Best response to a telemarketer.

24

Replies

  • Maddalen101
    Maddalen101 Posts: 307 Member
    I snarl at them.
    "Don't you even TRY being friendly."
    "Tell me what you want. NOW."
    I have a lot of fun throwing them off their script and their game.
  • _skittybang
    _skittybang Posts: 970 Member
    Elf has never failed me:

    "Oh HI!!!! What's your favorite color?"

    Confusion. Click.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
    My great aunt used to pretend to be hard of hearing and ask them to repeat themselves constantly in this raggedy old-lady voice until they hung up.

    Then she'd say, "Well, they won't be calling again!"

    She was great!
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
    Telemarketer: "I'm calling from Microsoft. There's a virus on your computer. We'll help you fix it."
    Me: "Huh? I don't own a computer."
    Telemarketer: "... what? You must own a computer."
    Me: "I don't own a computer!"
    Telemarketer: "Oh."

    Nigerian Scam Artist: "Hello. I'm calling from your credit card company. I need to talk to you about your mastercard or visa."
    Me: "I'm sorry. Did you want to talk to my parents?"
    Nigerian Scam Artist: "Yes. Is your mother home?"
    Me: "Just a minute." *puts phone down and leaves phone down while goes about doing chores*
  • IntoTheSky
    IntoTheSky Posts: 390 Member
    Sir, I have told you 3 times I am not interested in whatever you are selling. And I am not even sure WHAT you are selling, as your understanding of the English language seems to be better than your ability to SPEAK the English language. *then, in my best Apu voice* Thank you - come again
  • painthoss
    painthoss Posts: 63 Member
    A very young woman called to try to sell me death insurance for my brand spankin' new Macy's credit card. When I declined, she very pertly explained that she could offer me a three month trial for free. She just kept repeating, " But you don't understand, you can try it for free for 3 months to see if you like it!"

    I don't think she got that I'd have to die to try it out.
  • Lrdoflamancha
    Lrdoflamancha Posts: 1,280 Member
    Set the phone down and quietly walk away. Telemarketer company pays employee and phone charged. Win win
  • Louisianababy93
    Louisianababy93 Posts: 1,709 Member
    i dont even talk.. i wait for the person to come on the line and blow an airhorn or a whistle in their ear.
  • Charlie003
    Charlie003 Posts: 1,333 Member
    I just try selling them something back.
  • Gilbrod
    Gilbrod Posts: 1,216 Member
    Someone called my wife by her maiden name. When they asked for her, I said "she doesn't exist anymore." The person gave me condolences and said they would cross her off the list.
  • rfsatar
    rfsatar Posts: 599 Member
    Telemarketer: "I'm calling from Microsoft. There's a virus on your computer. We'll help you fix it."
    Me: "Huh? I don't own a computer."
    Telemarketer: "... what? You must own a computer."
    Me: "I don't own a computer!"
    Telemarketer: "Oh."

    First time - I told them I was a VP for Norton.
    Successive times, I trotted downstairs and fired up my PS3 and tried to explain the cross bar thingy while they were bleating about "click Start, Run" ... Did it with the Wii and my iDevices.

    I don't think that they have rung back since!
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
    About 2 minutes my childhood dog died (back when I was 21), a telemarketer called our house. My mother, thinking it was my brother calling us back after we were leaving messages to him to get home ASAP, didn't look at the caller ID and just picked up. She was in tears, and the telemarketer said something or other, to which my mother replied, "I'm sorry, I can't talk right now. Our dog just died."

    The telemarketer started crying and apologized profusely!
  • mmckee10
    mmckee10 Posts: 405 Member
    Best ever telemarketer joke:


    The phone rang as I was sitting down to my evening meal. As I answered it, I was greeted with, "Is this Karl Brummer"?

    Not sounding anything like my name, I asked who was calling.

    The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band Powered Freezer Company or something like that.

    Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally and why was he calling this number.

    I then said off to the side, "Get some pictures of the body at various angles and the blood smears."

    I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to testify in this murder case.

    I questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call.

    The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice.

    I then told him we had located his position and the police were entering the building to take him into custody.

    At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.

    My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My food was cold, but it was the best meal in a long, long time.

    omg! Lmao! this /thread
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,087 Member
    sometimes i talk to them, they say their spiel, i say, "so how does that make you feel" they say "what", i say, "tell me about your childhood". they normally hang up after that..

    but mostly i jsut hang up when they ask if i'm there.
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
    My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My food was cold, but it was the best meal in a long, long time.

    True or not this story is hilarious.
  • bugaha1
    bugaha1 Posts: 602 Member
    I use to say can you hold for a sec? and then lay the phone down till I hear the disconnect. Once I was bored and a credit card company was pushing their card. So I listened and listened and listened and every time they ended with a question I said no thanks. I said no thanks 12 times and it took forever lol
  • coolraul07
    coolraul07 Posts: 1,606 Member
    *bump* for best... telemarketer... joke... EVER!
    :drinker:
    Best ever telemarketer joke:


    The phone rang as I was sitting down to my evening meal. As I answered it, I was greeted with, "Is this Karl Brummer"?

    Not sounding anything like my name, I asked who was calling.

    The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band Powered Freezer Company or something like that.

    Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally and why was he calling this number.

    I then said off to the side, "Get some pictures of the body at various angles and the blood smears."

    I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to testify in this murder case.

    I questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call.

    The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice.

    I then told him we had located his position and the police were entering the building to take him into custody.

    At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.

    My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My food was cold, but it was the best meal in a long, long time.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    My favorite. Just did this the other day. Both my wife and daughter were sitting there when the telemarketer called.

    I answer the way I always answer. "This is Mike."

    Guy breaks into his speel, and I said, " What are you wearing?'

    My daughter looks at my wife and says, "He kidding. There's no one on the line."

    Telemarketer is quiet for a moment then haltingly starts his speel again.

    Me: "I'm all alone here. What are you wearing?"

    My daughter doesn't believe me, so I hand her the phone just as the telemarketer starts in again. She hands the phone back to me and gives my wife an incredulous look. Unbelievably, I barely threw this guy off his game.

    I use that method most times now. Works quite a bit. If it doesn't, I just hang up on them. But...I'm a legend in my own home now.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    I had one trying to sell me a home security system.

    Telemarketer: ... But don't you want your family to be secure?

    Me: Sir, I have two dogs and a .357 Magnum. I think I have it covered.

    Telemarketer: Have a nice day sir.
    'click'
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
    Next time I get a telemarketer, I'm just going to do the "And then...." thing from Dude Where's My Car.

    tumblr_md3703wBYC1r3kvm9o1_400.gif
  • classycouture
    classycouture Posts: 888 Member
    My bf gets calls from telemarketers selling viagra. He plays along with them and has them explain all about it, then he says he'll buy some, but only if they let him try it on their wife and daughters.

    Win.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    It's so sweet that you thought of me for this! I feel so special and hand-selected - just like you said.

    I've actually pre-approved you for life insurance!! (I work for an insurance company) Congratulations!!! When can you come in for your appointment? When you do, we can discuss my product AND yours!
    ....
    dead air...
    click.

    Oh Snap! turn the tables on them!!! haha.
    I'm totally trying this one next time.

    Hahaha!

    Hello Mrs. So-and-so, would you be interested in a subscription...

    Hello, would you be interested in a burial plot?

    I want to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.:laugh:
  • imfivebyfive
    imfivebyfive Posts: 104
    If you really want the calls to stop the best way is simply to ask them directly to put you on the companies do not call list. Make sure you write down the name of the company calling and the date and time.

    they can be sued for up to $1,500 for each violation after your request per the Telephone Consumer Protection Act of 1991.

    It legally requires these companies to maintain do-not-call lists of anyone who requests to be taken off the call list.

    They typically will not call back after being reminded that and if they do you can stick it to them.
  • mamasmaltz3
    mamasmaltz3 Posts: 1,111 Member
    I did this once a long time ago and totally forgot about it until I was reading through this thread. I answered the phone and when they asked if my husband was available I responded with "No! I haven't seen that SOB in three days and if you find him tell that b#%#% to go to h#%^! The person apologized and got off the phone really quickly.
  • MonicaLee92
    MonicaLee92 Posts: 222
    Looking from the caller ID i'd know when it was one. I'd pick up the phone, scream as loud as I can AHHHHHHH then hang up lol
  • sassylilmama
    sassylilmama Posts: 1,493 Member
    I have a young voice so I just tell them my parents aren't home. Works every time.
  • rfsatar
    rfsatar Posts: 599 Member
    Here 's what I am going to try next:
    Spam Caller: you have a virus on your machine
    Me, waving hand over phone like a Jedi:
    I don't have a virus in my machine.
    These aren"t the PC's you're looking for
    you can go about your spamming business
    Move along. ...
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
    If you really want the calls to stop the best way is simply to ask them directly to put you on the companies do not call list. Make sure you write down the name of the company calling and the date and time.

    they can be sued for up to $1,500 for each violation after your request per the Telephone Consumer Protection Act of 1991.

    It legally requires these companies to maintain do-not-call lists of anyone who requests to be taken off the call list.

    They typically will not call back after being reminded that and if they do you can stick it to them.

    But... but that's so reasonable. ):
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
    If you really want the calls to stop the best way is simply to ask them directly to put you on the companies do not call list. Make sure you write down the name of the company calling and the date and time.

    they can be sued for up to $1,500 for each violation after your request per the Telephone Consumer Protection Act of 1991.

    It legally requires these companies to maintain do-not-call lists of anyone who requests to be taken off the call list.

    They typically will not call back after being reminded that and if they do you can stick it to them.

    A lot of these calls are now originating outside the country, and thus they cannot be prosecuted. Do you ever get those recorded calls from "Rachel at Card Services?" Yeah, those... Not from the US.
  • SwimFan1981
    SwimFan1981 Posts: 1,430 Member
    Just hang up :smokin:

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