Ladies, how do u feel about your man having female friends?

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Replies

  • XxBrightsidexX
    XxBrightsidexX Posts: 60
    i'm in a long distance relationship to right now. So i can see were your coming from being worried. My boyfriend has female friends, And knows i have male friends. And neither of us have a problem with it. The key i think is honesty and communication. I tell him everything, he tells me everything. I trust him 100 percent. I havent had a chance to meet the girls hes friends with becuase of the distance, But the fact we can talk about stuff thats bothering us , or worrying us helps. I feel like if this guy is worth keeping around you should be able to tell him that you feel this way, I know you already kind of did, but telling him youd feel better after meeting that other girl;, or at least her knowing about you would help. I'm not a jealous girlfriend , and i completley trust my boyfriend so i personnaly think you shouldnt be worried. It's a fairly new relationship, So i feel like if he didnt want it to work, He would have said something to you. I know not worrying is hard to do though :) Stay strong and have that convorsation with him though :)
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    We have/had a long distance relationship for three years. He has many many close female friends who he has spent a lot of time with in those three years, and it doesn't worry me at all.

    In two days he's driving 14 hours to move here forever and leaving them all to be long distance friends.


    I trust him, he trusts me.


    OMGsh, this totally made me smile, congrats to you both and I know you will be happy. Trust will take you a long way they say :)
    There is always a bit of worry in a long distance relationship. But what you have to realize is a lot of men worry just as much. If you REALLY worry rather than just the normal average long distance "what if he found somebody more convenient" then you ought to look elsewhere.
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
    i'm in a long distance relationship to right now. So i can see were your coming from being worried. My boyfriend has female friends, And knows i have male friends. And neither of us have a problem with it. The key i think is honesty and communication. I tell him everything, he tells me everything. I trust him 100 percent. I havent had a chance to meet the girls hes friends with becuase of the distance, But the fact we can talk about stuff thats bothering us , or worrying us helps. I feel like if this guy is worth keeping around you should be able to tell him that you feel this way, I know you already kind of did, but telling him youd feel better after meeting that other girl;, or at least her knowing about you would help. I'm not a jealous girlfriend , and i completley trust my boyfriend so i personnaly think you shouldnt be worried. It's a fairly new relationship, So i feel like if he didnt want it to work, He would have said something to you. I know not worrying is hard to do though :) Stay strong and have that convorsation with him though :)


    Someone partially in my shoes, thanks for the advice!!
  • Roni_M
    Roni_M Posts: 717 Member
    Hubby and I have been together since we were teenagers (23+ years). He has female friends, I have male friends, there are no concerns. However, there are no secrets. When we started dating, an ex called constantly but he would talk to her in front of me. He was always friendly but if a get together was mentioned he would clearly say "Roni and I would love to". She eventually got the hint and stopped calling. If he had of been secretive about it I would have had a problem with it. So I agree with the others, it's not female friends that are a problem, it's the secret phone calls he doesn't want you to overhear. Maybe make it clear to him that you're ok with him having friends and he can take the calls when he's with you. If he continues being secretive then there's a problem.
  • Sick_Beard
    Sick_Beard Posts: 407 Member
    My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. I really care about him and I am excited to see where our relationship will go. I don't have really any complaints, the only thing that I have noticed is that whenever we are together he turns his phone off. (we live about 2 hours away from each other so don't get to see each other often).

    Although I appreciate him wanting to give me all of his attention I kinda quesitoned "why". Well last weekend we spent it together and I told him he could leave his phone on, that he did not have to do that for me and I found that his phone was ringing all day, all night, massive amounts of texts coming in... maybe about something happening every 20 minutes. Come to find out they were his "female friends" who he talks to often. No problem right? Well, when I would go to the bathroom or shower etc, he would go outside and call them back. I feel like if they are just friends, why hide the conversation?

    Maybe I am over thinking it but I did ask him about it and he did reassure me nothing was going on and they really were just his friends. He did tell me that one in particular has told him she wants to be more than friends, but why continue to lead her on by conversating with her knowing that he's with me... but she does not know that I exist for some reason. hmmmmmm

    I have zero men calling or texting my phone outside of my family. I mean should I find myself some male friends or something?. How do you ladies feel about your man having female friends? .... men you are more than welcome to add your opinion also!

    In all honesty and this comes from a guy who has more female friends, if we are truly happy in a relationship and all our needs are met we tend to neglect our friends and spend all our time with our significant others. Generally when something is lacking I might go look for it elsewhere, whether it is support or a heart to heart conversation it doesn't matter.
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.


    What he said. Thats a warning bell, and the very next question out of my mouth would have been "why not?".

    My husband doesn't have many friends to begin with, he's sort of an introvert; he did have an ex who emailed him out of the blue after thinking she saw him at Target, but she hasn't made any further attempts since she responded, politely making it known he's married now. He's persuing his doctorate right now, so he has peers of the opposite sex he works with and sometimes they (mixed group) get together to work on projects and homework. But, I trust him, and anyway- I know where he is every moment of the day, because we only have one car, and he's either in class, at the lab, or at home.

    And as another commenter said, perhaps you should be going to his place to visit, and meeting these friends :)
  • i_love_nature
    i_love_nature Posts: 4
    You are going out with him 5 months and you all ready see " Red Flags " save yourself the hurt he sounds like a player .. There is an old saying if you can't do something in front of your partner then you should not be doing it privately .
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    The fact that he's given you all this information (the other girl likes him, she doesnt know about you) makes my instincts say that there is nothing to worry about. Otherwise, why bother telling you? Cheats don't usually reveal they have a potential to cheat, they just do it!! :flowerforyou:
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
    Hubby and I have been together since we were teenagers (23+ years). He has female friends, I have male friends, there are no concerns. However, there are no secrets. When we started dating, an ex called constantly but he would talk to her in front of me. He was always friendly but if a get together was mentioned he would clearly say "Roni and I would love to". She eventually got the hint and stopped calling. If he had of been secretive about it I would have had a problem with it. So I agree with the others, it's not female friends that are a problem, it's the secret phone calls he doesn't want you to overhear. Maybe make it clear to him that you're ok with him having friends and he can take the calls when he's with you. If he continues being secretive then there's a problem.


    Thank you. I think that I need to just talk to him about it and see what his point of view of it is.
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
    The fact that he's given you all this information (the other girl likes him, she doesnt know about you) makes my instincts say that there is nothing to worry about. Otherwise, why bother telling you? Cheats don't usually reveal they have a potential to cheat, they just do it!! :flowerforyou:


    I did not look at it that way, thanks!
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
    You are going out with him 5 months and you all ready see " Red Flags " save yourself the hurt he sounds like a player .. There is an old saying if you can't do something in front of your partner then you should not be doing it privately .

    definitely something to think about!!
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I don't know what to say about your situation because my husband does not text or make frequent phone calls. However, I am completely fine about him having female friends. I met him in college when I was 18 and was good friends with him for a while before we dated, so I know he is a good friend. I also know that he has stayed friends with all the women he ever dated (as far back as age 15). I like that about him. He's such a nice guy and never had any crazy bad relationships and he was never hurtful to women. Some of my closest friends dated him before I met him (it's college). And we even lived with one of his ex girlfriends at one point. I get along really well with all the women he dated, and they have become some of my dearest friends. He has good taste (hehe). And we are often friends with other couples. And when I make female friends they become friends with him as well. I am also friends with men and get along well with his male friends. I fully trust my husband, so I know I have nothing to worry about. I also know that he is seriously 100% attracted to me, and absolutely adores me.

    Edit: I'm reading more of the thread now and your situation sounds very different.
  • jeffn9
    jeffn9 Posts: 21 Member
    As a reformed schmoo guy who was in his 20s one of 'those guys', I'll tell you that is how the game is played. The true test (that I would have failed) would be to ask him to answer his phone and talk for a couple of minutes so that you could wedge in there that you're the girlfriend.

    That would have blown the game, like i_love_nature was alluding to above.

    5 months is a short time but either he's going to let you in and not keep secrets, or he's not. if he's not going to let you in, move on, or you'll be wasting your time and heart.
  • nascarted10
    nascarted10 Posts: 298 Member
    From a guys perspective, if I have to give up friends male or female, I'll say goodbye to you. Not trying to be nasty, but I would not give up me to have a relationship.
  • grawrrrr
    grawrrrr Posts: 336
    I trust him wholeheartedly and he trusts me. *shrug*
  • ritoosh
    ritoosh Posts: 190
    in my opinion, if they were friends before me and him got together i have no place to say anything unless i feel uncomfortable. just talk to him and let him know how you feel about that but honestly i dont care if my man has female friends or not.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    I see a lot of people posting about "trust" Well, to me, trust is earned. As someone that has been in both sides of a cheating relationship, I see red flags too.

    Men that have nothing to hide do not turn of their phone, period. They also do not wait until GF is not around to talk or text them, they pick up and say, hey can I call you back, I am with my girl.

    Nothing about this situation says trust to me, what so ever. If you are in a committed sexual relationship, I think a "surprise" visit to see him is in order. Better to know now rather than later. If nothing is going on, then that is a step in the direction of learning to trust one another.

    Like it or not, people cheat. They also spend a great deal of time on the down low getting attention from others, and about 50% of the people on this site can attest to that. :wink:
  • wolfpack77
    wolfpack77 Posts: 655
    I find it hard to believe these women are only interested in platonic relationships. People do not put that much effort into keeping in touch with opposite sex friends who they're not interested in. Sure, platonic friends keep in touch. But if the feeling is mutual its not going to be on an hourly or even daily basis.

    I have a lot of female friends and many of them text me daily. While I may not be interested in anything beyond friends, there is no question in my mind that at least a few of them are. Its just the way it is. Men and women are not cut out to be platonic with each other. It happens, but its rare.
  • redredy9
    redredy9 Posts: 706 Member
    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.

    ^^^^ THIS ^^^

    If his rationale for not telling her is that he doesn't want to "hurt her" DOUBLE RED FLAG!! RUN!!!
  • jehuster
    jehuster Posts: 168
    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.


    Agree with this ^^^^^ If she was a real "Female Friend" he would have told her about you...he would be talking about you to everyone if you were his "Exclusive". Also, if they were just "Female Friends" he wouldn't feel the need to go outside and talk to
    them privately. I would take time to step back and really look at what is going on here. My opinion take it or leave it. Best of luck to
    you.
  • LeeWorrall88
    LeeWorrall88 Posts: 80
    Ive always been friendly with girls, abit like a tomgirl if you like? In primary school I was very friendly with a few girls, after school I would hang out with girls and boys. In high school I was exactly the same, and became very close with a few girls, they were my best friends.. especially one of them who really was my best friend. We would hang out together always in school and after school, always together. She would help me with my relationships and I would help her with hers, we told each other everything and shared everything.
    Even now I am in college and I sometimes find myself just with girls.

    I could not live without girls in my life, lads are kinda boring.

    I am no cheat. I have never cheated on a girl in my life.

    Ive been with my current girlfriend for 19 months now and sometimes its hard for her to know about me being friendly with girls, but shes ok with it or pretends to be at least.

    Its true and I promise you, not all lads are jerks, and it is possible for a male and female to just actually be really good friends and nothing more.

    My advice to you is.... The fact you know about girls he speaks too.... At least he isnt trying to hide it from you?
    You have to trust him and stop worrying. You may begin to worry and stop trusting him when he gives you a reason too
  • karenhobkirk
    karenhobkirk Posts: 1 Member
    Okay, my fiance and I both have male and female friends, and we all hang out together, text each other, post on each others facebook ect. But 90% are attached. The ones that are not attached we keep no secrets about. No private conversations. No private text messaging. And we certainly don't turn off our phones when around each other. It all about trust. And if you have any doubts, then there is probably a reason. Ask him about it. Tell him what you're comfortable with. And if you still have doubts, move on. Life is too short. Find someone that is better suited for you.
  • flatbellybella
    flatbellybella Posts: 303 Member
    :sick:

    gahhh I can't get into it. Makes me literally sick lol
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
    I have no problem with him having female friends.

    I would have a problem with these friends knowing nothing about me after 5 months, him always taking the conversation outside, him turning his phone off etc etc Sounds very odd to me.
  • Redskins76
    Redskins76 Posts: 68
    No disrespect but I do not have female friends outside of family and the friends we hangout together with. From the beginning of our relationship we discussed this issue and decided to NOT have opposite sex friends because eventually it will cause problems down the road.
  • aproc
    aproc Posts: 1,033 Member
    I've been with my boyfriend for a year and he has several close female friends that he hangs out with. It bothers me a little sometimes but they've been friends a long time. If he were hiding his conversations and me, then I"d be worried. You can't ask him to give up friends that he's had before you but he shouldn't be hiding you from them. That's just suspicious...
  • tidesong
    tidesong Posts: 451 Member
    I have a hard time with it. I have a number of personal, mental issues that are part of the problem, including a traumatic divorce, and low self-esteem issues. I always feel threatened by female friends he has. I have no reason to worry, at least not with him. But the past sticks in my head, and I have a really hard time with it, especially if I see anything I construe as flirting. Which is silly because I'm a flirty type, so I understand that not all flirting has anything to do with pursuing someone.

    My current boyfriend and I started as a LDR. We did the back and forth thing for 4 years before I finally moved to the east coast to be with him.

    There were some things in the beginning that made me suspicious, but I think that was really before we'd solidified as a couple, and I've been able to (mostly) let those things go. But my own issues still remain. :/

    If you ever want/need to talk about this, feel free to PM me anytime. I totally understand.
  • NewLIFEstyle4ME
    NewLIFEstyle4ME Posts: 4,440 Member
    from the movie: When Harry Met Sally

    Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
    Sally Albright: Why not?
    Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
    Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
    Harry Burns: No you don't.
    Sally Albright: Yes I do.
    Harry Burns: No you don't.
    Sally Albright: Yes I do.
    Harry Burns: You only think you do.
    Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
    Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
    Sally Albright: They do not.
    Harry Burns: Do too.
    Sally Albright: They do not.
    Harry Burns: Do too.
    Sally Albright: How do you know?
    Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
    Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
    Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
    Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
    Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
    Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
    Harry Burns: I guess not.
    Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    Pull a robbery. Dump him and take his girls.
  • dlyeates
    dlyeates Posts: 875 Member
    GUYS AND GIRLS CANNOT BE "JUST FRIENDS".

    There is no way. If he is truly devoted to you, tell him that the female friends will have to stop. Also, if he wants to hang out with them, then ask to meet them first. If you like her, then maybe it's okay. If you don't, then he should respect and trust that you are doing what is best for your relationship.

    Word it well like "you know, I just want our relationship to continue in the right direction. I trust you, and I don't want anything to come between us." say it with a smile! :)

    I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH THIS!!!! If you are not mature enough to handle a friendship with the opposite sex then that is just sad!! My best friend from high school, whom I still talk to and hang out with (both with and without my husband) is a guy. We NEVER liked each other. I have numerous friends from college that are guys and we, again, never liked each other.

    It is sad that 2 people can't be friends with one another because of gender. Of course secrecy shouldn't happen and open communication should be a part of the relationship!!! I would be more than pissed if my husband had ever told me that I had to stop talking to/hanging out with my guy friends. With immaturity like this then you shouldn't be in a relationship because you aren't mature enough to handle a grown up relationship.

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