Sabotage!!

I think the more accurate question is, "do you have people in your life who TRY to sabotage your weight loss goals?" Nobody can sabotage my goals without my permission-- what goes in my mouth is my responsibility, whether someone else encouraged it or not.

That said, I come from a freaking healthy family, where my mom couldn't even give out cake and ice cream at our birthday parties without feeling like she was contributing to heart disease and childhood obesity, so... not really. But moderation is key. I don't think either attitude (seeing someone else as sabotaging or feeling like you can't eat anything unless it's called kale) is psychologically healthy.

I have relatives who try to push leftovers on me. If they won't take no for an answer I accept them, thank them and then when I get home, toss them. Seems cold, but hey, ya gotta do what is best for you.
Perhaps this person gives you food because she doesn't think you need to change (I prove my love by helping maintain your current diet/body status). Or that maybe that is how she shows love/support -- (here's comfort food for your new journey) BUT doesn't think about what it is you actually need to be supported (like no bad food). Who hasn't had a friend/spouse/family member say, "Let's treat ourselves" when the know you're on a diet? People tend to repeat the same dynamics, its just habit. You are trying to change yours, have made a concious effort to do so. So it's understandable that others may not be aware or even realize that the game has changed, so they keep repeating their role, even though it is outdated and unwanted.

Oh my God,
it's a mirage,
I'm tellin' ya'll...





(ETA: Sorry, OP, I don't have anything productive to add...it's just that when I see that thread title, I think of this.)

I think that everyone has people who do not respect, understand, or even remember their weight loss efforts.

I am a compulsive eater. I will always be a compulsive eater. It is my job, and my job alone, to manage my compulsive eating tendencies and maintain (or lose) weight.

Sweets are a trigger for me. If someone repeatedly brought them to my house, I would politely thank them for their kind thoughts, and inform them that they are a trigger for me and will promptly be thrown away. I would then follow through. You can't control the actions of others, but you are responsible for controlling your own.

I will say, though, that I'm the only compulsive eater in my household. My husband and daughter are normal weight and certainly do not need to be deprived of sweets. My request to them is just that they put any sweets or junk away in the pantry where I can't see it. I am immediately triggered by tempting food sitting out on the counter, especially when I come home from work at night or when I wake up first thing in the morning. I know that I will mindlessly shove whatever is there into my mouth and eat way too much at those times of day. It's okay to set reasonable household rules surrounding food. If this person wants to bring your family food, and your family wants to eat it, ask them to keep it out of your presence.

I am convinced that people-pleasing, co-dependent types are the most likely to be overweight. Really, the best solution, and one that most normal weight people would suggest in this situation, is to tell the person politely to keep their food to themselves.

I can tell you that the longer you resist, the better you feel about you and the stronger you will become. I teach kindergarten, and almost daily am offered treats by birthday kids and/or find some tempting goodies in the lounge. It is still harder than heck to push it away (right now there are some Little Debbie's cosmic brownies in my bag from today's birthday kiddo--totally a weakness). But each success brings greater confidence. My family too loves sweets and doesn't seem to have problems not eating them or problems with eating too much. They expect dessert, whether I bake it or someone else does.

One coping strategy is to find something else that satisfies you that isn't as bad for you. I make my own hot cocoa mix where I control the amount of fat and sugar in it. I use extra cocoa and adjust the dry milk/creamer amount down. I allow myself to have this on days that everyone else is having dessert if I feel I just need something sweet. I even put some canned whipped cream on top (it's not really that bad for me, especially in relation to what I could be eating). Another is to cut some treats up into bite size pieces and freeze them, then allow yourself one baggie when needed (no more than one per day). You either have to nibble it or let it warm up in your mouth, both ways extending and savoring a little bit. For me, that does not work--I've found if I have a little, I want a lot. But it works for some.

Bottom line is, the ultimate decision to eat or not eat these treats is yours. Others subconsciously or consciously will find ways to attempt to sabotage our efforts to improve, and we need to find ways to deal with their actions that we can live with. We can confront, but we can't control.

No matter what you do, I hope you find a way to rise above this and other obstacles on your journey to good health.

To be successful, you need to figure out how to do this for yourself, despite any noise around you.

I recommend being direct with this family member. Say "I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but please don't send cookies/cakes/whatever to my house right now. I'm going to throw them away, so it's really a waste."

I can relate; I have a friend who is very thin and eats very little, but she LOVES to talk about eating sweets and often wants to hang out and eat desserts or order cake if we go out to eat—and pressures me to do the same, even though she knows what my goals are. She gives me a very, very hard time about saying no or sharing with someone else, even though she'll only eat like one or two bites. It literally drives me bonkers.


But that doesn't sabotage my efforts. Because I don't let it. I'm still in control of what goes into my mouth.


I also don't think she is purposefully trying to sabotage me, even though it may seem that way. I think she, like me, struggles with body image, even though she weighs much less. Crazy I know, but I have to realize it has almost nothing to do with me or what I'm doing, so why would I view it as sabotage?


Throwing away the 'gifts' is a GREAT idea. Both as a discipline exercise for you, and a demonstration of your personal boundaries for her. She's overstepping them.

She will stop once she realises you are serious... how many people, on a daily basis say they are starting to eat well... and then the next day are back to their old ways? I'm sorry but you have to be stronger. Once you change your ways, people around you just know not to ask and then you won't be faced with such pressures. It is hard at first but it becomes a new habit for you, and those around you.

this is like my muom. it's like she has radar that I'm trying to eat healthy so she makes the worst, gluten-y dishes in human history. "oh, you're trying to not eat gluten? how about some pasta with nice garlic bread??"

My mom is my saboteur. When I first started counting calories, she would talk negatively about it ("I don't know why people worry about it") Every time I went to her house she would offer me ice cream, twinkies, brownies. I think she finally got the hint after I declined what felt like 3000 times. When I go there for dinner I still eat the calorie loaded, fattening food she cooks, but I eat in moderation and budget my calories accordingly. It's gotten better, but at times it seems like she still doesn't care.

I've looked up some calorie counts for goodies, and do my best to work with it. Takes a little extra effort, but it's worth it on the days when I truly need a small treat. What you could do, if you want to put in the effort, is figure out what would be a decent snack size serving of the goodie, cut up the cake and put it into little plastic bags, and know you can have that as part of your food plan. I will sometimes have two Hershey's kisses, one or two fun size candy bars (not the full size), or a snack-sized baggie filled with a treat such as toasted edamame or wasabi peas. There's no reason to NOT have sweets/treats, as long as you know what you're eating.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, take control of the situation. As hard as it is, if you make a habit of logging your food and become conscious of what/how you eat, it will be easier to incorporate goodies into your food plan without it torpedoing your weight loss goals.That way, NO ONE can sabotage you. MFS's food database is excellent, and will enable you to keep track of what and how you eat.

Another suggestion: One of my friends worked with a nutritionist, who had her log her food for two MONTHS before making adjustments in her food plan. Do that, so that you get into the habit of logging and become conscious of what and how you eat. That will help you a LOT.

Finally, it's no one's business if you're changing your food plan. Telling no one helps with the attempts to sabotage. What they don't know, they can't sabotage!

Oh my God,
it's a mirage,
I'm tellin' ya'll...





(ETA: Sorry, OP, I don't have anything productive to add...it's just that when I see that thread title, I think of this.)

:laugh:

Wow.

@ShreddedTweet:
Wow, thank you so much for the judgement. AS for elderly, I meant shes not in her 20s. She celebrated her 45th recently. She has managed to give her husband and one of her kids high cholesterol and sugar. She has plenty of people always around to feed and give obesity to.
Not so much the sweet elderly lady you're imagining but an in control rich woman who will not stop over feeding people.

@ShreddedTweet:
Wow, thank you so much for the judgement. AS for elderly, I meant shes not in her 20s. She celebrated her 45th recently. She has managed to give her husband and one of her kids high cholesterol and sugar. She has plenty of people always around to feed and give obesity to.
Not so much the sweet elderly lady you're imagining but an in control rich woman who will not stop over feeding people.

45 isn't elderly unless you're 6. You're in control of what you eat. She's not shoveling food into anyone. People will always find excuses for their lack of self control.