Can a marriage survive??

Infidelity is rampant, we're not a very monogamous species. The difference between the couples who last and the ones that fall apart is whether or not they're willing to work on things.

I agree 100%. I'm a firm believer that relationships/marriages can survive and thrive despite infidelity. It doesn't have to be an end-all.

You are the only one who can really answer this question for yourself.

Repeat of what others have said. It is about trust.
If there is no trust, every day is a challenge and miserable.

I speak from experience. Without my long depressing story the end of it is that I could not trust him. He repelled me. All I could see was him kissing her. He wanted someone other than me and that made me not want him anymore.

Trust is the easiest thing to break and the hardest thing to build.

IF You really want to keep at it, talk it out. Get every skelleton out of every closet. including the "little stuff" like if you hate that he leaves the toilet seat up and the big stuff like if he wants you to wash the dishes wearing a tutu.
If you guys can do that you will be able to learn whether it will work or not.

Evey relationship must have a Level of Acceptance: what you are willing to accept for your own happiness and sanity.

Staying together for kids or pets or rent is crap. We get married or commit to a person because we want to spend the rest of our lives with just that person.

Ugh. I hate cheaters. It's so bloody spineless and sad.

Calling bs on your statement about staying for kids or rent. I saw a program on tv and it said that divorce is a leading cause of homelessness. The pain of infidelity is horrible. Why add to the suffering?! I read a study about marriages and found that people in unhappy marriages who wait things out are happier 5 years later than those who divorce and are asked about their happiness 5 years later. Add that most counselors are "neutral" about your marriage - why pay money to someone that would suggest you divorce???

And moreover, how has this culture of divorce increased anyone's happiness? All those kids who cry about not seeing their dads? All those single moms stressed out over paying bills and raising kids, let alone trying to find the second "one" after the first "one" didn't work out? Then they find out that the more you remarry, the higher the likelihood of divorce? And the next guy is just as human as the last one and can be tempted just like the other one.... How is THAT any better than trying to work it out?

Bump

Still would like to hear what these guys say after they cheated. What to they say the reason was?

Mine said he liked variety.....yeah. He's a winner. Anyway....

In my case, I completely forgave him the first time. It was 3 months before his deployment, we had our newborn and a 6yr old at home. It took about a month for me to really think hard about what I wanted and needed in our marriage, but he convinced me that it would never happen again. I can say that I completely forgave him, he promised to cut off contact with her and when he deployed all was well with us. 4 months into the deployment, after not contacting me for a month, I found out that he was still in contact with her, as well as seeking his "variety". That was my breaking point and it was over.

However, I have heard of marriages surviving infidelity. It just depends on how bad BOTH spouses want it to work. To make it work, you have to be able to totally forgive. This means no throwing it in his face every time you get mad. If you aren't going to be able to do that, and if he's not going to stop his behavior, then it won't work.

My husband had an affair... I caught him. He lied

No :brokenheart:

My parents marriage survived my father cheating on my mother. She had 5 kids and they were together for 15 years when he cheated.

The marriage may have survived (and they were together until she died 4 years ago - 26 years) but their relationship was never the same. She held it against him for the rest of their relatiionship and it wasn't healthy. Sometimes i wished they would just break up and be happy apart.

It really is your decision because every situation is different

Trust is so important. If you can't trust him anymore, than it will not survive. If you believe in him and think he will not cheat again and you both work at it and you both can move on, then yes, it can survive, but it won't be easy at all!

Still would like to hear what these guys say after they cheated. What do they say the reason was?

Mine said he liked variety.....yeah. He's a winner. Anyway....

For the reason above, this appears to be a hardwired issue. I don't believe that can be changed.

Anybody else got the reasons on why these guys say they did it?

He said we just lost touch. He also thought I was cheating on him becasue I started losing weight.

Was he right about the losing touch part or was that just an excuse of his? Did he give you any specifics? Were you COMPLETELY blindsided by this?

We are socialized into thinking that our partners are cheating when they lose weight. I'm sure you hear this at work, "She's losing weight, she must be on the make."

My husband and I had a similar situation we ultimately divorced then 3 years later got back together and remarried. I forgave him but i do think about it alot, I trust him now and he does not give me any reason to not trust him however you have to ask yourself can you really forgive and let it go because if you cannot then it will kill you on the inside. Sometimes staying together is not always the answer.