that he doesn't want other men looking at me and so on. He is very uncomfortable with that.

    He is 10 years older than I and yes he is overweight himself. Teddy-Bear type. I have NEVER nor will ever comment on his weight. I love him for him. I do the cooking and for the last few months have been cooking healthier and he hasn't complained once. As a matter of fact, I have gotten compliments from him. So....

    Without going into writing a novel (haha) His answer to me is that he doesn't want me to lose weight because he doesn't want other men looking at me. He is very insecure with this.

    I've assured him that I'm going no where yet I cannot keep myself heavy just to make him happy. That I need to take care of myself. He knows where I stand. He still stands his ground and asks that I do not lose another inch. He does not want to live being insecure.

    So, for now, that's where things stand. Again, thank you to all of you for your replies and support.

    I am so glad that they you have had a chance to talk with your husband. You might have to just keep assuring him that you love him.

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