partner is sabotageing
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In response to Umeboshi.......I'm not rich trust me.....but I would throw it away to make a point. Why let him eat it ....if it's unhealthy. I was just making a point of not I'm not eating it so don't bring it to me. Saying someone is rich cause of a comment , when I was just trying to say what I'd do. It doesn't mean she has to but she did ask for help. What I suggested was just that... a suggestion. Who know she can try all of the suggestions to see what works for her. We are not all the same and no one answer will be the key to the problem. I hope you can get him to stop . Just my 2 cents worth. Good luck.ask him to please give you the money instead of food and you'll buy something nice to wear for him.....YOU DON"T have to eat it.....throw it away and soon he won't bring you junk.....say thanks I told you I can't eat this and throw it in the trash maybe he will get the message.0 -
Ok, my friend, here's what I think:
It could be insecurity or insensitivity or a million other things. The biggest part of my journey has been holding myself accountable to my food choices - and breaking free from that nasty voice in my head that says I cannot do it. Every time I am faced with the foods my hubby lovingly makes for me (high fat, high calories, high everything - Italian man!) I get to choose - either I eat some (a SMALL portion) or I make something else. Initially, I refused to eat any of it because my willpower sucked so badly. My hubby is very supportive and would actually cook me something different. It sounds like that won't happen for you...
So, you are left to make your own decisions. I know recovering alcoholics who face this dillema at every social gethering and I am certain it is not any easier than what we deal with with food. But, they have to live with their decisions (and the consequences thereto) and so do we.
You can do this - you can make the right decisions about what you put in your body (whether it be the amount of something or just the type of something). I have learned to not deprive myself of the things I love to eat, but to have much smaller portions. Maybe that will work for you (it only did for me after about a year of avoiding them altogether).
I guess what I am saying is this journey is YOUR journey. The work you put in will be YOUR work and the success you find will be YOUR success. It will all be worth it so just STICK WITH IT. You will figure out a way to manage those things your man does because YOU need to; for YOU. When you make a mistake or bad choice, forgive and move ahead. Keep moving ahead and maybe just make on small change at a time to ease the process of building your willpower. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! :flowerforyou: :happy: :drinker:0 -
first off, anytime I watch a tv show about overweight people, the first thing that happens is a trainer comes in and tosses all the bad food.
If I were an alcholic, it would be wrong for me to come home from re-hab and he plunks a bottle of booze on the counter for me...same goes for food! I don't want it. Please stop bringing it home!!
He thinks fat chicks are gross. When we met a decade ago, he made comments about it all the time and would bring me 3 sausage and egg bagels from McDs every morning.
He thinks its all in exercise.
I was underweight 2 years ago but had some health complications so I am currently around 30 pounds overweight. I don't find it attractive and he doesn't either (I sence it but he doesn't say anything).
Just because he's small, doesn't mean it won't affect us in the future too. Ultimately it's his choice to eat crap but the fat hugging his internal organs is much more dangerous than an obese person and it's my and my childrens loss if he dies from it. Still, I don't comment, I just wish he would eat a fruit once a month of something.
The fast food gets tossed all the time and we can't afford it. He thinks he needs 3 big mac combos and a side of two double cheeseburgers but his eyes are bigger than his stomach and they go to waste everytime.0 -
I knew a girl who used to say her husband was doing that too... I think her perspective was off. Not to say yours is, but ok, your husband brings home high calorie unhealthy food and you feel the need to consume it because it's there? Cause he spent the money and you don't want to "waste it?" What's the difference if it goes in the garbage or the toilet bowl? In the end it leaves your house anyway.
Say he brought home Cocaine or Heroin, would you have to consume that too?
Ultimately it is your decision what you choose to put into your body, food, drugs, alcohol, etc.
If you want to lose weight, lose weight. Don't pass the buck, he can't possibly force you to eat something you have decided not to eat.
Good luck0 -
In my experience, men respond badly to tears and emotional outbursts, my man is constantly trying to get me to taste this/ sip that... I think he thinks that I'm on a mission to become super model skinny.
I suggest levelling with him, "Babe I'm already at 1100 calories and I'd planned on eating 300 for supper so I can't have the pizza otherwise I'll be over my limit." You cannot blame your lack of self control on him.
I like this answer ---^ and not the ones about him being possessive because you make him sound like he is thinking and caring about you. Why not give him a list of things he can bring instead of what his choices are?0 -
In my experience, men respond badly to tears and emotional outbursts, my man is constantly trying to get me to taste this/ sip that... I think he thinks that I'm on a mission to become super model skinny.
I suggest levelling with him, "Babe I'm already at 1100 calories and I'd planned on eating 300 for supper so I can't have the pizza otherwise I'll be over my limit." You cannot blame your lack of self control on him.
I like this answer ---^ and not the ones about him being possessive because you make him sound like he is thinking and caring about you. Why not give him a list of things he can bring instead of what his choices are?
These posts have it right on0 -
Maybe he's a feeder.0
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I really doubt he is purposely trying to sabotage you. It sounds like those are the eating habits you two have become accustomed, and he’s just continuing to eat the way he always has. It’s unfortunate that he doesn’t want to get healthy with you (at least not yet), but you will have to have a non-confrontational talk with him and let him know that while you appreciate he is thoughtful enough to bring you home food, that you simply can’t eat like that anymore. Make it clear that you don’t expect him to change his dietary habits just because you’re changing yours, but that you need his help in keeping you on track at home.0
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it's a "possession" thing. if you're "fat" no other man would want you. if you're skinny and gorgeous lots of men will want you.
it's all about his insecurity
I'd have to agree- sweetie, not knowing the 2 of you- that's how it would seem.0 -
Why do people keep giving this "throw it away" advice!?ask him to please give you the money instead of food and you'll buy something nice to wear for him.....YOU DON"T have to eat it.....throw it away and soon he won't bring you junk.....say thanks I told you I can't eat this and throw it in the trash maybe he will get the message.
Rich people I swear... SMH
He could still eat the leftovers, she doesn't have to throw it away to not eat it!
you think fast food is expensive? have you priced being morbidly obese lately?0 -
Sounds like part of the problem is on you. Yes, I understand the concern of him bringing home food you don't want to eat. However, if you've eaten dinner already, why in the world would you eat again? Oh, and pizza throwing isn't the solution either.
Do you talk during the day about dinner plans? If you know ahead of time where he is getting food from, maybe you can request something different.0 -
In response to Umeboshi.......I'm not rich trust me.....but I would throw it away to make a point. Why let him eat it ....if it's unhealthy. I was just making a point of not I'm not eating it so don't bring it to me. Saying someone is rich cause of a comment , when I was just trying to say what I'd do. It doesn't mean she has to but she did ask for help. What I suggested was just that... a suggestion. Who know she can try all of the suggestions to see what works for her. We are not all the same and no one answer will be the key to the problem. I hope you can get him to stop . Just my 2 cents worth. Good luck.ask him to please give you the money instead of food and you'll buy something nice to wear for him.....YOU DON"T have to eat it.....throw it away and soon he won't bring you junk.....say thanks I told you I can't eat this and throw it in the trash maybe he will get the message.
Doesn't just not eating it make the same point?0 -
"Thanks honey, but as I told you, I'm trying to lose a little weight and I've already had dinner so I won't eat this. If you don't want it I'm going to have to throw it away."
Do that, including the throwing away, often enough and he'll get the message.0 -
Just say no to the burger, it's really not THAT hard to do. You clearly don't want to lose weight and get healthy bad enough! Sorry for not sugarcoating it, but it's true. I was the same way for the first couple of months of my weight loss. Now, I say no to the sodas and burgers for the most part unless I want one--then I have one. I don't eat just because it's there.0
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In my experience, men respond badly to tears and emotional outbursts, my man is constantly trying to get me to taste this/ sip that... I think he thinks that I'm on a mission to become super model skinny.
I suggest levelling with him, "Babe I'm already at 1100 calories and I'd planned on eating 300 for supper so I can't have the pizza otherwise I'll be over my limit." You cannot blame your lack of self control on him.
This works for me as well. No so much the tears and emotional outbursts, but those help in times where he doesn't seem to be budging.
A lot of men have no concept of calories. When I started laying the numbers out for him he became more supportive and even helpful. Trying to help me come up with meals that we both like that will fit in with my calorie budget. It can even be slightly high in calories, but I just take a smaller portion. I'll make a point to show him how little of it I can eat. "That's all you're allowed to eat?" he'll ask. And I tell him yes, afterwards he usually feels bad about me only being to eat so little of something.
Then when I cook a better meal for us and he sees how much larger my healthier meals are, he starts to get the idea.0 -
just break up \m/0
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He is right. Willpower. That is all.0
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While it is more difficult when your spouse is "not on the same page", you have to learn to say "no". That's what it al boils down to. You need to be the stronger person.0
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My husband can eat like a 12 year old at a sleepover party and remain extremely small. I try telling him I am addicted to food the same way an alcoholic is to liquor. He does not understand and thinks I have no will power. I'm frustrated to come home from a workout, starving and he brings home pizza and Pepsi for me. He goes out for a burger and brings me home two. Of course I eat it, just because it's there, even though I already ate dinner and snacks. I know he is not purposely trying to make/keep me over weight. He rejects all healthy food and refuses to eat it. Why does he continue to do it even when I cry and throw the pizza at him?...any advice?
Unless he's forcing food down your throat, you are ultimately responsible for what's going in there. If he's bringing this stuff home and you're saying "No no no" but then you eat it, you're giving mixed signals. Tell him NO and don't eat it. Take responsibility for what you're eating. It's nobody's choice but yours.0 -
Sure he brought it home....but you are still CHOOSING to eat it.
This is your battle, not his. Yes, you need to really speak up about how he can support you...but if he doesn't have the same goals as you food wise, then it is on you to toughen up and stop acting the victim.
This is not easy. It is not fun saying no. But you have to learn to do it. If it isn't him that you feel is sabotaging you, it will be someone else...mom, friend, coworker etc.
Willpower doesn't just happen, many times. You have to work at it.0 -
Just because he is thin, doesn't mean he is healthy. Remind him of that, ask if he wants the two of you to be together for the next 40 years. Both of you eating pizza/soda/burgers etc will end with one or both of you dead too soon. I had problems with my bf before when I've lost weight (he likes a thicker girl), but he came to me this time. He said I want us to be together for long time, that will require us both the get healthier so we can be one of those couples biking together in their 60's.0
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HE IS TRYING TO KILL YOU WITH DIABETES!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!0
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1. you DO NOT HAVE to eat it. That's your choice to eat it, not his. He can buy it, you decide to eat it. Don't blame anyone else for that.
2. You DO NOT have will power, otherwise you would easily be able to refuse. SO many times hubby AND son have had pizza here with me right there....I've gone for my normal food instead & felt better for it. Despite the fact I would devour that pizza in an instant. WILLPOWER.
3. You can't force him to eat healthy anymore than he can force you to not. Once again this comes down to YOUR choice.
correct. #endthread0 -
My husband didn't start logging his food until I had been doing it for about 6 months. He didn't realize just how bad the food was that he was eating thinking he was making reasonably healthy choices.
Throwing a fit won't do any good. If you keep eating it, he's going to keep bringing it home. It's either a misery loves company sort of thing, or he doesn't want you to lose weight and either way, it's due to his own insecurities. AND either way, don't indulge him by eating whatever he brought home. Either throw it away or don't even touch it to begin with...if he asks, tell him you don't have room in your plan for that today, and besides you already ate - and leave the room. It won't be any fun for him anymore if you don't participate in the badness with him.
It's like when you have a kid throwing a tantrum. They throw the tantrum because they have an audience. Once you quietly go into another room, and they then realize they don't have an audience, that they will quit the antics.
By the way - I wouldn't hang around while he eats it either. I remember once going to a hospital to visit a family member and there were Krispy kreme donuts in the "community area". I thought I was being good by just passing it by and going to the room, until my sister came in smacking the sugar off her fingers getting ready to eat one - and then SAT NEXT TO ME! I said, "Would you mind going over there with that? I had a hard enough time passing it by in the lobby...." because I was likely to just hoover it right out of her hands if she tried to sit there and eat it near me.
Don't worry about what he's doing. Focus on you. If he can be selfish and bring that crap around you while you're trying to lose weight, you can be selfish and remove yourself from the tempations.0 -
Crying and throwing the pizza at him doesnt solve anything. It just destroys your relationship. He is your life time partner, he is your husband, not your enemy. Talk, talk and talk. Talk to him until he finds out you are determined to eat healthy and to lose weight. He might not be taking your weight loss attempt seriously right now or he might be thinking you dont have to lose any weight. Be determined and kindly refuse his food and tell him that you dont want to eat junk food any more. You dont have to eat anything that is brought home and when you eat junk food, you should be the one in responsibility because it is your decision, not your husband's. You'll see fast food everywhere, in every occasion. You cant blame others for your weakness.
If you keep eating healthy with determination, your husband will be impressed and you'll see that he'll change his eating habits by time.
Thats what I read somewhere yesterday and I really like it.
Nobody knows what you can do and accomplish better than you. YOU set the limits. YOU are the stopping factor. YOUR determination and dedication are the limitations. Nobody else is stopping you, other people may try to hold you down but only you can allow them to.
THIS!0 -
Maybe he does NOT know that you are trying to lose weight.
Especially since your eating habits have NOT changed!0 -
Maybe he does NOT know that you are trying to lose weight.
Especially since your eating habits have NOT changed!
Ahhh, good point.
Until you take it seriously and really fight for it, he's not going to take your words very seriously either. Actions speak louder...just say no! You can do this!0 -
I doubt it's about him being: possessive; insecure; unloving; unhelpful etc. and more a case of him not comprehending your want to lose weight, since he apparently does not have this issue.
But a few things:
1) you cannot blame him for you eating the food. He merely brings the food home, that doesn't mean he forces you to eat it - you make the decision, you're a grown woman.
2) you cannot say that you don't lack will power, you do. Just because pizza etc. is there it does not mean you have to eat it.
It sounds like you have just told him "I want to lose weight" and that's it. Have you sat and explained why you want to lose weight/get healthier? If not, he probably doesn't understand as he is not in the same position. Communication is the key to understanding.
Secondly, he probably doesn't take you seriously. You say you want to lose weight, then eat all the junk he brings back with him. Even if you are exercising, by doing that you aren't showing proper committment or drive to achieve your goals, therefore he, probably, doesn't feel like it's anything proper - probably just thinks it's a 'phase' etc.0 -
I bet if you stop eating the pizzas and cheeseburgers he brings home, he will stop bringing them home.0
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Go to Walmart. Buy a bb gun. Take up the hobby of shooting junk food and making it explode in the backyard. Maybe your husband will get a clue then.
But it comes down to training yourself to stop eating those foods. It will take a long time, regardless of whether or not your man is making it more difficult. But it can be done, lots of us have proven it can be done, it just takes your own exertion of will.
You've got a ton of willpower, it's there, just use it. And tell him to knock it off.0
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