partner is sabotageing

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  • louised88
    louised88 Posts: 159
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    I'm going to play devil's advocate here for a minute. Try seeing things from his perspective. He doesn't have an eating problem, he doesn't need to lose weight. Why should he give up all the things he enjoys because you do? You are the one with food issues and are imposing them onto him.

    But she's not, she's just asking him to support her in fighting her food issues. He's bringing home food for her to eat, not just for him. He's ignoring her when she asks him not to do that to her, and that's not ok.

    OP, could you bring a snack to the gym you could eat on the way home? Just enough to take the edge off so you have a chance to step back from the pizza/pepsi/whatever and take a deep breath and think. I agree wit the other posters, maybe immediately drizzle dish soap over your portion/pour out the pepsi so you're not tempted. I do that if I'm craving chips, I buy a bag, eat a handful and throw the rest out because if they hang around I'll eat them, even if they're cold.

    If your husband isn't listening when you tell him that him bringing home unhealthy food is making your life unnecessarily unpleasant, then do just throw it out/render it inedible when he does. (Your own portion, I mean, obviously your husband can eat what he likes.) But if it continues, there's probably other issues behind his refusal to stop, maybe he feels the power balance in your relationship is shifting, and maybe counselling might be an option if he doesn't understand that you're not getting healthy in preparation for leaving him.


    To put it another way, if you were trying to give up smoking and he kept bringing home cigarettes for you, I don't think people would be so quick to dismiss his behaviour, so I really think you're justified in being upset about this.
  • hanniejong
    hanniejong Posts: 556 Member
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    My husband can eat like a 12 year old at a sleepover party and remain extremely small. I try telling him I am addicted to food the same way an alcoholic is to liquor. He does not understand and thinks I have no will power. I'm frustrated to come home from a workout, starving and he brings home pizza and Pepsi for me. He goes out for a burger and brings me home two. Of course I eat it, just because it's there, even though I already ate dinner and snacks. I know he is not purposely trying to make/keep me over weight. He rejects all healthy food and refuses to eat it. Why does he continue to do it even when I cry and throw the pizza at him?...any advice?

    1. you DO NOT HAVE to eat it. That's your choice to eat it, not his. He can buy it, you decide to eat it. Don't blame anyone else for that.

    2. You DO NOT have will power, otherwise you would easily be able to refuse. SO many times hubby AND son have had pizza here with me right there....I've gone for my normal food instead & felt better for it. Despite the fact I would devour that pizza in an instant. WILLPOWER.

    3. You can't force him to eat healthy anymore than he can force you to not. Once again this comes down to YOUR choice.

    THIS!!!!
  • meggonkgonk
    meggonkgonk Posts: 2,066 Member
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    Well, crying and throwing pizza at him is probably a poor place to start.

    Like any other relationship issue, I think it's about communication. Before you go for a workout or a meal time (in short at a time not charged with the argument already), look him dead on and say what you need and want. "Listen X, I'm really trying to do this. For me. I know you don't think bringing junk food around is a big deal, and maybe you are even just trying to share something enjoyable, but I really need you to not do this randomly. I need to be able to plan for junky food when I do have it, and I need to avoid it overall. And I need you to take this seriously."

    If he's still unsupportive or won't stop buying extra food for you, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship because he's clearly not listening/ is disregarding your wants and needs.
  • nyemu
    nyemu Posts: 43
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    In my experience, men respond badly to tears and emotional outbursts, my man is constantly trying to get me to taste this/ sip that... I think he thinks that I'm on a mission to become super model skinny.

    I suggest levelling with him, "Babe I'm already at 1100 calories and I'd planned on eating 300 for supper so I can't have the pizza otherwise I'll be over my limit." You cannot blame your lack of self control on him.
  • RVfrog
    RVfrog Posts: 213 Member
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    ask him to please give you the money instead of food and you'll buy something nice to wear for him.....YOU DON"T have to eat it.....throw it away and soon he won't bring you junk.....say thanks I told you I can't eat this and throw it in the trash maybe he will get the message.
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
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    ask him to please give you the money instead of food and you'll buy something nice to wear for him.....YOU DON"T have to eat it.....throw it away and soon he won't bring you junk.....say thanks I told you I can't eat this and throw it in the trash maybe he will get the message.
    Why do people keep giving this "throw it away" advice!?
    Rich people I swear... SMH
    He could still eat the leftovers, she doesn't have to throw it away to not eat it!
  • MrsSWW
    MrsSWW Posts: 1,590 Member
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    1. you DO NOT HAVE to eat it. That's your choice to eat it, not his. He can buy it, you decide to eat it. Don't blame anyone else for that.

    2. You DO NOT have will power, otherwise you would easily be able to refuse. SO many times hubby AND son have had pizza here with me right there....I've gone for my normal food instead & felt better for it. Despite the fact I would devour that pizza in an instant. WILLPOWER.

    3. You can't force him to eat healthy anymore than he can force you to not. Once again this comes down to YOUR choice.

    This^^

    You say that he refuses to eat healthy food, yeah he probably complains about you trying to force it on him to his pals but he doesn't give in and eat it. NEITHER SHOULD YOU! Hand it straight back to him, say 'Thanks for the thought but that's not how I eat now, next time I'd really appreciate you bringing me home a really nice fresh fruit salad'.

    You need to deal with temptations at home because once you get out into the big wide world they're aaaallllllll around you! :ohwell:
  • IslandDreamer64
    IslandDreamer64 Posts: 258 Member
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    Your journey is about YOU. You need to find a way to make it work, in spite of the challenges you face. Yes, it's difficult but it can be done. Plan and prepare your meals as much as you can, and when he brings home two burgers for you tell him no thanks, you already have your meal planned, and throw the burgers away. Perhaps realizing that he is wasting money will get to him

    And honestly, unless he's tying you down and forcing this food down your throat, you CAN choose not to eat it. Really, you can. And I wouldn't worry about how he feels about it as he obviously doesn't care about your feelings on the issue.
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
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    Sick of reading this post. Hear are my thoughts http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Faye_Anderson/view/had-to-reblog-this-after-all-the-insensitive-spouse-posts-today-406070
  • StaceyJ2008
    StaceyJ2008 Posts: 411 Member
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    In a way, he is correct about the will power. Maybe in his own way, he is trying to help you learn portion control. You shouldn't deprive yourself of pizza and burgers. Just eat a piece of pizza, just eat one burger.... maybe he is trying to teach you self control. I hope this isn't being rude.
  • RVfrog
    RVfrog Posts: 213 Member
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    ask him to please give you the money instead of food and you'll buy something nice to wear for him.....YOU DON"T have to eat it.....throw it away and soon he won't bring you junk.....say thanks I told you I can't eat this and throw it in the trash maybe he will get the message.
    In response to Umeboshi.......I'm not rich trust me.....but I would throw it away to make a point. Why let him eat it ....if it's unhealthy. I was just making a point of not I'm not eating it so don't bring it to me. Saying someone is rich cause of a comment , when I was just trying to say what I'd do. It doesn't mean she has to but she did ask for help. What I suggested was just that... a suggestion. Who know she can try all of the suggestions to see what works for her. We are not all the same and no one answer will be the key to the problem. I hope you can get him to stop . Just my 2 cents worth. Good luck.
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Ok, my friend, here's what I think:

    It could be insecurity or insensitivity or a million other things. The biggest part of my journey has been holding myself accountable to my food choices - and breaking free from that nasty voice in my head that says I cannot do it. Every time I am faced with the foods my hubby lovingly makes for me (high fat, high calories, high everything - Italian man!) I get to choose - either I eat some (a SMALL portion) or I make something else. Initially, I refused to eat any of it because my willpower sucked so badly. My hubby is very supportive and would actually cook me something different. It sounds like that won't happen for you...

    So, you are left to make your own decisions. I know recovering alcoholics who face this dillema at every social gethering and I am certain it is not any easier than what we deal with with food. But, they have to live with their decisions (and the consequences thereto) and so do we.

    You can do this - you can make the right decisions about what you put in your body (whether it be the amount of something or just the type of something). I have learned to not deprive myself of the things I love to eat, but to have much smaller portions. Maybe that will work for you (it only did for me after about a year of avoiding them altogether).

    I guess what I am saying is this journey is YOUR journey. The work you put in will be YOUR work and the success you find will be YOUR success. It will all be worth it so just STICK WITH IT. You will figure out a way to manage those things your man does because YOU need to; for YOU. When you make a mistake or bad choice, forgive and move ahead. Keep moving ahead and maybe just make on small change at a time to ease the process of building your willpower. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! :flowerforyou: :happy: :drinker:
  • skipidy
    skipidy Posts: 11
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    first off, anytime I watch a tv show about overweight people, the first thing that happens is a trainer comes in and tosses all the bad food.
    If I were an alcholic, it would be wrong for me to come home from re-hab and he plunks a bottle of booze on the counter for me...same goes for food! I don't want it. Please stop bringing it home!!
    He thinks fat chicks are gross. When we met a decade ago, he made comments about it all the time and would bring me 3 sausage and egg bagels from McDs every morning.
    He thinks its all in exercise.
    I was underweight 2 years ago but had some health complications so I am currently around 30 pounds overweight. I don't find it attractive and he doesn't either (I sence it but he doesn't say anything).
    Just because he's small, doesn't mean it won't affect us in the future too. Ultimately it's his choice to eat crap but the fat hugging his internal organs is much more dangerous than an obese person and it's my and my childrens loss if he dies from it. Still, I don't comment, I just wish he would eat a fruit once a month of something.
    The fast food gets tossed all the time and we can't afford it. He thinks he needs 3 big mac combos and a side of two double cheeseburgers but his eyes are bigger than his stomach and they go to waste everytime.
  • castell5
    castell5 Posts: 234 Member
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    I knew a girl who used to say her husband was doing that too... I think her perspective was off. Not to say yours is, but ok, your husband brings home high calorie unhealthy food and you feel the need to consume it because it's there? Cause he spent the money and you don't want to "waste it?" What's the difference if it goes in the garbage or the toilet bowl? In the end it leaves your house anyway.
    Say he brought home Cocaine or Heroin, would you have to consume that too?
    Ultimately it is your decision what you choose to put into your body, food, drugs, alcohol, etc.
    If you want to lose weight, lose weight. Don't pass the buck, he can't possibly force you to eat something you have decided not to eat.
    Good luck
  • bugaha1
    bugaha1 Posts: 602 Member
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    In my experience, men respond badly to tears and emotional outbursts, my man is constantly trying to get me to taste this/ sip that... I think he thinks that I'm on a mission to become super model skinny.

    I suggest levelling with him, "Babe I'm already at 1100 calories and I'd planned on eating 300 for supper so I can't have the pizza otherwise I'll be over my limit." You cannot blame your lack of self control on him.

    I like this answer ---^ and not the ones about him being possessive because you make him sound like he is thinking and caring about you. Why not give him a list of things he can bring instead of what his choices are?
  • keelz2010
    keelz2010 Posts: 182
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    In my experience, men respond badly to tears and emotional outbursts, my man is constantly trying to get me to taste this/ sip that... I think he thinks that I'm on a mission to become super model skinny.

    I suggest levelling with him, "Babe I'm already at 1100 calories and I'd planned on eating 300 for supper so I can't have the pizza otherwise I'll be over my limit." You cannot blame your lack of self control on him.

    I like this answer ---^ and not the ones about him being possessive because you make him sound like he is thinking and caring about you. Why not give him a list of things he can bring instead of what his choices are?

    These posts have it right on
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
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    Maybe he's a feeder.
  • marieautumn
    marieautumn Posts: 932 Member
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    I really doubt he is purposely trying to sabotage you. It sounds like those are the eating habits you two have become accustomed, and he’s just continuing to eat the way he always has. It’s unfortunate that he doesn’t want to get healthy with you (at least not yet), but you will have to have a non-confrontational talk with him and let him know that while you appreciate he is thoughtful enough to bring you home food, that you simply can’t eat like that anymore. Make it clear that you don’t expect him to change his dietary habits just because you’re changing yours, but that you need his help in keeping you on track at home.
  • mrsevanrust
    mrsevanrust Posts: 71
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    it's a "possession" thing. if you're "fat" no other man would want you. if you're skinny and gorgeous lots of men will want you.

    it's all about his insecurity

    I'd have to agree- sweetie, not knowing the 2 of you- that's how it would seem.
  • marieautumn
    marieautumn Posts: 932 Member
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    ask him to please give you the money instead of food and you'll buy something nice to wear for him.....YOU DON"T have to eat it.....throw it away and soon he won't bring you junk.....say thanks I told you I can't eat this and throw it in the trash maybe he will get the message.
    Why do people keep giving this "throw it away" advice!?
    Rich people I swear... SMH
    He could still eat the leftovers, she doesn't have to throw it away to not eat it!

    you think fast food is expensive? have you priced being morbidly obese lately?

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