partner is sabotageing

I'm going to play devil's advocate here for a minute. Try seeing things from his perspective. He doesn't have an eating problem, he doesn't need to lose weight. Why should he give up all the things he enjoys because you do? You are the one with food issues and are imposing them onto him. Of course he should be a supportive partner, but you should also be able to say no to a slice of pizza. Believe me i am no one to put blame on someone who eats because it's there. I too have this issue. But I am the one with that problem. Should the fit, healthy people in my household be deprived of their sweets because I can't avoid gobbling them up? I don't think so! I need to learn moderation and self-control. I think both of you are a bit at fault here. Him for not being as supportive as he could be and you for overreacting and not considering the effect you have on his lifestyle.

Please take a look at this. This is really well put.

Do what I did. My hubby, love him to death, would bring home chocolate cake for us to split (huge piece!). I would cut off my half and go straight to the garbage disposal and down it went. He was shocked the first few times i did that but he has not brought any home in quite a while . You have to tell yourself its not an option and before you have any time to reconsider, throw it away or in the disposal. He will either quit bringing it home cause its waisted money or he will get mad and you can tell him its your will power kicking in . Either way, its your food and you may do with it what you want, so throw it away. I have the same problem-if its there I will eat it, so take it out of the equation.

what i find hilarious is that a lot of people join this website to find support and encouragement. I recently posted something very similar to his and was immediately bombarded with negativity and nastiness. All by people who were once exceptionally obese and are not therapists or nutrition or fitness experts. I find it rather annoying and douchey.

that's all puppies and roses. but support is -- or at least, should be -- given when appropriate. truth, however, is much more important than a pat on the back.

and telling someone the truth, as tough as it might be, is support.

Ehhhh..one can tell the truth and be encouraging and supportive at the same time. No one implied she was searching for a sympathy card and rainbows and glitter. But everyone jumped in her *kitten* with instant negativity. It sucks, you're right she can't blame someone else but to have people instantly be nasty is uncalled for and not the purpose of this website. Encouraging someone who struggles with weight loss shouldn't be told to quit her whining and stop eating. We are all human and make mistakes and clearly a good majority of the people on this website struggle with weight loss and proper diet-how about everyone share how they overcame obstacles in their weight loss journey rather than dog her for having them?

No one is questioning the validity of the point most of you have made, yes she is in charge of what she eats and how she approaches her weight loss-but to be nasty to her is uncalled for and not helpful to anyone trying to lose weight-thats just my own opinion.

oh, you're right. and I don't really think most people on here were being mean or snarky. at least, they weren't trying to.

but too many on this site seem to want enablers ... people to accept their poor behavior. too many want people to tell them they are right, others are wrong. and too many instantly take offense and claim people are being mean when they point out that they are, in fact, not the ones in the right or give them advice against what they've already decided is 'right.'

it sucks to be the recipient of tough love. but often, it's just what we need.

I don't particularly want to review 6 pages of this, but think semantic debates about whether or not the partner's action count as sabotage or simply non-supportive lose some meaning in the end.

Ask the partner to help you in your efforts by not buying these items specifically for you; naturally he can eat what he likes. It's a reasonable request. Avoidance is an acceptable form of controlling one's actions.

I'll mow through a bag of chips given the chance. There is no "just put some in a dish and put the bag away." That doesn't work for me. It just doesn't. So I buy small bags if I buy chips at all. If it doesn't come in the house, problem solved. I exert willpower when I'm in the store, so I don't have to exert willpower with an open bag of chips in front of me.

If he respects your efforts for healthier eating, there's no reason he shouldn't honor your request to stop buying you food you don't want to eat and have a hard time refusing once it's in front of you. He's basically sacrificing nothing.

Whether or not someone on the internet thinks you should have enough willpower to refuse a delicious slice of cheesy pizza that's in front of you means just exactly nothing. Find reasonable solutions to the problem, and if the partner doesn't want to be reasonable, that's another problem in itself to explore.

It may be about control. He brings home food he knows you say you don't want to eat, but you eat it anyway. He derives some element of satisfaction from the fact that despite your stated desire to eat better, he can actually control your behavior simply by presenting you with food. My guess is he unwittingly controls other facets of your life as well. If I'm wrong, which I very well may be, then the answer is simply that he's an oblivious A_ _ hole.

Bottom line is, and someone else already said this, YOU choose what you eat. Don't blame your husband. I'm not implying this is easy.

It may be about control. He brings home food he knows you say you don't want to eat, but you eat it anyway. He derives some element of satisfaction from the fact that despite your stated desire to eat better, he can actually control your behavior simply by presenting you with food. My guess is he unwittingly controls other facets of your life as well. If I'm wrong, which I very well may be, then the answer is simply that he's an oblivious A_ _ hole.

Bottom line is, and someone else already said this, YOU choose what you eat. Don't blame your husband. I'm not implying this is easy.

I found this a little confusing, it's ok to blame the partner for being a controlling, manipulative, A-hole (there are some assumptions about intent there). We're just not supposed to blame him for stuffing food in her mouth for her?

So either they're both somewhat to blame because she's the one not saying no and he's being manipulative..or what?

I don't particularly want to review 6 pages of this, but think semantic debates about whether or not the partner's action count as sabotage or simply non-supportive lose some meaning in the end.

Ask the partner to help you in your efforts by not buying these items specifically for you; naturally he can eat what he likes. It's a reasonable request. Avoidance is an acceptable form of controlling one's actions.

I'll mow through a bag of chips given the chance. There is no "just put some in a dish and put the bag away." That doesn't work for me. It just doesn't. So I buy small bags if I buy chips at all. If it doesn't come in the house, problem solved. I exert willpower when I'm in the store, so I don't have to exert willpower with an open bag of chips in front of me.

If he respects your efforts for healthier eating, there's no reason he shouldn't honor your request to stop buying you food you don't want to eat and have a hard time refusing once it's in front of you. He's basically sacrificing nothing.

Whether or not someone on the internet thinks you should have enough willpower to refuse a delicious slice of cheesy pizza that's in front of you means just exactly nothing. Find reasonable solutions to the problem, and if the partner doesn't want to be reasonable, that's another problem in itself to explore.

Exactly. She's asked him not to bring food for her, she said nothing about not eating it himself, he's refused to listen to a perfectly reasonable request. That's what the problem is.

ask him to please give you the money instead of food and you'll buy something nice to wear for him.....YOU DON"T have to eat it.....throw it away and soon he won't bring you junk.....say thanks I told you I can't eat this and throw it in the trash maybe he will get the message.

Why do people keep giving this "throw it away" advice!?
Rich people I swear... SMH
He could still eat the leftovers, she doesn't have to throw it away to not eat it!

you think fast food is expensive? have you priced being morbidly obese lately?

She said her husband is *NOT* obese.

i'm not talking about the husband...i'm talking about her. if you continue to eat crappy fast food you will get fat. fact.