Cousinly Love

135

Replies

  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
    This is pretty strange, IMO.
    It's one thing to have a close relationship, but to be having "sleepovers" when she lives in the same city and they are how old? I find that odd.

    He is 16, almost 17. Me and his cousin are both 18.

    The real question is why an 18 year old is dating someone under age...
    He is only a year and a half younger, not too big of an age difference.
    Lol, that's not the way the law sees it. That's statuatory rape in most states. But anyway, it doesn't make sense why you're jealous of his cousin, then again it doesn't make sense why they have sleep overs. I mean, I have cousins that live 500 miles away in PA, and we're only several years apart, and even when we were teens, we never slept in the same room. I just don't get it.

    The Pennsylvania statuatory rape laws require the people to be 4 years apart if the victim is less than 16 (more than 13, I think) to prosecute. A 16 year old and an 18 year old can legally have consentual sex in PA.
    http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/08/sr/statelaws/summary.shtml
    Same law here in Texas.

    In some states (such as Washington), 16 is actually the age of consent.
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
    32075366.jpg

    But I have like 13 of them...
    Best get started!
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
    The only comparison I have is my own family. I am Mexican, and as such we have a big family, and my cousins (all male) and I are all around the same age. We grew up together, had sleepovers, and hung out. But that was when we were kids. We act like friends now, but no more sleepovers (unless its to nurse a hangover, then its the couch, haha).

    Well the only time I sleep in close quarters with my cousins is the various family trips we have. The aunts and uncles get the actual rooms, the cousins sleep on the floor (well we've upgraded to blow up mattresses). But most of the time, we're like friends, who call and hang out, but not get all up in each other's space.

    So coming from a very close Mexican family, I find this behavior a little strange. Well what I find most strange is that he ignores you when she's there, and gets defensive when you challenge him on it.

    I would sit him down, and have a frank talk, but proceed the conversation in terms of "I"
    For example, "I feel like I'm being ignored when she's over, I feel left out....." etc etc

    If you go on the offensive with you, you're spending too much time with her, you always push me aside for her, then he'll get super defensive.

    I guess, another tactic you could try is to really invest time in talking with her. Like girlfriends and such. Maybe then you could let on that you'd like a little more time with your bf.
    This is really helpful.
    And I actually have tried to talk to her before. I was legitimately nice to her and tried to befriend her. For some reason she just doesn't like me. When she is over, she doesn't say one word to me. She has even blocked me on Facebook (real mature, I know). So I don't think talking to her will be much help
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
    I'm aware of the "statutory rape" laws. Not sure what the limits are in my state, but does it really matter? I never said I was sleeping with him.
  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
    If they are NOT too close, then be concerned.

    I mean, if he isn't good enough for his family, is he good enough for yours?
  • misskittyfantastico1991
    misskittyfantastico1991 Posts: 145
    The only comparison I have is my own family. I am Mexican, and as such we have a big family, and my cousins (all male) and I are all around the same age. We grew up together, had sleepovers, and hung out. But that was when we were kids. We act like friends now, but no more sleepovers (unless its to nurse a hangover, then its the couch, haha).

    Well the only time I sleep in close quarters with my cousins is the various family trips we have. The aunts and uncles get the actual rooms, the cousins sleep on the floor (well we've upgraded to blow up mattresses). But most of the time, we're like friends, who call and hang out, but not get all up in each other's space.

    So coming from a very close Mexican family, I find this behavior a little strange. Well what I find most strange is that he ignores you when she's there, and gets defensive when you challenge him on it.

    I would sit him down, and have a frank talk, but proceed the conversation in terms of "I"
    For example, "I feel like I'm being ignored when she's over, I feel left out....." etc etc

    If you go on the offensive with you, you're spending too much time with her, you always push me aside for her, then he'll get super defensive.

    I guess, another tactic you could try is to really invest time in talking with her. Like girlfriends and such. Maybe then you could let on that you'd like a little more time with your bf.
    This is really helpful.
    And I actually have tried to talk to her before. I was legitimately nice to her and tried to befriend her. For some reason she just doesn't like me. When she is over, she doesn't say one word to me. She has even blocked me on Facebook (real mature, I know). So I don't think talking to her will be much help

    See, that would worry me. Because he is avoidant about it and so is she.

    Are you 100% they're cousins?
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
    The only comparison I have is my own family. I am Mexican, and as such we have a big family, and my cousins (all male) and I are all around the same age. We grew up together, had sleepovers, and hung out. But that was when we were kids. We act like friends now, but no more sleepovers (unless its to nurse a hangover, then its the couch, haha).

    Well the only time I sleep in close quarters with my cousins is the various family trips we have. The aunts and uncles get the actual rooms, the cousins sleep on the floor (well we've upgraded to blow up mattresses). But most of the time, we're like friends, who call and hang out, but not get all up in each other's space.

    So coming from a very close Mexican family, I find this behavior a little strange. Well what I find most strange is that he ignores you when she's there, and gets defensive when you challenge him on it.

    I would sit him down, and have a frank talk, but proceed the conversation in terms of "I"
    For example, "I feel like I'm being ignored when she's over, I feel left out....." etc etc

    If you go on the offensive with you, you're spending too much time with her, you always push me aside for her, then he'll get super defensive.

    I guess, another tactic you could try is to really invest time in talking with her. Like girlfriends and such. Maybe then you could let on that you'd like a little more time with your bf.
    This is really helpful.
    And I actually have tried to talk to her before. I was legitimately nice to her and tried to befriend her. For some reason she just doesn't like me. When she is over, she doesn't say one word to me. She has even blocked me on Facebook (real mature, I know). So I don't think talking to her will be much help

    See, that would worry me. Because he is avoidant about it and so is she.

    Are you 100% they're cousins?
    I'm positive they are cousins, I know his family.
  • gonnamakeanewaccount
    gonnamakeanewaccount Posts: 642 Member
    How OLD are you?

    NO WAY was this written by someone over 14. I will send you a copy of "Are you there God, It's me Margaret" it will explain a few things to you.

    LOL. OMG.
  • waltersjoshua
    waltersjoshua Posts: 6
    If it bothers you, say something. Not to be cliche, but honesty is important, and you should always be honest how you feel, even if you have to be tactful with how you bring it up. "Hey, want to hear something really stupid? Sometimes I feel jealous of you and her. You guys are so close. Stupid, right?" Be non-confrontational and play it off like you know you are being over sensitive. If he can take a hint, he will tone it back. If not, and it really bothers you, be more forward.
  • bettacheckyoself
    bettacheckyoself Posts: 570
    If they are NOT too close, then be concerned.

    I mean, if he isn't good enough for his family, is he good enough for yours?

    lol ..you are funny
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    When I was a kid, I never got chicken pox. Every time one of my cousins got it, our parents would make us have big sleepovers to try to make me get chicken pox. They'd make us snuggle up as much as possible. This sounds like almost the exact same situation.
  • gonnamakeanewaccount
    gonnamakeanewaccount Posts: 642 Member
    [/quote]
    This is really helpful.
    And I actually have tried to talk to her before. I was legitimately nice to her and tried to befriend her. For some reason she just doesn't like me. When she is over, she doesn't say one word to me. She has even blocked me on Facebook (real mature, I know). So I don't think talking to her will be much help
    [/quote]

    One of three things could be going on.
    A) They aren't actually cousins.
    OR
    B) They're kissing cousins.
    OR
    C) His cousin thinks you're weird for being so suspicious.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Okay, I have to say it. I've tried not to..but...

    I think you may be insecure and you are deflecting this onto your boyfriend's cousin.

    Especially if you really don't trust him to the point you are thinking that he and his cousin (who you are 100% sure is his cousin) are TOO CLOSE, BUT you are sure aren't sleeping together.

    Best/close friends, cousins or not, do do this sort of close behaviour regardless of whether they are both the same sex or not. I've had friends who have crashed at each other's places just because. We hug and aren't afraid to show affection - but it is all platonic. Let me emphasize that.

    You say you aren't jealous of their relationship, but you dislike how YOU FEEL you get ignored when she's around. Have you really tried to maybe get to know the cousin and be friends with her? Why do you feel that you should be allowed to monopolize all his time or dictate how he spends his time or attentions?

    You need to talk with him about your problems instead of coming onto a public forum and airing your suspicions.

    Especially seeing that you are 18 and he's like 16/17.
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    Jealous much?
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Oh, and let me add - the whole "Ignoring the girlfriend when the guy friends (whether male or female) are around" is not unusual. especially when thinking about how high school guys usually are. You just tried to complicate things by making a big deal out of the fact that they are cousins. I think that maybe it pisses you off a little or frustrates you because it's not like you can easily come between family...not like if it was just a non-familial friendship.
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
    qm.gif
    27995533.jpg
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
    IMO it's weird of you to even consider that a possibility.
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
    Crap, I mean..

    Just break up.
  • Jpinpoint
    Jpinpoint Posts: 219 Member
    @bid1994 - I wouldn't worry about it. My first cousin(male) and I are extremely close. We have remained close since our childhood and remain closer than our brothers and sisters.

    But thats normal for male cousins to be close. But he is a male and she is female. I'm just not sure if I should be concerned or not.. I mean I know he wouldnt cheat on me with her, thats disgusting. I just wonder if they are TOO close and if I should say something.

    I'm very close with my male cousin. We are only 6 months apart in age. We talk almost daily, when I'm home I see him every day.

    My younger brother is very close with one of our younger girl cousins. She is ALWAYS at his house.

    I think it depends on the family. If you don't have cousins you won't be able to sympathize. If I were you'd I'd work on the jealous stuff. Being jealous of a chick is one thing, being jealous of a family member is a dividing factor.
  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
    Like the twins from Euro Trip close?
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Didn't read all of the replies, but here's what I have to say...how long have you been dating him? If not long, then she's just used to showing up unannounced and neither of them realize the impact it has on you. If a long time, there may be a bit of a "cousin crush" going on here. I mean, she could be doing it on purpose to annoy you. He could be getting defensive when you bring it up b/c he knows their friendship is a little "off."
  • MrsAzriel
    MrsAzriel Posts: 35 Member
    My best friend is a guy and we claim each other as siblings. We are very close and affectionate, but we always make sure that my husband and his girlfriend are okay with us having movie nights, going motorcycle riding and the like. You all are very young, so I think its less an issue with the cousin and more an issue of him not being aware of how it causes you to feel.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    You need to let him know how you feel when his cousin comes over and you seem to get ignored. He might not even realize he's doing it. Also, as someone else here suggested, maybe make a "rule" that when you're there it's YOU time and that if the cousin shows up unexpectedly that she needs to be told (nicely) that she has to go home and to come back when you're not there.
  • shape_up4good
    shape_up4good Posts: 333
    "So that's how it is in their family"
  • Drussander
    Drussander Posts: 266 Member
    I'm waiting for the "I'm having "relations" with my cousin and haven't told my girlfriend yet" post/thread, but that's probably asking too much.

    Again, what mystifies me is that your underage boyfriend is dating an older college bound girl (you) and yet he seems more interested in his older college bound cousin who ignores you - and he gets mad when questioned about it? It seems odd, or maybe he's just not that into you.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    My 1st Cousin (female) is my best friend. She was my Best Man when I got married. She was my student when I taught TKD. We hung out as kids, teens, adlults and now our kids are best friends. We're 58 now and I'm sure some people wondered about us. I don't care. Neither does she.

    Never had a better friend or confidante. "Buddies for life. That's what I think."
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Crap, I mean..

    Just break up.

    LMAO. The post is so weird that even Dani got tripped up :D
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    32075366.jpg

    But I have like 13 of them...

    AHAHAHAHA!!!! This made me crack up!
  • MyM0wM0w
    MyM0wM0w Posts: 2,008 Member
    Would you be this upset if she were his sister?
  • BACONJOKESRSOFUNNY
    BACONJOKESRSOFUNNY Posts: 666 Member
    32119952.jpg

Categories