Can a marriage survive??

I got involved in a non-physical affair - seriously, no touching of any kind. I refer to it as an emotional affair in that we both liked each other and talked about it, but neither of us pushed for anything more. It's a long story but the bottom line is my wife found out months after it was over, and she was devastated.

OMG ... Your first few sentences reminded me of my virgin fiance ... That was traumatic! Can imagine how awfully pained your wife felt back then. It's hard.

No touching of any kind - exactly. And for me, when he held hands with someone else- and it was reported to me by a relative of his - i was heartbroken - shattered. Took me a long while to bounce back.

Edit: Cheating is situational. You're either conditioned to handle it or you're just not cut out to absorb it. Fortunately, I like to think I can handle it, as long as he can equally forgive me - if I slip up.

ive a friend who is having problems
i have directed them here

If my husband cheated I know I couldn't get over it. It would eat me up daily and that's not the kind of life I want or the example I want to set for my daughter.

I'm better than having to stick around for someone that didn't deem me worthy enough to be faithful.

And I know me, and I couldn't forget it, or let it go, or trust that person again.

I was the one who caught my father with my mom's best friend when I was 14. I saw what it did to her, and continues to do to her to this day. She forgave, and she survived, but never forgot. She still to this day, actually, it was yesterday that she asked me to figure out a way to read browser history for her ISP provider (and I knew it's because she wanted to look at whatever sites my dad was visiting).

It's why I have a zero tolerance policy for cheating. And, I honestly will not care how long of a relationship I may be in...

It will be done once I find out.

I was the one who caught my father with my mom's best friend when I was 14. I saw what it did to her, and continues to do to her to this day. She forgave, and she survived, but never forgot. She still to this day, actually, it was yesterday that she asked me to figure out a way to read browser history for her ISP provider (and I knew it's because she wanted to look at whatever sites my dad was visiting).

It's why I have a zero tolerance policy for cheating. And, I honestly will not care how long of a relationship I may be in...

It will be done once I find out.

WOW!!! Sounds like you and I have the same type of story. I was 14 when I walked in on my dad and my mom's friend... in my parents' bedroom. The difference is... my dad ended up leaving (before my mom knew). She was devastated. Didn't know why he left. I remember her grabbing onto his leg and begging him to stay.

Before he left, he had threatened me not to tell. Tried convincing me it wasn't what I thought. After he left, I told my mom the truth, though.

He came back a week later; but, my mom told him to leave again a week after that.

My dad cheated on my mom about 12 years ago, my mom forgave him (and said he ever does it again and they are done) and all was well (as far as she knew) until this year. My mom found out my dad had been having an affair for 3 years. He drained their bank accounts, racked up their credit cards, took out personal loans. He even bought her two cars!

They were 120K in debt not including their house.

And yet my mom said the same thing you said "I still love him with all my heart" she also said "I don't know what I would do without him" and both times she said "I think he learned his lesson"

I love my dad but I wish my mom never took him back. I hate seeing how badly he hurt my mom, I hate even as she found out some of what he had done he would not tell the complete truth. I helped her find out how much was on the credit cards, I accessed my dad's credit report and found out about the other loans.

Yes a divorce could hurt your children, but how much damage could be done if he does it again later? At the very very VERY least please do counseling, my parents refused both times and I believe they are in major need of it.

Only you can answer this question. Just know some of your otherrelationships will not survive because some friends won't stick around because they don't support you. I think that is complete bull crap but whatever. Do what makes you feel happy. If it doesn't survive you will know when that time is. Apparently it isn't now.

I don't like to talk about this situation, especially in public, but I feel your pain and I had no one to advise me when it happened to me. My husband had an affair in 2007 when I was pregnant with our second child. I got so stressed out I lost the baby. I thought it was over for sure. We split up for a year, and then decided to try it again, very slowly. We bought a duplex and each lived in half. Went to a therapist. I went to support groups at church. We had another baby who's 2 now. It's been a hard, long road. The trust will never, ever be the same. The relationship will never, ever be the same. Things change after an affair. The question shouldn't be, "can a marriage survive?" Because it can survive. It most definitely can. The questions you should be asking yourself are, "Can I live with the betrayal? Can I honestly say that my marrige is worth the sacrifice and the work involved to gain some trust back? Can I live with the fact that things will never be the same between us again? Can I picture myself sleeping next to this person every night with the knowledge of what they have done to me for the rest of my life?" You may think you can get "over it." But that's impossible. It leaves a wound so deep, that even if the wound heals, there will forever be a scar that won't go away. There are days when I wake up and feel like the biggest idiot on the planet for taking him back. There are days when I feel that I was weak and I "gave in" when I took him back. There are days when I just wait for him to walk in the door and tell me he's done it again, and get my heart stomped on once more. Plus, you have to remember that there will always, always be people who care about you who will be against your husband forever for what he's done. Some of my family members still haven't forgiven my husband. There will always be people who judge you and think you are a stupid woman for taking him back. Can you live with having to defend your choice over, and over, and over again? Can you live with having to defend your husband to people and saying things like, "Yes, I know he cheated on me, but we still love each other, and he's changed, he will never do it again..." blah, blah, blah. Cheating is the worst thing in the world. It's not only about the hurt and betrayal and the waking up every day wondering if there is something wrong with YOU, when it's THEIR fault to begin with. But there are always the aftershocks that you have to deal with, like explaining to people, or having to see the look of pity on people's faces when they are talking to you, just knowing what they want to say underneath it. It sucks. It's the hardest thing I've ever, ever done. There are definitely days when I look in the mirror and wonder what the hell I was thinking taking him back. There are days when I definitely think it wasn't worth it. But then we will have really good days. We will have a great day with the kids and I will look at my 3 guys and I won't even give it a second thought. Those are the days I am living for now.

My advice to you. Take your love for him out of the equation for a minute. Use your head and not your heart. Sit with yourself, by yourself, with no outside influence from family or friends or your husband, and really process the situation. Sit with a notebook and pen if you have to, write out your thoughts, write the pros and cons, dump it all out on paper. Write down what you really want to say to your husband, without tears or emotions, and think about what you would like him to do for you (i.e. if you want this marriage to work, you must go to therapy with me, etc.). Make a plan one way or the other. Lay it all out on the line. Regroup your head, reorganize your thoughts, wipe the tears from your eyes, stand up straight, and own yourself. Tell yourself you are a strong, confident person who didn't deserve what happened, but it has happened, and now you must take control of the situation. If you lead with your emotions, you are at risk of completely falling apart. I know. I have firsthand experience.

Good luck to you. *hugs*

My ex husband cheated on me and it was never the same. We tried counseling but in all honesty there was no trust and anything he did I was suspicious. Me personally once a cheat always a cheat. What makes you think he won't do it again? Do you want to spend the rest job your life wondering where he is going, who is he talking too ? The list goes on, and it will happen, you will eventually start to think that way. I think you should move out and move on. You deserve better than that. Love him or not he disrespected you in the worst way.

Lemme see if I have this right:

The guy is dipping his dipstick into other vehicles, then bringing it home and dipping it back into his own vehicle? The dipstick could become contaminated and once that happens, he could contaminate all engines that disptick uses in the future.

No...I'd say find a disptick and make sure that it's only being inserted in 1 engine!

My marriages have survived, so yes. You should probably be in marriage counseling if you want it to happen to yours, though.

Marriages??? I'm guessing one didn't survive?

I have a friend going through this right now. I think you need a lot of support from your friends. A lot of people will tell you to dump him, etc, but only you will knoe when the time is right and when/if you're ready to do that.

I am single and never married, so I am speaking from the sidelines on this one. I have some friends who are still married after an affair. In some cases it was many (over 10) years ago, and their marriage is super strong today. Others it was more recent and their marriage I would say is in recovery mode. So to answer your question, Yes it can, but like anything worth while it takes work, commitment, and grace, and mercy.
I for one hope your marriage makes it.

It depends on so many things. Is he willing to be transparent from here on out? Deal with you feeling insecure for a very long time? Go to therapy with you? Does he admit he made a HUGE mistake? It is up to him, more than you. You can work through it, yes, but it won't be easy. If you do decide to stay, you have to work on letting it go (with his help, of course). You can't hold it against him forever, and if you think you will then you shouldn't stay together.

Still would like to hear what these guys say after they cheated. What to they say the reason was?