Best response to a telemarketer.

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  • ZombieFoodSlayer
    ZombieFoodSlayer Posts: 65
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    After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
  • stellarcanicula
    stellarcanicula Posts: 50 Member
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    Create your own disclaimer. Tell them you're recording the call and if they would kindly give their first and last name and contact phone number in the event that legal action is necessary. Usually ends the call.
  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
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    I just hand the phone to my 3 year old and tell her it's Santa
  • srp2011
    srp2011 Posts: 1,829 Member
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    Best ever telemarketer joke:


    The phone rang as I was sitting down to my evening meal. As I answered it, I was greeted with, "Is this Karl Brummer"?

    Not sounding anything like my name, I asked who was calling.

    The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band Powered Freezer Company or something like that.

    Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally and why was he calling this number.

    I then said off to the side, "Get some pictures of the body at various angles and the blood smears."

    I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to testify in this murder case.

    I questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call.

    The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice.

    I then told him we had located his position and the police were entering the building to take him into custody.

    At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.

    My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My food was cold, but it was the best meal in a long, long time.

    You are my hero!
  • SARgirl
    SARgirl Posts: 572 Member
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    Telemarketer: "May I speak to (insert boyfriend at the time name)?"
    Me.: He's not here right now may I take a message?
    Telemarketer: "Is this is wife"
    Me: No.
    Telemarketer: "...Oh, ok" and hangs up
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    "Hold on just a second, I'll be right back."

    Then hold the phone to your rear and fart really loud. :laugh: Then come back on the line and say, "You were saying..."
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
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    Great responses:

    "My husband/cousin/whatever sells that very product, so we are already covered, thanks."
    "Your product/service is against our religion."

    "Let me put my brother on the phone." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dy9lUJJGqI
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
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    I always feel sorry for them. I know people doing these jobs not because they want to but because there is no work out there.... So I try to be polite.
  • BigDnSW
    BigDnSW Posts: 641 Member
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    Ask them where they live, are they good looking, do they deliver pizza, tell them you work for the company they are selling for, tell them you have just called a port-a-potty or something ridiculous company, make up a foreign language and start speaking to them, start asking them for money like one of those TV preachers, and the list goes on....my favorite is to turn the tables and start selling them some fake product you invented and interrupt them all the time...but only do all that if you have a lot of cell minutes...If they are calling your cell...let them know..they will disappear..

    Or you can regularly list your number here and you will rarely get telemarketer calls: https://www.donotcall.gov/
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    I always feel sorry for them. I know people doing these jobs not because they want to but because there is no work out there.... So I try to be polite.

    Most of the time my first response is a polite, "No, thank you, I'm not interested." 9 times out of 10, though, they won't accept that answer. I usually have to resort to "mean" tactics.
  • thoshowski
    thoshowski Posts: 135 Member
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    I just hand the phone to my 3 year old and tell her it's Santa

    That's awesome!
  • cmacphee3
    cmacphee3 Posts: 278 Member
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    I always feel sorry for them. I know people doing these jobs not because they want to but because there is no work out there.... So I try to be polite.

    Most of the time my first response is a polite, "No, thank you, I'm not interested." 9 times out of 10, though, they won't accept that answer. I usually have to resort to "mean" tactics.

    They don't accept that answer because they have been told they aren't allowed. My boyfriend used to work at a ****ty call centre calling about On Star, and he had to do at least FOUR rebuttals before he could accept them saying no. He did get paid a very low base wage, but most of their money comes from commission, and there were extra bonuses for top sellers, and lots of meetings, warnings and probation for people who didn't push push push and did not do the mandatory number of rebuttals or meet sales minimums.
  • Swissmiss
    Swissmiss Posts: 8,754 Member
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    lociento mucho......No hablo ingles......habla espanol?

    Love it !!!
  • krash999
    krash999 Posts: 476 Member
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    i have some friends that own a auto repair shop and when they get those calls they keep passing the phone around from one to the other until they hang up. the funniest is when they just hand the phone to a random customer that is there at the time....

    another one.. my dad got a call once from a guy trying to sell toner for copiers he went through his spill and my dad just hung up on him. he called right back and said "You hung up on me!" to which my dad just replied "Ya, want to hear it again?" and hung up on him again.... absolutely hilarious....
  • keem88
    keem88 Posts: 1,689 Member
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    i put them on "hold", wait a minute then just hang up. if they call back my new york accent gets even stronger and i curse them the **** out. i haven't gotten phone calls in eons, or jahovas at my door for that matter either.
  • Merrychrissmith
    Merrychrissmith Posts: 238 Member
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    Mostly i just hang up but when I get full of myself I answer " Attorney Generals Office." in my work voice. Works pretty well, but if they persist I proceed to interrogate them by pressuring for their personal information etc.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,375 Member
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    Years ago, I put my 6-year-old on the phone and let him talk until the telemarketer hung up.

    Another time, I held the phone over the toilet while I dropped ice in. I alternated that with dribbling water in the toilet. In between, I made a lot of grunting noises. They didn't call back.

    I had to squeeze my face to keep from cracking up at this!

    We never answer the phone at home. At work we get calls from people saying they're from the company that provides the manual for our copier, and they just need the model number on the front of the machine. Every time I ask "Which company is that?" they hang up on me, so now I ask them to hold while I get it, and leave them there til they hang up. I wish we had caller ID at work.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    Me: Hello
    Them: Sales Pitch.
    Me: Oh, thank you for calling; however I have no need of these services at this time.
    Them: Trying to overcome objections.
    Me: I understand you are under a lot of pressure to sell, and appreciate that. You have a good day. Goodbye.

    WORKS EVERY TIME.

    I telemarketed and it sucked. And I would appreciate someone saying that and just letting me know they weren't interested politely.
  • KCoolBeanz
    KCoolBeanz Posts: 813 Member
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    Not so much a telemarketer, but we had one of those "Windows Security" scammers call, and I was lucky enough to pick up the phone.

    He said he was from "Windows", and that my computer had some sort of critical error on it, and I had to go to a website and install something.

    I kept asking him if he was from 'Microsoft' Windows, and he kept dodging it and telling me "yes, from Windows".

    I played dumb for awhile, asked him if he knew Bill Gates, and then lied and told him I didn't evn have a computer. Then I asked to speak with Bill Gates.

    He hung up on me. Not the funniest, but I really enjoyed pissing him off :laugh:
  • Booksandbeaches
    Booksandbeaches Posts: 1,791 Member
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    I have a young voice so I just tell them my parents aren't home. Works every time.

    This is what I used to do too when I had a landline that got calls from telemarketers.

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